Divorce and assets split: where do I stand?

Stateofart

I think a summary is in order.

50/50 start, you'll probably end up with less.  Doesn't matter about money earned, you were married.

Spousal maintanence or alimony doesn't really exist in the UK.

Go to mediation, even if your wife doesn't go.  It's important to document that you tried.

Google the 3/3/3 method of custody.

Do whatever is best for the child, period.  Not only is this good the child, it looks good for you.

tightauldgit

I had a reasonably similar situation to you in that my ex was stay at home and I worked - the court won't care (and I'm not saying they should) the starting point is 50/50. The past is largely irrelevant in divorce proceedings - the court looks at what you have now and what your needs are. 

The 50/50 thing works both ways - so if she was saving her wages and has a savings account you are potentially entitled to half of it. If she bought a car or other assets with the money ditto. 

With regards spousal maintenance I think it's not really a common thing nowadays but the court will look at what she needs, what her earning capacity is, etc and they may decide some spousal maintenance is appropriate. Or may not. If she's getting a decent lump sum as a settlement then I think it's not likely she would get maintenance.

With regards the house, there's no reason a court would force a sale if you are offering to buy her out and she's no worse off as a result. Cost of sales should be factored into your valuation of equity so she shouldn't be better off either, technically. 

Who paid for what, did what, earned what, etc during the marriage is largely irrelevant as it's all considered to be a shared within the marriage and it makes no odds who has their name on the paperwork. 

From my experience solicitors filled my ex-wife's head with magic about what she could get in court and she ended up worse off than if she had just negotiated a settlement so yes I wouldn't be surprised if the solicitors are exaggerating what she might get, she may also only be hearing what she wants to hear from them. It may be a negotiating tactic. 

Have you filled out the Form Es as part of mediation? If you have a decent calculation of the asset pot, split it 50/50 and work on that basis. Unless you have extenuating circumstances I think it's unlikely you'll get anything better than that as an outcome.  

RAS

Go over to wikivorce. They will be able to provide more advice.

And stop saying that your wife contributed nothing financially, as it gets everyone's back up, including the judge. 

It's fair to note that after her returning to full-time work you continued to pay all the household costs, unless she used her salary to fund other outgoings? And to ask where that money went.

Stateofart

And stop saying that your wife contributed nothing financially, as it gets everyone's back up, including the judge. 

If you choose to ignore everything else, heed the above at least.

WickedWitch123

Stateofart said:

And stop saying that your wife contributed nothing financially, as it gets everyone's back up, including the judge. 

If you choose to ignore everything else, heed the above at least.

I literally only logged on to agree with this.  Honestly, please stop saying this - the judge will hate you.

caprikid1

I think you need to start from the position of you will not be ending this relationship with more that 50% of the total assets , from what you have said that just won't happen.

The courts may decide to award her more.... so be careful about digging your heels in and making the sort of statements you have made.

I came through a very amicable divorce and me and my ex never discussed anything that was not 50/50, I know she could have potentially argued for a lot more.

Incidentally in terms of shared parenting we have a week on week off with 6:00pm Sunday as switchover time. That said they are 16 & 19 now so they are more fluid but they still seem to arrive Sunday afternoon with all their bags, my eldest even drives and still arrives so clearly they are not against the arrangement. We have always moved and flexed to cope with holidays, work and babysitting, my EX keeps a spreadsheet of joint expenditure and every so often we tally up. At the point we split our incomes were fairly similar, she bought a modest house and is now semi retired on a modest hobby income, I chose a big house ... ....

RobertF82

tightauldgit said:

I had a reasonably similar situation to you in that my ex was stay at home and I worked - the court won't care (and I'm not saying they should) the starting point is 50/50. The past is largely irrelevant in divorce proceedings - the court looks at what you have now and what your needs are. 

The 50/50 thing works both ways - so if she was saving her wages and has a savings account you are potentially entitled to half of it. If she bought a car or other assets with the money ditto. 

With regards spousal maintenance I think it's not really a common thing nowadays but the court will look at what she needs, what her earning capacity is, etc and they may decide some spousal maintenance is appropriate. Or may not. If she's getting a decent lump sum as a settlement then I think it's not likely she would get maintenance.

With regards the house, there's no reason a court would force a sale if you are offering to buy her out and she's no worse off as a result. Cost of sales should be factored into your valuation of equity so she shouldn't be better off either, technically. 

Who paid for what, did what, earned what, etc during the marriage is largely irrelevant as it's all considered to be a shared within the marriage and it makes no odds who has their name on the paperwork. 

