Divorce and assets split: where do I stand?

RobertF82

Hello, unfortunately my marriage is coming to an end. We're getting divorced. I'm desperately looking for advice or if any of you has any experience similar to mine, please share your thoughts. I think it will make me feel a bit less lonely.

This will be a long post so apologies if I'll be boring you. I guess I just need to vent.

My wife and I have been together 10 years, married for 4. We have a 6-year-old son. After our son was born, we decided it would be best for my partner to stop working and be a full-time mum (because my salary was higher than hers so it just made sense financially).

I paid for everything: mortgage, nursery/school, utilities, council tax, food, holidays, social expenses...everything! Having said that, my contribution was more than purely financial because I've always worked from home so I did my fair share of dad duties.

2 years ago my wife decided to go back to work. She works full-time 5 days a week so I would argue she is no longer our son's main caregiver. Anyways, even after she started to work full-time 2 years ago, she is still making zero contributions to the household. I've been paying for everything until now.

FYI, both our names are on the house deeds, although the mortgage is only under my name (no point at the time to put her name in the mortgage as she had no job/no income). Also, we live in England (I understand there are different family laws in Scotland). She's never contributed to the mortgage but did put some minimal money towards the deposit.

Now, we're speaking with a mediator, but she has already found herself a lawyer (so let's say it's not looking good and she's not amicable anymore). Advised by her lawyer, my wife is asking for 50% of everything (house, my savings, my pension) plus spousal maintenance. I don't think this is fair at all because she hasn't paid for any of it, especially in the last year where she had a full-time job.

Also, for some reason I cannot understand (maybe you could shed some light?) her lawyer seems adamant for the house to be sold, even if in theory I'd have enough money to buy her out at 50% (through additional borrowing). She just doesn't want me to keep the house. I'd argue that this would be bad for our son because it would disrupt his life even more. I've got money to buy her out and maintain the house on my own (I mean, I've done it so far anyways) so who would gain from the house being sold? Also, say we sell the house in the next 6 months, with the way the market is going both me and my wife would get less.

My questions are: in your experience, would a judge consider the fact I've been paying for everything since our son was born and she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work?

Does my wife have right to 50% of all my assets PLUS a spousal maintenance? Or is it either or?

Finally, can a judge force me to sell the house if I have the money to buy my wife out?

Cheerio

74jax

RobertF82 said:

  My questions are: in your experience, would a judge consider the fact I've been paying for everything since our son was born and she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work?

Yes a judge could consider this, but I'm not sure in relation to 'what' you mean though? 

Does my wife have right to 50% of all my assets PLUS a spousal maintenance? Or is it either or?

What do you mean all 'your' assets? Do you mean matrimonial assets or things like a business in your name etc (not that a business wouldn't be looked at, but I'm wondering what specifically you mean). 

Finally, can a judge force me to sell the house if I have the money to buy my wife out?

Yes a judge can force a house sale, but it would depend on many factors not listed here but a judge has that power (in very general terms).  Again, do you mean sell your house or the house you both own (you say 'the' house and force 'you', not force you both? Is there another house - I'm confused with what is in your name and what is joint - it doesn't really matter as its all classed as 50/50 but trying to understand which house you mean. 

Cheerio

 
50/50 is the starting point, you negotiate from there. Like you said it made financial sense to make the decisions you both did. 

Divorce is rarely straightforward but start at 50/50 and go from there. 

tacpot12

A judge will consider the fact that you have been paying for everything, and that she hasn't contributed since she started working, but I don't think the judge will give it very much weight, mainly because she hasn't been working that long, and the marriage might have been failing when she started earning.  

Generally, on divorce, your wife would be entitled to 50% of your assets AND you are entitled to 50% of her assets. Assets might include any defined benefit and defined contribution pensions, cash, savings, investments, cars etc.

In deciding whether spousal maintenance is required, a judge will also look at both of your financial resources - essentially they are looking at your respective ability to support yourself and to recover your financial sitaution after the divorce. As your wife has been working, you can expect that the judge would regard her as having a similar ability to support herself (providing she is healthy and entitled to benefits) and the same ability to recover as you do, but this will depend on who is going to be the main carer for your son. I doubt that she will be entitled to any spousal maintenance, but this could go pear-shaped if her solictor argues successfully that she cannot earn enough and cannot claim enough benefits. I do think you should argue that she should have no expectation of a good lifestyle at your expense if she is not married to you. It is different for your child, where you child is expected to have a life that reflects your earnings to some degree. It may be difficult to acheive this without also giving your soon-to-be-ex some benefit as well.

Mediation is the best way to achieve an equitable settlement. You should both be using the mediation sessions a) to state what you think is fair and why, and b) to listen to the other person's arguements and agree with them where you can. The mediator should help you both communicate your points of view, ensure that you listen to the other person, and record the things you can and cannot agree on (and perhaps why you can't agree on them). If you can go to court (or even back to solicitors) with 18 things you can agree on and just two you cannot agree on, you will save money in the divorce process.  

