NST June 2023 Flotsam and Jetsam

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for a good session at the gym, for dc sleeping well, for the sunshine, for giggles with dc, for emails from a friend.

Thrifty_Taylor

What a jam packed day! Woke up at the normal time, did yoga, fed all the cats & wild birds, wrote shopping list whilst eating breakfast. Took DS1 to town, stopped en route to collect free veg seedlings, went to mum's. 

Tried changing her toilet seat over, but new one was too wide, a spare one in the cupboard had a plastic nut which broke, so ended up putting the old one back on again!

Did the food shopping, met a lady who was buying some books off me. Looked in s couple of CS but only spent 20p on a father's day card.

Had a quick dinner, after putting shopping away. Spent 3 hours weeding in the garden & listening to an inspirational podcast. Made my tea (DH made DS1&3's, then too weak to do any more), washed the dishes, then went for a lovely clifftop walk with DS1.

Grateful for time in the garden, laughs with mum & DS1, pretty little lilac wildflowers

grandmanerd

Friday was a productive day, some bits done but most of a corner cleared out, all my herbs in 10 l pots given water and tlc, gathered all the small pots and mushroom boxes waiting for seeds. Quite a lot of work as I emptied one of my trolleys and put things on there and brought 10 l of water from the front room (and took a wooden chair outside to sit on - one of the very old garden chairs had finally split, as expected). 

I would have liked to go back outside but my ankle said no. I was very glad I'd decided to get myself back up the stairs whilst it was doable. Did rather well with other people's leftovers early on. A side from one of their meals which hadn't been opened plus garnishes. Reheated what I thought was mainly noodles in curry sauce but it was all onions - filled a corner but not great and then left it too long before eating properly so made poor choices.

Yesterday I could walk on my foot but it wasn't strong so I stayed in my room. Lots of tidying done but not able to stand up for long. Lots of things thrown down and more gathered in bags to take down including a large bin bag of rubbish, large sack of paper, collections of library books to go back and sewing which I'd had the foresight to bring up (felt animals to make a garland for the baby's room).  

The missing pills resolved itself - I had a text from the pharmacy to say they were out for delivery on Friday and thankfully the quantity had reverted to the original. I'd had a phone call earlier in the week from the surgery asking about reducing my daily dose. I resisted - I'm open to the idea, my mental health is good. One of the things I found whilst tidying was the report from last year giving my pre and post CBT and mindfulness scores (sky high though not a danger to myself or anyone else, down to the best in years. However I also have days when I despair (nearly cried several times in one day this week) mainly due to the frustration of having so many things needing doing and very little capacity to tackle them and ongoing situations (stuffed house, too many of ex-OH's possessions - plus his mother's and my mother's not to mention DS3's and Beloved's).

Grateful for food to eat (despite some poor choices), realising how far I've come since last year (the grief was raw, the tasks and issues were frequently overwhelming and acute - lack of money, rapid deterioration in my health and mobility). Getting the bungalow ready for sale and dealing with vast quantities of estate paperwork and applying for various benefits was tough and maybe the 'down time' since then was necessary - I want to be back in charge of my finances but knowing there's enough in the bank to pay all the bills and for food and house improvements gives me the time and mental space to deal with other issues. Grateful for some entertaining films I watched.

Well it's too early to start the day so I'm going to read and maybe get another hour or so of sleep.

Pauper1

Yesterday was a NSD, although if the right puffer fish had been in stock online then I'm not sure I would've resisted haha.

Spent the day pottering at home with the baby. Sorted the garden out a little; repotted my £3.50 Acer, put the spring bulbs out to dry, deheaded, watered and weeded. Cleared the algae and floating leaves from my fish tank. Lots and lots of washing. Put clothes away and changed the sheets. I also managed a bath and a bit of my book, along with making a thrown together tea vaguely following a Bosh recipe. It did feel like I didn't get anything done but looking back I guess I did. 

Today won't be as chilled, have all 4 kids at home and I'm already losing my mind. OH wants to go out somewhere but it always feels stressful with all the children so we'll see. I'd quite like to carry on pottering at home and getting bits ready for return to school tomorrow. But no doubt we'll do what he wants, again...

