MeandO's money-shuffling

in_need_of_direction

my experience of an !!!!!! ex and father of my children, for what it's worth, is that he would short change his children knowing that i wouldn't let them go without.  now in late 30s, they can see just how useless he is and was but are inclined to shrug saying "that's just him"  they are both quite astute judges of character but i think they would both think that he's just generally inept than completely lacking in thought for them.  maybe it's self preservation.  i used to get so annoyed at him getting off scott free from any responsibility while it was down to me to deal with any issues or problems.  Current DH pointed out that it was because they know i will do what's needed so is a weird compliment.  just keep biting your tongue, DS will see for himself at some point.  TBH though, i may have shamed him into sharing his pizza

foxgloves

Oh no, that pizza incident is just dreadful. What an unacceptable & utterly mean-spirited way to behave....& expecting your son to buy his own drinks & food! I feel so indignant & cross on your behalf, @MeandO! Your ex needs a cold run-in with reality topped with a hefty sprinkling of karma. 

badmemory

If those of us reading, printed on here what we really think of your ex I suspect they would close the thread.  £200 my ex used to pay that over 30 years ago & he was far from rich, not poor either.  Mind he did pay extra so that I didn't take him through what was then the gov system.  As for £10.  That wouldn't scratch the surface of the increase in the cost of living of people who don't buy all that "stuff"

Your son will eventually realise.

Mrs_Money_Penny

That is so mean of your ex to eat a whole pizza in front of your son.How selfish he is.£10 that doesn’t go far.I’m so sorry you have to put up with this. Sending hugs x

MeandO

Thank you for your insight, tales of experience and virtual hugs, inod, foxgloves, badmemory and Mrs_Money_Penny, I really appreciate the support as always. inod, your experience sounds exactly as mine and DS has the same pattern of thought. He makes excuses for his Dad all the time which irks me, but I don’t let it show. He also knows I will do everything that is needed and sometimes  I feel a bit taken for granted but I also see the ‘weird compliment’ in that and understand what your hubby means by it. DS knows he can always rely on me and I will do whatever I can for him, he doesn’t have that with his father. 

Badmemory, your comment about the forum made me laugh! We’d need to ‘bleep’ some words out!
foxgloves, yes the pizza incident was just cruel but it’s him to a tee. You’ll be even more flabbergasted when, later in the week, he also gave me his own ‘lunch order’ which he wanted me to pick up at the shops for him when he’d had enough of paying out for pizza. Pastrami sandwiches, anyone?! I kid you not.
Thank you for the hugs Mrs_M_P, it means a lot. Xx

No money spent since this morning, instead of going for a browse around the charity shops I dusted through the house, did loads of washing/ironing and cleaned the door and window frames. The  bathroom had a thorough scrub yesterday, I even took the show doors apart! 

This evening I prepped and cooked risotto for tea for DS and I and generally pottered round which was quite enjoyable. Everything is now ready for DS’s return to school tomorrow, although we probably left the ‘does the uniform still fit trying on session’ a bit late, being the night before he returns! It’s all ok for now but I’ll need to buy some more shorts and polo shirts in the very near future. They have logos emblazoned on of course, so not cheap. There’s £150 ish in the uniform pot and another £100 will go in next payday so there’s more than enough to cover them. We also had all the stationary and equipment needs in already as OH and my sister got loads of pens, pencils, rulers etc from their offices to last us the 5 years of comp! No spends needed there. I have spoken to DS about trying not to lose everything this year and to look after things better. We had 4 school jumpers this time last year and there was one left by the time July came. 

I’ve had an email from the new energy supplier to say there isa problem with my meter as it’s not registered as a domestic meter on the national database, whatever that means,
. I tried tos peak to ‘ONO’ tonight about it but seems they shut at 5pm. I will try again in the morning,

Not much else to report, other than trying to make it a NSD tomorrow. I do need to get some flowers and a couple of birthday bits for a friend and a get well card for an Aunty who’s not really my aunt, but is loved like one. Oh, and a stamp, which will probably cost more than the actual card…

MeandO

Struggling tonight, the ex dropped DS off after sports club tonight and proceeded to lord it up over me, acting like he was the one doing all the actual parenting of DS and trying to make me look inadequate in front of DS. It worked as DS seems to hang on his every word and laugh and joke with him like they’re best friends and back him up in his excuses. I felt like I was being mocked by the pair of them at one point. Meanwhile, I’m the one saying no to something DS wants but is unnecessary and inappropriate for his age and the ex more or less blames me in front of DS as to why he can’t have it. That man is so manipulative, he has DS wrapped around his finger. It’s upset me tonight and it feels like there’s a bit of a wedge forming between DS and I. 

I will also definitely have to stop going to the gym as he has arranged for DS to do something he really wants to do on one of the two evenings that he knows I go to the gym. DS should be with him on those evenings but now he’s used the excuse of work as to why he can’t take DS and has called me out in front of DS for not being supportive in taking him to this club and ‘he’ll get him there somehow if Mum won’t take you.’ At least I’ll save money, I guess, I was already worried about how I was going to cover the cost of the fitness classes when my membership renewed. 

 I’m feeling totally done with my life as it is tonight if I’m being honest. Sometimes I feel like telling DS to go play happy families with his Dad and partner’s family if they’re so great, but I don’t mean it, it is just like being slapped in the face over and over again at times. The partner and her family are also very Xenophobic towards those who aren’t from this part of the world - which includes me and actually, DS’s father, but he pretends not to be and has even adopted the local accent to try and keep up the mask, it’s pathetic! Now and then, DS, who was born here but is well aware of his heritage and used to be very proud of it, drops something slightly xenophobic and I have to remind him about who he’s talking to and where he’s from. It’s like they are trying to poison him against me.

Nothing good is going to come of me wallowing so I’m going to have a cuppa and hope tomorrow comes quickly. Night all xx

badmemory

Your ex must feel so inadequate that I would feel quite sorry for him if only he wasn't inflicting the damage on both you and DS that he is.  This is all obviously about him, well everything is really as he is unable to see the damage he is doing to his own son.

Newstartforme

Meando , sending a big virtual hug to you , sounds like you need it . Your ex - I really can't say what I think of him but you can imagine . You are a wonderful mum , all your hard work and saving are all for the good of your boy . He will see all this as he gets older . Things won't always be this tough , take care xxx

foxgloves

It sounds as though your ex's poor behaviour just makes everything more difficult, @MeandO. I have, of course, never met you, but I still haven't got over the pizza incident!! It seems to sum up what you've said about the man in a nutshell. A very difficult & trying situation for you. I have no tolerance of xenophobia & actively challenged some unpleasant ignorant comments I heard recently while queueing up to pay for something on our local market. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut while listening to that nasty ill-informed stuff, so I thought "Well, she's spouting off her opinions, so now she (& those nodding with her in agreement) are going to hear mine". She didn't like it but I didn't care because I'm glad I called her out. It's very difficult if your son is showing the occasional sign of picking up these backward-looking views, but I think if he is spending time hearing them, it's difficult at his young age, not to have some of it rub off. 
I don't know what the answer is, but am sending some sympathetic vibes anyway.
F x

Mrs_Money_Penny

Sorry to hear this I fully understand why you feel this way. I feel so sad for you having to put up with this. You work so hard to provide for your son and your such a great Mum. I’m sure he will recognise this hopefully sooner rather than later. Sending a hug x