Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxandflowers

Good grief, that is a lot of comments to come back to. Thanks for your concern everyone, I do appreciate it. I'm fine, I think I was just having a dramatic wobbly moment. Mr Fox has been doing much more around the house recently, and it's been lovely to come home to a clean kitchen every evening. Next challenge is to teach him how to do laundry.

I understand that my subscriptions etc are unpopular. My view on that is that as I am in "for the long haul" of approximately 22 years... I may as well have something that gives me a measure of enjoyment. Probably not as many things as we do have, but I am not going to consign myself to a life of penury for the next two decades. 
Am considering going 'nuclear' as Baron Dale put it. If I was to get a mortgage I could never afford the house I have now, and with the kids getting older, it would appear that perhaps we don't need as much room. I think I'd rather something much smaller and more easily affordable.

Interesting comment about this not being a Debt Free Diary. I suppose it isn't really. I just keep juggling the same amount of debt and never really bringing it down. Or if I do make repayments, it only really gets me back to where I was. Which can't continue, but also will never be fixed unless I can get an emergency fund behind us. As it goes now, something goes wrong, I borrow, I pay back what I've borrowed, I'm left short, and then something else goes wrong.

The toaster blew up yesterday morning, and I can't even afford to get a new one at present. Such is the unbridled joy that is my life. I'm going to have to roll over the Switch at Cash Generators to next month, as my friend was supposed to come up at the weekend and buy some hair off me, but wasn't able to. That would have been £150 extra, which I now don't have (yet). I can renew it for another £38.40. I've also been paying little chunks off the pawnbroking loan, only £34.35 so far, but it's brought the full repayment balance to under £200. 

Anyway, key question here is: Does anyone use YNAB? And is it worth it. I've been playing around with the free trial, and a weirdly novel thing of "you've overspent here, you need to reassign money to pay for it" has been happening. I've always had my spreadsheets, and as you know I've tracked every penny spent across 2024 so far but it has never occured to me to deduct my overspending from another category to cover it. 

And that is why this diary is named as it is. Because that is really bleeding obvious to anyone with half a brain, but I am forever playing idiot catch-up. 

WinterWarrior

I tried the free trial with YNAB and couldn’t get on with it, although I know lots love it. I stick to my spreadsheets, although I do tend to bundle spends and I know I should really itemise every one (so I can see how bad I’ve been). 

I abandoned my toaster in favour of the grill. The toaster was taking up top space and seemed to lead to more crumbs somehow. 

Bluegreen143

I love YNAB. After using it for most of a decade, I stopped a year ago, thinking I could save the subscription fee, and got my finances in a mess and now have a debt free diary again, so for me it’s obviously a must. I know spreadsheets or envelopes or paper planners work for some, but not for me (I tried a variety of methods in my year off).

dawnybabes

I cook my toast in the air fryer - look in FB marketplace if you def need one.

Cherryfudge

foxandflowers said:

Anyway, key question here is: Does anyone use YNAB? And is it worth it. I've been playing around with the free trial, and a weirdly novel thing of "you've overspent here, you need to reassign money to pay for it" has been happening. I've always had my spreadsheets, and as you know I've tracked every penny spent across 2024 so far but it has never occured to me to deduct my overspending from another category to cover it. 

And that is why this diary is named as it is. Because that is really bleeding obvious to anyone with half a brain, but I am forever playing idiot catch-up. 

Actually I'm as sure as I can be that it's not you being 'an idiot', it's probably connected to your autism. You've mentally filed the money under 'TV' or whatever, so that's where it belongs, it doesn't go anywhere else. Now that you can see it can be moved, you can deal with it and you have a new tool for coping.

I think this is where intelligence can be a problem: other people know you're intelligent so they don't see that your brain has sent you down a blind alley and you can't see there's another way to look at it. I've been there, done that.

Anyway, having seen the wider picture, you may find it's a useful tool that you can use elsewhere.

Sarahwithlove

I think for someone like you who has more complex finances it may be worth the expense. I got a free year when I signed up as a student for starting my apprenticeship that never happened and found it really good. But now I've simplified my finances I find it isn't worth it for me 

stymied

Ooo I wonder if resident step son could get it for free with his apprenticeship?

Purplelady65

Re YNAB I used it for a while but found I was spending a lot of time making entries. I find it much easier to budget using Starling pots so I don’t use YNAB any more. Everyone is different in what budgeting tools work for them so if you are finding it helpful in managing your money then the subscription is probably worth the cost. 

[Deleted User]

My ‘nuclear’ suggestion was not to sell the house now! It was something to be considered if the relationship did not improve, or you continued to be the sole provider without any assistance from the others.

I was certainly not suggesting you take another mortgage. That would be a disaster! I meant if you had to do it, you bought a smaller place for cash and used the profit to completely clear you debt. If there is not sufficient profit stay where you are!!!!!

Your most recent post continues to avoid tackling the real issues affecting your debt. To put it simply, you must reduce costs and /or increase income. You rule out saving money by cancelling the subscriptions, but then say you cannot afford a new toaster. One month not paying for vapes would get you that toaster with money left over!

The van issue also needs to be addressed. Again you ignore the issue.

Likewise the question about YNAB is just another smokescreen. You really don’t need fancy software to get a grip of finances. Many manage with pen and paper.

