How can I find out details of someone’s death?

DullGreyGuy

ellectrastar said:

Pennylane said:

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Try ringing the funeral directors local to here she lived to see if they are dealing with the funeral.

Also look for local newspapers online.

Which part oof the UK did she live in?  Rules for getting a copy of the death certificate vary.

How did the OP find out their  MIL had passed away then?

Personal information really and kind of irrelevant to my question. 

Not really irrelevant... but clearly if you dont want to say you dont have to. Assuming a relative let him know then the obvious thing to do would be to ask the relative. 

ellectrastar

Thanks for suggestions. I will contact the registrars. I can’t remember how long it takes to register the death from when I had to deal with this for my parents…? 

Will also contact and check newspapers - again not sure how long this might take for them to have the information to view?
Will also ring the local funeral directors and try the crematoriums. She wasn’t religious so am pretty certain this is the route that will be taken. 

My husband is not wanting to actually attend given the fact he has been told he’s not welcome. I am massively angry that he is missing out on saying goodbye and being with his family, but if this is what they want it would only cause friction. Unfortunately now she’s gone there is only one side to the story which is obviously being heavily manipulated by the partner. He also has no interest in benefiting from any will she may have had. 

DullGreyGuy

I've fallen out with a member of my family and unfortunately in recent years a number of their brothers and sisters have died. I wasn't invited to the funerals and I fully understand/get that... the surviving family member is closer and has a flare for the dramatic so would cause a major scene were I to attend. 

I didn't look for the first one, they were most distant etc but for the others just googling their names brought up details of their funerals from various notices that had been posted.

Teapot55

Condolences on your loss. Once someone has passed it’s very final: something many have to come to terms with, but that doesn’t make it easier. It’s good that your husband has you to turn to for sympathy and support. 

user1977

ellectrastar said:

I will contact the registrars. I can’t remember how long it takes to register the death from when I had to deal with this for my parents…? 

In Scotland it has to be done within 8 days of death (and obviously, prior to any funeral).

ellectrastar

DullGreyGuy said:

ellectrastar said:

Pennylane said:

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Try ringing the funeral directors local to here she lived to see if they are dealing with the funeral.

Also look for local newspapers online.

Which part oof the UK did she live in?  Rules for getting a copy of the death certificate vary.

How did the OP find out their  MIL had passed away then?

Personal information really and kind of irrelevant to my question. 

Not really irrelevant... but clearly if you dont want to say you dont have to. Assuming a relative let him know then the obvious thing to do would be to ask the relative. 

My question is how to find out details of someone’s death. I haven’t asked anyone to speculate on the ins and outs of who told us or why we don’t know anything more. It’s a simple question to which I’ve had sensible answers so I don’t need to explain anything further. 

Pennylane

ellectrastar said:

Pennylane said:

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Try ringing the funeral directors local to here she lived to see if they are dealing with the funeral.

Also look for local newspapers online.

Which part oof the UK did she live in?  Rules for getting a copy of the death certificate vary.

How did the OP find out their  MIL had passed away then?

Personal information really and kind of irrelevant to my question. 

I thought it was relevant to your question because whoever told you may have more info. If you read it somewhere maybe you can find out a bit more that way.  

Pennylane

ellectrastar said:

DullGreyGuy said:

ellectrastar said:

Pennylane said:

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Try ringing the funeral directors local to here she lived to see if they are dealing with the funeral.

Also look for local newspapers online.

Which part oof the UK did she live in?  Rules for getting a copy of the death certificate vary.

How did the OP find out their  MIL had passed away then?

Personal information really and kind of irrelevant to my question. 

Not really irrelevant... but clearly if you dont want to say you dont have to. Assuming a relative let him know then the obvious thing to do would be to ask the relative. 

My question is how to find out details of someone’s death. I haven’t asked anyone to speculate on the ins and outs of who told us or why we don’t know anything more. It’s a simple question to which I’ve had sensible answers so I don’t need to explain anything further. 

If you are not going to the funeral and don’t want to contact relatives then wouldn’t it be best for both of you to just sit quietly and remember your MIL or go for a nice walk and chat about her. It doesn’t have to be on the day of the funeral.  

I know it’s hard but if the rest of the family don’t want you there, there is nothing you can do about it.  

I live right beside a church and often chat to the Vicar and churchwardens and you would be surprised how common it is for people to be excluded from family funerals for a variety of reasons. Far better to exclude them than to have fights or harsh words said in the church.  I went to a funeral of an elderly lady who was a mother of 8.  Following rows it broke off into 4 against 4.  One son refused to sit near any of the others and would only sit at the back of the church.  Four sat on one side, the other 3 sat on the other side and there was no interaction.  the atmosphere was dreadful and I am sure their Mum would not have wanted that. 

I do hope you can remember your MIL peacefully and in your own way. 

Marcon

ellectrastar said:

My husband is not wanting to actually attend given the fact he has been told he’s not welcome. I am massively angry that he is missing out on saying goodbye and being with his family, but if this is what they want it would only cause friction. Unfortunately now she’s gone there is only one side to the story which is obviously being heavily manipulated by the partner. He also has no interest in benefiting from any will she may have had. 

Try https://www.nrscotland.gov.uk/research/guides/birth-death-and-marriage-records/statutory-registers-of-births-deaths-and-marriages

Getting 'massively angry' on behalf of your husband, who from what you've said isn't as upset as you are (and it was his mother who died), isn't going to help anything - including you. Being at a funeral is a rite (not a right), but you can say goodbye  to someone anywhere you please; nobody can stop you, or your husband, doing that. It might sound a bit glib, but the comment has the merit of being true. 

Could you take a practical step such as making a donation in your MIL's name to a charity which you know would have been a cause she supported? Being able to 'do something' might help to dissipate your distress, which in turn is likely to help your husband.

Silvertabby

If the funeral hasn't taken place yet, then you may get  more information from a florist as they are less likely to be bound by data protection .  Google florists in your m-in-laws home town, then ring them to ask if they are doing the flowers for the funeral of Mrs X and, if yes, they should give the date and place.

You could then arrange to send your own flowers, if that is what you want.