Divorce and assets split: where do I stand?

Scorpio33

RobertF82 said:

Yorkshire_Dangermouse said:

What has been discussed around custody of your son - 50/50 ?  

she wants him mon to fri with me taking him sat sun.

i said !!!!!! no, i want 50/50

Good luck!

My ex (luckily) agreed 50/50, with her having the Mon Tue, me Wed, Thursday, then splitting the weekends. We also split all assets 50/50

The weekends need to be shared as you both need time without the kids and able to relax (in my opinion). 

Easiest way is to get her to agree the split (of kids and assets), as the costs of going to court will wipe out what (small) gains you may get with arguing with each other. I agree with you that for the past year it has been shared custody, so that should be what carries on, but my guess is that if it goes to court you will have a hard time convincing the court of that (in my opinion). They will take account of earning potentials, age, needs of the child etc. Unfortunately as most men (typically) earn more than their exes, the assumption is that they work and the mums will do the majority of the childcare going forward.

If you are ever in doubt, my advice would be to think about what is best for the needs of the child.

I feel your frustration, as I have been there.

billy2shots

As above, share weekends. 

My friend and his ex have a 2 week rota so kids with him one weekend (and 2 weekdays) then no kids weekend but more during the week. 

Some may benefit from 1 weekend day a week, others by one whole weekend per fortnight. 

You having the kids every weekend sounds a little one sided. 

Yorkshire_Dangermouse

50/50 custody, with shared/alternate weekends, seems a good position to start, and with (in theory) no child maintenance, means that you can perhaps be more accommodating with a limited period of spousal maintenance.

Will you be in a position to finance a mortgage for the whole property, and pay any childcare costs for when you are working ?

Assets split will almost inevitably end up as 50/50, but please do take care to ensure ALL of the savings which might have been accumulated whilst she has been working are brought into account.

RobertF82

Yorkshire_Dangermouse said:

50/50 custody, with shared/alternate weekends, seems a good position to start, and with (in theory) no child maintenance, means that you can perhaps be more accommodating with a limited period of spousal maintenance.

Will you be in a position to finance a mortgage for the whole property, and pay any childcare costs for when you are working ?

Assets split will almost inevitably end up as 50/50, but please do take care to ensure ALL of the savings which might have been accumulated whilst she has been working are brought into account.

yes, that's what I want to do: 50/50 with alternate weekends. 

yes, I'll be in a position to finance the whole mortgage for the whole property and pay any other costs. I've been doing it for years as my wife has contributed nothing financially speaking.

yes, I'll make sure everything she's got is in the financial disclosure pack for the mediator.

400ixl

RobertF82 said:

yes, I'll be in a position to finance the whole mortgage for the whole property and pay any other costs. I've been doing it for years as my wife has contributed nothing financially speaking.

yes, I'll make sure everything she's got is in the financial disclosure pack for the mediator.

You keep saying your wife has not contributed anything financially. As others have said, that is irrelevant, she is considered as having contributed 50% financially regardless of any actual money changing hands. This includes the house, your pensions, your savings etc.

This is the same as you are entitled to 50% of any monetary assets she has (savings and pension for example) even though you would not have contributed anything financially speaking to that.

So if you have a house that you bought for example on a £200k mortgage, have paid £50k of that mortgage off and the house is now worth £300k, you have 50% of the equity of £150k. So you would have to buy out the £75k in order to keep the house and most likely add that to your mortgage.

RobertF82

400ixl said:

RobertF82 said:

yes, I'll be in a position to finance the whole mortgage for the whole property and pay any other costs. I've been doing it for years as my wife has contributed nothing financially speaking.

yes, I'll make sure everything she's got is in the financial disclosure pack for the mediator.