About time that Mr Fox did some more around the house. Nothing special there! He now needs to get a job! I find it worrying that, when it is suggested  Mr Fox is taking advantage of you and needs to do more, you become more positive about him, despite many past criticisms and concerns.

I am sorry about being so blunt, but unless real change happens this thread will go and on and your situation will not improve. Many people on here have offered suggestions and support in hundreds of posts,  but you do not seem to take them on board. Rather you spend time  justifying why you can’t make a particular change to improve things. 

Unfortunately, I do question the genuineness of some aspects of this diary. I am sorry to say that, but that is what I feel. 

However, I do hope your future improves and you find some real happiness and contentment. In this case I really would like my cynicism to be proved wrong. I will say no more. 

helensbiggestfan

I have commented on this thread in the past, not so much recently,  I do, however, still read it ........I might add with much sadness and increasing concern.  

Fox, like many on here, I am deeply concerned for your welfare.  I am old enough to be your mother and I just know that if I had a daughter who was struggling in life the way you are I would be terribly worried about her.  You seem so alone, so isolated.  You need guidance, help and support.  

Baron, and many others, including myself, have expressed our incredulity at the way your spouse allows you to shoulder such a heavy burden.  Whether he is incapable or unwilling to contribute to the family's finances is neither here nor there but the fact remains you simply cannot continue to live this way for much longer.  Something has to give and I fear it will be your health.  And, once that is gone, you will be finished.  

My other main concern is your daughter.  I cannot help but feel that she is being sidelined.  Your desire to look after your step children is admirable but the support you give them should not be at the expense of your daughter.  I can't help but thinking she's getting a raw deal, not just financially but emotionally too.  You are simply spreading yourself too thin - constantly multi tasking, overthinking everything and getting sidetracked. 

 I tend to agree that, in your case, flirting with things like YNAB are just smokescreens and distractions. Your finances are too complicated and your life does seem somewhat chaotic.  I think you need to slow down, take a step back and review everything.  Sometimes we just need to make radical changes, even if they are painful and unpalatable. 

With your finances you need to go "scorched earth" for a while.  Slash all voluntary outgoings. There is still a lot of unnecessary spending going on.  Don't worry about the long term debts, just concentrate on getting your monthly budget under control and building up an emergency fund of £1k.  You must build up a war chest for the lean times.  Using pawn brokers is just not sustainable.  To not be able to afford a cheap toaster speaks volumes but then again you don't  need to rush out and buy a replacement, not if you have a working grill.  

It's the mentality of wanting to immediately buy a new toaster when there is a perfectly viable alternative that has led you to where you are now.  Changing that mindset could make all the difference in how quickly you can get out the financial mess you're in.  Yes the toaster might be quicker and more convenient but it can be argued that a toaster isn't necessarily an essential, not if you have a working kitchen.  

Convenience always comes at a price and sometimes we have to forego comfort and convenience if we want to achieve our goals.  You can probably pick up a cheap toaster for £10 or so, but that £10 could also feed a family for a day.  It's all about making clever choices.  

For the time being you should be concentrating strictly on essentials only.  Dull and boring??  Yes it definitely can be but if you want to get out of the mess then you have little choice.  It helps if you can be imaginative and creative to make things more joyous and less of a grind.  But from what I have learned about you I believe that you are clever and intelligent. You can do this, you just need to change your mindset.  

There is one exception to all this.  You should prioritise paying off debts to your friends.   Debts to friends and family are DEBTS OF HONOUR and should always be given top priority. You need to find money in your monthly budget to start paying back your personal debts as a matter of urgency.  Set up a regular payment plan, even if it's just a token gesture for now.  You can always increase the amount when your situation improves but you should not be taking liberties with your friends by not making any attempt to pay them back. You should not be putting holidays, trips away, takeaways, vaping, subscriptions etc ahead of paying back personal debts to friends or family. 

Baron. I do believe that this thread is genuine, even if it seems far fetched at times.  Sometimes good people who are vulnerable find themselves in situations where they cannot see what is happening and who cannot seem to find a way out of the maze. 

Fox, I feel that you have got yourself into a situation where you simply cannot see the wood for the trees. 

You seem like a genuinely kind and empathetic person who is perhaps a little naive or who is blinded by emotion. Your kindness and generosity of spirit is being abused. You are being used as an ATM machine and as a provider and carer to your spouse's first family.  That's ok if it made you happy and you had the money to finance all the waifs and strays who seem to find their way to your door.  It's lovely that you are so generous but unfortunately you have bitten off more than you can chew and you just keep digging yourself into a deeper hole.  Your income just isn't sufficient to house, feed and take care of so many dependents.  

You are buckling under the strain and, if things don't change, sooner or later you will go under.  You need to grasp the nettle and slash your monthly budget down to the bare essentials until you get things under control.  Then, once things are back on an even keel, you can then reintroduce a few treats and start setting long term goals.  

And to repeat the message once more, although I'm guessing what I say will fall on deaf ears.  Your husband needs to step up to the plate. It's good that he has started to assume some responsibility, cooking a few meals now and again but it's too little too late.  Your husband helped you get into this mess and it's time he helped you get out of it.  He needs to start adding some money to the pot.