Do you have a secret trick?

YoungBlueEyes

MrsCatz said:

I wonder how many people do have a fund

I would urge anyone and everyone to start themselves a FOF. Start it right now. Have you got a spare fiver in your purse/wallet and a clean jam jar? That’s your starter. 

I don’t put coins in mine, just spare notes if and when I have them. Coins are heavy and noisy…. 

NornIronRose

Just to add to the pesto; if I make my own from those 5p yellow sticker packs of basil, or buy some, I put it in a freezer bag, flatten and freeze. Works for any sauce. You can just break off a shard to put with pasta or whatever. 
And I don't bother with expensive pine nuts either. A wee bit of peanut butter does the job. 

kboss2010

Rosa_Damascena said:

YoungBlueEyes said:

FOF won't come up on google cos I made it up  

It stands for F**k Off Fund. When you have a problem and you need it to f' off, or when you're in a situation and you need to f' off, or you've got caught up with a dodgy bloke and need him to f' off, that's what the money's there for.

Absolute emergencies only. Never for paying your rent 'just this once' or buying shoes in the sale or some extra xmas presents. When you're in a desperate state and you need to lay your hands on some money now without having to ask someone for it or wait for the banks to open etc. 

Submitting to intimidation? I think not. 

That’s not how domestic abuse works, hun. Anyone can find themselves a victim, even you. I’ve seen it happen to the most “unlikely” people. 

Let’s change the wrong assumption that victims “just aren’t strong-willed enough”.

Rosa_Damascena

kboss2010 said:

Rosa_Damascena said:

YoungBlueEyes said:

FOF won't come up on google cos I made it up  

It stands for F**k Off Fund. When you have a problem and you need it to f' off, or when you're in a situation and you need to f' off, or you've got caught up with a dodgy bloke and need him to f' off, that's what the money's there for.

Absolute emergencies only. Never for paying your rent 'just this once' or buying shoes in the sale or some extra xmas presents. When you're in a desperate state and you need to lay your hands on some money now without having to ask someone for it or wait for the banks to open etc. 

Submitting to intimidation? I think not. 

That’s not how domestic abuse works, hun. Anyone can find themselves a victim, even you. I’ve seen it happen to the most “unlikely” people. 

Let’s change the wrong assumption that victims “just aren’t strong-willed enough”.

That's not my assumption. I just don't get why you would pay to get shot of bad news.

kboss2010

Rosa_Damascena said:

kboss2010 said:

Rosa_Damascena said:

YoungBlueEyes said:

FOF won't come up on google cos I made it up  

It stands for F**k Off Fund. When you have a problem and you need it to f' off, or when you're in a situation and you need to f' off, or you've got caught up with a dodgy bloke and need him to f' off, that's what the money's there for.

Absolute emergencies only. Never for paying your rent 'just this once' or buying shoes in the sale or some extra xmas presents. When you're in a desperate state and you need to lay your hands on some money now without having to ask someone for it or wait for the banks to open etc. 

Submitting to intimidation? I think not. 

That’s not how domestic abuse works, hun. Anyone can find themselves a victim, even you. I’ve seen it happen to the most “unlikely” people. 

Let’s change the wrong assumption that victims “just aren’t strong-willed enough”.

That's not my assumption. I just don't get why you would pay to get shot of bad news.

Then you don’t know anything about what happens when you have to leave that kind of situation if you share property with someone. I hope you never find out tbh but EVERYONE needs an FOF for such eventualities. 

Abusive people don’t like being left and they get possessive (of you AND your assets) & get violent FAST if they aren’t already before you decide to leave. You don’t want to be having to ask your abusive spouse for money or have no access to separate funds. They will cut you off from all joint finances faster than you can blink.

I’ve watched it happen too many times and the worst outcomes are usually from people who think they are too smart/too strong/too happy for it to happen to them. You can live with people for decades and not really know what they can turn into when things go south.

Even if you never need it, you need a FOF. Everyone does but especially people in relationships with men.

RobM99

YoungBlueEyes said:

MrsCatz said:

I wonder how many people do have a fund

I would urge anyone and everyone to start themselves a FOF. Start it right now. Have you got a spare fiver in your purse/wallet and a clean jam jar? That’s your starter. 

I don’t put coins in mine, just spare notes if and when I have them. Coins are heavy and noisy…. 

Secret Trick here (not for everyone) - Metro Bank - I have a basic account (suits me) and they have a coin counting machine. Just chuck coins in, it counts them and credits them to your account. Co(i)nstar charges commission...

YoungBlueEyes

Rosa_Damascena said:

YoungBlueEyes said:

FOF won't come up on google cos I made it up  

It stands for F**k Off Fund. When you have a problem and you need it to f' off, or when you're in a situation and you need to f' off, or you've got caught up with a dodgy bloke and need him to f' off, that's what the money's there for.

Absolute emergencies only. Never for paying your rent 'just this once' or buying shoes in the sale or some extra xmas presents. When you're in a desperate state and you need to lay your hands on some money now without having to ask someone for it or wait for the banks to open etc. 

Submitting to intimidation? I think not. 

While I agree with your point in general about not submitting Rosa, in this instance you deliberately misconstrued what I said.

It is not about submitting to intimidation. It's about keeping yourself straight and safe, and very often the most effective way is to just throw money at the problem. Which only works if you have the money to do it. And the sight of a pile of cash is mighty persuasive. 

I was actually thinking about my old next door but one neighbour when I wrote that particular line. Very long story short - She'd been with a guy a few years when, for whatever reason, he changed. He decided he was entitled to half the house (he'd moved into her house) and wanted his name on the deeds. I suggested she had a word with my solicitor, which she did. Got a letter drawn up for him to sign that effectively said 'I'll take your FOF (£20k) and disappear for good'. Which he did.

In my own case nearly 25 years ago I used my FOF to leave my .....not-very-nice..... husband. I'd spent about a year siphoning bits off the house-keeping he gave me and stashing it in a coffee jar. Then one day a thing happened. After he went to work I rang a taxi, collected all my important bits (passport/paperwork/FOF) stashed it in my handbag, put the dog on his lead, put my coat on and walked out the door. It was only because I had cash to pay the taxi driver that I could do that.  

Money is just a tool to get you out of a situation you don't want to be in, or to get you in to a situation you do want to be in. It's about having the means to independently make decisions when you need to, without having to ask someone else for permission money.

I hope everyone was washing out jam/coffee jars last night and looking for a fiver

RobM99

Nobody should be financially controlled. W don't know what life will throw at us.

YoungBlueEyes

True Rob. It sounds trite but you really never know what's around the corner. But 9 times out of 10 you can get out by paying.

retiredinfrance

Well written, @YoungBlueEyes, especially the bit about having all necessary paperwork to hand - or where you can get it easily and don’t forget the phone charger!
My Dad was a gambler and many times the FOF was used to feed us, in days where there were no refuges, no food banks…..But she had a secret secret Endowment policy to pay when we were midteens as then she was going…. Talk about planning for the long term. Both my children have been brought up to appreciate that money solves problems and I still have my Running Away fund after 50 years of marriage as it is ingrained in me.
So, follow @YoungBlueEyes advice and get the jar, box or whatever started.
Keep safe, everyone.