NST April 2023: April adventurising

apple_muncher

We have a dozen oranges, so it might be down here...

Today I am grateful for missing most of the heavy rain, for dc going gallivanting with friends, for my new to me duvet cover (J0hn Lewis - no relation to lord mse as far as I know- and 100% cotton, no less), for big sis keeping in touch about mum, for the multicoloured displays of bluebells +grape hyacinth+ tulips of all colours + daffs.

Thrifty_Taylor

Hugs to all poorly people.

Very wet & windy here today. Made a double batch of sweet potato & coconut soup, had some for dinner. Did 2 sewing jobs before dinner, & another one afterwards. Had a dvd on in the background, put it in a bag for mum to watch, then can be donated. My phone's alarm went off at 3.12, but DH's (who has the same phone, though with a Tosco SIM card) didn't. Weird!

Did the ironing, ordered some photos from our holiday, then cut up more wool for my rug & hooked a few strands. Had a soak in the bath with my book.

Grateful for a day inside, good films, warm soup, layers to keep me warm & getting sewing done

Shrewbie

Morning turtles!

I managed a very MSE weekend only spending €20 so I’m super happy with that. (Only on NSD 6 still though) Also managed to talk bf out of getting a takeaway yesterday.  I’m obsessed with reading these money diaries on the refinery29 website at the moment - has anyone read them? it is very interesting to see what those who are less mse usually spend. 

Grateful for my inspiring mum who ran the London marathon yesterday in under 4 hours, for enjoying writing, for sunshine. 

thriftylass

Good morning,

Another spend day as it is car service day. Brought it to the mechanic we used last time as DH seems to maybe agree now that his one, the one he used for 20 odd years, was not totally trustworthy anymore.

Payday is on Friday and have plenty of food etc in the house. Had some lovely beef olives for dinner last night, but need to look at making my own. My mum's always had more steak than stuffing, yesterday's were too much stuffing. Today we'll have stovies made with LO lamb and duck. Will plan the rest of the days later today.


Think I reached my low point over the weekend. Cried myself to sleep over our poor money and lifestyle management (or the effects of OHs even worse management of money and lifestyle) last two nights. What breaks my heart the most is constantly having to say no to the kids, still not having sorted them having separate rooms, the house/garden being in a state (in my eyes any way) etc etc. I think husband is drowning his worries over his dad or whatever other dissatisfaction he has with life (midlife crisis?) and in doing so he also keeps sabotaging my efforts consciously or subconsciously and I had enough. I've been wasting too many years like this. Sorry, just had to get this out. Just hearing other peoples struggles with health etc made me realize I'm wasting mine and my life. I'm thinking all the right thought just need to follow them with actions. 

EDIT:
On a more positive note, just out of a super positive meeting with my boss, who believes in me.  A new challenging project on the horizon. 

f0xh0les

Hugs @thriftylass , is there any way to separate your family's finances?   It is the only thing that has stopped me having a totally accidental frying pan accident with my utterly lovely financial (and diet)  saboteur DH's head.

The mortgage was the only joint named account we had, he lived in his overdraft  for years, even when he had savings, but he suddenly got lots better  when his credit score was rotten (good job, bad credit report)  and he failed the mortgage process, and so we had to get it on my credit history (with no job, but good savings and credit history!)- well, we got the mortgage, on longer terms than he wanted, for a reduced amount than we wanted, but because I had savings it was not a problem, and switching mortgages is easier than getting one in the first place.  So he opened a regular savers account and used that to pay off his overdraft at the end of the year, and never went into it again, and has been a saver ever since. 

He pays me housekeeping (most of which I used to pay down the mortgage early), and what he has in his account he can spend on fripperies and buttons and bonnets - I do not ask-  but because it does not affect or effect my life, he can collect newts for all I care!

It is hard if he is still running up debts though, when you are trying to keep to the budget and they decide they really need a pizza right now, it is a delicate balance not making them feel like you are their mum telling them off for spending all their pocket money in the same shop, when they are acting like their salary can be spent twice as long as they do it quickly.

