How to check whether mum and dad are actually married

elsien

MalMonroe said:

Hi, there's some government info here, if you really can't discuss it  -

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/discover-your-family-history/discover-your-family-history-accessible-version#what-should-i-do-if-i-cannot-find-a-birth-marriage-or-death-certificate

I don't suppose they have a place where they keep all their confidential documents? Or maybe you tried that already. 

Good luck with it, sorry to hear your dad's so ill. 

Confidential being the point. Not ok for a child to go rummaging without their consent. 

Torry_Quine

grumiofoundation said:

Torry_Quine said:

If married wouldn't they mark the anniversary in some way?

Even if someone had an ‘anniversary’ party doesn’t prove they are legal married (although very much does increase likelihood) 

My parents never had a party but I always knew when they got married. 

theoretica

Torry_Quine said:

grumiofoundation said:

Torry_Quine said:

If married wouldn't they mark the anniversary in some way?

Even if someone had an ‘anniversary’ party doesn’t prove they are legal married (although very much does increase likelihood) 

My parents never had a party but I always knew when they got married. 

I know a few anecdotes about my parents' marriage, but no idea when it was better than +/- a year or so without asking or looking it up. 

Emmia

Are there no wedding photos in the house? That would indicate whether or not they are married.

Personally I'd just ask them...

Torry_Quine

theoretica said:

Torry_Quine said:

grumiofoundation said:

Torry_Quine said:

If married wouldn't they mark the anniversary in some way?

Even if someone had an ‘anniversary’ party doesn’t prove they are legal married (although very much does increase likelihood) 

My parents never had a party but I always knew when they got married. 

I know a few anecdotes about my parents' marriage, but no idea when it was better than +/- a year or so without asking or looking it up. 

You know they're married though but the OP doesn't even know. I just find it unusual not to knoe.

theoretica

Torry_Quine said:

theoretica said:

Torry_Quine said:

grumiofoundation said:

Torry_Quine said:

If married wouldn't they mark the anniversary in some way?

Even if someone had an ‘anniversary’ party doesn’t prove they are legal married (although very much does increase likelihood) 

My parents never had a party but I always knew when they got married. 

I know a few anecdotes about my parents' marriage, but no idea when it was better than +/- a year or so without asking or looking it up. 

You know they're married though but the OP doesn't even know. I just find it unusual not to knoe.

Which is presumably exactly why the OP is asking this question.  Living together as if married used to happen a lot.

maman

Seems unusual to me that OP recalls the detail that his mother put down part of deposit for the house. That doesn't suggest a marriage from way back unless she perhaps inherited money enabling his parents to buy a home later in life. That's not a detail most young children would be aware of.

I've no idea where the money came from for my parents' first home, assume my father earned it as mother didn't work outside the home. Similarly, my children wouldn't know unless they asked as they were toddlers when first house was bought.

Also, no wedding photos? That's probably my earliest knowledge that parents were married.

Definitely more details needed.

[Deleted User]

Can just ask your mom.

Don't need to make it too official as to the reason for asking, could just be curious.

Poquito

@F37A what will you do once you have this information, surely discuss matters with your parents! Time appears to be of the essence if your father is gravely ill. No time to waste if your mother is potentially going to be put in a difficult position if something happens to your father. Explain why you are asking… (I’m assuming it’s so your mother can be in the strongest position). If there’s time to put things in place to help, don’t waste time with this cloak and dagger approach…

Why would you not choose open dialogue to approach this? Are you hoping they are NOT married? Can’t see the point of the “investigative” approach.

edited to @ you directly 

[Deleted User]

Hi,

are you sure your 'father' is your biological father, perhaps they got together when you were very young, then got married and your name changed to your 'father's' surname.