Divorce and assets split: where do I stand?

Pollycat

OP

Do you have your own legal representation? Apologies if I've missed it.

Jude57

RobertF82 said:

400ixl said:

RobertF82 said:

yes, I'll be in a position to finance the whole mortgage for the whole property and pay any other costs. I've been doing it for years as my wife has contributed nothing financially speaking.

yes, I'll make sure everything she's got is in the financial disclosure pack for the mediator.

You keep saying your wife has not contributed anything financially. As others have said, that is irrelevant, 

Only one person said that. A person that didn't read any of my posts properly by the way

If you're going to state that I didn't properly read any of your posts, it would be as well for you to re-read mine before taking a position. 

I was attempting to give you an insight into how a Judge is likely to view the situation. You are the one who has repeatedly said you paid for everything and that your wife paid for nothing, as though that gives you priority when the marital assets are divided. It does not, for the reasons set out in my previous post. The Judge will consider whether the financial arrangements in the marriage were agreed by both parties and the longer the situation went on, the more likely it is to be considered that it was acceptable to both. That you are now unhappy that your wife is entitled to a share of the marital assets is understandable but irrelevant (for the record, that's the first time I've used the word) in legal terms.

My final point is to recommend you retain your own solicitor, so that you are in possession of the best advice for your situation.

turnitround

Don't forget the child maintenance issue either.

Im not saying this is the case but perhaps your wife is coming across as belligerent during mediation because she hears you saying that you have paid for everything which belittles her contribution to the household and she feels as if you are out to let her have as little as possible rather than the 2 of you looking at things with a fresh perspective and both of you trying to be amicable.

Presumably before divorce was on the cards the situation of her staying at home whilst you earned worked for both of you.

RobertF82

turnitround said:

Don't forget the child maintenance issue either.

Im not saying this is the case but perhaps your wife is coming across as belligerent during mediation because she hears you saying that you have paid for everything which belittles her contribution to the household and she feels as if you are out to let her have as little as possible rather than the 2 of you looking at things with a fresh perspective and both of you trying to be amicable.

Presumably before divorce was on the cards the situation of her staying at home whilst you earned worked for both of you.

Yes, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mum while I was paying for everything and I've never complained or been bitter about that period. 

I am complaining about the period when she went back to work full-time and still did not say once "hey let me start paying my half of the mortgage/bills".

What I would be happy with is, when deciding to split assets, that these financial contributions that she has not made while working full-time were taken into account. Say in the months since she started working, the overall bills which I paid were say 40k, I think it's fair if her share (20k) were deducted from the sum I will have to give her.

turnitround

RobertF82 said:

turnitround said:

Don't forget the child maintenance issue either.

Im not saying this is the case but perhaps your wife is coming across as belligerent during mediation because she hears you saying that you have paid for everything which belittles her contribution to the household and she feels as if you are out to let her have as little as possible rather than the 2 of you looking at things with a fresh perspective and both of you trying to be amicable.

Presumably before divorce was on the cards the situation of her staying at home whilst you earned worked for both of you.

Yes, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mum while I was paying for everything and I've never complained or been bitter about that period. 

I am complaining about the period when she went back to work full-time and still did not say once "hey let me start paying my half of the mortgage/bills".

What I would be happy with is, when deciding to split assets, that these financial contributions that she has not made while working full-time were taken into account. Say in the months since she started working, the overall bills which I paid were say 40k, I think it's fair if her share (20k) were deducted from the sum I will have to give her.

Whilst I totally understand how you feel, it does not work that way. When I got divorced everything was split 50/50 but we both kept our own pensions. I had paid for most things for over 20 years as he was work shy and had several long periods when he would not even look for work, he gambled and my wages bailed us out of a mess several times or we would have lost our house.

He stayed in the house, I rented, until he met someone else and then when he moved in with her we sold the house and it was split 50/50. 
It would have been nice to be able to say that I had paid off debts he caused and would like the money back from his half of the house but I paid the bills and his debts (grudgingly) and you cannot ask for money back retrospectively. 

Did you have discussions about her helping with the bills when she went back to work? 

kaMelo

RobertF82 said:

turnitround said:

Don't forget the child maintenance issue either.

Im not saying this is the case but perhaps your wife is coming across as belligerent during mediation because she hears you saying that you have paid for everything which belittles her contribution to the household and she feels as if you are out to let her have as little as possible rather than the 2 of you looking at things with a fresh perspective and both of you trying to be amicable.

Presumably before divorce was on the cards the situation of her staying at home whilst you earned worked for both of you.

Yes, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mum while I was paying for everything and I've never complained or been bitter about that period. 

I am complaining about the period when she went back to work full-time and still did not say once "hey let me start paying my half of the mortgage/bills".

