How can I find out details of someone’s death?

Pennylane

unforeseen said:

Spendless said:

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong but AFAIK you can't be 'banned' from a funeral service. It might be requested that you don't attend (no such thing as inviting people either - you just make people aware) you can choose to take no notice. It's possible you might be asked to leave by someone, you may choose to do so in order not to cause a scene but if you refuse and the other person isn't going to get into a row  about it then I don't think there's a lot that  they can do about anyone being there, unless of course there is any legal restriction on you not being too near one of the people attending.


Is it possible the details will appear in the local newspaper? We didn't bother doing this with my Nan's recent death because so many of her friends and family  had already passed and the rest we knew how to contact anyway.  

Correct. Unless it is wholly held on private land then a funeral is considered a public event where anybody is free to attend

Even so, why would anybody want to go to a funeral where they already know they are not welcome?  It would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for everybody and would serve no useful purpose.  I have even read rare instances where people have come to blows at funerals. 

A local Vicar told me that he has on several occasions had to tell a family member that the rest of the family have asked that they do not attend a funeral.  

Pennylane

We had to keep the death quiet and arrange a private funeral  for 10 days time and only then did we put an announcement in the paper of the death and that a funeral had taken place.  It was during the pandemic so only very limited number of mourners was allowed anyway.  For us, it was the right thing to do as it was a quiet, respectful and appropriate funeral where we did not have to worry about anyone spoiling it.  

The OP may find the funeral has already taken place but they should be able to find out what the cause of death was.

Spendless

Pennylane said:

unforeseen said:

Spendless said:

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong but AFAIK you can't be 'banned' from a funeral service. It might be requested that you don't attend (no such thing as inviting people either - you just make people aware) you can choose to take no notice. It's possible you might be asked to leave by someone, you may choose to do so in order not to cause a scene but if you refuse and the other person isn't going to get into a row  about it then I don't think there's a lot that  they can do about anyone being there, unless of course there is any legal restriction on you not being too near one of the people attending.


Is it possible the details will appear in the local newspaper? We didn't bother doing this with my Nan's recent death because so many of her friends and family  had already passed and the rest we knew how to contact anyway.  

Correct. Unless it is wholly held on private land then a funeral is considered a public event where anybody is free to attend

Even so, why would anybody want to go to a funeral where they already know they are not welcome?  It would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for everybody and would serve no useful purpose.  I have even read rare instances where people have come to blows at funerals. 

A local Vicar told me that he has on several occasions had to tell a family member that the rest of the family have asked that they do not attend a funeral.  

tbf we don't know that the rest of the family has asked that they don't attend the funeral. We  only know that MIL's partner (note that they haven't said husband/civil partner)  has said that the lady's son isn't welcome. If the partner is actually a boyfriend/co-habitee than the son is a closer relative than the partner is.

We also don't know the reason behind the 'ban'. 

I wouldn't attend if I thought something would 'kick off' but if one person not as closely related as I was to the person who passed said it, I might show my respects discreetly and at the back of the service regardless.  

Pennylane

Spendless said:

Pennylane said:

unforeseen said:

Spendless said:

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong but AFAIK you can't be 'banned' from a funeral service. It might be requested that you don't attend (no such thing as inviting people either - you just make people aware) you can choose to take no notice. It's possible you might be asked to leave by someone, you may choose to do so in order not to cause a scene but if you refuse and the other person isn't going to get into a row  about it then I don't think there's a lot that  they can do about anyone being there, unless of course there is any legal restriction on you not being too near one of the people attending.


Is it possible the details will appear in the local newspaper? We didn't bother doing this with my Nan's recent death because so many of her friends and family  had already passed and the rest we knew how to contact anyway.  

Correct. Unless it is wholly held on private land then a funeral is considered a public event where anybody is free to attend

Even so, why would anybody want to go to a funeral where they already know they are not welcome?  It would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for everybody and would serve no useful purpose.  I have even read rare instances where people have come to blows at funerals. 

A local Vicar told me that he has on several occasions had to tell a family member that the rest of the family have asked that they do not attend a funeral.  

tbf we don't know that the rest of the family has asked that they don't attend the funeral. We  only know that MIL's partner (note that they haven't said husband/civil partner)  has said that the lady's son isn't welcome. If the partner is actually a boyfriend/co-habitee than the son is a closer relative than the partner is.

We also don't know the reason behind the 'ban'. 

I wouldn't attend if I thought something would 'kick off' but if one person not as closely related as I was to the person who passed said it, I might show my respects discreetly and at the back of the service regardless.  

Yes we do.  The OP says at the bottom of their first post that “it has been suggested that they all feel the same”.  

lisyloo

Undervalued said:

Silvertabby said:

If the funeral hasn't taken place yet, then you may get  more information from a florist as they are less likely to be bound by data protection .  Google florists in your m-in-laws home town, then ring them to ask if they are doing the flowers for the funeral of Mrs X and, if yes, they should give the date and place.

You could then arrange to send your own flowers, if that is what you want.

I don't agree. They have a duty of confidentiality to their client and should not give out any information without their permission.

