Diary of a 30-something idiot

Humdinger1

@foxandflowers not wanting to put you on the spot but what contribution is DH making to the household budget? Why does he want your jewellery back; it was a present to you, no? Love Humdinger xx 

WinterWarrior

Even if it’s his jewellery I think you need to sit him down and explain everything you are having to do to keep the household afloat. He needs to contribute and quickly. He could pick up an evening job shelf stacking or something similar to put him on until he finds a better job. Either he’s taking advantage or he’s unaware…you need to be very clear about the situation so he can understand his part in it and begin to pull his weight. You will make yourself ill trying to juggle everything on your own xx

Debsnewbudget

@foxandflowers
How are you doing? 

foxandflowers

Hi everyone. 

I'm still alive, just been struggling a lot with my stupid brain. 

They accepted our offer on the house at £195k, so still under asking. I am terrified I've bitten off more than I can chew, whilst simultaneously being excited, and being afraid to be excited because things always go wrong for us. We have two viewings booked in this weekend, so hopefully someone wants it as my house still hasn't sold. 

On Tuesday I had to take a half day at work and spend £50 on public transport to get my car back. It was a bluddy good job we did, because on Wednesday the alternator on the van failed. I hate vehicles. They are conspiring to make me as poor as a church mouse. I do not have £300 for an alternator. Not when I have to pay another £500 towards the car ignition thingy, and now I can't even sell the car as then we will not have any vehicles at all. Also I forgot how nice it is HAVING a car, that doesn't rattle as soon as you hit 50mph, and has suspension and individual seats. So. That is annoying. It is also MUCH cheaper to run than the van, but we can't fit the dog in it. 

I sold my chicken coop for £270 and a man turned up at 8pm with a headtorch and toolbox to take it apart and load it on his trailer, which was both hilarious and a little weird. So that did DH a new pair of trousers (he has gone from a 40 waist to a 34... which is very impressive but means nothing fits anymore), the trip to get the car back, a binge at Greggs when work upset me and I ate my feelings, and some more food. I have £80 left, and I need to put fuel in (although tomorrows football has been cancelled so hopefully I can eke this out a bit longer) and buy more dog food. 

Had a very blunt conversation with DH about the awful truth of our finances. The truth obviously being, we have no money. And no magic money tree. Sacrifices will have to be made. We have made the executive decision to turn the heating off. I have set the Nest to eco mode, which is about 13 degrees and stops the pipes bursting. My word it is COLD. But I'd rather have hot water than heating, so I've been working from home the past two days sandwiched between two hot water bottles. Oodies all around. And two pairs of socks. And early nights with the electric blankets up full. Brrr. Hopefully it starts getting warmer outside soon. 

I've been looking over my Monzo spends for the month and I find it very interesting. 

• I am horrendously over budget on my food shopping. It is a combination of doing home deliveries from Tesco which I hate, because not only does it cost more, but you have to add the delivery fee as well, so a £50 Lidl shop becomes a £70 Tesco shop. Also because I bought DH trousers on sale in there that were £15, that has tucked itself under my Groceries tab and I can't split it. It is also lunches at work. Oops. I go out to post Vinted parcels, and I go into the corner shop to post them, aaaand I buy hot and spicy meatballs, and crisps and cans of sugary energy, and justify it to myself as "Well, I've just made £XX from this parcel so it's not too bad." When really, it is bad, and stupid. So. That has to stop. I also have very limited food in the fridge, so a small shop is imminent. Although realistically, I could probably live off sweetcorn fritters, and pasta. Which is what we have been doing for the last week. So many variations of pasta. I am on £535 of a £350 budget.
• My bills are at £580, with Amazon prime left to come out, as well as the failed car insurance. So that's £50 more than I was thinking it would be, and I didn't pay the council tax. So that has to be a top priority when I get paid in ten days. I don't understand really why my bills are so high. Looking at it there is nothing alarming there. I suppose I should just budget £700 a month for them, including CT and then that is half my wage gone and that is that.
• I have spent £350 on transport, not including the £50 cash for the car related jolly. This is about what I budget, although I do need to fill the tank again. So maybe £430 by the time it's payday. 
• We have spent £135 on general shopping. This is bad. It is down hugely from the £500 in December, and November. But it is still BAD. Mostly clothes on Vinted, and then a couple of very small charity shop jaunts (sub £5) and then £35 on Amazon, buying... I'm not sure. Let me check. Mailing bags. A dog lead. And a diamond painting pen. So again, nothing ridiculous. But could have been done without. The clothes won't be happening again for me at least. I'd love a couple more pairs of dungarees, but I will wait. DH on the other hand is getting desperate and running out of things that fit. So he will have to get some bits.
• I have paid £123 off my debts. This will be going down slightly as Stepchange take their first payment.
• I have paid £109 for the monthly payments of the car being fixed and the numberplate. This was not in the SOA because it did not really exist at that point. So that is annoying. 
  
