Asked to leave family home, I don't want to

DE_612183

Once you move out - she will have a £230k property with about £100k on the mortgage - she could sell up and have that £130k as cash - move to another property and be mortgage free while you are renting for the rest of your life.

Even if she stays, at some point she will be mortgage free and you'll still be renting - do you not think you may look back and wonder whether you made the right decision or not?

If you think you might look back and regret it - then do something now before it's too late. 

gwynlas

if you accept £30K now and move out if in a couple of years time she chooses to sell the house and move in with her new partner who already owns a £750K house  50 miles away so it is hard to see your daughter how will you feel?
Accept £30k towards your moving out expenses now but offset that against the future equity release when the house is sold or your daughter attains adulthood

T.T.D

You keep saying you don’t want the house sold but it’s getting sold and this exactly how she going to able to do it, and maximise her money for home elsewhere and without you being able to scupper the plans. Clean break divorce get you off the deed and she’ll be selling within weeks guaranteed! Why do you think she’s so desperate to have you off the deed? 

Suggest putting the house In trust for your child at 21 and see her face turn sour! Then you’ll see what she’s been truly yearning for! 

ABFG

These are bigger decisions and arrangements to make than rushing it through because it's convenient and less hassle. So she can only raise £30k - so what? Orders can be drawn up where you retain your interest in the property that guarantee your equity when she sells (not a lawyer, but know it can be done). OP, you're being fleeced and what sounds like your good nature being taken advantage of. Not to mention, she has said you will have unrestricted access - again, so what? What happens when she changes her mind?

And as others have mentioned, 2 years down the line when she sells and moves 250 miles down the road, all your good intentions of minimising disruption are completely undone.

theoretica

jonB said:

£30k is all she can raise from her own funds. I don't want to go down the road of the house being sold, my 11 year old needs security in this uncertain climate of which this house provides.  

Child care, she states the letter will say I can have unrestricted access to my daughter, she will take care of the day to day looking after of her.

Yes, your daughter needs security - but security comes from parents and not just housing. Much of what you have said here makes me fear for your daughter's quality of life if you move out - emotional rather than physical.  How does she spend her out of school time now and how much does she see her mother during it? 

It would be heartbreaking for you to move out, and then need to move your daughter out too, leaving mother in the large house and undo the 'security' of housing you seek for her.

ZaSa1418

I agree, you have been your daughters main carer for however many years, you moving out is not in her best interests at all. 

TBagpuss

theoretica said:

jonB said:

£30k is all she can raise from her own funds. I don't want to go down the road of the house being sold, my 11 year old needs security in this uncertain climate of which this house provides.  

Child care, she states the letter will say I can have unrestricted access to my daughter, she will take care of the day to day looking after of her.

Yes, your daughter needs security - but security comes from parents and not just housing. Much of what you have said here makes me fear for your daughter's quality of life if you move out - emotional rather than physical.  How does she spend her out of school time now and how much does she see her mother during it? 

It would be heartbreaking for you to move out, and then need to move your daughter out too, leaving mother in the large house and undo the 'security' of housing you seek for her.

If you want her to be able to stay in the house but she can only raise£30K now, then the way forward is for you t have a charge over the house for the rest of your share - e.g. £30K now plus a charge for x% of the value of the property. 

But please, see a solicitor and get some proper advice., Right now, you are upset and under stress, you aren't a good position to be making these big decisions and it sounds as though you are being put under pressure t agree to things that are not in your best interest and may not be the best thing for your daughter either. 

jonB

Good afternoon,

An update of sorts. The letter arrived two weeks ago from her solicitor.  I'm booked into see a solicitor tomorrow. I have tried to negotiate with the ex for £40k to sell my share of the house before I see my solicitor. She's refused.

She's stated that her solicitor has said that if I refuse the £30k, they'll take this to a judge to decide. Her solicitor has said that as I have never serviced the mortgage we've had for the last seven years and we're not married, and I only paid £10k for the deposit plus £2k to secure the leasehold, they're confident that a judge will either only award me £10k (and me to pay her costs) or leave me with nothing even if I have a 50% share in the house (she states its only 40%). 

She's also saying that when the mortgage deal ran out in 2021 and we took out another mortgage with the same building society, that she never had legal advice regarding the share in the house when we signed for it otherwise she wouldn't have allowed me to have 40 or 50% share.  She will seek legal advice on that too.  We secure a new deal with the building society via video conferencing during Covid. I can clearly remember being asked how are we splitting the ownership of the house and we both agreed with the lady a 50/50 split. 

She's very confident that if I don't accept the £30k I'll be left with nothing. 

