Asked to leave family home, I don't want to

jonB

Good morning all, a potted history:

Met my (ex) partner in 2010, moved in together 2011, had our one and only child in 2012.  I'm 55 years of age, my ex is 54.

Had a rough few years with the little one, development issues which are still ongoing but its totally destroyed me and the ex mentality. Apart from little sleep for going on three years there was and is ongoing problems with my 11 year old.

My 11 year old is on DLA. I gave up my career to be her carer.

Bought the family home together in 2015. I used £15,000 of my money for the deposit. My name and her's is on the title, deeds, mortgage.  She works full time and pays the mortgage. I run the house. 

The relationship came to a slow end by 2017. Same house, separate bedrooms and quite amicable, she in full time work, I look after our child. No arguments, no violence, no drinking, no drugs, no police problems but we didn't see eye to eye on most things, so a quiet household.

Pandemic came and went, ex went through and still is the menopause which affected her, tiredness etc, so I kind of ran the household all by myself, she would work from home in her bedroom, I would home teach the little one.  I'd cook the dinner and then the ex would retire to bed, and spent every weekend in bed, and still does the same today.

Last year we had a disagreement about virtually everything.  Non violent by the way, just the usual, sulking mostly on both sides. I said to her 'give me £10k and I've leave the house and sign it over to you' in the heat of the moment.  Fast forward to today, we still talk to each other, but its strained, and now she's told me she's got £10,000 for me from the equity in the house, plus five thousand of her own savings. She's seen a solicitor, he's sending me the offer and that when I sign it I should leave the house permanently.  I knew something like this was coming.

I have the last few months researched housing and jobs. There is nothing affordable in the area, plus most landlords want three to six months rent paid in advance. I would most probably have to move to a different area of Greater Manchester which is cheaper, around half an hours drive away. Social housing is an option, but so far I have been placed into band 5, the lowest on the list, one local council states around a three year waiting list for a one bedroomed flat. I would get a job easily as there are loads advertised for my skills. 

I'm happy in this house with my child. What with my daughter, her education and the cost of living crisis, this is not the time I think for doing such a thing. I haven't signed anything nor agreed with anything legally. The equity in the house is around £120k. I don't want £10K or even more, I just want to stay with my daughter. I can't afford to start again, and I don't want £15k taken from the house/savings which could be better spent!  My ex, given everything that she is today with tiredness and depression, taking on the full time role as carer for my daughter AND work full time I think would be too demanding. In September my daughter starts in high school. It was always planned that I would go back into employment when she starts high school, so can contribute to the household again.

My question is, I don't want to move out.  Can my ex kick me out of the house? I am prepared for anything such as mediation/counselling to make things better within the house but my biggest fear is being kicked out when I don't want to go.

Thank you for any advice given. 

DE_612183

Are you married?

I think if you go for financial separation the bar starts at 50/50 for assets.

Do you both have pensions? - They would get taken into account.

Under no circumstances would I move out of that situation for £15k.

You can't get kicked out - unless you are violent.

MMMee

Bought the family home together in 2015. I used £15,000 of my money for the deposit. My name and her's is on the title, deeds, mortgage.  She works full time and pays the mortgage. I run the house. 

Really sorry to hear this, but you most certainly are 'invested' in every sense and shouldn't just move out.

DE_612183 sounds right to me, but I'd certainly get some proper legal advice

jonB

Thank you for the replies. We are not married. I have a preserved pension that kicks in at age 60, she has the same at 60 as well as a current workplace pension at 67.

I'm not and never have been violent. I do sulk, and have in the past just ignored her for days on end which I know is not nice, but the same thing has been done to me. I'm sure if it went to court, my 11 year old would state that her father has never been violent to anyone. 

I don't really want a 50/50 split. I would rather stay in the home, and any money spent on the house and/or daughter and not spent on rent.  My circumstances change in September when I go back into work, and again in five years when I get my preserved pension which includes a one off payment of three times whatever the pension is worth at age 60, so again in five years maybe room to manoeuvre if things got worse than what they are, I'd be in a better place financially.  I've also worked on this house, painting, decorating, modernising etc, so I lot of effect to bring it up to a good standard. 

