Diary of a 30-something idiot

uralmaid

All the comments that have been made on this thread have consistently been made for a long time.  It is very hard to read some of the things but unless big changes are made then nothing will be better. Property has been sold and yet a substantial amount has gone.  Only Fox and Flowers can change this and she is unwilling or unable to do so. Mr Fox does not want work of any kind but yet still has all his needs met whilst Fox is struggling to survive.  The odd meal made here and there is not contributing to anything.  Looking at the last posting of incomings and outgoings there are so many things which should be cancelled immediately but won't be because Mr Fox needs and wants them - but won't work to pay for them  If he had any self respect he would at least sign on - but he won't do that because he would be expected to look for work. Harsh words I know but unless big changes happen poor Fox and her daughter will end up destitute. Just looked up Illumicrate - another totally unaffordable subscription - If you want a book there are loads out there in charity shops for 50p and less.

Kim_13

I think Fox said a while ago that he was not playing the Playstation as much any more so while I wouldn’t sell it (it will cost much more to get another if he later changes his mind than it would bring in) it seems mad that he still has a £15 per month subscription. It might not seem like much but they all add up - £180 a year.

I understand that the doorbell still works without a subscription, it just doesn’t record. It certainly doesn’t seem worth £96 a year to record when the house is not left regularly unoccupied.

HeavyMetalFan

Having just started a diary myself, I shouldn’t really be doling advice out to anyone else. What I will say is that to me, this diary is not really a debt diary. Although the debts are very high, the monthly payment is relatively low or not being paid at all, so the overall position doesn’t really improve much if and when the debts are paid off. This diary is more about sustaining a household on a fixed income. Unless drastic changes are made this is normal life for the long term future- possibly forever. 

I would really look into your husband's NI contributions and what this means for his pension. 

Sarahwithlove

I hope we haven't a scared you away, everyone just cares and worries about you and your daughter 

[Deleted User]

Sarahwithlove said:

I hope we haven't a scared you away, everyone just cares and worries about you and your daughter 

It is definitely not the intention to scare away but rather to be totally honest and hopefully supportive about the situation.

At times things need to be said to help improve things and resolve challenging situations.

Bluegreen143

Sending love Fox, I know some of the above is probably hard to read. 

For what it’s worth, I’m a huge fan of one parent staying at home (or both parents working part time, which is even better). I think it’s a shame our modern society and government sees homemakers and stay at home parents as something to be discouraged. 

I would personally expect an at-home parent to be doing most of the housework, especially when the children are older. When I was a SAHM my children were babies and toddlers, and DH did help in the house a lot especially in the post partum stages, but I did then take over more of the housework naturally as they grew and started sleeping at night. But the division of labour between a couple is really between them. 

That all said though, having an at-home parent is a luxury which you can’t afford with the level of debt you have so I do agree with a lot of what’s been said. I would have remained a SAHM in a heartbeat, I really loved being there for my kids in that way. But we can’t afford it long-term so I returned to work. In an emergency situation (pawning items to pay bills), all adults need to pay their way.

I also agree you ought to increase your stepson’s rent, or at least get him to pay for any subscription he uses. Or potentially teenage or pre teen kids can pay for subscriptions out of their pocket money or part time jobs.

[Deleted User]

To be honest I find the title of this thread also concerning. I wish it could be altered. It worries me that the OP describes herself as an 'idiot', which is so far from the truth. Rather it is the diary of a person overcoming many challenges.

As a man I find the behaviour of the partner/husband infuriating and shameful. My brother and I (and we are both in our 60s) were brought up to help in the house just the same as my sisters. Expectations were no different.

My father also took a full part in running the house even though he was born in the late 1930s when traditions were different. I consider myself fortunate to have been brought up in in a family that always believed in equality of the sexes.

warby68

There have been a few diaries that really touch me more than most, usually the ones where a child is getting a raw deal, where I desparately want the person to succeed in turning things around, whatever that may mean for them. This is one.

I keep coming back and hoping for a fundamental change in mindset to have taken place for Fox or even better still in Mr Fox.

I wish I knew some magic words to make this happen as until Fox is ready to change some fundamentals, nothing will improve. If she does, I think she will have the biggest group of supporters ever seen and she has a fair few already.

SuzeQStan

Fox you are the wage earner & provider.  

So you get to make the rules around spending YOUR money.

treats and non essential spends can so easily appear necessary when they become a part of the routine but they just aren’t.  

No takeaway or subscription will taste or feel as good as living within your means will. 

Easy enough for someone who doesn’t know you in real life to say, I know.

but without too much detail I had - for lack of a better phrase - a breakdown about 15 years ago which meant I had to leave my job.  My OH did everything for me, our life and the house I did NOTHING for about 4.5 years. I didn’t cook, clean, food shop - I did nothing and when OH could get me out of bed he would do everything he could to encourage me.  I don’t think I’d be alive today without him. 

I’m not saying that is your OH situation but rather that I do understand there are reasons why a person can’t/wont get a job. You are the expert on you.  

I now have a good life and job I am proud of and am grateful to OH and family around me but it took a long time and effort to get there. And I know from personal experience how much it hurts when it feels like folk are judging you.

they really aren’t - they just care about you and want to help.

Purplelady65

Lots of great comments and suggestions being made. These points have all been made many times before so really hoping these consistent messages from people with lots of life experience can be taken onboard by Fox. The only way change is going to come is if Fox changes her behaviour and forces a change as sadly it’s looking like no one else in the family is going to step up and make changes. People really are rooting for you Fox and want to see you getting into a better position for you and your daughter.