2023 DECLUTTERING CAMPAIGN Mrs SD

~FlowerPot~

gettingthrifty said:

Dear all
I am way behind on the thread ..some 40 posts as ive been in the TLC carriage reading about self care and how to be your own best friend.
Am sorry if this is off post and not what some people come on here for. But stick with me there is a reason im posting this.
The things i am learning to help my self are.
Breathe
1. Awareness of how bad you feel and allowing it
2.being kind to yourself and speaking to yourself like you would a good friend
3. Knowing you are connected to others in having these feelings

It was point 3 that made me write this post. To thank you to those who share your worries and frustrations and sadness' . In the wider world i dont discuss this sort of thing.
Someone was extremely rude to me last week patronised and humiliated me  ..sent me spiralling down and ive retreated into a cave of self hate. No one knows what your history is and why they can affect you like that. Would value anyones thoughts on how you deal with this when it makes you come to a halt - i havent been able to  declutter and only low level function since . Crazy i know. Any thoughts? 

 

((hugs))

Discussing emotions when you feel sad or down, is very difficult with friends and most of us push it aside or deep down. So its good that you are able to share it with us on here, such a safe and supportive place with Mrs SD cheerleading like a trooper!

You need to try and concentrate on you, (i know easier said than done!)

Your opinion of you is really, at the end of the day all that is important. We can never 'make' others like us, but we should try every day to see the positives about ourselves. Try and put this persons nasty comments aside, you know it's not who you are.

I would write down a list of positive things about you that you can reflect on and think about when your feeling down. I also have some affirmations to help me focus on staying positive.

My main issies are feeling unworthy / not good enough. I recognise this and that also I'mnot alone, alot of people also feel like this. But every human is worthy,  everyone of us we just need to look a little deeper to find those things that help us to see our worth.

These are lovely affirmations to consider:

My being is perfect; I release any old thoughts that ever doubted this.

I hold great power because I know my worth.

I was granted worthiness the day I was born. Nobody can take that.

I forgive myself for the times I misunderstood how valuable I really am.

Sending love

Flowers

x

villagelife

Have been decluttering and not posting.

86- old pillow and feathers in compost

87-92 magazines

93-94 pens

95-102 moisturiser samples used up

103-107 clothes

108-108 packaging

109 wallpaper

110-111 bags of shredding

112-115 work brochures of DH

116- candles

117-119 cards recycled

120- 121 emails deleted and unsubscribed from

122 pillow case

123 old rags recycled

124-126 books given to a friend

-taff

@TC77 I just got sick of the carp hanging around and making my house look like a badly organised charity shop. I accepted the money I'd spent on these things was never coming back to me so instead of thinking Ill sell it on ebay and then never getting round to it, I packed it all up and took it to charity shops. I thought I had a handle on the stuff but after Christmas I decided I wanted rid of a mixer, and that started the ball roling. The second time around for a major one, I am a lot less precious about things, I've let go of some more thoughts of 'I might use it, I might need it' and am going with the, well, but do I actually use it at all? Have I read it? Do I use notebooks? Do I need twenty of them? etc...This is actual me, not a mythical future being who is organised and uses all these creative things or reads in a nook by soft light and drinks tea and biscuits. I read on the sofa, I drink tea, but I don't read books I feel I ought to, I read books I want to, so a few bags of books are going out too. Have I got a king size bed anymore? NO, so I maybe can keepone warm set, one cold set of duvets and sheets for when I have one again [spare room intentions]. Will I use all these tiny scraps of materials to make an interesting quilt? No. Similarly, will I be making all these quilts that use this fleecy blanket backing? No, then they can go too.

