MeandO's money-shuffling

MeandO

weenancyinAmerica said:

May I suggest that you keep a file (can be online) of copies of your posts about the ex's behavior so you can show the days things have happened and show his attitude and treatment of his son. You can make copies of the entries and keep them in a word file if that would help. You may be able to make complete copy of your diary (would recommend it as a few years ago a number of the diaries disappeared and I'm not sure all of them were found.)

Thank you weenancyinAmerica. I have actually done something similar to this over the years and kept videos/texts and even negative notes DS has written about his Dad when he was younger. I also have emails/messages of how horrendously the ex's family behaved towards me in the early days, but no-one in authority wants to know unless I go down the court route which, after seeing friends and OH's experience of this, is not something I will be doing or am willing to put DS through.
Unfortunately the family court system in this country is broken and does not favour those who want to fight for what's best for their child, they seem them as trouble makers and not conforming to the authority of the court. Instead, they seem to favour the parent who sucks up to the court the most and agrees with everything they say no matter what evidence is provided.  This has happened to both my OH and best friend with dire consequences. The ex's job would also ensure he wins before any court case has even been heard as they would believe him over me, despite the volumes of evidence. It would also  drive a wedge between myself and DS too now.
DS is a teenager now so will no longer be thought of as a child soon and will be able to make his own decisions. Whether he wishes to read the things I have saved when he is an adult is up to him, I think it may cause more pain for him than it is worth.
Ironically, I decided to stay in this area (with no-one and no support) rather than moving home to family post relationship break up as I thought it was best for DS to have his father around growing up and it wasn't fair of me on the ex to take DS away from him. I didn't realise how manipulative or what a liar the ex was then and I didn't really know what a narcissist was. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But, as per one of the videos I watched yesterday, I did the best I could at the time with the information I had and I'm not going to blame myself or feel guilt for it now, I've beaten myself up about it for years so it's time to draw a line and move on. 

This morning, I tried something new with DS. Mornings were getting stressful and argumentative in trying to get him out of the door and to school on time. He blamed everything (me) but his own actions and said 'if we did it like this, it wouldn't be a problem.' So today I did things as he suggested and it worked, but only because he wanted to prove he was right! He hasn't realised it means him getting out of bed earlier yet though, but I'm all for keeping up the new routine if it means a stress free morning! 

debtfreewannabe321

I went down that routine with my two youngest kids as they were both so argumentative with me ...both were actually pretty good at getting up and ready. Only the odd occasion where they stayed up too late and couldn't get up. Useful life lessons for them and less stress for us as they get the detention not us 🤷🏻‍♀️😬.

On the moving back home thing Vs being near his dad...I live 160+ miles away from ex. And now he has DS2 under his roof I haven't seen ds since he went. So perhaps it's better for that reason should your DS ever decide the grass is greener. 

MeandO

I'm so sorry you're going through this, DFW321 xx I think you've tried everything you could with your DS2 and hopefully he will see things differently later on in life. Good point regarding distance, too. x

Newstartforme

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit brighter Meando . You are a great inspiration in the way that you manage to pick yourself up and also see the positives . You are doing great financially as well , must be amazing to see the mortgage figure going down by such a big amount.  Really well done x

MeandO

Thank you Newstartforme, you're very kind. xx

I've had my hair coloured this morning, all saved up and paid for out of the pot, so I'm feeling much less badger-like now without the grey stripe. I didn't have it cut to save some £'s so will save up a bit more for that next time in a few months.

I've listed and sold a couple of items on V!nted this week, so 2 of those are wrapped and ready to go. I'm not really making much money on them as they were items I'd bought in the CS to wear but didn't look good/fit well when I got them home. I think I'm £2 up across the 2 items but at least I've more than got my money back on them and the CS has had some £'s too.
I've listed a few more things and still have a small pile to list, but will have to do it when I have more enthusiasm for the task. Perhaps that'll be a job on Saturday's list.

My freezers (I have one fridge freezer & one small undercounter freezer) are now full to the brim after OH and I popped out last night to look for something for me to wear to this event next week as I need something specific, but ended up in M&S food, as you do. They seem to be selling off lots of frozen goods, presumably making space for Christmas stock, so we both picked up some really good bargains. Joints of meat were £2.50 (I had the last one left), some party food and desserts where half price and they had some good YS deals in the chilled food section. I bought a couple of nice puddings to use at Christmas time, some party food, pork and chicken. If there's an M&S near you, I'd be inclined to have a gander to see if there's any unmissable deals. I didn't find anything to wear though!

It's a rotten day today and my roof is still leaking. I can't get anyone out to look at it for love nor money, three people now have not turned up. or not got back to me. The only one that did respond was the guy who was supposed to repair it last year, charged me £520 and it still wasn't fixed. I declined his offer and heard nothing more from him when I said he didn't fix it nor respond to my calls thereafter last time which says everything about him.

I need to take DS to the other side of the City tonight for an event so I need to put petrol in the car beforehand. I also need to pick up some snacks for him as he has eaten all of the ones I baked and asked me if he could take some to his father's to eat there yesterday as 'Dad doesn't buy any snacks for me.' 
OH and I have tea sorted tonight - an M&S meal deal we picked up as a YS buy last night. 

