NST NIFTY NOVEMBER

f0xh0les

@hazeldreams you need to find £38.08 a day if  you want it cleared by C-word day (why even would you??) or  £33.77 a day to clear it by New Year's Day.  Sometimes breaking it down helps -  What's the best way to  eat an elephant? slice by slice***

Hazel, you are making memories for other people, sometimes it feels like a thankless task, but it is quite hard to teach grown ups manners, the poor things obviously fell off the high slide as small children and never recovered fully in their thank-you centres. They  probably don't thank serving staff in restaurants either.  Thank goodness you are not them!!   You Rock!!

Slept through my alarm this morning - it went off - my watch vibrates until I hit the right button- but I must have turned it off, rolled over and continued my dreams.  Oops, Heard DS3 coming back upstairs at 6.30 after micro-porridge, so was only 30 minutes late, but still, candidate for worst mum of the year.

Thus far, my work expenses have not appeared in my bank account.  Boo! Hiss! Good job I am not relying on them - Get your expenses in early Turtles.  It is your money, not theirs.

*** METAPHORICAL ELEPHANTS ONLY.  DO NOT ACTUALLY  EAT ELEPHANT.  TURTLES DO NOT ADVOCATE THE EATING OF ACTUAL  PHYSICAL ELEPHANTS.

thriftylass

Good morning,

Didn't go to the gym yesterday, just a walk, so I will go today. Today shall also be a NSD. Will take the kids to the trampoline park again tonight but we'll take snacks and water this time. 

grandmanerd

hazel dreams don't be a martyr for Christmas. (I'm not picking on you, I say this every year). Who's coming? Is it just that your family is expanding - children and their partners and families. Or an assortment of relatives and friends? Have you asked them or does everyone assume that you will do it all and let you know they will graciously attend (and let you wait on them hand and foot)?

Given that they're coming, what can you do to change the situation. Can you ask people to contribute and bring something with them (maybe say that money's a bit tight this year)?  Or ask in advance if x,y or z can help with the veg peeling, setting the table etc. Is it only the one day or do they stay (if they're staying can you set a time for their departure before they arrive - one guest at one of DS2's birthday parties didn't go home for 3 days, he kept saying he could only go home at a time when his mother wasn't working)?  

Is anyone particularly awkward or just normally difficult?  I find that siblings quickly resort to their childhood roles, when they're together for any length of time - my m-i-l could complain for hours about that her sister was 'supposedly' car sick and therefore got to sit in the front seat, next to daddy (at 60+ years old, endlessly rehashing a childhood argument). She also 'hated' Christmas - my husband said it was because she remembered Christmases when she only got a pair of new shoes/ dwelt on the fact that all her older relatives were now dead (again, a woman approaching 70). My own take on it was that the focus is on the children, she was only happy when she was the centre of attention - her birthdays and anniversaries.

Is the menu and the day itself set in stone. If not could you choose a simple pudding, limit the number of side dishes? Who lives with you? Can you ask them to take on the responsibility for averting potential clashes, or just doing their share of preparing the meal?

The thing is, it's already turned from something happy and joyous into an obligation and a chore (and no-one's even grateful or appreciative). You need to change something, now. Go for bigger changes next year but change what you can about the current situation. I knew a couple who always hosted Christmas - their children, elderly relatives, the sister who had never married (and her partner). When one of the daughters had a baby, she took over hosting duties (and still is). The same couple took their daughters on holiday as children and were still taking the grown up daughters and their husbands and their children away at least once or twice a year when the 'girls' reached their 30s. Oh the shock and fallout when they announced they were spending Christmas in a hotel in Blackpool as a couple (they were in their 60s, the wife was nearly 70). But everyone survived.

So change what you can this year, make more radical changes next year - or keep making small changes. If you don't get anywhere asking for help and you're still stuck with it, prepare in advance, take whatever shortcuts you need to, build in some 'me' time, plan a totally stress-free Boxing Day.  Maybe start a rumour that you're thinking about cruising in the Caribbean next Christmas. Instead of adjudicating or deflecting the clashes, maybe go in another room and sit with your feet up and a drink. If all else fails you have to change your attitude to the situation - you might not fancy (or be able to afford) a cruise and would never go for a walk and abandon them all mid meal but it might help to imagine all these things until you can laugh about the situation.

Don't be a martyr for Christmas
Practice saying NO now. If it's too late for this year, practice for next year.

Cards - cut back your list (I'm trying to get it under 10 but some people keep sending me cards I'm not expecting), make pacts with groups or organisations - one card for the whole group and a donation to the charity of your choice if you wish.