I think decluttering means being honest with yourself about why you have so much stuff and why it's so hard to get rid of sometimes. Sometimes trauma starts it, you can't control some things so you control your items, sometimes it's a mindset of , yes, that will be useful to future me, sometimes it's just you do not have time to get to grips with it, sometimes it's retail therapy to smooth over the cracks. Maybe think about why you have so much stuff and then go all out. Pretend you're on a show and have to get rid of half of it in two days, what is actually important to you, what can you not live without? Will you be devestated if you give away the stripey tights? [P.S. I wear them, so I'm recptive to them ]

Anyway, sorry about the long reply....and @gettingthrifty woth remembering always that no one can make you feel bad, only you. Stand in front of your mirror and tell yourself how great you are, because everyone is for the most part. Strike a heroic pose and tell yourself you're fab, and the next time someone tries to belittle you, tell them thanks but not thanks, I'm fine as I am so go and self procreate.

Right, my current total is a bag of clothes, a bag of rag, a box of books, a cat bed, a shower curtain, two cushions, a mixer, a pair of shoes, some officey type stuff,  tin and a sewing machine. More to come next week. I am determined to fill up my boot and trust me, it's a biiiiigg boot.

-taff

oh, and a table....

and a skateboard

Ginmonster

@gettingthrifty in my job I spend an annoying amount of time sorting out staff falling out with each other and I can say that most of the time when people say rude or unkind things to each other it's because they're unhappy for reasons of their own and taking it out on the first person they come across or they're jealous of that person or feel like they're not getting enough attention themselves. Grown-ups behave like toddlers in a surprising amount of situations! Whatever has made this person be unkind will be nothing to do with you so really don't let it drag you down.

Soontobeoap

@-taff and @ginmonster. Couldnt have said it better myself. 👏. 

Liverpool_Anne

Hi all, the colours stuff is interesting. I had it done years ago and I was summer but I have just done the quiz and have come out winter  

@gettingthrifty I must admit I am a fairly confident person, thanks in no small part to my Dad who used to tell me from a young age " you can do anything" however there have been times when people have spoken to me in a way that made me feel humiliated, especially when in front of other people. My way of dealing with it was to go to see that person privately and tell them calmly that I was not happy with the way they spoke to me. It is a form of bullying and I know it is a hard thing to do but you must remember you are worth so much better, but if you don't tell them they will think it's ok to carry on speaking to you and others in this way. I do generally think people who behave in this way are usually people who have their own insecurities and don't know how to express themselves very well, are frightened to show any weakness or they are just plain horrid. Calling them out about the way they talk to you should make them stop and think. They may be having a bad time themselves and not even be aware of what they are doing. The other thing that might help is to attend an assertiveness course If it carries on point me in their direction and I'll have a word hugs
Today I have to do a freezer inventory and a cupboard inventory and think about what meals can be made with what we have, then think about what we need to shop for. I have also identified a job for the day if the rain stays off, move the wood from the front garden.
Have a good day

Take care everyone

TC77

@Ginmonster agree about people taking out their own insecurities, worries etc on others
@-taff thank you I really don't want to keep living like this. Spoke to my brother and agreed I will take a few things from my dad's and see how that goes before taking too much, one thing is a desk as mine needs to go.. and a small sideboard and then I can decide if I want table and chairs. Mine are v heavy and can't easily move chairs around - arrived about 23 years ago chosen by my ex (and me abit) about 3 weeks after we split up! 
Have bag for CS, some things on free sites for crafts which CS wouldn't want and going to have 1 week on fleabay and then go. It is going for easier things so not photos but real surplus, not my best etc so I use my best. I want to be able to enjoy weekends not move around carp! 
I know some of mine comes from trauma/difficult events and need to move on.
1 frog email so far, have an email I haven't looked at that is worrying me - I know when I read it it may not be as bad as I think!

vulpix

 gettingthrifty, Thank you for posting, it is hard to share our self knowledge. You have had replies that are more eloquent than mine but I would like to add, That person's horridness says much more about them than you, and so many other people would feel the same as you under that kind of attack, including myself. It will pass. Take the advice you would give to a friend if it had happened to them. You are a good,nice person that other good and nice people recognise. Good,nice people make the world go round.xxxxxxxxxxx

 TC77, I had an epiphany about wanting to get my house in order. Mind you it did take feeling sorry for myself one day after a breast cancer diagnosis to have it. I did not want to be a burden on my children who are all busy living busy lives miles away from me. When the time comes they will not be able to do what Mhagster undertook last year. I want them to be able to empty the house in a couple of days and be able to find all important paperwork in one place.

