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In a mess! Advice needed
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Martico said:I'd also second the advice of exploring attendance allowance. It's not means tested, and though the form is quite long, I believe that you can stake a claim first before filling everything out, and then if approved the payments are back-dated to when you first register a claim.
I also recommend asking someone from AgeUK to help with the form as they know the questions to ask and the wording to help your case.Love living in a village in the country side3 -
Hello,
Again, huge thanks to you all for your advice. We are going to speak to our parents this weekend to discuss the attendance allowance and also explain the situation. I won't lie, this is not a conversation we want to be having because both our mothers are already very emotionally vulnerable because of the care our dad's need, but we understand that it needs to be done.2 -
MrsCanary said:Hello,
Again, huge thanks to you all for your advice. We are going to speak to our parents this weekend to discuss the attendance allowance and also explain the situation. I won't lie, this is not a conversation we want to be having because both our mothers are already very emotionally vulnerable because of the care our dad's need, but we understand that it needs to be done.🎉 MORTGAGE FREE (First time!) 30/09/2016 🎉 And now we go again…New mortgage taken 01/09/23 🏡
Balance as at 01/09/23 = £115,000.00 Balance as at 31/12/23 = £112,000.00
Balance as at 31/08/24 = £105,400.00 Balance as at 31/12/24 = £102,500.00
£100k barrier broken 1/4/25SOA CALCULATOR (for DFW newbies): SOA Calculatorshe/her1 -
I would agree with EssexHebridean. Getting AA has made a huge difference to me as I dont need to feel guilty about using taxis. To be fair dh is always willing to take me in the car but I want to stay as independant as I can. I hesitated about applying for a long time but when I eventually did it was fairly simple although the form is long. I used the paper version as then I could really take my time and due to brain fog get everything in I needed to. I did do my own but used to work in care so know the words to use and what they are looking for. The one thing to remember is it is for personal needs not cleaning etc at least as far a the form is concerned.
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I would definitely claim the AA if you are up to completing the forms. My stepdad got it even though he didn’t really need it but it paid for cleaners, carers and taxis to take him to day centres etc to alleviate the burden on my mum and his daughters.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
The 365 Day 1p Challenge 2025 #1 £667.95/£162.90
Save £12k in 2025 #1 £12000/£70000 -
A couple of random thoughts.
1. Credit unions aren't exactly cheap but.... And you need to check the precise rules re affordability before you go ahead
Use a credit union to save some money regularly as your emergency fund. After a few months, you should be able to borrow about three times the saved value at about 25-30%.
Use that to pay down your 60+% debt. Rinse and repeat if you have debt with higher rates than you have to pay to the credit union.
2. This requires absolute discipline. And is only possible accounts like Zopa and Cap 1 are credit cards and have spare "capacity." These aren't low rate, but they have lower rates than the eye-watering ones.
Instead of using your debit card to pay for some monthly living costs, pay with your lower rate credit card. Then IMMEDIATELY pay exactly the same amount from your debit account towards one of your eye-watering accounts.
You won't reduce your total debt doing this, but you may be able to convert part of the debt from 60+% to around 25-30%.
Best of luck.
If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing1 -
RAS said:
2. This requires absolute discipline. And is only possible accounts like Zopa and Cap 1 are credit cards and have spare "capacity." These aren't low rate, but they have lower rates than the eye-watering ones.
Instead of using your debit card to pay for some monthly living costs, pay with your lower rate credit card. Then IMMEDIATELY pay exactly the same amount from your debit account towards one of your eye-watering accounts.
You won't reduce your total debt doing this, but you may be able to convert part of the debt from 60+% to around 25-30%.
Best of luck.0 -
Martico said:RAS said:
2. This requires absolute discipline. And is only possible accounts like Zopa and Cap 1 are credit cards and have spare "capacity." These aren't low rate, but they have lower rates than the eye-watering ones.
Instead of using your debit card to pay for some monthly living costs, pay with your lower rate credit card. Then IMMEDIATELY pay exactly the same amount from your debit account towards one of your eye-watering accounts.
You won't reduce your total debt doing this, but you may be able to convert part of the debt from 60+% to around 25-30%.
Best of luck.
It's what I used to suggest when people back in 2008 when many had a lot more credit available than they using and the economy had gone t..... up. It was not uncommon for people to have £500 spare on a 5% card and some 40% debt.
It's one way to reduce the cost of borrowing.
It's important to reduce the limits on the higher rate cards as well.
And by reducing their credit profile, people were gradually able to get lower rate cards, or get offered a higher limit on their lower rate card.
One thing then was that the minimum payments were a lot lower. Which sounds great until you realise that anyone paying debt at over 20% was unlikely to ever pay it off, in fact it was likely to increase over the next year even if they didn't take out any more credit.
If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
'We had our first child at 16 and our 2nd at 23. We are now in our forties and our parents are in their 70s and 80s. It really is incredibly hard. We are trying to be good role models for our children by working hard and going back to studying to improve our lives, but this just makes us feel like massive failures. Then we are trying to be good children ourselves to our parents, while working and retraining.'
You come across as such a lovely person. Please don't see yourselves as failures. I am confident you can turn this situation around. When the dust settles a bit I think you should examine your ideas around what is success and failure. To have raised what sounds like a loving and supportive family is so much more of a success than owning a house although I'm sure if it stays important for you you will achieve that goal one day too. You have been great role models in facing up to a problem and discussing it and coming up with a plan to deal with it. I know this forum is about practical plans rather than psychology but I wondered if your self-worth has been unnecessarily linked to owning what you see as basic stuff (a nice sofa or a house) when maybe you could link it instead to your work ethic, loving family and resilience.
You have received loads of great advice. You mentioned you had used Vinted before so my thought was to have a really good clear out and sell as much as possible to pay down a couple of the small high-interest debts. It might give you a boost to clear some debts completely in a short space of time. I wish you the very best in your future.1 -
Does your daughter work and get maintenance? Even with what she pays out herself £60 is low even with just her work
Debt £7976 | Savings £350Aims: Buy first home 2026-8. £20k deposit0
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