NST April 2023: April adventurising

grandmanerd

Thriftlass well done you. Drink played a part in the deaths of my father, my brother and my ex (although he only blamed the cigarettes not the years when he was drinking 23 pints in a day - not when he was with me). He was totally financially irresponsible. My father's behaviour affected myself and my siblings. Both my brothers smoked and drank, one gave up alcohol years ago and cigarettes more recently. I went the other way - never smoked and hardly ever drink (but I do have problems with chocolate and sweets).

When I decided to divorce my ex (not that I'm suggesting you should) I had to decide if I could live any longer with his gambling. I also had to decide if I could do so easily and without resentment because your reaction to the gambling / addictive behaviour will affect your children as much as the addiction itself. Try to teach your children good financial  management and yes it's totally unfair that your children are doing without treats because he's a mess. Lots of hugs.

Yesterday went  quite well. I had a taxi to the infirmary well before my appointment time. I went to their loo and then to the cafe for one of their excellent baked potatoes (twice as big as the ones I do). I then made my way in stages (sitting down frequently to read my book) into the other building and up to  my doctor's surgery to  get the paperwork I needed. It got to 2 pm so I sat down for my midday pill with the second drink I'd taken with me. My ankles and knees were starting to  hurt by this time (I spent some of the time  in the waiting room with my leg up on the walker).

I spent £13.11 in the chemist but now have 2 new crepe bandages, micropore tape (can throw away any remaining from the generic stuff I bought in the pandemic), 2 antiseptic creams (cheaper than online and in a larger size I've not found elsewhere) and 2 shower gels (I used one of Beloved's and haven't found it anywhere else to replace it). I've used it before as bath salt (muscle soak) and more recently as bath gel so know it shouldn't adversely affect my skin.

Went back to the waiting room, the volunteers suggested I go to the clinic even though I was still  early. I explained the need to rest my ankle but went after a few minutes. Test done. Came back via the cafe  (only two doors from the clinic) bought a sandwich and side salad -  they'd sold all the 3 bean chilli and rice)  and then out the side door to the bus stop (cutting off a big chunk of corridor). Bus back, nested on the couch when I got in the house, eating my sandwich.

DS3 came  down and complained that he'd only been gone a couple of minutes and I was in his workspace. I said I couldn't  possibly get myself up the stairs until  I'd eaten so he sat in the office chair  by my bureau. I was back upstairs by 3.30 pm (I went through the bin routine with him) and stayed there.

Grateful for another appointment done (the optician phoned on Monday so that's booked in for mid-May), buying things on my 'needs' list on site, good books and series, DS3 doing the bins (he knows the schedule better than I do but if I don't remind him, it's my fault if he forgets). He has now decided he would like a new toilet seat for his birthday present. I suggested it last week or the week before (when working myself through the list of trellis / wood posts etc) and he said 'as long as he didn't have to do it (I definitely can't do it and not sure Beloved could). Apparently he changed his mind afterwards but this was not communicated.

 

grandmanerd

I have no intention of eating our apple (deliberate slur by f0xh0les). I am merely following her good example - her full name is apple-muncher 

thriftylass

grandmanerd said:

Thriftlass well done you. Drink played a part in the deaths of my father, my brother and my ex (although he only blamed the cigarettes not the years when he was drinking 23 pints in a day - not when he was with me). He was totally financially irresponsible. My father's behaviour affected myself and my siblings. Both my brothers smoked and drank, one gave up alcohol years ago and cigarettes more recently. I went the other way - never smoked and hardly ever drink (but I do have problems with chocolate and sweets).

When I decided to divorce my ex (not that I'm suggesting you should) I had to decide if I could live any longer with his gambling. I also had to decide if I could do so easily and without resentment because your reaction to the gambling / addictive behaviour will affect your children as much as the addiction itself. Try to teach your children good financial  management and yes it's totally unfair that your children are doing without treats because he's a mess. Lots of hugs.



 

Thank you.

Yes, as someone else said I can only change me not him. I will see how that goes, if I manage, no I mean when I manage to. Once I'm being serious about it rather than giving into him all the time he might come round to it too. I'm not thinking about other options yet. 