 I have over the past few years down sized house in a few stages from a 5 bed with big garage to now a 2 bed with shed!

 When I was ill I realised that I didn't want to be the custodian or be responsible for stuff. Stuff dies in storage,rather release it to a new life. I haven't got rid of everything,I like stuff,I am not minimalist.It is also important to me to rehome stuff and not be wasteful.

 The more I have released, the more I can let go. It has helped me to realise how my life has changed to what belongings I need for this stage in my life. I have gone from a busy working Mum with a houseful of hungry kids to getting married at 50 and now it being just us 2,plodding along. This is important. seperate old/ new self/fantasy self.

 I didn't need all that kitchen stuff anymore,my days of cooking for the hordes are over. I don't need 6 Christmas trees anymore or all the decorations. I don't need all that bedding or towels, the embroidered tablecloths, the napkins for 12. I will never read those 1000 books again,listen to those cd's etc,etc etc. What would my children do with this stuff if I wasn't here? They would throw the birthday card collection,the defunct electrical stuff, my lifetime collection of empty seed packets, you get the drift.

 My downfall is clothes,not helped by being a yoyo dieter. Last year I tried to not buy any clothes even from the chazzer and for me did very well. Same for this year, I will only buy essentials, replacing underwear if needed, with the occasional fall from grace I am sure.

 I didn't have a blitz of chucking out like on these TV shows, I have done it gradually. Going through the house and finding things for a car boot sale, putting unwanted stuff on FB, sending a carrier bag of clothes to the chazzer. I still find stuff to go and bring very little back in.I don't think there is ever a finish point,it is a moveable feast. HTH. BTW you have broken your duck so to speak,you are here,and you are getting on with it at the same time as having a life.

 I wish I could say that my Mum and MIL had had an epiphany like I did! I have all that to come.

 Off to Nottingham shortly to see MIL.

 With the book restoration, I am in two minds about it realy. It is an awful lot of money for a book. It isn't a valuable book and will certainly not be worth what the restoration will cost. I don't know if a nice memory for me of reading it to lots of spellbound children is worth the expense.It feels very wasteful. I have applied to Repair shop before for the same Grandma's pot doll. The researcher was very interested and I had to send video of me talking about it. The bear ladies couldn't do it,sadly. Perhaps I couldn't muster up enough emotion to make it to TV .hahahaha so if anyone knows of a doll restorer give me a shout.

  I went to a post office in another town cos our post office is at the other side of the closed bridge. It happened again! spotted by someone I worked with donkeys years ago! I hardly knew this old woman! obviously I have kept my girlish looks hahahaha.

 Sorry for the monologue. Vx



 

Floss

I had my colours done about 15 years ago when still blonde & spending a lot of time outside and was a soft summer - I've now morphed into a cool summer as my hair & skin tone have changed (I'm now sivery grey). That quiz is a good guide but if, like me, you prefer colours despite knowing that they don't suit you, the results aren't terribly accurate.

Re self worth - here's one to consider... a best friend of over 30 years, with the same fella for all of that time, who has shared good & bad times & many bottles of wine, supported you through 2 acrimonious divorces and held your hand when your mum died, hides her 2-year affair from you and 4 months later completely drops you out of her life without any clues. WWYD?
It's taken over 3 years for me to get to this point but I have just removed her from my Insta & deleted all the years of WhatsApp & message history. She isn't coming back into my life so it has been decluttered. Her number is still in my phone but has no history.