In a mess! Advice needed

EssexHebridean

hedgewitchery said:

Just another thing to consider and apologies if I've missed it, but if you, your husband and your daughter are supporting your parents with lifts and shopping, etc, are they making any contribution to your costs, even if it's just paying for a tank of petrol now and again? When I was running errands for my parents, it sometimes felt awkward to ask for money and they didn't always think to offer, but they had a lot more disposable income than me! I'm not suggesting charging them, but make sure you're not doing them a favour and paying for the privilege too.

This is a good point - it sounds as though a claim for attendance allowance could be appropriate- in which case that might at least contribute to additional fuel etc involved in running errands for them? 

otb666

Yes i would agree as in a similar position with elderly relative and you must charge them your petrol at least as this can really add up now and although they may not realize the actually costs to you You cannot support them and then be broke your self. You might also want to include the running costs as well eg MOT Insurance Road Tax Service etc

otb666

to add it annoys me when my elderly relative says things like `you get plenty from me` When me and partner spend 16 hours a week there and make 6 trips a week when they live 25 miles away.  They really have no idea how much it costs in petrol and to run my car Which they rely on.  But are happy to sit on the £400 a month AA and see us doing all the running around and then be outta pocket  Rant over

MrsCanary

Firstly, huge apologies for not responding sooner - most of yesterday was spent in the hospital with my Dad.
Secondly, thank you all so much for all your advice and support. Having sat down and discussed all options with my family, we have decided to try and ride out the wave and snowball as much as we can do get the debt down quicker. We have decided:

• Cancel all the warranties, Netflix, Amazon, etc. The gym is under contract and can affect our credit file so we want to try prevent that. Despite having a lot of credit, it is all being paid at the moment so we want to try keep it that way.
• We are going to try shop for some cheaper insurances and breakdown, if it works out cheaper with exit fees it is worth it.
• Use the exam marking money as our emergency fund.
• Try pay off as many smaller bills over Feb-April as we can.
• Cut back on our grocery spend as much as possible. 
• In regards to the holiday costs, we are fortunate in that we don't have to pay for boarding our animals as we have family and friends who sit them for us for free. We are all inclusive and have approx. 300 euro in cash and on some Travelex cards that we are using for our spending money while we are there. The cost of travel to the airport is approx. 35 return because our youngest daughter is car sharing with us and we are splitting the fuel and parking costs. In the airport itself and on the flights we estimate we will spend approx. £60. The flight is relatively short and we don't drink much, but this we will need to save.
• Our youngest daughter has agreed to pay for her mobile phone bundle from this month onwards.
• I have signed up to a cashback site and a site that gives us vouchers towards pet food for walking the dog! 
• We already have a reciprocal agreement in place with our parents, siblings, etc that we don't buy for them and they don't buy for us. We instead bake a cake for each other etc., create memory books, go for days out, etc. The £30 a month is for presents for our daughters and their partners for their birthdays and Christmas, and we will look at reducing this too. They wouldn't mind at all. They are very caring and understanding. It is really us who care and feel terrible.
• We don't ask our parents for money towards fuel because they offered free childcare for both our girls while we worked, collecting them from school and giving them their tea, and took them on holidays etc. They saved us probably tens of thousands of pounds over the years so we feel very much it is now us repaying them.

On a positive note, and something I didn't take in to consideration, is that my husband will be getting a pay rise in April. At the moment we are not sure how much it will be but anything will help and will cover a little of the inflation increases. I am also still a pay grade away from the top of the MPS (classroom teacher pay scale), so my salary will increase in around November and that will be backdated to September. I need to calculate the increase, but I assume it will be around an extra £80 a month (taking into account my pension and student loan deductions.) 

If we can just ride this out a little longer, I know things will improve. It just all seemed so impossible a few days ago, so thank you all for helping me see that it isn't!

Grumpelstiltskin

If you can ride out the next 6 months things will get better.

It will mean trying as hard as you can to spend less over the next few months, but you will get there.

Try and think laterally before spending anything.

MrsCanary

Okay so I have just done some more number crunching and once my pay increases, I will have at least an additional £61 a month, however, this could be more but because I also hold a TLR (additional role payments) I will then cross the threshold to the higher pension payments, rising from 8.6% to 9.6%.

Because I went to uni and then came into teaching later in life, I have only 5 years Teaching Pension so far. This I am really reluctant to reduce because I hadn't paid into a private pension at all before entering teaching. If anything the idea was to increase my contributions to boost my pension, but I am now wondering if it would be worthwhile keeping it at the lower rate until we are better off financially.

Grumpelstiltskin

Personally I would carry on as you are with your pension for  the next few months, you can reconsider in the future.

Ideas for extra income
Boost your income — MoneySavingExpert Forum

All 3 of you could sign up to somewhere like Prolific, do you check Pick My Postcode? easy to do.

Any old textbooks to try and sell on somewhere like Ziffit?

Martico

That's really positive, @MrsCanary, sounds like sensible steps. And I agree (not that it's my place to) with your position re all parts of the family - you clearly think about these things deeply and do what is right for everyone. Good luck!

Brie

Emergency funds are a great idea when you have the money to put in to them.  Frankly I don't think you do and so I think you should be putting as much against the high interest debts instead.  I know others won't agree with me on this but I take the view that the emergency is now so nuke the debt and that will make things more manageable if/when there is another expense you need to sort.  

And do be sure to take a look at the T&Cs of the gym membership.  I know the one we used to have said we needed to give 3 months notice so I would certainly be doing that sooner rather than later even if it does mean you still have 4+ months to go on the contract.  If you do it now/soon then you know you can cancel the DD when the contract does end and they'll have no comeback.  In the meantime do have fun and get the most out of it - i'd be using the sauna and all the expensive kit they have or even just be sitting in their cafe area reading a book enjoying the heating they provide.  Our gym's cafe did want people to buy expensive smoothies or lattes but couldn't really complain when I say there drinking the free water and reading the selection of newspapers they provided. 

TheAble

I do think though that having an emergency fund is psychologically motivating and helps you see a path out of debt. Any unforeseen expenses can be taken care of from the fund rather than via more credit, and of course it just feels good to have a few quid you can call your own.