The current equity in the house is around £155k, I only want £40k to start again.  I'm just hoping the solicitor tomorrow can put my mind at rest.

pinkshoes

jonB said:

Good afternoon,

An update of sorts. The letter arrived two weeks ago from her solicitor.  I'm booked into see a solicitor tomorrow. I have tried to negotiate with the ex for £40k to sell my share of the house before I see my solicitor. She's refused.

She's stated that her solicitor has said that if I refuse the £30k, they'll take this to a judge to decide. Her solicitor has said that as I have never serviced the mortgage we've had for the last seven years and we're not married, and I only paid £10k for the deposit plus £2k to secure the leasehold, they're confident that a judge will either only award me £10k (and me to pay her costs) or leave me with nothing even if I have a 50% share in the house (she states its only 40%). 

She's also saying that when the mortgage deal ran out in 2021 and we took out another mortgage with the same building society, that she never had legal advice regarding the share in the house when we signed for it otherwise she wouldn't have allowed me to have 40 or 50% share.  She will seek legal advice on that too.  We secure a new deal with the building society via video conferencing during Covid. I can clearly remember being asked how are we splitting the ownership of the house and we both agreed with the lady a 50/50 split. 

She's very confident that if I don't accept the £30k I'll be left with nothing. 

The current equity in the house is around £155k, I only want £40k to start again.  I'm just hoping the solicitor tomorrow can put my mind at rest.

This sounds odd.

You have given up a career to care for your disabled daughter. How much loss in earnings does that equate to? Or if you'd  not have given up your job, how much would a carer would have cost you?

By all means accept the £40k, but I would also insist on a charging order being placed on the house for the value of £25k which is half the current equity today, less costs for selling the property. 

And are you saying that she works full time yet is suddenly going to give up work to care for your daughter?

Exodi

pinkshoes said:

jonB said:

Good afternoon,

An update of sorts. The letter arrived two weeks ago from her solicitor.  I'm booked into see a solicitor tomorrow. I have tried to negotiate with the ex for £40k to sell my share of the house before I see my solicitor. She's refused.

She's stated that her solicitor has said that if I refuse the £30k, they'll take this to a judge to decide. Her solicitor has said that as I have never serviced the mortgage we've had for the last seven years and we're not married, and I only paid £10k for the deposit plus £2k to secure the leasehold, they're confident that a judge will either only award me £10k (and me to pay her costs) or leave me with nothing even if I have a 50% share in the house (she states its only 40%). 

She's also saying that when the mortgage deal ran out in 2021 and we took out another mortgage with the same building society, that she never had legal advice regarding the share in the house when we signed for it otherwise she wouldn't have allowed me to have 40 or 50% share.  She will seek legal advice on that too.  We secure a new deal with the building society via video conferencing during Covid. I can clearly remember being asked how are we splitting the ownership of the house and we both agreed with the lady a 50/50 split. 

She's very confident that if I don't accept the £30k I'll be left with nothing. 

The current equity in the house is around £155k, I only want £40k to start again.  I'm just hoping the solicitor tomorrow can put my mind at rest.

This sounds odd.

You have given up a career to care for your disabled daughter. How much loss in earnings does that equate to? Or if you'd  not have given up your job, how much would a carer would have cost you?

By all means accept the £40k, but I would also insist on a charging order being placed on the house for the value of £25k which is half the current equity today, less costs for selling the property. 

And are you saying that she works full time yet is suddenly going to give up work to care for your daughter?

One of the main reasons marriage was invented was to solve this problem (that one parent has to sacrifice themselves to care for the child(ren)).

I think for an unmarried couple, emotional arguments like this (despite being morally supported by most) are probably irrelevant from a legal standpoint.

That's not to say I think this is a slam-dunk for the ex's solicitor.

I think first thing that needs clearing up is whether they hold the property as joint tenants or tenants in common. The fact she is unsure about 40/50% ownership may suggest that a tenants in common arrangement exists? Is there a deed of trust? If you own the house as joint tenants then the default position is 50/50, as much as she and her solicitor may wish otherwise.

I do however think, negotiating like the OP is now without a solicitor is very dangerous as I expect his solicitor will recommend he goes for half. I think spewing out random numbers like £40k before consulting a solicitor could be damaging down the line.

On this part in particular (it's not relevant, but FYI):

"She's also saying that when the mortgage deal ran out in 2021 and we took out another mortgage with the same building society, that she never had legal advice regarding the share in the house when we signed for it otherwise she wouldn't have allowed me to have 40 or 50% share."

It really rubs judges up the wrong way when people 'suddenly realise' this sort of thing, immediately following a break up.