I think it very unlikely that a judge would force you to sell the house if you can afford to buy your wife out at a fair price. The judge will give a lot of regard to the emotional impact on your son, and having you staying at the house he has grown up in will ease the transition for him. 

RobertF82

74jax said:

RobertF82 said:

  My questions are: in your experience, would a judge consider the fact I've been paying for everything since our son was born and she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work?

Yes a judge could consider this, but I'm not sure in relation to 'what' you mean though? 

Does my wife have right to 50% of all my assets PLUS a spousal maintenance? Or is it either or?

What do you mean all 'your' assets? Do you mean matrimonial assets or things like a business in your name etc (not that a business wouldn't be looked at, but I'm wondering what specifically you mean). 

Finally, can a judge force me to sell the house if I have the money to buy my wife out?

Yes a judge can force a house sale, but it would depend on many factors not listed here but a judge has that power (in very general terms).  Again, do you mean sell your house or the house you both own (you say 'the' house and force 'you', not force you both? Is there another house - I'm confused with what is in your name and what is joint - it doesn't really matter as its all classed as 50/50 but trying to understand which house you mean. 

Cheerio

 
50/50 is the starting point, you negotiate from there. Like you said it made financial sense to make the decisions you both did. 

Divorce is rarely straightforward but start at 50/50 and go from there. 

with "my assets" I mean all the assets that are solely under my name, such as my work pension and my savings/investment accounts.

I mean the only house we have and where we both live. I use "force me" and not "force us both" because my wife wants the house to be sold so it's just me who is forced to do something that I don't want to do.

I see why her lawyer wants the house to be sold rather than me buying my wife out. Selling house = more paperwork for the lawyer = more money in their pockets. I just don't understand why would my partner prefer for the house to be sold given that we'd have to pay estate agents fees that would be deducted from the sale profits, plus also early repayment fee on the mortgage, so all in all the equity to be split would be much lower than if I just bought her out....

RobertF82

tacpot12 said:

I think it very unlikely that a judge would force you to sell the house if you can afford to buy your wife out at a fair price. The judge will give a lot of regard to the emotional impact on your son, and having you staying at the house he has grown up in will ease the transition for him. 

On my wife's request we've had already had 3 estate agents come in and do a valuation. The buy out price would be based on the average of that. Although I would argue that given how the real estate market is going, I will need a revised valuation in X months, whenever and if it's agreed that I can buy her out.

DE_612183

RobertF82 said:

tacpot12 said:

I think it very unlikely that a judge would force you to sell the house if you can afford to buy your wife out at a fair price. The judge will give a lot of regard to the emotional impact on your son, and having you staying at the house he has grown up in will ease the transition for him. 

On my wife's request we've had already had 3 estate agents come in and do a valuation. The buy out price would be based on the average of that. Although I would argue that given how the real estate market is going, I will need a revised valuation in X months, whenever and if it's agreed that I can buy her out.

When you say you can buy her out - where is that money from?
All assets are 50% to start with - so if the buy out is say £250k, have you got £500k in savings?

RobertF82

tacpot12 said:

Mediation is the best way to achieve an equitable settlement. You should both be using the mediation sessions a) to state what you think is fair and why, and b) to listen to the other person's arguements and agree with them where you can. The mediator should help you both communicate your points of view, ensure that you listen to the other person, and record the things you can and cannot agree on (and perhaps why you can't agree on them). If you can go to court (or even back to solicitors) with 18 things you can agree on and just two you cannot agree on, you will save money in the divorce process.  

Mediation won't solve anything. My wife has become very belligerant and abrupt during the mediation sessions since she started speaking with her lawyer.

RobertF82

DE_612183 said:

RobertF82 said:

tacpot12 said:

I think it very unlikely that a judge would force you to sell the house if you can afford to buy your wife out at a fair price. The judge will give a lot of regard to the emotional impact on your son, and having you staying at the house he has grown up in will ease the transition for him. 

On my wife's request we've had already had 3 estate agents come in and do a valuation. The buy out price would be based on the average of that. Although I would argue that given how the real estate market is going, I will need a revised valuation in X months, whenever and if it's agreed that I can buy her out.

When you say you can buy her out - where is that money from?
All assets are 50% to start with - so if the buy out is say £250k, have you got £500k in savings?

Some of the savings to be split plus additional borrowing

Penguin_

So if her full time wage from the last 2 years hasn't made any contribution to the household where has it gone?

RobertF82

Penguin_ said:

So if her full time wage from the last 2 years hasn't made any contribution to the household where has it gone?

According to what was disclosed during mediation it went on a savings account. Not much though as her salary is not stellar. My salary is 2 times as high as hers.

comeandgo

I think you will have to be aware she will get at least 50% of the total assets especially as you are making so much more than she is.  My now husband had to pay maintenance to his ex for three years but instead of a monthly payment it was calculated for the three years as a one off payment as well as 50% on everything.  We just accepted that legally she was entitled to it.