Diary of a 30-something idiot

no_more_spending

Hi F&F, I've been a lurker but finally made a profile so I could comment and document my own debt free journey.

You are doing so great, we all have challenges but you will get there if you keep up this mindset. I am so inspired by you. The situation with Mr F&F is a tough one and I agree with a lot of the other comments but it is your relationship in the end. Only you will know what path you need to take going forward. Hope the weekend training goes well and he keeps it up! 

Everyone has such great insight, I have found it super helpful myself. We can do it!

Kim_13

Regarding the subs, I agree with millymolly22. You’ve highlighted your lack of free time and there simply aren’t enough hours in the week for you to benefit from more than one to the extent that it makes it money well spent. I think you said Illumicrate was yours, so would be minded to keep that or Netflix. There’s nothing on YouTube or Spotify that can’t be accessed without paying a fee for those services (Spotify if you have the app on an iPad you can go to any song, unlike on a phone where an album is effectively on shuffle with a handful of skips available.) Yes, there are occasional ads on both, but if Mr Fox is using these then he has more than enough time to sit through them (and a skip button soon appears.) If he wishes to have a Playstation subscription then he could join survey sites like you have to pay for it. If he’d rather give it up than do that, then less Playstation is bound to bring the electricity bill down.

slm6002

With the car / van situation, I know it is used to collect step children.  Do they have any other way to visit?  Can any of them drive (I think some of them are old enough) and OH could pay for their petrol money or could they get a train / bus and he pays for their ticket?  Not a great solution but maybe cheaper than keeping a vehicle to pick them up.  Just a thought.

I would be wary about getting just a cheap run around - I had them most of my married life as that is what XH thought was best, but they would often need work and go wrong.  You are better getting a reasonable car that is reliable and wont need to be in the garage every other month, swallowing up any emergency fund that you have managed to save.

Keep going and keeping coming on here for ideas and advice from those in similar situations and those that have made it through.  We are all here to support you in your journey.

MFWannabe

foxandflowers said:

Some days are days that you put on a proper bra and face the world. 

I've had clarification regarding my spinal increase which will be in August, and then again in April 2025. This time next year then, or close to it, I will be £1300 better off. The same job in the main city fwiw pays 4k a year more - but then you have the higher cost of living in a city. And I don't want to move again. Apparently there is also a market supplement as we are not appropriately renumerated for our work - but I don't know if I'm eligible for that. Everyone else has been getting £1250 every 3 months. And it is due to end either in March or June - but there is talk that they will be a reassessment of job grading, in which case I would go up a grade, and therefore this time next year would be £6k better off... I realistically need to stop daydreaming about the future and work on now though. 

So I have totally fallen off the wagon in the last week and haven't posted anything on Vinted. I've also not done any surveys, or used InboxPounds for a bit. So that will be brought back into the fold. I've got £7.91 in IP and £2.10 pending in 24 hours which is not bad going. You can withdraw to Paypal once you have £5. I have balanced the budget enough that any Vinted sales etc should be able to be used to fund the Emergency Fund rather than just hand to mouth, waiting for £3 to clear to be able to buy bread and milk. It has been a LONG two months. I am quietly impressed that I have almost made it to the end of February and have only bought myself 7 things this year. There's a couple of things on Vinted that I'm eyeing up, but I will wait. 

I've also decided I have been tackling the budget entirely wrong. I've been working from 1st of each month, which is backwards as I get paid on the 27th. So I think I have more money than I do, and somehow its a shock every month when it runs out four days in. So new plan. Put everything into the allocated pots on Monzo as per the Budget I have set up. This is set to auto transfer on pay day (one week to go!). £970 into Bills (this includes savings transfers) £400 into Groceries (with a separate virtual card to pay for food only) £180 into Fuel (separate virtual card here too) £10 for DD (school trips etc.) £80 into holidays/camping fund to prepare for summer, £80 into the insurance/MOT pot, and £80 into the home reno fund. At the END of the month, so on the 26th if there is anything left in those pots - that is the time to aggressively pay off the £300 on Mr Fox's credit card, which will then be our initial EF. / buy a little treat.

So here is the budget for March. All the crossed through things are things that have been cancelled, or sacrificed as there is no room in the budget for them. Budget will be posted on the 20th of each month, and will be amended as things go up/down. 

