Daughters upcoming wedding

Hello everyone 
Newbie here!! I would really love some advice about how to help my daughter have the wedding of her dreams! 
Btw she is 29 has been with her partner for 8 years & living in their own house which they did by themselves without any help from me except lots of practical! 
I am stuck as to know what to do atm try why got engaged last weekend & plan to marry next August! 
I was made redundant just before covid & have been only earning a small salary in the last few years as I’m 60 but am heavily involved with my local community volunteering etc.
I literally don’t have a spare penny, no savings left, we have no family & her father has been absent her whole life ( even though I have been desperately trying to find him!) 
Any constructive advice & suggestions would be really welcome!! 
Very worried & stressed parent!  😭😭

ps one other consideration for me is that her in laws have offered to pay for everything which is so humiliating for me & as much as I know I have no reason whatsoever to feel bad, being a single parent to two daughters for over 30 years, but they are quite substantially well off! 


  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,492 Forumite
    First Anniversary Photogenic Name Dropper First Post
    Whatever you do, don't be tempted to get into debt to pay for (any of) it!!

    Just give what you can afford, if anything, out of SAVINGS, once you've put something aside for a new hat! 
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 2.38% of current retirement "pot" (as at end April 2024)
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 19,322 Forumite
    First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped! First Post Name Dropper
    Both my children got married  after living with their partners for several years.

    Both paid for their own weddings- one was lavish , one was a small affair. 

    Neither expected us to pay for the weddings.   We gave  them  what we could afford.

    We gave money to out towards their 'honeymoon' .
  • bluelass
    bluelass Posts: 586 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
     Don't feel bad about this.
    My dad and late mum didn't give me anything towards my first wedding even a card .
    I'm getting we'd again in December and don't expect my dad or in laws to be to contribute anything.
    To be honest though I'm glad that my parents never helped with my first my family and friends had big doubts .
    I'm giving evidence against my ex in August for coercive control.
    Britain is great but Manchester is greater
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,737 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    pinkshoes said:
    The whole "parents of the bride pay for the wedding" hasn't been a thing for decades!

    Couples pay for weddings themselves nowadays and save up for it.
    +1 to this.
    Does your daughter really expect you to fund this wedding when they have been living together for 8 years?
    Or are you putting this all on you yourself?

    What is a 'wedding of her dreams anyway'?

    Have you spoken to your daughter about your financial situation?

    I'd be wary of accepting an offer for the in-laws to pay as it may turn out to not be'the wedding of her dreams' as  they may want their say on venue, catering, guests etc.

  • otb666
    otb666 Posts: 724 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    my son had to cancel his wedding plans 3 times because of the lockdowns, The plans became smaller and smaller after they lost money on the cancellations.  They finally got married on fourth attempt and it was a very small affair only 13 people but it was a lovely day
    35k savings no debt
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