You keep saying your wife has not contributed anything financially. As others have said, that is irrelevant, 

Only one person said that. A person that didn't read any of my posts properly by the way

Pollycat

RobertF82 said:

400ixl said:

RobertF82 said:

yes, I'll be in a position to finance the whole mortgage for the whole property and pay any other costs. I've been doing it for years as my wife has contributed nothing financially speaking.

yes, I'll make sure everything she's got is in the financial disclosure pack for the mediator.

You keep saying your wife has not contributed anything financially. As others have said, that is irrelevant, 

Only one person said that. A person that didn't read any of my posts properly by the way

Didn't you say this though (from your first post)?

RobertF82 said:

I paid for everything: mortgage, nursery/school, utilities, council tax, food, holidays, social expenses...everything! Having said that, my contribution was more than purely financial because I've always worked from home so I did my fair share of dad duties.

Advised by her lawyer, my wife is asking for 50% of everything (house, my savings, my pension) plus spousal maintenance. I don't think this is fair at all because she hasn't paid for any of it, especially in the last year where she had a full-time job.

My questions are: in your experience, would a judge consider the fact I've been paying for everything since our son was born and she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work?

and:

RobertF82 said:

Given the difference in income, would it even be a possibility that a court would decide that she's the one that has to stay in the house, a house towards which she has paid 0?

I don't know what I would do if I had to leave the house, pay part of that mortgage, and even have to pay for rent. How is that fair after paying for everything for years?

If you say you paid for everything, isn't that the same as saying your wife didn't contribute anything financially?

FTR, if you can afford to buy her out and ensure she gets the money the courts decide she is entitled to, I think it's very unfair that she is pushing you to sell the house.
That sounds vindictive.

RobertF82

Pollycat said:

RobertF82 said:

400ixl said:

RobertF82 said:

yes, I'll be in a position to finance the whole mortgage for the whole property and pay any other costs. I've been doing it for years as my wife has contributed nothing financially speaking.

yes, I'll make sure everything she's got is in the financial disclosure pack for the mediator.

You keep saying your wife has not contributed anything financially. As others have said, that is irrelevant, 

Only one person said that. A person that didn't read any of my posts properly by the way

Didn't you say this though (from your first post)?

RobertF82 said:

I paid for everything: mortgage, nursery/school, utilities, council tax, food, holidays, social expenses...everything! Having said that, my contribution was more than purely financial because I've always worked from home so I did my fair share of dad duties.

Advised by her lawyer, my wife is asking for 50% of everything (house, my savings, my pension) plus spousal maintenance. I don't think this is fair at all because she hasn't paid for any of it, especially in the last year where she had a full-time job.

My questions are: in your experience, would a judge consider the fact I've been paying for everything since our son was born and she hasn't contributed 1 quid since she's started to work?

and:

RobertF82 said:

Given the difference in income, would it even be a possibility that a court would decide that she's the one that has to stay in the house, a house towards which she has paid 0?

I don't know what I would do if I had to leave the house, pay part of that mortgage, and even have to pay for rent. How is that fair after paying for everything for years?

If you say you paid for everything, isn't that the same as saying your wife didn't contribute anything financially?

FTR, if you can afford to buy her out and ensure she gets the money the courts decide she is entitled to, I think it's very unfair that she is pushing you to sell the house.
That sounds vindictive.

yes I don't understand why my wife is pushing for selling the house when I can buy her out.

I can understand why her lawyer is pushing for that, meaning more money in their pocket, but I struggle to understand why my wife would be happy to have less money (because if I am forced to sell the house there is a big early repayment charge for the mortgage and also real estate agent fees. All these costs would mean she's be worse off by 20k at least).

Yorkshire_Dangermouse

..and also you being able to keep the family home provides an element of stability/familiarity for your son....

RobertF82

Yorkshire_Dangermouse said:

..and also you being able to keep the family home provides an element of stability/familiarity for your son....

indeed. no matter how many times I have tried to explain that to her (son has school nearby...has friends nearby...) my wife wants to sell the house because the lawyer told her the house needs sold.