Asked to leave family home, I don't want to

hildasmuriel

Set up property alert with Land Registry........ just in case.

jonB

Thank you all for the comments, I've browsed through them all.  I've been on the phone to the ex asking when will the letter be sent from her solicitor, and we spoke, at length (my head is spinning). Seems a small compromise is in the offering from her.  She states she is willing to allow me to stay in the property if I take £10k and remove myself from the mortgage and deeds. Then say, in 6-12 months see how things are, as well as attending meditation together. 

As I have still not sought legal advice until I get the first letter/offer from her solicitor, if I was to agree to take the £10k, my name is removed as owner, can she then suddenly demand I leave as soon as my signature is dry on the paperwork?

Lastly, yes, there is a toxic side to the relationship, but its very 'closeted' if that makes sense?  My daughter thinks its all sweetness and roses in the house. never any shouting between mummy and daddy.  If I do stay, I have accepted that I would need to readdress who I am in the house, that no talking and sulking is toxic.  I need to attending counselling regardless I think.  I have always been strong minded, a 'get things done' type of lad, and I have belittled the ex on occasion, but not to the point that I'm a utter creature, or so I thought. This has firmly been a big kick up the ar*e for me, I'm stood at the precipice and I think I'm just about to knock myself over because of my personality!  You live and learn.

jonB

Just to add to my comment, she doesn't want to sell the house, she can't afford to buy me out. She wants the deeds in her name so that the house is secure for when our daughter is older. The ex has a fear about losing the house. We both had property up until 2008 when we both sold up and rented before meeting and never thought we'd get back on the property ladder again. I don't want to rent. I'd live under the stairs if it meant remaining here, and she's the same, if the house is sold she won't be able to afford to get back on the ladder again.

badmemory

If you sign away your rights then you have no rights.

rach_k

How very nice of her, to give you peanuts compared to what your actual share is and then to 'allow' you to stay in what is currently a jointly owned home for 6 months!  I don't know how anybody would think that was fair.  Do not agree to it!  As soon as she owns the home, she will be able to tell you to leave; she wouldn't even have to give you notice.

Please speak to a solicitor.  Your starting point should be 50% of everything.  That is what you're entitled to - you deserve it for yourself and your child's future.  Please don't undervalue what you have contributed to the family over the years.  

If neither of you wants to rent, would it be affordable to sell the house and buy two smaller properties, maybe a flat for one or both of you?  It won't be what you're used to but that doesn't have to mean bad.  If your daughter is due to start high school in September, now might be a good time to think about moving areas - children suddenly become a lot more capable of travelling to and from school at that age so you could spread the net a little wider, or consider areas you might previously have discounted.

Whatever you do, please don't accept a small sum of money to go away quietly.  Things can be quiet and friendly without one of you having to be treated unfairly.

elsien

badmemory said:

If you sign away your rights then you have no rights.

This. As soon as she has given you any money and managed to remortgage in her sole name, she can retract and kick you out at any point. 

And if you are still on the mortgage, if she doesn’t pay you can be chased for the money. That leaves everything in her court and none in yours. 

If neither of you can afford to buy the other out, and you cannot live amicably together for the sake of your daughter then selling is the only option.

Don’t forget that just because a solicitor put something in a letter it doesn’t mean it’s right. Her solicitor is drawing up the agreement she tells them to. Behind the scenes they may be telling her that it’s unreasonable but if she wants that letter written that’s what they write. It doesn’t mean you have to agree to it.

tightauldgit

jonB said:

Thank you all for the comments, I've browsed through them all.  I've been on the phone to the ex asking when will the letter be sent from her solicitor, and we spoke, at length (my head is spinning). Seems a small compromise is in the offering from her.  She states she is willing to allow me to stay in the property if I take £10k and remove myself from the mortgage and deeds. Then say, in 6-12 months see how things are, as well as attending meditation together. 

As I have still not sought legal advice until I get the first letter/offer from her solicitor, if I was to agree to take the £10k, my name is removed as owner, can she then suddenly demand I leave as soon as my signature is dry on the paperwork?

Lastly, yes, there is a toxic side to the relationship, but its very 'closeted' if that makes sense?  My daughter thinks its all sweetness and roses in the house. never any shouting between mummy and daddy.  If I do stay, I have accepted that I would need to readdress who I am in the house, that no talking and sulking is toxic.  I need to attending counselling regardless I think.  I have always been strong minded, a 'get things done' type of lad, and I have belittled the ex on occasion, but not to the point that I'm a utter creature, or so I thought. This has firmly been a big kick up the ar*e for me, I'm stood at the precipice and I think I'm just about to knock myself over because of my personality!  You live and learn.

So she's buying £60k of property from you for £10k and in return giving you 6 months of exactly the same situation that you are in now? You'd be daft to agree to that. 

And don't fool yourself ... kids aren't stupid and if the relationship between mummy and daddy is toxic they will be aware of that. They might not say anything but they pick up on stuff. 

Stateofart

Don't leave the property or sign anything.  It was a heat of the moment comment.  Remember, possession is 9/10ths of the law.

TBagpuss

OK, assuming that there is no declaration of trust in place the starting point would be that you are each entitled to 50% of the equity, nd either of you could apply to the court to force a sale.
 
It sounds as though neither of you can afford to buy out the other. Have you looked into what other housing options there are for either of you? Suppose the house was sold and you had £60K, would you be able to get a 2 bed shared ownership property suitable for you and your daughter , for instance? 

There's no reason why you couldn't have a formal agreement between the two of you for you to remain in the house for now and for her to temporarily move out, on the basis that the house is sold (wit her having first refusal) in (say) 2 years time . this might put you in a position where you could get a job (even if only part time) and start to build up some mortgage capacity with a view o buying in a couple of yours, and you could perhaps reach an agreement that you pay the mortgage in the meantime (if you could afford it with the benefits etc you get) 

There are provisions to make financial claims under the children act for a child even when you aren't married, which might help you in this situation.

Her buying you our for £10 or £15K seems grossly unfair to you , and it leaves you in a very vulnerable position. In theory you could have an arrangements whereby you sold your share of the property to her for an undervalue and in return, you had the right to occupy the house rent free / for a minimal rent for a set period of time, b(perhaps until your daughter leaves school) but  transferring ot on the basis that she says you can stay for a bit and then she'll see leaves you incredibly vulnerable and in a much weaker position than you are in at present, when you can stay as long as you want because you own the house and have as much right to be there s her.

A third option would be for the house to be transferred to her on the basis that she pays you £15 K now and you have a charge over it for the balance of your share on the basis that you get paid the rest at a specified later date. The charge back is usually worked out as a percentage of the house value, so you don't get anything from her paying off more of the mortgage but do get more (or less) based on house values rising or falling. It can be attractive if you can't buy now but expect to be able to in future, although of course in the meantime you would need to work out how/where you could rent / whether you would be able to get a HA property for you and your daughter. 

jonB

Thank you again for the replies. A lot of information, helps me feel positive now knowing she just can't kick me out on the street. She got a large thick envelope yesterday in the post with a solicitors stamp on the front, so I would assume this is her solicitor giving her advice on the situation, what rights we both have, and fingers crossed telling her that she can't boot me out and that anything between 10 and 15k is not fair and the likely outcome(s) when I get legal advice. 

I will keep you all up-to-date on what happens next. 

Big thank you.