Diary of a 30-something idiot

slm6002 · 26 June 2023 at 2:20PM

Don't go buying a slow cooker yet. Ask on freecycle or other local free sites to see if anyone is getting rid of one first. These are the type of things that sit in cupboards unused and people will happily pass on having been hardly used. If there are none about, then buy one (again check the charity shops first). Will you all be eating the same meals or is OH still on his special meals?

I too like the others don't think your problems will magically go away when you move. The problems will just move house with you. You don't want to look back in a few years and realise that the excess money from the sale didn't go on the house as it was needed for bills or new school shoes for your daughter, and really nothing worth showing from it. You will need that money for the house, to make it liveable and comfortable. The only way to do that is to work out how to cover everything else now without touching the house money. If you are able to do this now it would make a great new start when you do get to the new house.

What and when was OH's last job? Is it the lack of any job in your area or the lack of jobs OH is prepared to do? Does he need help with his cv - I am sure the local job centre would help him if that is the case. Your family need a 2nd income, you need him to bring that 2nd income in otherwise it just wont work.

When you sat down with OH did you show him actual figures and numbers? Or was it more a general chat about cost cutting. Has he got any idea how tight things are? He needs to see actual figures as well rather than budgeted ones that look nice but if not realistic they wont work.

We want to see you happy and being able to afford treats, not wondering where you are going to find the money for the next bill. It is exhausting living like that - you need a rest.

As for the mice, for now just buy some mouse traps and check them frequently. You cant afford a professional at the moment

stymied · 26 June 2023 at 5:50PM

Could OH start his own business? Would that allow you to claim the universal credit you’re entitled to given he’s not willing to sign on?

SuzeQStan · 26 June 2023 at 8:04PM

There’s all kinds of free treats on Olio app - me n OH regular bag free donuts pastries fruit veg tiger loaves - all sorts on Olio - and a lot of folk offer free household items on there too - furniture and appliances as long as you are happy to collect them yourself.

I know you are trying to declutter in run up to the move - but I find free donuts always taste better than ones you have to pay for. It’s a fun app with limitations like any other of course.

wish could take away some of this burden you are under F&F - worrying on you xx

foxandflowers · 27 June 2023 at 10:46AM

Did an Aldi shop last night for the first time, and it took me an hour and a half. Mostly because I when I finished, I had to go and do the same shop on the Tesco app to make sure that Aldi was cheaper. Tesco was £16.17 more expensive even with price matching, and Aldi do protein desserts, so that has worked out well.
I spent £84.45 for a weeks worth of food, and I cheated and got some nice bits too.
Meals as follows (and not what I planned, but it will do).

Husband: 4 x Chicken & Stir Fry bags
1 x Spaghetti Bolognese (5% mince)
1 x Salmon Stir Fry
1 x Broccoli, Steak & Flat Mushroom
7 x Tuna salad Lunches
7 x Protein Chocolate Mousse

Me & Little One:
1 x Tuna pasta bake
1 x Jacket potato and Beans
1 x Spaghetti Bolognese
1 x Salmon, Smashed New Potatoes & Green Beans
1 x Steak for mummy, Nuggets & Chips for LO
1 x Cheesey pasta & Green Veg
1 x Pepperoni Pizza & Garlic Bread

I also got hand soap refills, dog food, bananas, apples, oranges, sugar, bread, 6 pints of milk, prawn cocktail crisps, wite chocolate bar for Little One, strawberry yogurts, eggs, flour, wholemeal wraps for lunch, salad ingredients, and 15L of water.

Hopefully we can get through the week without having to do any additional top-up shops. But I will still need to go to Tesco for my Kenco Lattes (snob) and buy my weekly bottle of wine from somewhere. 🍷

Went to Pets at Home and got yet more dog food (big dogs eat a LOT) and hamster bedding. £30.

I'm going to try and not touch my round-up pot at all this month. I have £3.46 in there at present.

The old doggy has the vets this afternoon at 2.30pm and they are charging me £55 for a consultation. I'm so worried about her, whatever the infection is is spreading and is starting to swell her eye-socket too. I hope it's an easy fix - she's 13 and a half, she has about three teeth, and I daren't let them put her under anaesthetic because I don't think she'd survive it. I just hope they don't say she has to be put down.

Thank you for the ideas re: Olio & slow cookers - I will investigate.
When I got home from work yesterday Husband had unloaded the dishwasher, re-loaded it, and emptied it again. He then asked if I wanted a cup of tea (I almost fainted from shock), and if there was anything he could do to help me. Because I didn't have to tackle a filthy kitchen, I was able to bathe both my daughter and the dog (separately!!), have Little One read to me for half an hour, do the food shop online, and spend an hour on the phone to my best friend. Actually, it was just really nice to have a night off. This morning he mentioned that it was lucky he didn't have any expensive hobbies... then paused and said well, neither do you when I think about it. Miracle.

Regarding going self employed - what is the situation for this with UC? Do they need to see evidence of you being self employed? I know you get six months worth of not having to declare a profit, but not sure how you go about evidencing any of it. He would love to start his own business, and it is something we have talked about when we move; it doesn't need to have a large start up cost, and I will still be working, but it would be nice to have him bringing in some money.
- He hasn't worked in nearly six years. We were going to buy land and create a campsite, but I was too nervous to do it, and we ended up frittering the inheritance money we had aside for this over lockdown, compounded by overpaying for our current house. So that can't happen again. When we sat down, I did show him actual figures. I think I need to do a weekly financial check in with him so he remains aware of the situation.
- He did also say he doesn't want all of whatever money is left over, he wants us to have a savings pot for emergencies, so I'm glad he's coming around to that viewpoint. There are limited jobs where we live because we are rural, and due to lack of education / long time out of work there isn't very much doing on the job front, hence why perhaps it would be easier for him to start something up himself.

That's about all I have to update on this morning, apart from to say my PB's have £125 in them now (woo! I have never saved this much before off my own back) and I wish solicitors would communicate with each other more regularly, because both myself and our sellers are chasing and getting nowhere. I know moving won't magically fix everything, and that we are just going to be moving our problems, but it will free up at least a little bit of cash which will be able to pay off some of the smaller debts, and give us just a little bit more breathing room each month. Especially if I can wrangle UC. ✌

Lollyj32 · 27 June 2023 at 11:42AM

Hi, been quietly following your progress for a while, I just wanted to pop up and say that as a household you would surely be entitled to UC now if you would be if husband was earning? Only one adult has to work over 16 hours to get help as a low income working household from my understanding. Have you ever looked into this?

stymied · 27 June 2023 at 9:28PM

@foxandflowers sorry I don’t have personal knowledge of it, just that I’d seen it mentioned in other posts about the first year not having a minimum income floor, plus this article https://www.gov.uk/self-employment-and-universal-credit

If he is keen then maybe he could start putting together a business plan.

mumtoomany · 28 June 2023 at 7:07AM

Hi, @foxandflowers. Have a look at the government "entitled to" web site. Put your details in, you can do it anonymously, and see if you can claim now. You may be surprised. Good luck, hugs, mumtoomany.xx

foxandflowers · 28 June 2023 at 8:40AM

Little dog has an aggressive facial tumour that is invading her bones and the vet thinks we only have about two weeks left with her.
Heartbroken doesn't begin to cut it. She's been my little sidekick for nearly fourteen years.