In

There is £0.62p unaccounted for... I'm trying a budget where every penny has a job, and therefore I have no excuses to over/underspend! (The Book club Cash is £2.50 and I forgot to write it in before I posted this!!)

Hi 
Some of your outgoings are incredibly high for someone who’s the sole earner and in so much debt. 

Honestly you need to cut right down to basics and pay your essentials (I noted you’d missed payments), if you don’t you will carry on in this circle of debt and never pay it off 
Spotify, Netflix, PlayStation etc all need to go ASAP
Is the Vodafone in contract? If sim only you can get for far less 
Did you carry on your weekly budgeting meeting with husband? 

Kim_13

slm6002 said:

With the car / van situation, I know it is used to collect step children.  Do they have any other way to visit?  Can any of them drive (I think some of them are old enough) and OH could pay for their petrol money or could they get a train / bus and he pays for their ticket?  Not a great solution but maybe cheaper than keeping a vehicle to pick them up.  Just a thought.

I would be wary about getting just a cheap run around - I had them most of my married life as that is what XH thought was best, but they would often need work and go wrong.  You are better getting a reasonable car that is reliable and wont need to be in the garage every other month, swallowing up any emergency fund that you have managed to save.

Keep going and keeping coming on here for ideas and advice from those in similar situations and those that have made it through.  We are all here to support you in your journey.

I’d also be wary of cheap runarounds, particularly if the definition of cheap runaround is <2K, the limit allowed with other debt solutions. But there is a world of difference between that and a Merc. I would be looking at something likely 66 plate or older (the 17 plate began on 1 March 2017, before the tax system then changed on 1 April, so there are very few of them around) as this way there can be tax savings to be had. Look for a car of the right age with an emissions figure of 120g/km or better - a lower emission figure would often mean a smaller engine that would be cheaper for you to be insured on in the future. Balancing these considerations with the space you need, perhaps a Honda Jazz or something like that.

foxandflowers

Right.

Very strange 24 hours where Mr Fox has pulled up foxy socks, and picked me up from work and opened the door for me? I had a lie in and he made me a coffee, cleaned the kitchen and took Mini Fox out on her bicycle? I'm not sure what on EARTH is happening, but its not bad going so far.

We've just had a cup of tea in the conservatory, with the sun streaming in it almost felt like spring. Weekly budget check in meeting completed, for the second time. There was a big discussion this week about how we keep on ending up in debt., and that an absolutely enormous part of that was unbudgeted expenses, so that even when I'm running the finances tightly and being as good as good can be, if something breaks, or there is a birthday, we are shot seven steps backwards as I borrow off people to make ends meet, or skip paying bills, rather than having a pot to pay for these things from.

So then we discussed how we were going to spend the money that we could get from selling the car. We're looking at getting a 1 litre run around, like a Lupo or similar. The savings I make on insurance would be more than enough to cover any work that would arise. Should be about £38 a month to insure, and £15ish to tax. Should be able to pick one up for 2-2.5k that is semi-decent, which would leave us about £7,000. 

£2,000 straight into emergency fund, currently would earn 4.6% interest, but be accessible next day if needed. £1,000 into premium bonds. £1,000 would go into a "presents" fund to cover the kids for birthdays and Christmas this year. That will be topped up then, so there is never less than £300 in the pot ideally, but also removes the idea that I will end up in debt again for Christmas 2024. The van still needs a new battery and tyres, and we would like to get a couple of second hand bicycles off Marketplace so we could do family days out with a picnic for cheap, now Mini Fox is more competent on her bike. The credit card and Mayglothling will be fully paid off, freeing up £65 a month in my budget to allocate elsewhere (but honestly towards paying back more debt!). 

This is obviously without my March and June retention payments, which we have already discussed. I will still use the March payment to redeem what I have pawned, and hopefully pay off the remaining "misc" debts (which are currently at £315, but by the end of March should be about £200). June's plan remains the same. 

I will be upping my standing order to friend F to £70 a month from March as well, for the most arbitrary  reason ever, which is that 1% of the debt is £70 and each square for me to colour in on my tracker is 1% and I want to colour it in evenly hahaha. 

I've done the Asda shop for a couple of days, and will do another one when I get paid. £46, so am ending the month period with £48 in my grocery category on my spending tracker. If I had actually filled my grocery pot, then that would be nearly £50 I would be left with that could go towards debt! 

