Diary of a 30-something idiot

stymied

Stepson can babysit while you go on date night.

Can you ask on buy nothing fb group for football boots? At least for next size if not current.

What would Mini Fox like for her birthday? I do think her birthday has a higher priority than OH's smoking but that may not go down well....

Did you reconsider claiming UC?

foxandflowers

• Football boots were purchased by Middle's mum, so it was a reimbursement. He's very very good and plays very competitively, so unfortunately a necessary expense. 
• Mr Fox is switching to vaping from Monday instead of smoking, so the budget has clawed another £100 a month back. His plan is to taper off his nicotine percentage and then quit. Fingers crossed. 
• Unfortunately the exhaust bracket we had welded on the van has snapped again. SIL is coming to take Smallest boy back to his mums, will pay her fuel costs. Luckily my local garage have squeezed it in, so will be fixed today and we can attempt an outside adventure tomorrow. I think if I spend the weekend cooped up in the house I will go mental. 
• Hoping Oldest boy gets paid weekly, so he can start contributing ASAP. If he does, I have £292 to play with budget wise, if not I have £92 and it will be an uncomfortable month.
• Mini Fox does not know what she wants. 'Dragon things' is about as helpful as she was able to be. 

birdsfoottrefoil

Oh Fox, Mr Fox really should be paying for his children’s items. It really isn’t fair on you at all. Please get him to at least sign on. You’ve had such a hard time recently, I can’t understand why he doesn’t see it and support you. 

millymolly22

I have step children and yes I have paid for birthday and Christmas gifts in the past and fed them if they were at our house but I wouldn't be reimbursing the mother of the child for anything and in reverse I would not expect the step mother of my children to reimburse me for an item that my children need.   You have enough money worries without helping out other families.  Please please please put yourself and your daughter before anyone else.  Is anyone going to step forward and help you financially to create a magical birthday for your daughter?  Your daughter comes before your stepsons football boots.

foxandflowers

Mr Fox doesn't pay child maintenance towards the boys, on the understanding that we contribute towards uniforms/sports kit. So happy to do it -  regardless of if it's the norm or not.

birdsfoottrefoil

It’s not about norms Fox, it’s that everyone’s taking from you and no one is supporting you. I find it so upsetting that your “family” aren’t acting like that, you do so much for them! 

This is going to sound horrid but I can’t think of any other way to explain this. I can’t understand your hubby. Fair enough as mean as it sounds if he just wants to take from you and not support you as you are only his wife and he could replace you (I know this sounds mean and I don’t want to upset you but this is how his actions come
across), but does he not want to contribute towards his own children? That I find completely odd?? 

Please please look after yourself and mini Fox, would you want to see her in a financially abusive relationship when she’s older? 

You seem so kind and caring I just want you to have a partner that is a partner!!!

stymied

I so love it when someone has a unique interest. My daughter is all things panda although more soft toys than anything else but dragons is equally fun!

MFWannabe

foxandflowers said:

Stepson has full time employment starting on Monday as a roofing labourer/apprentice. Over the moon. He also passed his driving theory test yesterday, so now needs to get on with finding an instructor and booking his practical. He will be paying £50 a week rent which will help us hugely. Positive steps. 

I was going to pay the deposit on a narrowboat holiday for next summer, but the van needs tyres and I've been quoted £335 for all four tyres which is more than the deposit would have been Mr Fox and I were going to have a 'date' this weekend and go to the cinema to see the new Deadpool, but unfortunately, we are still surrounded by children so that's a no go. Luckily, Stepson's ex and baby are not coming to stay any more. So we are down to five people in the house as of about 4pm. I really need to do a food shop, there appears to be a packet of ham, a wilted lettuce and some oat milk in the fridge, and nothing else. Did manage to score some lamb cutlets, caramelised onion sausages and beef meatballs on orange sticker in co-op last night for £7 so they've gone straight in the freezer.

I have been paid (finally) and have already got minimal funds left. Have had to pay back my friend who lent me the money for Ronnie's cremation, buy middle child football boots, and pay back FIL for when he lent us food money. So this month is not off to a great start. Had a problem with one of my Vinted sales where the item was damaged and I didn't realise, so have asked for it to be posted back. Both my claims with the pet insurance are still at the "Gathering Details" stage, so I don't know how much longer that is going to take. The Electrician is due next weekend, and then its Mini Fox's birthday in August and I already have a pit in my stomach over how I am going to afford presents.

Didn't want to do any work yesterday morning, so ended up working out how much I'd spent this year so far. This year has cost me £14,798.71 so far, or £2114.10 a month. Looking at those figures I do wonder how worth it it would be changing jobs  

Hello Fox 
Great news reference stepson getting a job 👏
Can you postpone the electrician? 

Are you able to chase up the insurance claim? They should have all the information by now 
Reference your expenditure are you able to pinpoint where you’ve spent this much on? That’s a huge amount of money considering you don’t have a mortgage or pay rent 😔

foxandflowers

Chased up insurance = they are awaiting information from the vet from before we had Ronnie to ensure there was no pre-existing condition. No idea how much longer that will be.

Spent my lunch on the phone to Stepchange. Monthly payments of £110 resuming in September this year. 23 years and 3 months until DFD with them, so I would be 57. The advisor mentioned that there was a possibility of splitting the plans and looking at separate options. If we did that Mr Fox could potentially get a DRO and would write off £16.5k of the overall debt. But I don't know enough about it. And obviously I've been supporting him for the last several years, but they want to check that you haven't disposed of assets over £500 in the last five years, and we were very spendthrifty during the Covid years, so I'm a bit worried about that. I will discuss it with him. 

@MFWannabe figures at YTD are below. Have put in bold where I know we have an overspending issue. 
_____ FIXED SPENDS _____

Groceries				£3,028.54
Sky Internet				£245.00
Welsh Water				£184.42
Gas & Electric				£526.00
Tesco Mobile				£140.21
Vodafone Mobile				£115.56
Adrian Flux				£343.88
Transport				£333.20
Fuel				£866.50
RAC				£66.00
Monzo Plus				£31.00
Home Insurance				£35.76
Council Tax				£537.92
DVLA				£26.25

____ VARIABLE CATEGORIES _____

Ronnie					£2,547.88
Cloud Storage					£11.75
General					£791.36
Eating Out					£709.49
Takeaways					£637.73
Clothes					£117.65
Spotify Family					£77.96
Netflix					£54.97
Amazon Prime					£26.97
Ring Doorbell					£24.00
Playstation Plus | GTA +					£15.00
OH					£160.00
Smoking					£428.98
illumicrate					£36.38
Home Improvements					£378.98
Shopping					£1,198.49
Youtube Premium					£29.98
Discovery+					£7.98
Holidays					£330.85
Invoices					£496.93
Vaping					£57.86
Subscriptions					£65.00

WinterWarrior

Do you need a ring doorbell subscription? Ours is free to use. As your husband is in nearly all the time anyway you could make a saving there I think? Do you get your moneys worth from Monzo plus, or would a free account work just as well? It’s sometimes the little things that creep in that can be easily pruned. 

Mr Fox has the responsibility to pay for his children, be that maintenance or sports kit. If he has no money, then he can’t pay. That really shouldn’t default to you. I know it’s hard to upset the status quo, but maybe you could step back a little bit and let them sort it out between the responsible parties?
on a happier note, I love dragons! There is so much you could do with this…dragon stuffed toys, dragon books, maybe pick up some dragon films for a dragon themed watch party with jewel themed party food….candy floss ‘dragons breath’, jewel cup cakes, dragon scale biscuits, etc.