Different topic, just saw that on the MSE news page:

What it says SHOULD go in the fridge

• Eggs – kept in their box
• Oranges
• Potatoes
• 'Most' other fruit and vegetables – though see important exceptions below

What it says SHOULDN'T go in the fridge

• Bananas – store in a cool, dry place, in their original packaging if sold in a bag
• Onions – store in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight, in their original packaging if sold in a bag
• Pineapples – store in a cool, dry place
• Bread – store in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight and once opened, reseal bag to keep it fresher for longer

I agree with the SHOULDN'T section but not the SHOULD, what about you?

I store my eggs on the counter and they keep for ages. Potatoes get stored in a cloth sack in a dark place. Oranges go in the fruit basket as do all but soft fruit and grapes Tomatoes are on the counter too. 

Also if I keep my bananas and onions in their plastic bag they sweat and do go off! Not if I take them out. I guess what is a cool dry place in the average house without a cellar, lol.

ldee2111

@thriftylass I keep almost everything in the fridge except bananas, onions and potatoes which share a basket in a dark kitchen cupboard. I grew up in a refrigerated-egg household but OH is from a cupboard-egg family. It was a disagreement we had to muddle through in our first year living together. 

Toni'sfriend

thriftylass said:

Good morning, poured it down the sink this morning as there is no point keeping it and told him to take me serious next time. 

Gosh I thought it was unseasonably cold here but snow showers this time of year, brrr. 

Well done, Thriftylass. That actually takes a lot of strength of character to do that. You know, I've realized that I know quite a lot of people like him. You say "I don't want a drink" but they get you one regardless. "I'll just have a small one" and they buy you one that's the size of a third of a bottle. "I'll just have a botte of water" and they bring you back a gin and tonic. Wonder why that is? Do they think you can't decide for yourself or they know better than you do what you mean? Or maybe it's just that they can't or won't say "no" so they don't want anybody else to be capable of doing so. Interesting thought but anyway you keep going and if you need a rant or some support here we are.

Well, I'm sorry to say that my trusty coffee maker has given up and sprung a leak. Can't be fixed so I've had to order another. Got a good deal though. Just cannot do with my morning coffees. Defrosted and tidied the small freezer. Enough said but we certainly won't be needing scones, pancakes, etc for the foreseeable future.

Toni'sfriend

I used to buy things from a famers' market (sadly no longer there) and the poultry farmer told me never to keep eggs in a fridge and the tomato grower told me never to store tomatoes in a fridge either. Himself's sister bought us some bags from  Lakeland in which to store vegetables (potatoes and onions in particular) to keep them fresh and they were fantastic. Carrots (peeled), green beans, sugar snaps, etc last forever if kept in water in a "tupperware" type container in the fridge (change water frequently). Any further tips gratefully accepted!

thriftylass

Toni'sfriend said:

thriftylass said:

Good morning, poured it down the sink this morning as there is no point keeping it and told him to take me serious next time. 

Gosh I thought it was unseasonably cold here but snow showers this time of year, brrr. 

Well done, Thriftylass. That actually takes a lot of strength of character to do that. You know, I've realized that I know quite a lot of people like him. You say "I don't want a drink" but they get you one regardless. "I'll just have a small one" and they buy you one that's the size of a third of a bottle. "I'll just have a botte of water" and they bring you back a gin and tonic. Wonder why that is? Do they think you can't decide for yourself or they know better than you do what you mean? Or maybe it's just that they can't or won't say "no" so they don't want anybody else to be capable of doing so. Interesting thought but anyway you keep going and if you need a rant or some support here we are.

Thank you.

I think it's the fear that we're holding a mirror in their face and seeing their drinking as problematic too and maybe "fear" we'll make them stop too. Which I won't, I just want him to let me stop. You wouldn't do that with someone who tries to stop smoking or other drugs. Oh go on, just the one fag/line/pill....I think DH also does it because if I said no in the past I still drank it. I wonder how he reacts now over time when no means no.

I've come to a point where I can't use him as an excuse for my drinking anymore (i.e. he brings it in so its his fault) as I can't make him stop doing this, it's just down to me.

Thank you for your support on here

apple_muncher

grandmanerd said:

I have no intention of eating our apple (deliberate slur by f0xh0les). I am merely following her good example - her full name is apple-muncher 

Phew! I'm safe!

Shrewbie

Hi turtles, May is live! NST Sweet May 2023 - Pick 'N' Mix Challenge — MoneySavingExpert Forum

Toni'sfriend

You're right, Thriftylass. Ultimately every choice you make in your life is up to you and I know you can do this. xxx