Do you have a secret trick?

Rosa_Damascena

YoungBlueEyes said:

Rosa_Damascena said:

YoungBlueEyes said:

FOF won't come up on google cos I made it up  

It stands for F**k Off Fund. When you have a problem and you need it to f' off, or when you're in a situation and you need to f' off, or you've got caught up with a dodgy bloke and need him to f' off, that's what the money's there for.

Absolute emergencies only. Never for paying your rent 'just this once' or buying shoes in the sale or some extra xmas presents. When you're in a desperate state and you need to lay your hands on some money now without having to ask someone for it or wait for the banks to open etc. 

Submitting to intimidation? I think not. 

While I agree with your point in general about not submitting Rosa, in this instance you deliberately misconstrued what I said.

It is not about submitting to intimidation. It's about keeping yourself straight and safe, and very often the most effective way is to just throw money at the problem. Which only works if you have the money to do it. And the sight of a pile of cash is mighty persuasive. 

I was actually thinking about my old next door but one neighbour when I wrote that particular line. Very long story short - She'd been with a guy a few years when, for whatever reason, he changed. He decided he was entitled to half the house (he'd moved into her house) and wanted his name on the deeds. I suggested she had a word with my solicitor, which she did. Got a letter drawn up for him to sign that effectively said 'I'll take your FOF (£20k) and disappear for good'. Which he did.

In my own case nearly 25 years ago I used my FOF to leave my .....not-very-nice..... husband. I'd spent about a year siphoning bits off the house-keeping he gave me and stashing it in a coffee jar. Then one day a thing happened. After he went to work I rang a taxi, collected all my important bits (passport/paperwork/FOF) stashed it in my handbag, put the dog on his lead, put my coat on and walked out the door. It was only because I had cash to pay the taxi driver that I could do that.  

Money is just a tool to get you out of a situation you don't want to be in, or to get you in to a situation you do want to be in. It's about having the means to independently make decisions when you need to, without having to ask someone else for permission money.

I hope everyone was washing out jam/coffee jars last night and looking for a fiver

I don't think I have. I thought you were referring to cowboy builders, dodgy trades and the like. DV didn't occur to me.

I agree in having a FOF fund for the unexpected, but not as an insurance policy for being beholden to a man. Never have been, and never will be.

-taff

Well, you must be the only person in the world who has no emotional ties to anyone. Because anyone can change or turn into someone you don't think they could.

Rosa_Damascena

-taff said:

Well, you must be the only person in the world who has no emotional ties to anyone. Because anyone can change or turn into someone you don't think they could.

I am well aware of that. I don't have a high opinion of men, and any relationship is on my own terms. Otherwise I have a FOB (boot) and I'm not afraid to use it.

Maybe that is my secret trick - avoid trouble at all costs.

YoungBlueEyes

Thanks @retiredinfrance. That post took me ages to write and rewrite because I didn't know whether to put my personal bit in there. I left it in in case it helps someone who's reading/lurking... you never know.
 
@Rosa_Damascena I didn't even think about cowboy builders etc, and in that situation I'd not be depleting my FOF. So yeah I take your point on that one. 

Avoiding trouble at all costs would be the best secret trick in the world! But you can't ensure it won't find you. Hence a FOF.

Another, perhaps lighter, example. My cousin went to Thailand a few years ago. Not long after he came back he started feeling poorly - easily exhausted, headache-y etc. The wheels of the NHS went very slowly as there was nothing immediately and obviously wrong with him. So he got an appointment and went private. Bladdy good job he did too because it saved his life. 

Sometimes you just have to throw money at the problem. Easy to do when you've got it to throw.

Brie

I didn't think that @Rosa_Damascena was talking about abusive relationships.  I thought it was more about if you had one of those scam car bumps where something then threatens you unless you give them some cash immediately.  Though granted you wouldn't normally walk around with your fund in your back pocket, just in case.  I guess it's more likely if you have a burly type offering to fix your gutters then threatening to do damage unless you paid him for his "inspection quote".

Brie

Ah - caught up with the posts......as for me sometimes you just need to walk with or without a fund.  I always figure my brain and attitude count for a lot when it comes to a crisis.  Even if it's my brain and attitude that get me into it in the first place.  

gt568

Rosa_Damascena said:

-taff said:

Well, you must be the only person in the world who has no emotional ties to anyone. Because anyone can change or turn into someone you don't think they could.

I am well aware of that. I don't have a high opinion of men, and any relationship is on my own terms. Otherwise I have a FOB (boot) and I'm not afraid to use it.

Maybe that is my secret trick - avoid trouble at all costs.

Why do you hate men so much?

I'm not sure it would be so acceptable for a poster to post such a view if it were about women.

Brie

gt568 said:

Rosa_Damascena said:

-taff said:

Well, you must be the only person in the world who has no emotional ties to anyone. Because anyone can change or turn into someone you don't think they could.

I am well aware of that. I don't have a high opinion of men, and any relationship is on my own terms. Otherwise I have a FOB (boot) and I'm not afraid to use it.

Maybe that is my secret trick - avoid trouble at all costs.

Why do you hate men so much?

I'm not sure it would be so acceptable for a poster to post such a view if it were about women.

Does not having a high opinion of men = hate?  I don't think so myself.  Men as a group haven't been very kind to women in general and so quite a few women avoid them at various times of their lives or simply at various times of day or for certain activities.  That doesn't necessarily mean someone hates them.  Just that they don't actively admire them.

kboss2010

Rosa_Damascena said:

-taff said:

Well, you must be the only person in the world who has no emotional ties to anyone. Because anyone can change or turn into someone you don't think they could.

I am well aware of that. I don't have a high opinion of men, and any relationship is on my own terms. Otherwise I have a FOB (boot) and I'm not afraid to use it.

Maybe that is my secret trick - avoid trouble at all costs.

You sound exactly like all of the “it’ll never happen to me because *I* make better choices” folks I’ve seen end up in the worst situations because you thought you would never need it.

I repeat, EVERYONE needs a FOF, but especially those who think they never will.

Pollie

This is getting somewhat contentious. Perhaps it is time to change the subject.