Happy Friday all xx

MeandO

Afternoon all,

I've been away with OH for a couple of days to the 'event' I spoke of a while ago. Unfortunately, it wasn't successful for me in financial terms (I can't say anything about it, so apologies for not being specific and talking a bit randomly). I have spent a bit of time feeling like I've let myself (and everyone) down and blown my chances as success would have meant my mortgage would be paid off with money left over in the bank, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I enjoyed the process more than I thought I would though and OH and I had a few days away together during which we kept spends to a real minimum by buying a coffee/sandwich chain TGTG bag each evening to use for lunches the next day. We also had some big salad bowls in the bags which we had for an evening meal on two occasions. I don't want to see another sandwich/salad bowl for a while though! 

I think the phrase 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' serves me well for the whole experience and I'm glad I found the confidence to put myself forward in the first place as it was completely out of my comfort zone. It has awoken a bit of drive in me to make changes in my life and I feel a renewed vigour for looking at alternative options in my life moving forward. Hopefully that enthusiasm lasts.

My 'renewed enthusiasm for life' was sorely tested this morning, however, when I was woken up by a call from the ex telling me DS had been injured (again) during a match yesterday and was crying in pain this morning, so could he drop him off with me as he had to work (as if I don't!). Cue another trip to A&E this morning (no, he wasn't taken yesterday by anyone) and thankfully it's nothing broken as it involved his neck this time so I was terrified of potential serious injury when I received the call. What a start to the week. My PMA is flagging slightly already if I'm being totally honest but I'm trying to be my own cheerleader in that one.

I've ordered a grocery delivery today and used a £10 off voucher to bring it down to around £55. It's payday in just under 2 weeks and there's around £55 left in the grocery account after today's shop plus £20 my parents kindly sent me to buy 'a treat' but will most likely go towards topping up snacks for DS as he has a bottomless stomach at the moment it seems and is hungry most of the time. 
Last week I gave DS a jumper and pair of joggers I'd bought him for Christmas but he really needed them now as he has grown out of most of his clothes again. I'll look to replace those gifts with some other clothing bits for him for Christmas as he is in need of items in a bigger size now. 

OH and I had a go at fixing my roof ourselves last week. OH is confident it's been fixed, me not-so-much, but we've been unable to test it as it's not rained hard for a while. Hopefully we've sorted the problem but will have another go if not. I will be over the moon if I don't have to spend anything between £250-£1000 on a roofer, not that I can find a reliable one anyway.

My energy switch was rejected AGAIN but is finally sorted after a complaint to 'ono' via resolver. Once that had been submitted they sorted it pretty quickly and I'm now on the MSE BG tariff for 14 months so should save a few £'s monthly. I've signed up for the free/cheap energy sessions weekly so will try to plan as much washing and drying as possible for those times. I should receive a hefty refund from ONO for the credit I'd built up, I'll keep a look out for that.

I've had to chase a few refunds on the CC this week and have sold a couple more bits on fleabay/minted which have gone towards the CC. There will be around £100 balance on it once everything is refunded/paid to it which I should be able to pay off pretty quickly with a bit of shuffling. 

UC did indeed drop my payment by £40 this month due to my payrise, so I was around £20 better off a month overall. I decided to send the equivalent extra £'s from the payrise to my AVCs monthly instead from next month as I will benefit much more that way in the long run. It just means I'm no skinter than I was last month!

badmemory

Have you thought about sending DS for counselling.  I know it is an expense you don't need but this many injuries start to look less than accidental no matter what the sport & doesn't actually sound very sporting more like targeting.  I used to know lots of college rugby players & they didn't have a fraction ot the injuries your DS is getting.

MeandO

badmemory said:

Have you thought about sending DS for counselling.  I know it is an expense you don't need but this many injuries start to look less than accidental no matter what the sport & doesn't actually sound very sporting more like targeting.  I used to know lots of college rugby players & they didn't have a fraction ot the injuries your DS is getting.

It's a rough sport, badmemory and unfortunately injuries are common. I don't really see how counselling will help. They are definitely accidental and occurring during matches or training. DS isn't being targeted, he's just not the typical build for this sport and throws himself at it with no regard for his own safety. Many of his friends are the same at his age, they push themselves to try and be the best without the life experience of knowing when to stop, they all think they're invincible. I have tried to talk to him today about having some common sense as to when it's time to step back for his own good and how injuries he picks up now may well be carried for life if he continues, but at 14, and with me having limited knowledge and no experience of this sport, he thinks I know nothing and thinks he knows best. I wish he would give it up for his own good, but he won't and I can't force him to.

in_need_of_direction

DD played rugby until her cruciate had to be replaced with part of her hamstring.  she had multiple injuries until then including a neck fracture.  i wish i could tell you to convince him to give it up but really wouldn't know how.  in the end, i put up with it to assist with full disclosure when injuries occurred.

MeandO

I'm sorry to hear your daughter suffered so many injuries, INOD. I fear the same for DS and that there will come a time where he won't be able to 'bounce back' from an injury as he does. Even if I could convince him to give it up, his father would then convince him otherwise, so it would be a waste of time trying, and believe me I've already tried. I really do think the whole sport and rules around contact needs re-evaluating, especially for children & young people. The 'rules' don't go far enough to protect them.