From my experience solicitors filled my ex-wife's head with magic about what she could get in court and she ended up worse off than if she had just negotiated a settlement so yes I wouldn't be surprised if the solicitors are exaggerating what she might get, she may also only be hearing what she wants to hear from them. It may be a negotiating tactic. 

Have you filled out the Form Es as part of mediation? If you have a decent calculation of the asset pot, split it 50/50 and work on that basis. Unless you have extenuating circumstances I think it's unlikely you'll get anything better than that as an outcome.  

With regards to the house, depending on how much the court finds appropriate to give her I may or may not be able to buy her out via savings and additional lending. As you said, in case of a sale she will be much worse off because of a hefty mortgage early repayment fee and estate agent fee. These alone I estimate to be in the 25-30k region so she'd be 15k worse off.

Add lawyers' fees and we'd both end up with a bunch less money. My lawyer charges £300+ an hour and her lawyer is just as expensive so yeah, go figure how much legal fees are going to be after a lengthy process.

FYI, we had our last mediation session yesterday afternoon. Mediation has officially failed as she unilaterally decided that she doesn't want to continue with the mediation and asked to just speak to her lawyers. We both gave the mediator Form E with extensive list of our assets but we never discussed it with him as, as I said, the mediation was cut short. Unilaterally. By her.

74jax

RobertF82 said:

tightauldgit said:

I had a reasonably similar situation to you in that my ex was stay at home and I worked - the court won't care (and I'm not saying they should) the starting point is 50/50. The past is largely irrelevant in divorce proceedings - the court looks at what you have now and what your needs are. 

The 50/50 thing works both ways - so if she was saving her wages and has a savings account you are potentially entitled to half of it. If she bought a car or other assets with the money ditto. 

With regards spousal maintenance I think it's not really a common thing nowadays but the court will look at what she needs, what her earning capacity is, etc and they may decide some spousal maintenance is appropriate. Or may not. If she's getting a decent lump sum as a settlement then I think it's not likely she would get maintenance.

With regards the house, there's no reason a court would force a sale if you are offering to buy her out and she's no worse off as a result. Cost of sales should be factored into your valuation of equity so she shouldn't be better off either, technically. 

Who paid for what, did what, earned what, etc during the marriage is largely irrelevant as it's all considered to be a shared within the marriage and it makes no odds who has their name on the paperwork. 

From my experience solicitors filled my ex-wife's head with magic about what she could get in court and she ended up worse off than if she had just negotiated a settlement so yes I wouldn't be surprised if the solicitors are exaggerating what she might get, she may also only be hearing what she wants to hear from them. It may be a negotiating tactic. 

Have you filled out the Form Es as part of mediation? If you have a decent calculation of the asset pot, split it 50/50 and work on that basis. Unless you have extenuating circumstances I think it's unlikely you'll get anything better than that as an outcome.  

With regards to the house, depending on how much the court finds appropriate to give her I may or may not be able to buy her out via savings and additional lending. As you said, in case of a sale she will be much worse off because of a hefty mortgage early repayment fee and estate agent fee. These alone I estimate to be in the 25-30k region so she'd be 15k worse off.

Add lawyers' fees and we'd both end up with a bunch less money. My lawyer charges £300+ an hour and her lawyer is just as expensive so yeah, go figure how much legal fees are going to be after a lengthy process.

FYI, we had our last mediation session yesterday afternoon. Mediation has officially failed as she unilaterally decided that she doesn't want to continue with the mediation and asked to just speak to her lawyers. We both gave the mediator Form E with extensive list of our assets but we never discussed it with him as, as I said, the mediation was cut short. Unilaterally. By her.

It may just be that she wants out. She isn't bothered if she gets 15k less, she just wants out with solicitors doing the work and as little interaction between the two of you as possible. 

I do understand your frustrations, but some will go after penny, and some will be happy to pay just for it to be done.

gizmo111

RobertF82 said:

tightauldgit said:

I had a reasonably similar situation to you in that my ex was stay at home and I worked - the court won't care (and I'm not saying they should) the starting point is 50/50. The past is largely irrelevant in divorce proceedings - the court looks at what you have now and what your needs are. 

The 50/50 thing works both ways - so if she was saving her wages and has a savings account you are potentially entitled to half of it. If she bought a car or other assets with the money ditto. 

