In a mess! Advice needed

Grumpelstiltskin

Tumble Drier warranty, now I am 78 years old and I have never owned a Tumble Drier let alone had a warranty on one.

With the cost of electricity you want to be using it as little as possible, give washing an extra spin and when ever possible, get it out on the line to dry or overnight in the kitchen on the airer.

I guess you are off for half term this week? if so use the time to consider every thing you buy, everything you do to live a different lifestyle that costs less.

savergrant

Hi, looking at the soa it looks like you need to shave about £60-£70 off your outgoings, at least until the phone contracts end.

As has been said, the big area for you is groceries, looking for cheaper options and batch cooking. If you have a restricted diet try cooking two dishes, one for you and one for husband and daughter, label and freeze to reheat. Shop around for free from pasta etc and maybe cook rice more often.

As regards the wedding, in your outgoings you have £350 per month, is that a realistic figure and where is that money going? What have you already committed to and what other expenses could be adjusted? Maybe as importantly, how long are you going to be paying for it?

What does your elder daughter know about your money worries? She might be seeing new furniture and a new car and have a completely different picture of your finances.

And BTW your situation is tricky but not desperate. You can sort this.

EssexHebridean

One suggestion I would make would be to cancel the appliance warranties and start stashing that money aside to build an emergency fund. Hopefully the relevant appliances will cling on until such time as there is money there to repair/replace when needed. The jewellery will presumably be covered by your contents insurance (why only 25k of cover by the way? Most insurers offer 3 times that as standard - and the chances of that 25k replacing all your “stuff” if needed are incredibly slim!) unless it is an item of such high value that it would bump the premium even more? 

I’m glad you realised subsequently that buying the new car wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Both my and MrEH’s current cars cost £8k at 3  years old - so less than half the cost of yours and very far from “bangers” or “money pits”. MrEH’s previous two cars cost around £2k each time - the first lasted us 6 years, the second 7.  There may not be anything you can do now about yours but at least you’ll know for the future! Hopefully too it will last you a good one while now - modern cars, well maintained, do last, so at least you shouldn’t need to budget for a replacement any time soon! 

As you clear the debts down, cancel the catalogues/store cards/lines of credit they are for I would suggest to avoid the risk of temptation striking and you spending on them again.

warby68

OP I think you might be catching this just in time but it is going to take a big shift in mindset, and probably from all family members. I understand a pressurized lifestyle (2 jobs, 2 kids plus caring here) but clearly you've made quite a lot of decisions you couldn't afford over the last year or two. The interest rates you can access tell the story by themselves. Do you have the support from everyone and are you resolved to stop spending ? Not meaning to put you on the spot or even for you to answer here at all but you're turning a big ship round (not debt quantum as such but the cost of the debt and the sheer number of them) so it is important that you have the will to deal with this as well as the practical advice.

I'm still confused why daughter can only afford £60 a month which only really covers her phone if she has a maintenance loan and a  job and no living expenses other than her car. We're just coming to the end of 2 at uni, they're not meant to be well off yet as what will they aspire to - well that's what I tell them anyway? Seriously,  although you don't want to burden her, even £50 a month will make a difference to you. It would clear 2 or 3 of those tiddler debts over a year. 

I'm guessing from your ages and daughters' positions you had children young but possibly have older parents yourselves so you really are being squeezed from all sides when you are still working on your own careers and not got the mortgage yet. It might be a case of being a little kinder to yourselves and taking some of the time pressure off everything. You're still young and mortages go a lot longer these days and you're not in the worst place for property prices hopefully. Perhaps you could even take turns to study for the next career step so not all of you are mentally and physically maxed out all the time. 

If a DMP does end up being the best bet, you could even get to your mortgage faster as you are likely remove all those sky high interest rates currently costing something like £8k per year even without another 28% on the car.

Bit of an essay, sorry, but hopefully a little food for thought and the very best of wishes with this.

sunshine_raincloud

Might not be possible but can you access any 0% credit cards to transfer some of your debts to so that you can escape some of those eye-watering amounts of interest? 

Does your daughter know of your financial situation? It is very generous of you to pay for her wedding but maybe if she knew she would look for other ways to contribute more to it herself (and her partner might be keen to as well!) 

Good luck on your journey 

MrsCanary

Grumpelstiltskin said:

With the cost of electricity you want to be using it as little as possible, give washing an extra spin and when ever possible, get it out on the line to dry or overnight in the kitchen on the airer.

