MeandO's money-shuffling

MeandO

Thanks all, you don’t know how much reading your comments helped tonight and how much I needed the virtual hugs, it’s been a difficult day, so a huge thank you. Xx  

DS was back today after spending time at his father’s and was moody and disrespectful to me from the off. He went over there yesterday, annoyed with his father and not loving being at his house, so it was a complete 360 on me and I can only imagine what twisted tales his father has been telling him. 

He also came back having not eaten since I made him a snack after school yesterday, with no clean clothes and desperate for a shower as they don’t have a working one at his father’s house. That’s the usual state of return.  I dropped him at an event today he wanted to go to which his father also attended and have not long picked him up, so I haven’t really seen him other than to be grumped at this morning. He’s also not come back in the best mood with me or that willing to talk about much. I’ve tried to ask him about his day but have just got one word answers so I’ve admitted defeat, got my pjs on and we will both be going to bed shortly.  I’ve spent the day feeling really defeated, but have tried to keep busy and OH has tried to cheer me up and has offered words of encouragement that ‘this too shall pass.’ I am feeling only useful/wanted to be taxi, chef and supplier of goods at the moment. 

We were invited to one of OH’s friends with several others for a BBQ, but neither of us really felt like it as one or two of the people attending can be quite difficult to tolerate, especially if you’re feeling below par as I am today. We called over to say hello as it was nice of them to invite us, but made excuses and left after an hour. I was glad to leave tbh. 

On a positive note, it was so windy today that I got all of the washing DS brought back from his father’s (a whole load full) dry In about an hour so the basket is now empty again. OH and I also took 3 bin liners and a huge box full of donation to the charity shop. Much of it was clothes OH had sorted out from his house, but I also went through my clothes yesterday and sorted out several pairs of trousers I no longer wear. There was also a box of bits that my parents wanted to get rid of and some kitchen items I don’t use, so another few things decluttered and donated. We didn’t buy anything in the charity shop whilst there either, in fact, I think I’ve had at least 2 or 3 NSDs the past week. I’ve ordered a shopping delivery for tomorrow morning using a 25% off code I found and free delivery for 3 months. I’ve ordered lots of meat and DS’s requested steak as I had such a discount so should last us a while in the freezer. 

Shattered now, off to bed, Night all and thank you again for your kind words, it’s so appreciated and has made a real difference to me today when I needed to hear it the most. Xx

Newstartforme

Stay strong Meando , OH is correct , it absolutely will pass , sending lots of hugs your way xxx

debtfreewannabe321

Oh Hun I'm so sorry you're going through this (too). I've no words of wisdom because my ex did this in the same way, laughing and joking about me to my face making me out to be inadequate and unreasonable and the wedge became so much DS was rude and uncommunicative for the last few months he was here until he moved out pretty much right after his 16th. 
He also used to come home hungry, dirty and tired and yet he was brainwashed into thinking ex's house and ex's new gf and family were better than being here. 
All I can say is, if you feel the need to say, if you think it's better there then maybe you should go ....try not to. It's what gave ds the perfect out. Yep I do and I'm off was DS response to that. It's just awful...my friend says to me, he doesn't co-parent he counter parents to you and she's right. And I feel you're going through the same. Big hugs xx

Aimingforthegoodlife

I think it is important to know you can be a reliable and wonderful parent, but put boundaries in place, when ex says well if your mum can't I guess I will find a way- you can reply, gosh, that would be so helpful, you know how I try so hard but cannot always arrange things! May be passive aggressive, but also throws his crappy comments back at him. Not being able to do everything for DS is a reality most parents face, so try not to be hard on yourself, or force yourself to do something you genuinely cannot afford/do. 

As always, you continue to make amazing progress- even if you can't see it, everytime I pop on to this diary, you are smashing your goals! Life is so hard at the moment, in so many ways and for so many reasons, make sure you give yourself grace, and a big hug sometimes! Much

MeandO

Thank you for your kindness and wisdom @Newstartforme, @debtfreewannabe321 and @Aimingforthegoodlife. It's been a REALLY difficult week with a lot of tears (from me), but there have been some moments of loveliness which is what I'm trying to take away from this week. 