Anyway, enough rambling from me today, I am off to cook dinner and prep my things for a sea swim tonight. We are having a bonfire on the beach to celebrate full moon  

stymied

Did you manage not to tell Mr F&F about March & June’s payments?

What additional pots do you need? Does £1000 cover all the kids for birthdays and Christmas based on last years’ expenditure (although I guess without the special 18th birthday splash out).

Is the reason that you don’t have these pots because there’s not enough income to fund them?

foxandflowers

@stymied I was quiet as a mouse about the retention payments. 

A renovation pot would be useful but is not necessary- I would love to have a bit of money to do some things in the garden, but again not essential and can be done bit by bit. 

I think the reason I don’t have those pots is twofold - one there wasn’t enough money to put money aside each month when I was busy trying to just exist, and two, I have had absolutely terrible issues being consistent, so even if I do put money in a pot, I end up withdrawing it early because of impulsive spending etc. Having to track what I spend every day has been enormously helpful for putting a stop to impulse spends. 

foxgloves

I think that explains it really well & succinctly, @foxandflowers. Back when I was spendy, I used to buy a lot of stuff on impulse. Also, if I decided I was going to get into a certain craft or activity, I'd have to buy a lot of kit upfront without thinking about how affordable it was. If I saw things I thought would look fab in my little old house, I'd just buy them regardless of whether the money was in my bank account to cover the expense once the bills & mortgage had gone out - same with all my very regular trips to the garden centre & vintage fairs. My monthly salary was always spent up by the 3rd week of the month & after that, I just carried on spending the bank's money instead, so although I sound very organised & hot on budgeting now, it definitely wasn't always like this. Something that I think I would have found helpful back then is if I'd framed my impulsive spending differently. Really, it was self-sabotage, as it ensured that when I had a big car bill, needed to pay a plumber or the gasman to come & mend the boiler or.....well, anything more than about £50, actually, I never had the money available & smack onto a card, the evil flexiloan or unauthorised overdraft it went! I earned a professional salary & wanted to be a person who had savings, but none of my day-to-day financial behaviour & habits helped me achieve this. Instead they sabotaged me......or to put it more bluntly, I sabotaged myself & as a consequence, was in debt from the age of 19 to 46 with the LBM kicking in big-time in my early 40s. So if you can recognise those impulsive spending urges for what they are, just impulses which will end up sabotaging your efforts, I think it will pay-off in terms of getting you to the end of the month on your own money. 
It's good that you are having these discussions with Mr FandF. 
Keep up the good work!
F x

Purplelady65

From your recent posts you seem to have been reflecting on how you have got into debt, your attitude towards money and debt and your plans for the future which is helpful. I think there is a wealth of great advice from the OP on this thread particularly from people who have been in a similar situation to yourself. 

With the cars for some reason I thought you’d sold the car a while ago so wasn’t aware you still had a car and a van until a recent post. The van sounds a total money pit and it doesn’t seem like you use it an awful lot for trips away to make it worth your while keeping. Could you not sell both the van and the car then buy a reasonable size car that would fit your camping equipment in the boot and fit a bike rack on the back as well? 

With the budget rather than doing a budget month by month which usually doesn’t work out could you not do a budget for the rest of the year? So adding up all the vehicle costs for the rest of the year then dividing by 10 (March to December). The March budget you posted you had assigned £80 to MOT/ car insurance but you have said that insurance on the merc is £850 and the van needs new tyres and a new battery. So realistically that pot needs a lot more going into it than £80 a month.  How much will Christmas likely cost and what birthdays have you got coming up for the rest of the year? Again total up and divide by 10. You said you really needed some dental work. Do you know how much this will cost as dental costs, prescriptions or other health related costs should have a monthly amount set aside as well. 

Also just looking at your entertainment costs you currently spend £17.99 on a Netflix subscription. It’s 4K but could you just switch to the 1080p version with adverts for £4.99 instead? That would be £13 a month you could pay on one of your debts. Also the illumicrate subscription is expensive at over £35 per month. I haven’t heard of it before so googled it and it appears to be one hard backed book a month and some merchandise if I got the right site? Could you not buy a book a month from a bookshop instead? Amazon quite often have special offers on books or kindle downloads of some really good books for 99p.
I appreciate it must feel hard when you work so hard but then don’t have the money for many treats e.t.c but I do think the first step is getting together a realistic budget including all your current and forthcoming expenses for the rest of the year so you can see how it matches up with your income.