We already do this because the cost for using the dryer for everything is far too much. We really only use it for airing off clothes and drying bedding. We have airers and we hang most things to dry on them or in front of the windows. We also re-hang and re-use towels and try to change clothes as little as possible.

MrsCanary

Thanks for your reply SaverGrant and for your ideas.

Hi, looking at the soa it looks like you need to shave about £60-£70 off your outgoings, at least until the phone contracts end.

As has been said, the big area for you is groceries, looking for cheaper options and batch cooking. If you have a restricted diet try cooking two dishes, one for you and one for husband and daughter, label and freeze to reheat. Shop around for free from pasta etc and maybe cook rice more often. I already do this to be honest. I have had to over the years anyway because of working and time constraints, and learning to cook meals for us all. 

As regards the wedding, in your outgoings you have £350 per month, is that a realistic figure and where is that money going? What have you already committed to and what other expenses could be adjusted? Maybe as importantly, how long are you going to be paying for it?

What does your elder daughter know about your money worries? She might be seeing new furniture and a new car and have a completely different picture of your finances.
The £350 is the cost of the holiday to attend the wedding which is for the flights, transfers and all inclusive at the hotel. It cannot be reduced. It is a monthly direct debit to Jet2 which will be paid before the end of the year. I really wouldn't want to say to my daughter that she cannot have us there, or we have to ask for money towards us attending her wedding, no matter what. It is non-negotiable really. 

SuzeQStan

sunshine_raincloud said:

Might not be possible but can you access any 0% credit cards to transfer some of your debts to so that you can escape some of those eye-watering amounts of interest?  

This is a really good idea - even just a lower rate of interest consolidating some of those unsecured debts.  

MrsCanary

Hi Warby,

Thanks for your post - it really made me feel quite emotional. I am really beating myself up right now! In response to your comments:

OP I think you might be catching this just in time but it is going to take a big shift in mindset, and probably from all family members. I understand a pressurized lifestyle (2 jobs, 2 kids plus caring here) but clearly you've made quite a lot of decisions you couldn't afford over the last year or two. The interest rates you can access tell the story by themselves. Do you have the support from everyone and are you resolved to stop spending ? Not meaning to put you on the spot or even for you to answer here at all but you're turning a big ship round (not debt quantum as such but the cost of the debt and the sheer number of them) so it is important that you have the will to deal with this as well as the practical advice. We have the full support of our family. We all know that there has to be sacrifices made. We definitely are resolved to stop spending! We need to!

I'm still confused why daughter can only afford £60 a month which only really covers her phone if she has a maintenance loan and a  job and no living expenses other than her car. We're just coming to the end of 2 at uni, they're not meant to be well off yet as what will they aspire to - well that's what I tell them anyway? Seriously,  although you don't want to burden her, even £50 a month will make a difference to you. It would clear 2 or 3 of those tiddler debts over a year. We have sat her down tonight and asked her to pay her bill and she has agreed, so I am feeling a little relieved at that, if not guilty.

I'm guessing from your ages and daughters' positions you had children young but possibly have older parents yourselves so you really are being squeezed from all sides when you are still working on your own careers and not got the mortgage yet. It might be a case of being a little kinder to yourselves and taking some of the time pressure off everything. You're still young and mortages go a lot longer these days and you're not in the worst place for property prices hopefully. Perhaps you could even take turns to study for the next career step so not all of you are mentally and physically maxed out all the time. We had our first child at 16 and our 2nd at 23. We are now in our forties and our parents are in their 70s and 80s. It really is incredibly hard. We are trying to be good role models for our children by working hard and going back to studying to improve our lives, but this just makes us feel like massive failures. Then we are trying to be good children ourselves to our parents, while working and retraining. 

If a DMP does end up being the best bet, you could even get to your mortgage faster as you are likely remove all those sky high interest rates currently costing something like £8k per year even without another 28% on the car.

Bit of an essay, sorry, but hopefully a little food for thought and the very best of wishes with this.Thank you

MrsCanary

Hi Sunshine_Raincloud,

Thanks for your reply. In answer to your questions:

Might not be possible but can you access any 0% credit cards to transfer some of your debts to so that you can escape some of those eye-watering amounts of interest?  We have tried but there are none accepting us.

Does your daughter know of your financial situation? It is very generous of you to pay for her wedding but maybe if she knew she would look for other ways to contribute more to it herself (and her partner might be keen to as well!) We aren't paying for their wedding. They are getting married abroad and we have just booked to be there. The monthly cost is the DD to Jet2Holidays. 

Good luck on your journey Thank you