My situation has changed and I will now have to collect DS from school every day including ex's 2 days as he will no longer will collect him due to his new job. He was happy to let him walk nearly 4 miles to his house on a dangerous road with no pavement and an isolated, unlit cycle track and didn't see the problem I had with it. Not even taking into account the weather we're experiencing presently and the dark nights that will be drawing in soon.
I'm afraid I went nuts over this one. DS, as ever, was also protesting that it would be fine and siding with the ex, but I am not allowing it to happen. There are often posts on the community FB page about trouble or individuals causing issues on that track as it is so isolated and not near any houses or roads in places and the road is awful with no pavements and blind corners. The fact that ex was happy for DS to walk it as it was the easy way out for ex and solved the problem of DS getting home demonstrates exactly why I have never had faith in him to look after DS properly or keep him safe. There are other issues, going back to DS's baby years where ex failed to seek medical attention when needed so I have never had that peace of mind that he would do the best for his child.

Going forward, this now means I will have no free time to attend my fitness classes so I have cancelled my membership. To say I'm gutted is an understatement, I cried a lot yesterday as this was the only outlet I had for myself and was so good for my mental health as well as physical, but I have no choice. I will miss all of the friends I'd made there too. Unfortunately I won't receive a refund on the paid up portion but the lovely owner has offered to keep those months for me for when I re-join, hopefully in a year or two. I've explained the situation to them and they were very understanding and full of sympathy for what I'm contending with. So that is that, there is nothing I can do about it for now. I will just have to try and keep myself moving and watch my diet in order to keep the weight off that I lost and to help ease the physical symptoms I get.

Moneywise, I'd budgeted £9 too much for a bill and made a sale on vinted for £6 so I have another £15 to go into the savings pot. An ebay sale made £75 earlier in the week but after two days the buyer said they didn't have the money to pay for it so I had to cancel the sale. Infuriating really. I've relisted it but there is no interest at the moment.  

OH is having an equally rubbish time at the moment and we were both feeling glum last night, so we were really happy when two of our closest friends popped round unannounced. They brought snacks and drinks and it really cheered us up to just sit and chat and have a few laughs. I was really grateful they came over. 

Today I've tried to switch energy providers again and AGAIN it's been cancelled by 'ONO'. I spent ages trying to message or phone them and eventually got through to be told they haven't done what they were meant to do last time I spoke to them and it may take another 4-6 weeks. In the meantime, they have put my DD up by over £30 a month when there's £250+ of credit on my account, so I also complained about that. They have instead now 'only' raised it by £17 a month... I'm still not happy and will be putting a complaint in when I get round to it. It's on my list...

badmemory

Honestly I don't know what to say.  If it wasn't for the risk to your DS I would say fine let him walk & see how long that lasts.  Part of the problem is that DS is both young enough & old enough to think he is omnipotent, & we all know better.

in_need_of_direction

having been there with an unreliable co parent, i know what a struggle is being considered to be bad cop because you're having to do more than your fair share.  all i can say is hang in there.  at least you won't regret what you are doing for DS and, who knows, the light bulb may flash for him some day and he will see and appreciate what you have done.  it does take a while

MeandO

Thank you badmemory and INOD xx

I forgot to mention, the ex will have to pay the extra £10 per month CM as they rejected his objection… let’s see how many months I have to remind him about the increase of a whole £10 as he doesn’t normally ‘remember’ to up the amount owed. He’d remember if it was reduced though!

I’ve had a better couple of days, for that I’m very grateful. I’m making the most of the dry patches in between the monsoons and have cleaned the ground floor windows to the front and side of the house. There were lots of spiders lined up under the window frames waiting to sneak in when I opened a window but they are not permitted in this house I’m afraid! I’m terrified of spiders, especially the big ones. 

I’ve hoovered through, emptied the bins, given the bathroom a quick wipe down and have ordered another online shop for Monday. There’s washing on but no chance of drying it outside despite it looking sunny at the moment, as it’ll no doubt be monsoon-like again with no warning very soon. I’m looking for more jobs to do around the house now, I feel like getting things done. I may go and tackle some drawers again and see if I can find any more to go to the charity shop.

Newstartforme

Feel so sad for you that you won't be able to get to the gym but I know you will work on your fitness in other ways . So glad your ex has to pay the extra money . Really do hope things improve for you . Your son is lucky to have you xx

Mrs_Money_Penny

Just caught up with your diary. I am so sorry you can’t now get to your classes when they are so beneficial to you.I hope things improve with your ex he sounds a nasty piece of work, Apologies if that’s out of order. I mean well. Sending hugs x