Money Moral Dilemma: Should I take legal action against my daughter?

LP53

Write saying you’re hope she’s ok and sorry things are difficult between us but say you’re struggling and when would it be convenient to pop round to discuss Morgage repayments? Say you really want to avoid going through a solicitor if it can be helped as she’s your daughter and you love her.

Eccentrica_Gallumbits

You should not struggle while your daughter owes you money you lent her.

Let your daughter know that you're going to take legal action to get your money back from her if she does not repay according to the terms agreed between you (or renegotiate if there's a good reason you agree with that she cannot repay according to those terms). If she doesn't reply or simply refuses or ignores you, then you need to go ahead with the legal action.

You say you're unwell and on a low income and the stress of not having the money returned will not help your health OR your income, from which you are now paying higher mortgage payments. It doesn't matter what you and she fell out over, she needs to honour her promise, like a grown-up. 

CraftyCow suggests letting your daughter's husband know that you're going to take legal action if your daughter doesn't repay what she owes you. But you say your daughter's husband doesn't know that she borrowed the money from you, so this would almost certainly cause problems for your daughter inside her marriage. I'd probably not let her husband know. It's for her to tell him if she needs his help in repaying the money she borrowed. You made the agreement with her as another adult human being and she needs to stand on her own two feet and tell you if there's an issue that's preventing her paying (apart from having fallen out with you). You and she might renegotiate if that were the case.

Obviously, taking legal action against your daughter is a serious step. It could have consequences in the long-term that might affect whether you and she (and any children she and her husband should have) have a relationship in future, and I daresay that's one of the things that made you suggest this for our feedback here. If she has also looked ahead, she will have seen that legal action is a possible step for you to take because she's not paying you back. If you warn her this is what you are prepared to do if she doesn't pay you what she owes you, you cannot be fairer than that.

Given that you haven't told us why you fell out with each other (and it may not be relevant, but it might be), that's the best I can suggest. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, which is not dissimilar to some of my own experience. Hang in there and take really good care of yourself and your health, while you're trying to work this out in a way that is fair for you. If she needs to renegotiate, she's got to talk to you. Zero communication from her leaves you no further option but legal action. Maybe you could tell her that?

Eileenpamela

Are you sure you own 50% of your daughters’ property? When I was needed to help my daughter to get a mortgage to buy her house, she could not get a mortgage if I had any portion of it, I had to prove the money I was letting her have would be a “gift”. You may have had an agreement with your daughter to pay you back independent of the property, but that doesn’t give you any rights in the property. This is just so sad, and taking legal action just wastes more money on legal fees for both parties, as there could be a dubious agreement, against the terms of your daughter’s mortgage.  Your daughter is being very shortsighted as you are less likely to leave her money from your estate. Good luck

gem007

The last thing any Mother would want to do is to well and truly close down their relationship with their child over money.
 In the grand scheme of things is a polymer worth that sacrifice!? 

Yes, we all need money to survive, but it is only plastic, and we are only visitors of this planet for a very short time.
Try and try again to talk to your Daughter, if that fails talk to her Husband. Don’t let legal proceedings totally jeopardise your relationship because no amount of money could ever buy that back again.

Bigfra46

so you remortgaged the cottage to get money to give to you daughter towards buying a house? you gave her half of the total cost of the house. You both fell out and she stopped paying you a monthly amount.i think she should keep paying but the question is can you take legal action? if this was a verbal agreement with no paperwork signed you dont have much chance of legal action. Daughter could say you gave her the money to keep. If you mention earlier repayments in court she could say you only agreed on these, no more. Hope you have something signed.

spendlittlesavelots

Court action will be very expensive and unless you have the agreement with your daughter in writing you have no proof that the agreement between you was a loan and not a gift apart from her payments if you have a record of them. Court action will also likely put your daughter‘s marriage at risk and end your chances of a reconciliation with her. If you had a legal share of the property you would have had to participate in the purchase and supply documentation to prove your identity to the conveyancing solicitor, your name would be on the land register title documents for the property and your son-in-law would also have known. Unfortunately the damage was done when you mortgaged your home and let your daughter use the proceeds to buy a house with her husband without his knowledge. To have any chance of getting your money back you will have to approach your daughter sensitively and hope you can make your peace with her so that she resumes her payments. I wouldn’t like to be in your daughter’s shoes if / when her husband eventually finds out about this…..

gloriouslyhappy

First, get proper legal advice and find out where you stand. Once you know your options, it will be easier to make a decision. Then discuss it with your daughter and following that discussion, you will be able to decide next steps.

I do think at some stage you will need to make your son in law aware of the situation, but as I said, check your legal options as your starting point. Most solicitors will give you a half hour consultation free, then you can decide if it’s complex enough to pay for a thorough legal analysis of your case. 

Good luck.

gloriouslyhappy

“But definitely speak to the husband as well, and consider letting their neighbours and friends in on the difficulty as well before finally going down the
legal route.”

This is bonkers advice - why would you inform their friends and neighbours??  Start by finding out your legal options, then have a private chat with your daughter, and go from there.

MikeJXE

gem007 said:

The last thing any Mother would want to do is to well and truly close down their relationship with their child over money.
 In the grand scheme of things is a polymer worth that sacrifice!? 

Yes, we all need money to survive, but it is only plastic, and we are only visitors of this planet for a very short time.
Try and try again to talk to your Daughter, if that fails talk to her Husband. Don’t let legal proceedings totally jeopardise your relationship because no amount of money could ever buy that back again.

I agree money is not worth the heartache 

He probably lent the money in good fail hoping he would get it back and it's all fell to pieces

Taking it further will be the end of that family and for what ? 

Money 

Bonnypitlad

There’s lots of good advice in previous posts, hopefully you have some form of formal agreement, or records of previous regular repayments .
Speak to your daughter again giving her the opportunity to restart payments before informing her husband, if neither cooperate your only option is to take legal action.
Your relationship will have broken down but you are not at fault 
I hope you have a successful resolution