Find the SecondStar and soar, and then straight on till the morning…

KajiKita

SecondStar said:

KajiKita said:

I am really excited for you!  Happy house hunting. 

And yes, I get the the estate thing. I am half N. Irish and remember visiting my grandpa every summer and the soldiers with guns, the burnt out cars, the murals everywhere, the parades etc. 

KK x

NI is definitely an acquired taste sort of place, but much of the unpleasantness is limited to certain postcodes. It’s a thing you can really only learn by the osmosis of living here, if you’ve not grown up here.

I’m 12 years deep into living here, and this place still confuses me sometimes!

NI is rooted deep in my heart. I forget how much until I have cause to go back there for some reason. Visiting relatives, honouring ancestors on the top of Bessie Bell outside Newtownstewart, funerals, weddings etc.

This is bringing back lots of memories…. 😉😊❤️

KK

SecondStar

It is a special place, definitely.

I am from the East Midlands, but I din’t have roots there. My friends are scattered all over.

After the break up, I thought about moving away from NI - back to the east mids, or to Glasgow near my best friend - but at the core, the only bit of deep familiarity and comfort I have is to my location. And I need comfort and familiarity, to be a bit of a life raft while I’m feeling so adrift.

Maybe I’ll think about moving in 3 years, 5 years time, but for now I’m happy here, even by myself.

SecondStar

Popping in to say how much I hate the house buying process!

Specifically, still being linked to my ex. I hate that there is no way through this expect to work with him. I hate that he’s continuing to be as unforthcoming with information post-break up as he was in the relationship. He never offers up anything, you have to hound him and question him constantly, and it drives me mental.

I also hate that I’m having to work to a time constraint.

People either say ‘June is ages away!’, or ‘Oh, June isn’t far away, is it?’, and I want to strangle both kinds.


There is no deeper, more primitive, animalistic fear than not having secure housing.

Secure housing forms the very first block in the hierarchy of needs. Without that first block in place, there is no stability, no capacity, for anything else.

With an unstable foundation, it is harder to concentrate at work because my mind is elsewhere; I have very little patience or sympathy for the problems of my friends because their problems are so much father up the hierarchy of needs; and I have no ability to joyfully anticipate things in the future, and no ability to grieve my recent and historic past. Joy and grief are luxuries that I cannot afford, because all of my time, energy, and brain power, is being taken up by trying to establish my foundations again.

KajiKita

@SecondStar there is little I can say to make you feel better, but I want you to know that you have been heard and I understand what you are describing to us.

I was in a similar situation with an ex once - although our split was quite different to yours (I literally had to run away from the house we shared and then take him to court to get bought out of the home we shared, he stopped paying the mortgage in the midst of this and I started getting threatening letters from the mortgage company as being 50% liable for the debt! In the meantime I was in more debt than I earned gross per annum due to the coercive nature of the relationship I had escaped and was struggling to afford to both eat and cover my home bills. This isn't to be competitive with you in any way - just to explain that I understand that visceral fear and dis-ease you are feeling). 

What I can tell you is that. no matter how slow the process, it will come to an end and you will get that secure home, roof over your head, space to call your own and so on. Hang on in there and grit your teeth.  

In the meantime, if the weather is kind this weekend, perhaps get yourself out for a long walk somewhere or get to the coast and get some wild waves energy to disperse some of this pent up frustration. If nothing else the exercise will help you sleep. 

Sending you a hug ((((((((Second Star))))))))))

KK 

KajiKita

I came across this and it made me think of you 😊

https://www.facebook.com/in2wildfestival/

KK

SueP19

SecondStar said:

There is no deeper, more primitive, animalistic fear than not having secure housing.

Secure housing forms the very first block in the hierarchy of needs. Without that first block in place, there is no stability, no capacity, for anything else.

With an unstable foundation, it is harder to concentrate at work because my mind is elsewhere; I have very little patience or sympathy for the problems of my friends because their problems are so much father up the hierarchy of needs; and I have no ability to joyfully anticipate things in the future, and no ability to grieve my recent and historic past. Joy and grief are luxuries that I cannot afford, because all of my time, energy, and brain power, is being taken up by trying to establish my foundations again.

I totally understand this, we struggled for most of back end last year with letting the house go, I realised in the end we were holding onto what others perceived as homeless 

KajiKita

Congratulations on the acceptance of your offer!! 😊 (Saw your post on the frugal living challenge.) 
Proper excited for you! 

What sort of place do you go for in the end?

KK

SecondStar

Thank you @KajiKita !

I’m so chuffed, I still can’t quite believe it!

I still went for something small, but I’m feeling confident about my choice now, and now the offer is accepted then I can start thinking for real about decluttering & downsizing my Stuff! Before it was all just in the abstract, whereas now I have a real life focus.

It’ll be all bizz tomorrow, getting the mortgage and the solicitor on the go!

I know this is still just a first step on a long road, where a lot can still go wrong, but I’m letting all the buoyancy carry me along for now.

KajiKita

Sending you huge, positive house buying vibes for all the processes that are about to start!! 😊

🎊🌱🎉❤️👍🏡👍❤️🎉🌱🎊

KK

SecondStar

Thank you! All the vibes will be needed - the mortgage valuation is on Monday, and I’m heart scared in case they decided not to lend on the property. It’ll be a week or two before we hear back from the report, so I’m trying not to worry tooooo much.


I did my first round of decluttering & packing today, as my ex was out of the house for a few hours. I plan to do as much as possible on Saturdays when he’s at work.

I started in my art studio, as that’s where most of my stuff is, and where I need to downsize the most.

I downsized 6 bin liners full of fabric which are being collected via the local free page, 8 bin liners went to the dump, and 3 bin liners went to charity. There’s also 4 plastic storage boxes with supplies to be listed on the free page.

I chose 2 bin liners of fabric to keep, and packed most of 1 medium sized box with supplies and other bits from that room that I want to keep. Not bad going!

There’s still about 1/3rd of the room to do - the rest is sketchbooks, notebooks, and instructional books. Then it’ll be listing and removing most of the furniture.

From there, the room should be mostly clear which will give me space to stack boxes as I move through and pack up the rest of the house.

I’ve decided I’m just going to start packing the things that are mine, and my ex can go hang. I’m not going to waste time dithering over not packing up bed linen, towels, flatware, utensils, and kitchen items that are mine, just because he’s still using them. Better to have everything all packed and ready to go, than to be stressed and rushing.