Anyway. Hugs and more hugs. It is hard if your lightbulb has come on before his has.

thriftylass

Thank you @f0xh0les

On paper we're only connected through a joint mortgage account. We split the bills from our own accounts, he pays mortgage, I pay food, he pays council tax, internet etc, I pay childcare etc. We don't have any joint accounts, luckily.

The way it affects me the most nowadays is if a bill is coming up that he would have been expected to pay and he can't or can't contribute even. I finally stopped lending him money at least, but the vet needs paid as does the car service, the kids birthdays. The car one he used to pay and the last we used to share.

Anyway, complex situation that has been going on for years (but now since lockdown really, just got a lot worse) and don't worry I tried talking to him, in one ear out the other, empty promises but no action. He's just sticking his head in the sand making it worse and not wanting me to do good either because that would mean he/we have a problem. He's not a bad man or father, just has his daemons I guess.

I have had many little light bulb moments but this weekend seemed like a low point that I don't want to see if it can sink lower. So onward and upwards from here. Luckily, I'm too scared to break the nice frying pan so DH is safe. 

lcc86

@Shrewbie well done to your mum for that marathon time, that's amazing!

Today I've been working from home but I made sure I got ahead of myself on Friday so that I could be cheeky and get some chores done today. Had a carpenter come first thing to look at our front door (currently not up to fire regs so needs some adjustments), and also had a man come to give my car a very thorough clean/polish/wax. Used to do it myself but it aggravates my back no end so I decided it's worth paying to have it done properly once or twice a year. No NSD as a result but that was expected.

Gave the kitchen cupboards a wipe and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom floors too. Got my bedsheets washed and hung out inside (good job too as is currently hammering it down). Going to log off shortly and go to the gym - usually walk but might be a bit too rainy even for me, usually love a walk in the rain! 

grandmanerd

Hugs thriftylass. 

Nothing much to  report here. I'm frustrated by how  little I can do and a few things are unravelling -  I can't bring clean washing upstairs, move washing to the machine or from the WM to the TD, haven't been as far as the back door since I brought my chair and the compost inside. It will get better, but it's  making me feel vulnerable. Went downstairs to wait for a delivery this morning. DS3  was down there (it's so sunny I thought the light was switched off) so I turned round to come back up as I was very tired. Extremely difficult and then my bag fell over. My laptop fell out onto my toes, bits like pens and coins spilled all down the stairs. Both DS3 and Beloved came to help - I wasn't far from the top so moved the laptop and then my books onto the landing. Beloved picked them up and took them to my room then came back to help  me. DS3 walked up the stairs behind me collecting all the bits. 

I felt so helpless  I wanted to cry but settled down for an extra couple of hours sleep. Felt better after that. Brushed my teeth and had a wash sitting down. Want to do my hair but not feeling strong enough yet so  have put my nightie back on rather than a dress. I have tried on the tops I  bought last week and trying to work out what I should wear on Sunday. I have looked at various accessories - one dress needs a necklace, I've looked at footless tights (some were thin and shiny like fine stockings) and 'pop  socks' but couldn't decide on anything. Not checked bus routes properly yet (waiting to  see how I manage my blood test appointment tomorrow - looking like a taxi atm. It will all sort out.

WE are  in our last week. Any volunteers for May?

Shrewbie

grandmanerd said:

WE are  in our last week. Any volunteers for May?

I’ll have a go if you’ll all have me?? 

Hugs @grandmanerd and @thriftylass

apple_muncher

Thank you Shrewbie! Go for it! Well done to your mum!

Hugs, thriftylass. You've been living with this frustration for a long time. No wonder it gets too much.

Today I am grateful for being able to keep dc off school, for getting my workout done at home, for a phone call with big sis, for getting pesky school work done, for iplayer, for having a printer, for dc perking up a bit, for mum being okay.