• I have spent £93 on after school club and school lunches when there was no food at home. I had an email yesterday saying they are putting their prices up by £2 a day, so she will now be going three days a week instead of five, and DH will have to get her on the days I WFH. They are blaming the increased cost of food and wages. It will then still be £96 a month, but at least it is technically saving me £24 at current prices, and £64 at the new ones after half term. 
• DH vaping habit has cost £78. I budget £30. I don't know what is going on here, I can only assume they have ALSO put their prices up. I wish people would stop doing that. My wages aren't going up quick enough. 
• £27 on dog food. I know this isn't correct and part of the reason my groceries are so high is because it has random dog food tins thrown in. The dog needs better feeding than what he is getting. 
• £22 on eating out... This is the Greggs I mentioned earlier.
• And lastly £22 on entertainment aka, stupid £1.79 in app purchases on fruit phone games that I have no idea why I get conned into. The only positive is it was £52 last month. So at least that has gone down. 

Somehow I have spent more money than last month. I suppose even with being underpaid the money has gone fast. The trouble with money is if I have it I am compelled to spend it. Well, no more. Hopefully. I've set up a bank account switch so everything will go over to Monzo and I will be able to keep better track of it. And I have to remember that if I am buying things in Tesco/the corner shop that are not groceries, to put them on a separate transaction so I can put them in the correct category. 

I'm aiming to reduce spending next month, particularly in the groceries and general shopping and eating out/entertainment departments. I would like to be at £350 for the month, but it will probably be a bit over because I need to order more protein powder for DH. His evening meals will be about £90 for the month, plus another £60 for the protein powder roughly, which leaves £200 for me and the kids. I foresee a LOT more pasta in my diet. I cannot wait to be slightly better off and be able to buy fresh fruit and veg. 

Child maintenance payment is now a month overdue, and I haven't heard anything about where it is or why it hasn't been paid. So I am still down £120. And still trying to bite my tongue when I think of what a waste of skin my daughters dad is.  It is always me that has to pick up the pieces. 

It is our wedding anniversary on Sunday and we have no money to do anything and because my daughter's dad won't have her, we also have children around. Which rather puts paid to plans of an afternoon in bed (keeping warm activities are very MSE. Shush) and sushi. I am not paying for all of us to eat sushi, it is far too expensive. I may however, stretch to some nori and sticky rice and salmon from Tesco, and try and make my own. 

I have to find about £300 for a new alternator from somewhere and I have also got a long ago booked hair appointment, which I am desperate for. So the repaid tax should cover one of those. And somehow I don't think it will be the one that benefits me. 

Anyway. This entry is far too long because it is about a weeks worth of news. And I am putting off doing things like mopping the floor that are pretty vital to be doing given someone is coming to look around the house. I'll be back over the weekend hopefully - it's a long one for me, I have Monday OFF. Woo! And half term means no getting up before the birds to make sure everything is ready for the school run 

Arrivederci. 

Debsnewbudget

Welcome back.
are  you sure you are claiming all the benefits you can ? 

My dd gets universal credit which helps cover the child care costs.  She works but is on her own with the children. 

slm6002

Congratulations on getting your offer accepted.  I think it is normal to be excited and scared all in one.  Fingers crossed for the right buyer to turn up this time and put in a decent offer.

You seem to be paying for a lot of things for DH but he is not bringing any money in.  I know you had a talk about money but turning the heating off isn't really the solution.  Does he know he needs to contribute to the costs? He needs to apply for benefits until he is able to contribute.  Also why does he need special food when you are struggling on pasta meals?

WinterWarrior

slm6002 said:

Congratulations on getting your offer accepted.  I think it is normal to be excited and scared all in one.  Fingers crossed for the right buyer to turn up this time and put in a decent offer.

