Who does the house go to when a partner dies? Partner disagrees.

moneysaver1978

Too many grey areas.

If it was me, I would ask for a declaration of trust and put in a clause that if one of you dies (or break up), the house is to be put on the market. Anything left after paying off the loan, is split between you two. He can then do what he wants with his half.

sheramber

CSI_Yorkshire said:

sheramber said:

So he puts hi siblings above his partner and any future children.

That would be a big red flag for me and time to reconsider the relationship.

At precisely which point in the relationship is it required to cut out your siblings in favour of as-yet-non-existent children?

Just interested in your opinion - am I supposed to change my will on the second date?  the first anniversary? 

The OP and their partner have been living together for 4 years so long past second date.

Once a commitment is made to a relationship and you move into together then that is the time to agree  arrangements.  If the two parties agree then fine, but the OP  does not agree .

it is not just future children that matter, does the partner , that presumably you care for, not matter?

 Is it fair they should have to sell the house and find somewhere else to live when they have just suffered a bereavement of their partner?

i did saying  that is what I would do. The OP asked if it was a red flag and I said it would be to me.

What you and any partner agree to do is your choice.

[Deleted User]

sheramber said:

CSI_Yorkshire said:

sheramber said:

So he puts hi siblings above his partner and any future children.

That would be a big red flag for me and time to reconsider the relationship.

At precisely which point in the relationship is it required to cut out your siblings in favour of as-yet-non-existent children?

Just interested in your opinion - am I supposed to change my will on the second date?  the first anniversary? 

The OP and their partner have been living together for 4 years so long past second date.

Once a commitment is made to a relationship and you move into together then that is the time to agree  arrangements.  If the two parties agree then fine, but the OP  does not agree .

it is not just future children that matter, does the partner , that presumably you care for, not matter?

 Is it fair they should have to sell the house and find somewhere else to live when they have just suffered a bereavement of their partner?

i did saying  that is what I would do. The OP asked if it was a red flag and I said it would be to me.

What you and any partner agree to do is your choice.

Does the OP say they have been living together for 4 years? or just have been together for 4 years? I may have missed the exact situation. 

Ramouth

I actually have some sympathy for OPs partner. It will be different when they have children but can see why he would want something to go to his siblings.  Imagine a scenario where he dies in 2 years time and OP dies 6 months later.  Is it fair that his main asset (the house) goes to her family? 

housebuyer143

There isn't really a problem with his thought process now tbh. It's that he's not thinking into the future and being flexible or understanding to changing circumstances. 
It might be this will come when it happens, but it's still a conversation the OP needs to have a clear up

[Deleted User]

😔😔😔🤔🤔🤔 hmmmmm , i don't know 🤨
Far more deep conversations needed, together, OP  -  life changes at the tilt of a hat and this subject needs defining aswell as legalising as soon as.

HampshireH

OP do you live in the house now? If so what do you pay towards currently?

Or does his brother live there now/pay? Who pays the 2nd half currently?

My personal view on your partner is that he is taking a very selfish approach to joint home ownership. It doesn't sound like the house will ever be "yours" as he will see himself as owning it if he pays his mortgage.

By clearing his mortgage and expecting you to take one out for the other 50% he already has more control in decision making etc if he has that mindset that he owns his part and the house is his (which is what is coming across).

Personally there is no way I would be buying a house with someone on those terms.  I see buying a house as a couple a big joint commitment. A level playing field where even if one puts more in they are both treated as equals, understanding that both contribute in different ways to the whole relationship.

If you get a mortgage and go on maternity leave would he be expecting you to still pay "your" mortgage and then fall into debt to do so?

Or would he pay it and your owe him it back? 

Personally I'd want to go in with as level a playing field as possible. He comes across as quite selfish and wanting to have full control. There doesn't seem to be any awareness of how this could make you feel or could imbalance the relationship.

lookstraightahead

It all sounds very complicated. I would say buy the house in a normal way, and he can set up a fund separately for his siblings. I would expect the house to be mine / his if the other one died.

Flody994

HampshireH said:

OP do you live in the house now? If so what do you pay towards currently?

Or does his brother live there now/pay? Who pays the 2nd half currently?

My personal view on your partner is that he is taking a very selfish approach to joint home ownership. It doesn't sound like the house will ever be "yours" as he will see himself as owning it if he pays his mortgage.

By clearing his mortgage and expecting you to take one out for the other 50% he already has more control in decision making etc if he has that mindset that he owns his part and the house is his (which is what is coming across).

Personally there is no way I would be buying a house with someone on those terms.  I see buying a house as a couple a big joint commitment. A level playing field where even if one puts more in they are both treated as equals, understanding that both contribute in different ways to the whole relationship.

If you get a mortgage and go on maternity leave would he be expecting you to still pay "your" mortgage and then fall into debt to do so?

Or would he pay it and your owe him it back? 

Personally I'd want to go in with as level a playing field as possible. He comes across as quite selfish and wanting to have full control. There doesn't seem to be any awareness of how this could make you feel or could imbalance the relationship.

I don't live in the house at the moment. I am supposed to be moving in shortly with my partner and his brother, and me not pay towards the mortgage but pay half the bills (council tax, utilities, broadband) and him and his brother paying the rest between them so 25% each bills and 50% each mortgage. I do want to live with my partner especially to see how it goes before buying his brother out but I didn't want to move in until we had sorted what the plan was for the future, as I don't want the expectation to be that I move in and that means I agree to what he's been saying so far. It has been useful to hear different opinions and advice, so I do very much understand about wanting to leave something to your family. I just hadn't thought of doing that myself as my own brothers have their own lives, I don't have loads of money to leave them or my parents (and probably wouldn't really in the future) but also just automatically assumed the house would go to partner for him and future children. It's not like we've both got vast sums of money for inheritance. 

I am trying to see it from his side. He could have said for me to move in and contribute towards the mortgage straight away and go for 70/30 or 80/20 ownership, if he does manage to save a large amount. He's trying to be the opposite of selfish by doing everything equally with 50/50 ownership. But as someone said, it all sounds more like a business arrangement and I think that if I did need assistance whilst on maternity, he would expect me to pay it back so it's 'equal' over the long term, but we haven't discussed that. There's a lot more that needs discussing before we come to an arrangement.

Flody994

He's also suggested getting the house valued now and then using that value plus or minus average house price change in two years time to use that for the value that I buy the brother out at (in 2025). So then my partner and I can make decisions together and put towards house renovation costs instead of my partner and his brother, who isn't interested as he's planning to leave in two years. I was reticent to agree to that as I would be paying towards changes to a house I didn't yet own.