In reality if you rang up your average florist or walked in and said.

"Hi, I'm looking to buy flowers for my Aunty Betty who sadly passed (get's hankie out, sympathy all round). Sorry but my menopausal brain fog has got me (more sympathy) and I've left the details of the florist at home, do you happen to be doing the flowers for betty smith please?

I reckon 9 times out of 10 you'd get the info.

Personally I'm, going to turn up at a funeral I'm not welcome at and sit at the back quietly.
It's a public place (in England) unless held privately, so anyone asking me to leave will be told in a dignified way that it's a public place, but obviously that's a matter of personal choice.

lisyloo

Pennylane said:

unforeseen said:

Spendless said:

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong but AFAIK you can't be 'banned' from a funeral service. It might be requested that you don't attend (no such thing as inviting people either - you just make people aware) you can choose to take no notice. It's possible you might be asked to leave by someone, you may choose to do so in order not to cause a scene but if you refuse and the other person isn't going to get into a row  about it then I don't think there's a lot that  they can do about anyone being there, unless of course there is any legal restriction on you not being too near one of the people attending.


Is it possible the details will appear in the local newspaper? We didn't bother doing this with my Nan's recent death because so many of her friends and family  had already passed and the rest we knew how to contact anyway.  

Correct. Unless it is wholly held on private land then a funeral is considered a public event where anybody is free to attend

Even so, why would anybody want to go to a funeral where they already know they are not welcome?  It would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for everybody and would serve no useful purpose.  I have even read rare instances where people have come to blows at funerals. 

A local Vicar told me that he has on several occasions had to tell a family member that the rest of the family have asked that they do not attend a funeral.  

Why does it have to be embarrassing and uncomfortable if you sit at the back with dignity.

I completely disagree it serves no useful purpose. Going to a funeral is an important ritual for mental health and part of a healthy grieving process.

I'm suprised a vicar would get involved. His bad.

Undervalued

lisyloo said:

Undervalued said:

Silvertabby said:

If the funeral hasn't taken place yet, then you may get  more information from a florist as they are less likely to be bound by data protection .  Google florists in your m-in-laws home town, then ring them to ask if they are doing the flowers for the funeral of Mrs X and, if yes, they should give the date and place.

You could then arrange to send your own flowers, if that is what you want.

I don't agree. They have a duty of confidentiality to their client and should not give out any information without their permission.

In reality if you rang up your average florist or walked in and said.

"Hi, I'm looking to buy flowers for my Aunty Betty who sadly passed (get's hankie out, sympathy all round). Sorry but my menopausal brain fog has got me (more sympathy) and I've left the details of the florist at home, do you happen to be doing the flowers for betty smith please?

I reckon 9 times out of 10 you'd get the info.

Personally I'm, going to turn up at a funeral I'm not welcome at and sit at the back quietly.
It's a public place (in England) unless held privately, so anyone asking me to leave will be told in a dignified way that it's a public place, but obviously that's a matter of personal choice.

Is it?

Many crematoriums are run by private companies (although others are run by local authorities). Whoever is responsible for paying for the funeral has surely hired the space for the duration of the service.

By your argument, if somebody hires a village hall for a private party you feel you have the right to go in a sit quietly at the back whether invited or not?

The fact that you may well be able to "blag" the information from the florist or other service provider, doesn't mean you have a right to do so!

unforeseen

Your example doesn't float. Village halls are not in the same category as crematoria as funerals are considered to be public events, a village hall event isn't. 

elsien

Pennylane said:

unforeseen said:

Spendless said:

I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong but AFAIK you can't be 'banned' from a funeral service. It might be requested that you don't attend (no such thing as inviting people either - you just make people aware) you can choose to take no notice. It's possible you might be asked to leave by someone, you may choose to do so in order not to cause a scene but if you refuse and the other person isn't going to get into a row  about it then I don't think there's a lot that  they can do about anyone being there, unless of course there is any legal restriction on you not being too near one of the people attending.


Is it possible the details will appear in the local newspaper? We didn't bother doing this with my Nan's recent death because so many of her friends and family  had already passed and the rest we knew how to contact anyway.  

Correct. Unless it is wholly held on private land then a funeral is considered a public event where anybody is free to attend

Even so, why would anybody want to go to a funeral where they already know they are not welcome?  It would be embarrassing and uncomfortable for everybody and would serve no useful purpose.  I have even read rare instances where people have come to blows at funerals. 

A local Vicar told me that he has on several occasions had to tell a family member that the rest of the family have asked that they do not attend a funeral.  

Because the deceased wanted me there, amd I wanted to say my goodbyes properly, and that took priority over what the estranged living relatives wanted. 

There was no ruckus, I managed to avoid speaking to them in the receiving line on the way out and went on my way without gate crashing the wake. 

It really is that simple.

https://www.yourfuneralchoice.com/can-you-stop-someone-from-attending-a-funeral/

Undervalued

unforeseen said:

Your example doesn't float. Village halls are not in the same category as crematoria as funerals are considered to be public events, a village hall event isn't. 

Considered by who?

Is there any legislation to support this?