What I would be happy with is, when deciding to split assets, that these financial contributions that she has not made while working full-time were taken into account. Say in the months since she started working, the overall bills which I paid were say 40k, I think it's fair if her share (20k) were deducted from the sum I will have to give her.

Did you raise this as a problem when, in your own words, " she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work"
I assume you didn't and continued eating together, sleeping together and doing other things together throughout this time?

RobertF82

kaMelo said:

RobertF82 said:

turnitround said:

Don't forget the child maintenance issue either.

Im not saying this is the case but perhaps your wife is coming across as belligerent during mediation because she hears you saying that you have paid for everything which belittles her contribution to the household and she feels as if you are out to let her have as little as possible rather than the 2 of you looking at things with a fresh perspective and both of you trying to be amicable.

Presumably before divorce was on the cards the situation of her staying at home whilst you earned worked for both of you.

Yes, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mum while I was paying for everything and I've never complained or been bitter about that period. 

I am complaining about the period when she went back to work full-time and still did not say once "hey let me start paying my half of the mortgage/bills".

What I would be happy with is, when deciding to split assets, that these financial contributions that she has not made while working full-time were taken into account. Say in the months since she started working, the overall bills which I paid were say 40k, I think it's fair if her share (20k) were deducted from the sum I will have to give her.

Did you raise this as a problem when, in your own words, " she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work"
I assume you didn't and continued eating together, sleeping together and doing other things together throughout this time?

After she unilaterally decided she wanted a divorce we've been living under the same roof but we sleep in different rooms, use different bathrooms, do not cook/eat together and we speak only via email and/or whatsapp (her request, I guess so that she has everything in writing and can use it against me if I say something she doesn't like).

Pollycat

RobertF82 said:

kaMelo said:

RobertF82 said:

turnitround said:

Don't forget the child maintenance issue either.

Im not saying this is the case but perhaps your wife is coming across as belligerent during mediation because she hears you saying that you have paid for everything which belittles her contribution to the household and she feels as if you are out to let her have as little as possible rather than the 2 of you looking at things with a fresh perspective and both of you trying to be amicable.

Presumably before divorce was on the cards the situation of her staying at home whilst you earned worked for both of you.

Yes, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mum while I was paying for everything and I've never complained or been bitter about that period. 

I am complaining about the period when she went back to work full-time and still did not say once "hey let me start paying my half of the mortgage/bills".

What I would be happy with is, when deciding to split assets, that these financial contributions that she has not made while working full-time were taken into account. Say in the months since she started working, the overall bills which I paid were say 40k, I think it's fair if her share (20k) were deducted from the sum I will have to give her.

Did you raise this as a problem when, in your own words, " she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work"
I assume you didn't and continued eating together, sleeping together and doing other things together throughout this time?

After she unilaterally decided she wanted a divorce we've been living under the same roof but we sleep in different rooms, use different bathrooms, do not cook/eat together and we speak only via email and/or whatsapp (her request, I guess so that she has everything in writing and can use it against me if I say something she doesn't like).

You said your wife started work 2 years ago.
At what stage did you have a discussion about her contributing to the household expenses?
And when did she say she wanted a divorce?

T.T.D

In all honesty I can’t see her being able to force sale through court proceedings when you have the funds to buy her out, it would be unreasonable to do so and needless I can’t see that happening. 

Car, Savings, Pensions, high value items bought together, split 50/50 Both ways, negotiations from there through mediator.

If she is acting through her lawyer in a way that is unreasonable ask the mediator for his/her/they/them interpretation of the situation being that way, you can then ask him to proceed to court based on being unable to come to agreement through unreasonableness and therefor district judge has to step in, but all solicitors and barristers want what’s right and best for their client and strive to provide what they’re qualified and paid to do, if a client get’s to a point of unreasonable petulance and vindictiveness they tend to try wind their clients neck in…..politely or if that is not successful they tend to depart from that client. 

Family arrangements aim for 50/50 alternative weekends and holidays are usually sorted between parties privately if this cannot be done it’s set on rotation basis each year commonly. Regardless of both of your desires a family court will
always do what is best in the child’s interest from what both “adults” can have the ability to produce in terms of a safe environment and safe meaningful relationships.

Annisele

RobertF82 said:

What I would be happy with is, when deciding to split assets, that these financial contributions that she has not made while working full-time were taken into account. Say in the months since she started working, the overall bills which I paid were say 40k, I think it's fair if her share (20k) were deducted from the sum I will have to give her.

Do you know what actually happened to the money she earned? I think you've suggested it "went on a savings account" - and if it's still there, it's part of the marital pot. So no, "her share" of the bills while she was working full time won't be taken into account - but the contents of her savings account will be.