With regards spousal maintenance I think it's not really a common thing nowadays but the court will look at what she needs, what her earning capacity is, etc and they may decide some spousal maintenance is appropriate. Or may not. If she's getting a decent lump sum as a settlement then I think it's not likely she would get maintenance.

With regards the house, there's no reason a court would force a sale if you are offering to buy her out and she's no worse off as a result. Cost of sales should be factored into your valuation of equity so she shouldn't be better off either, technically. 

Who paid for what, did what, earned what, etc during the marriage is largely irrelevant as it's all considered to be a shared within the marriage and it makes no odds who has their name on the paperwork. 

From my experience solicitors filled my ex-wife's head with magic about what she could get in court and she ended up worse off than if she had just negotiated a settlement so yes I wouldn't be surprised if the solicitors are exaggerating what she might get, she may also only be hearing what she wants to hear from them. It may be a negotiating tactic. 

Have you filled out the Form Es as part of mediation? If you have a decent calculation of the asset pot, split it 50/50 and work on that basis. Unless you have extenuating circumstances I think it's unlikely you'll get anything better than that as an outcome.  

With regards to the house, depending on how much the court finds appropriate to give her I may or may not be able to buy her out via savings and additional lending. As you said, in case of a sale she will be much worse off because of a hefty mortgage early repayment fee and estate agent fee. These alone I estimate to be in the 25-30k region so she'd be 15k worse off.

Add lawyers' fees and we'd both end up with a bunch less money. My lawyer charges £300+ an hour and her lawyer is just as expensive so yeah, go figure how much legal fees are going to be after a lengthy process.

FYI, we had our last mediation session yesterday afternoon. Mediation has officially failed as she unilaterally decided that she doesn't want to continue with the mediation and asked to just speak to her lawyers. We both gave the mediator Form E with extensive list of our assets but we never discussed it with him as, as I said, the mediation was cut short. Unilaterally. By her.

If your plan is to remortgage and her name to be removed probably best to check out the options for the ERC, as you may end up paying it. 

RobertF82

gizmo111 said:

RobertF82 said:

tightauldgit said:

I had a reasonably similar situation to you in that my ex was stay at home and I worked - the court won't care (and I'm not saying they should) the starting point is 50/50. The past is largely irrelevant in divorce proceedings - the court looks at what you have now and what your needs are. 

The 50/50 thing works both ways - so if she was saving her wages and has a savings account you are potentially entitled to half of it. If she bought a car or other assets with the money ditto. 

With regards spousal maintenance I think it's not really a common thing nowadays but the court will look at what she needs, what her earning capacity is, etc and they may decide some spousal maintenance is appropriate. Or may not. If she's getting a decent lump sum as a settlement then I think it's not likely she would get maintenance.

With regards the house, there's no reason a court would force a sale if you are offering to buy her out and she's no worse off as a result. Cost of sales should be factored into your valuation of equity so she shouldn't be better off either, technically. 

Who paid for what, did what, earned what, etc during the marriage is largely irrelevant as it's all considered to be a shared within the marriage and it makes no odds who has their name on the paperwork. 

From my experience solicitors filled my ex-wife's head with magic about what she could get in court and she ended up worse off than if she had just negotiated a settlement so yes I wouldn't be surprised if the solicitors are exaggerating what she might get, she may also only be hearing what she wants to hear from them. It may be a negotiating tactic. 

Have you filled out the Form Es as part of mediation? If you have a decent calculation of the asset pot, split it 50/50 and work on that basis. Unless you have extenuating circumstances I think it's unlikely you'll get anything better than that as an outcome.  

With regards to the house, depending on how much the court finds appropriate to give her I may or may not be able to buy her out via savings and additional lending. As you said, in case of a sale she will be much worse off because of a hefty mortgage early repayment fee and estate agent fee. These alone I estimate to be in the 25-30k region so she'd be 15k worse off.

Add lawyers' fees and we'd both end up with a bunch less money. My lawyer charges £300+ an hour and her lawyer is just as expensive so yeah, go figure how much legal fees are going to be after a lengthy process.

FYI, we had our last mediation session yesterday afternoon. Mediation has officially failed as she unilaterally decided that she doesn't want to continue with the mediation and asked to just speak to her lawyers. We both gave the mediator Form E with extensive list of our assets but we never discussed it with him as, as I said, the mediation was cut short. Unilaterally. By her.

If your plan is to remortgage and her name to be removed probably best to check out the options for the ERC, as you may end up paying it. 

As far as my mortgage broker told me, I won't be paying ERC because I wouldn't be paying off the mortgage...the mortgage stays.