Have a wonderful Sunday all  

ldee2111

Wow, you were up very early @grandmanerd. I hope you got back to sleep. Take care x

f0xh0les

Today is the last day of half term. I swear I am more traumatised by this than the kids. They are already counting down to the long summer holidays 😁.  Uniform all sorted. Laundry all washed and line dried. I do love a washing line!
Am giving my Octogenarians a lift to volunteering tomorrow morning, that should be good deed #3 of the day.  I tend to be very good on Mondays 😇. 
Today I will just try not to be an anxious mess by concentrating on them getting back to their friends and all the fun of being daft. I have one finishing his A levels this month, one off for 5 days in Devon with school, DH is off to Newcastle for a conference and has a weekend away with friends camping 🏕️🏕️ . 
It is my birthday this month too, and I have one single day of work booked in.  So I am excited about June. 

~FlowerPot~

Good morning. Very sunny and bright here again and nothing which has to be done. Which is very nice because didn't catch much sleep last night, raging toothache and then dd with very nasty period pain starting at 5am! Very grateful for ibuprofen today.
Also grateful for DH cracking on with some washing and doing the dishwasher while i try and wake up!
It's a beautiful day, hoping to do another meditation in the garden to maje 3 in a row. Really trying to get back into daily mediations as my bit of self care. 
I'll also be ringing the dentist tomorrow!!
Much love Flowers x

grandmanerd

Sunday 4th June 2023

My Mental Health started to improve when I
- Stopped lying to myself
- Created space from friendships I had outgrown
- Set fire to the labels I thought defined me
- Set a bedtime (and stuck to it)
- Eased into the joy of missing out
- Said yes to interests (even if I had to go alone)
- Sought out prayer, spiritual nourishment
- Exercised to feel good, not to lose weight
- Explored my relationship with alcohol (sugar for me)
-Had really, really, really hard conversations
- Stopped accepting inconsistency
-Grieved the loss of the life I had envisioned
- Paid more attention to what was working


I think the one that speaks to me most (at this point - it might be different tomorrow), is grieving for the life I had envisioned. I bought my house in 1980, intending to live alone (I would wear gloves and big hats and spend my time reading, gardening and sewing). Well, I fell pregnant, got trapped with the man I'd already decided to leave, my sewing room became the baby's room, one boy became 3, partner worked over 300 miles away and gambled away all his money. I divorced him, kept my house but he never paid any maintenance.

I survived but there is a small part of me that wants to go back to that, 'when they've all left home' but it's not going to happen. Maybe in some form but not the way I planned it. 43 years of living and a fair amount of disasters along the way. I'm not the same person, physical changes limit what I can do but reading, gardening and sewing are still at the centre of what I do and I like myself (and mostly don't care what other people think). It is enough

Toni'sfriend

Thank you for that, Grandmanerd. I think what it means is you can't go back but you can go forward. You can't change things from the past but you can adapt. Accept what you can't change in the present but do your damndest to do what makes you happy..

It was so hot at 8.00 o'clock this morning that we abandoned our planned walk and did the circular trip to Aldi to buy some Bizzie Lizzies to replace the violas which are unfortunately fading. At least it was some fresh air and a little bit of exercise.

We did some housework very early (hope we didn't wake the neighbours with the hoovering). Food prep all done for the rest of the week'

Kindness wise. Donated to the food bank as we do every time we're in Aldi, signed forms with another neighbour to support our Syrian family's application for citizenship (they are  lovely and have lived through things that we can't even imagine) and bought a little pamper box for the wee girl next door who is expecting a baby in November (I've known her since she was a babe in arms herself).

So that's been my day. Making hake roasted with Mediterranean vegetables for dinner. Why is it so difficult to get hake here. I love it.

Early night again. xxxx

DawnW

Up really early, as OH wanted to go to a Sunday market, as we often do.

Came home and repotted my aubergines and peppers. I need more compost now!

Also planted out most of the remaining bedding plants, and some beetroot plugs.

Used up lots of leftovers for meals today

Now need to read the meters and enter the readings on the energy company's web site, kitchen tidy up, and put the kettle on!