I forgot at add, she told me yesterday that she started an application with the building society and they have approved a new mortgage for her (I didn't know this, and my name is on the mortgage). Her solicitor has been instructed to now proceed with the legal conveyancing side and that I will shortly receive a letter with the offer from them.

sheramber

Do you own the house jointly or as tenants in common?

jonB

Own the house jointly, small mortgage of £75k, house valued at between £200-230k. House next door sold for £210k last year.

tightauldgit

In short no you can't be kicked out and she cant sell or remortgage the house without your permission so in the short term she can't force you to do anything. Don't sign the paperwork to do the conveyancing and it can't proceed. 

However, in the longer term she can certainly get a court order to sell the house and split the equity or to buy you out - you can't force her to stay in a situation that she doesn't want to be in and quite frankly the setup doesn't sound healthy for anyone least of all your child. I think you need to come to terms with the idea that your relationship is over and you need to start planning a separate life. 

elsien

As the primary carer there is a good argument (finances permitting) for you to stay in the property and for her to move out. The partner does not have to stay in a situation that she doesn't want to be in - she is free to leave and rent somewhere else herself.
But if you can't afford to buy her out (and whether you are married or not is very relevant when it comes to the finances) then at some point you are going to have to go your separate ways.
It is not good for your child to be living with two people who don't want to stay together. Would you stay as primary carer and would she be paying you child maintenance? Which would be the expectation if it was the other way round. You both seem to have presumed that the child would stay with her mother - I am querying why if she has not been the main carer up till now? 

T.T.D

Sit tight, don’t sign anything then nothing can proceed. 

Cant be coerced to be force out, can’t be locked out when your out, you can force re-entry with a lock smith (don’t go smashing door in), if police is called be sure to get the police to inform her she must provide you with the new set of keys at her cost and reimburse any costs for the locksmith.

As other have said, the only way you can be forced is with a court order to remove you in the event of DV, so stay cool even arguments and disagreements or even thoughts about them can land the police on the doorstep these days (worlds gone mad).

Just keep doing what your doing, shield your child and keep all the disagreements and your rambles and thought about her mum away from her and to yourself not saying you are just an heads up to be squeaky clean, alienating the other parent is a hot topic at family court right now. 

tacpot12

If you decide that you are not going to allow the property to be sold without her going to court, you should tell her this asap so that she can stop the conveyancing work to minise her costs. 

I would just say to her that you have taken legal advice and the advice is not to leave until the equity in the property is split more fairly. Just say you made a mistake in suggesting that you would be happy with £10k. You should be receiving half the equity in the property, so she should be buying you out for about £60k.

Then find a solicitor who can help you negotiate. When relationships break up it is so stressful that people will often agree to arrangements that are not fair or equitable, just to get out of the situation. While this is totally understandable, you have to think about your future housing situation. If you get a job, you should be able to get a mortgage, but there will be a limit on how much you can borrow because of your age. You should however be able to by a 1-2 bed flat if you move quickly. The most important thing to agree with the solicitor is how much they will charge you - they know that if you are getting £60k, then paying them many thousands is perfectly possible. You need to make sure you know what the solicitor will charge you every time you ask them to do something for you!   

Mediation to help you stay in the house is very unlikely to work. Mediation to agree on a financial settlement might work and is worth trying. 

Hope it works out for you.  

gwynlas

As replies above. Yours is a non convential set up with you being a house husband and full time carer as it is more usually the female role. However do not be swayed by conventionality you are entitlet to  half the equity as you own the house together in exactly the same way as bog standard married couples. You both require two bedroomed properties to accommodate your daughter if you go for joint custody so start off on that premise. The house being sold or you being bought out should not be an issue despite your ex partner servicing the mortgage to date.