Find the SecondStar and soar, and then straight on till the morning…

Sarahwithlove

Congratulations on the offer being accepted. Hope it all goes smoothly for you. Good idea packing up what you can it will be less to worry about nearer the time. 

doingitanyway

There is no deeper, more primitive, animalistic fear than not having secure housing.

Secure housing forms the very first block in the hierarchy of needs. Without that first block in place, there is no stability, no capacity, for anything else.

With an unstable foundation, it is harder to concentrate at work because my mind is elsewhere; I have very little patience or sympathy for the problems of my friends because their problems are so much father up the hierarchy of needs; and I have no ability to joyfully anticipate things in the future, and no ability to grieve my recent and historic past. Joy and grief are luxuries that I cannot afford, because all of my time, energy, and brain power, is being taken up by trying to establish my foundations again.

Just catching up on your diary. You are doing great. Congrats on offer accepted.
The above quote is beautifully written. 
I am in exactly that position and currently staying with a friend. I feel that same fear but had not articulated it as well as you. Thank you for writing it.

KajiKita

@doingitanyway - wishing you lots of luck and positive outcomes for your process.

KK x

SecondStar

doingitanyway said:

There is no deeper, more primitive, animalistic fear than not having secure housing.

Secure housing forms the very first block in the hierarchy of needs. Without that first block in place, there is no stability, no capacity, for anything else.

With an unstable foundation, it is harder to concentrate at work because my mind is elsewhere; I have very little patience or sympathy for the problems of my friends because their problems are so much father up the hierarchy of needs; and I have no ability to joyfully anticipate things in the future, and no ability to grieve my recent and historic past. Joy and grief are luxuries that I cannot afford, because all of my time, energy, and brain power, is being taken up by trying to establish my foundations again.

Just catching up on your diary. You are doing great. Congrats on offer accepted.
The above quote is beautifully written. 
I am in exactly that position and currently staying with a friend. I feel that same fear but had not articulated it as well as you. Thank you for writing it.

Thank you for the kind words.

I’m sorry you’re in the same boat, and I hate that this resonates with you too. It’s truly a sh*tty situation.

Sending you many vibes, feel free to pop in here as much as you need to - we’ll both get through this.

peb

I thought you were still on the title and the mortgage for the other property with your ex?   I'd expect your new offer of mortgage will be dependent on you being released from that plus from a stamp duty land tax view you would have to pay higher rate if you have two properties.  

SecondStar

peb said:

I thought you were still on the title and the mortgage for the other property with your ex?   I'd expect your new offer of mortgage will be dependent on you being released from that plus from a stamp duty land tax view you would have to pay higher rate if you have two properties.  

Yes it will. We’re in the process of transferring the deeds into a single name - it’s no different to applying for a new mortgage when you still have a mortgaged house to sell.

peb

Good. From your comments re a friend giving you monies pending this being resolved I thought you hadn't realised this.  A lot of people don't.

Hop all goes well 

SecondStar

peb said:

Good. From your comments re a friend giving you monies pending this being resolved I thought you hadn't realised this.  A lot of people don't.

Hop all goes well 

Thank you!

SecondStar

Mortgage offer has been made this morning, and paperwork is on its way to myself, my mortgage broker, and my solicitor! Have been emailing around for Level 3 survey quotes next.

It’s a really rather unpleasant mix of feelings - relief, joy, hope, gratitude, pride, excitement; mixed with resentment, anger, despair, and a sadness that is so, so deep.

I have to experience the relief and the joy that I’m a step closer to having a space that is peaceful & safe, so that I can do all the very deep & difficult grieving that I still need to wallow in, and then work through.

It’s a very confusing mix, and this is why I’m still budgeting for therapy!

CL21

Very exciting for you but I know exactly what you mean about the mix of emotions. I bought my house following a divorce although we stayed in the same house so DD could have a bit of stability. Was proud to be able to buy by myself but wouldn’t have wished the circumstances. 

I went to counselling and can highly recommend. There’s quite a few places who will offer free or cheap sessions. I’m not sure where you are in NI - I went to Anchor on Belmont Road