You seem to be paying for a lot of things for DH but he is not bringing any money in.  I know you had a talk about money but turning the heating off isn't really the solution.  Does he know he needs to contribute to the costs? He needs to apply for benefits until he is able to contribute.  Also why does he need special food when you are struggling on pasta meals?

Seconded. You all being cold isn’t an acceptable sacrifice for him not working. At the very least, no more vaping or protein powder as that’s a treat not a necessity. Please don’t think we’re being mean, we are all trying to help you and the obvious solution is for your husband to pull his weight. 

jokono

From the outside it does look like he is taking advantage. He has free housing, free special meals, treats, free everything he needs and then his kids are being looked after as well. I obviously don't know the ins and outs but it does look like you are struggling alone and he has no interest in changing his privileged situation. 

slm6002

I hope you and DH had a lovely anniversary

foxandflowers

Hi everyone, 

I am back after three lovely days off work. We had two house viewings booked in this weekend, and the first one went really well, they loved the house and according to the estate agent I should hear on Thursday if they put an offer in. The other viewing cancelled, and they didn't let me know until I'd cleaned the house top to bottom again, put both dogs on leads and walked halfway up a mountain. So that was a bit of a waste of time. But I'm hopeful the Saturday viewers will put an offer in; they came with their small children and the kids were in the stream playing in the garden and fell totally in love with it. Kids can be very persuasive. 

On Sunday we went to the house we are buying. We took my daughter, and went to the park at the back of the house. She made a friend, but honestly the lack of socialisation she has experienced thanks to covid and rural living was glaringly obvious and I'm a bit worried about her. She spends far too much time looking at a screen, and not enough time interacting with people. I feel like I've failed a bit as a mum. I think part of it might be down to over excitement, because it has been literally months since she was at a park... but part of it is that she doesn't know how to interact. She is always complimented on being a lovely child, but her manners were lacking and I was eaten up with guilt. I don't know how I am going to fix that. Sorry, bit of a tangent. 

We went for a walk to the school she would be attending, and timed it from the front door of the house. It was 11.5 minutes. Then we went for coffee and pastries, and fed the curious jackdaws our crumbs. It was a lovely sunny day, and there was rugby going on, and lots of parents stood around the field talking to each other, and it just felt really really nice and like home somehow. So that was lovely.

Yesterday I was supposed to list all the clothes on Vinted, but I failed miserably. I made pancakes for breakfast, then I lit the fire, and sat on the sofa playing mahjong on my phone and watching the Good Doctor for the majority of the day. I made a jam sponge that was crumblier than I wanted it to be, and despaired of the fact nobody wanted to hang out with me downstairs. Dinner was leftover sausages coaxed into a toad in the hole, which used up the last of my plain flour, but tasted incredible. I've never had a yorkshire rise so perfectly in my life. The evening was spent watching Interview with the Vampire on the big tv with DH with the fire on, and a cup of tea. Very nice and relaxing. 

Trouble is I am now back in work this morning and plagued not only by the mum guilt of leaving my child in the very capable hands of my husband, but also plagued by the anxiety of the fact I did absolutely NOTHING that made me money over the weekend. I have sold 2 things on Vinted, and made a total of £17, but I need to actually post them in order to get paid. I have so many things to list, and I just... haven't. I was lazy. And now that means I will probably end up doing the majority of it tonight instead, once I've made dinner and done the ironing, and another load of laundry. I was up at 6am today, cleaned the kitchen, had a shower, did a load of laundry, flattened lots of cardboard, put the bins out, and fed the dogs all before 7. But at least its a few less chores than I had neglected, and a few less things to do this evening. 

I mentioned to my manager that we watched the vampire film last night, and she's given me some book recommendations for vampire things, and I've given her some, so that was nice. We are going out on property visits this morning and I'm sad about it. It always looks as though people have left in such a hurry, and the lives they've spent collecting things and surrounding themselves with stuff they felt was important, is just so neglected. It breaks my heart a bit. All part of the job though. And it does make you re-evaluate your own relationship with things. You can't take any of it with you.

Payslips have just come in, and I got my tax rebate! Woo! Hopefully March finds me slightly better off than this month has. Only 6 days to go, and those are tight days. Take home for the next few months will be around the £1600 mark after tax, student loan repayments, and pension contribs. At least with that I am armed enough to look at a new budget at the end of March. I've just read on the council website our council tax is expected to rise by 6.8%... I can only imagine what the other bills going up means.