If your 'works do' is expensive, you don't really know the people you work with or they're the sort of people you wouldn't want to socialise with, you don't 'have to' go. In some places 'it's expected' (ie an obligation not a voluntary thing at all) - in which case try to limit your exposure, leave as soon as you can, preferably quietly. I mostly hate parties. I have had a few fun ones in my lifetime but most of them are slow torture. If I can, I like to help with food - passing from group to group with a tray of nibbles, not getting tongue tied trying to make 'small talk'. I've drunk lemonade for most of my life (the bubbles make me giggly) so people trying to force feed me alcohol or trying to trick me (yes I can taste vodka or gin in my lemonade, I've not jaded my palette by years of cigarette smoking).

If you only have yourself to please and do not practice any faith, you can have whatever 'Christmas' you want - given that there will be several days 'holiday' for most of us. Staying in bed with a pile of books, eating a sandwich or ready meal, going for a long walk well wrapped up against the cold - lovely. Escaping on a cheap flight and sunning yourself on a beach - go for it. Decamping to a rented cottage (or castle) with a pile of ready made dishes from your favourite Indian takeaway and a stack of non-festive videos with a group of friends (it might not cost any more than staying home and making the SM and local hostelries rich).

Don't buy unnecessary presents (especially if you're clearing debt or the buying would add to your debt). Show off presents for children - just read the number of ads on your local selling site for children's electric cars 'only played with once or twice'. Competing with the 'other' grandparents (they all have more money than me - I'll do something different). DS2 asked if I'd like to buy baby a highchair - I said no. I've bought some teething and sensory toys which will be presented in a small rope basket - they're all age and developmental stage appropriate, nearly all made of natural materials (aren't I a fun grandmother). I was the one who suggested coordinating baby gifts with the grand-parents - the baby doesn't need 3 sit and ride toys especially as their house isn't huge. Try not to buy children's toys that need batteries, electronic toys, noisy toys (unless you hate the parents), are the most advertised on tv or tied to a tv or film franchise. 

Keep your list as small as possible and look for experience gifts and other eco or budget options. You do not need to buy for all your neighbours, all your child's classmates, your child's teacher (unless you want to - I've gone round my garden cutting every single flower and I'm the mum who sacrificed one of her own presents because DS3 wanted to give his teacher a necklace. I also spent time ironing a piece of velvet, cutting out a cardboard box and a shape to drape the necklace over, so the presentation matched DS3's expectations). If you have extra money buy something for a child in need, or donate the cost of a meal to crisis.

Don't buy any food or drink your family don't love (and make sure they contribute their lists of Christmas foods) unless someone at your table wants it (we bought walnut whips for one of my grandma's and the other one loved a snowball). Christmas cake, Christmas pudding, sprouts, mince pies, turkey or meat of any kind, eggnog or excess alcohol of any kind are not obligatory (I once worked with someone whose Christmas consisted of sitting watching tv with a can of lager in her hand - each to his own).

If you love all the fuss, I'm not stopping you but I suspect we all have mixed feelings. I can be cynical about Christmas (I saw some rustic angels fixed to a coat hanger earlier and my first thought was that they looked like a line of witches who'd been hanged - maybe the historical mystery I'm reading). I hate the excess and false jollity, good causes who assume you're obliged to support them but there are still things that create 'magic', that little spark of joy.

One of my favourite Fay Weldon short stories is about a couple who meet at university. Their first Christmas is a simple meal with a SM chicken as a centrepiece. She tries to deduce the hidden meaning behind his mother's gifts - are the socks an acknowledgement that she's too busy with her own studies to wash his socks or do they suggest she's a slattern who can't be bothered to darn his socks. They marry and have children, do the usual crossing the country to spend Christmas with their respective parents on alternate years (one set have enough booze to float a ship, the others think half a glass of wine with Christmas dinner is quite sufficient). 

Then as the business he's set up becomes more successful, they find the huge farmhouse table and the house it will fit in (and the accumulation of stockings and presents to be lugged about grows) they say 'everyone come to ours for Christmas'. The business continues to grow and 'her' Christmas becomes ever more elaborate, the guest list longer (the divorced sister and her 2 miserable children), their own four (the eldest eating with his arm round his plate, fearing the competition for attention with the birth of each successive sibling), a few strays.

There's the party for all the staff, one for the business contacts, an annual jolly for all the neighbours and the whole 'family' Christmas which lasts nearly a fortnight with guest rooms to be made ready. Card lists for various categories of acquaintance. All of this takes more and more time each year and the planning can only be contained by lists. Her husband's responsibility ends with writing a check which she then divides and subdivides into budgets. Then there's the contingencies fund as the eldest and a couple of friends can carve a swathe through the nibbles for 150 in a late night fridge raid.

The business struggles, her husband queries the cost but falls asleep whilst she enumerates all the things she has to do with that money. Then the business goes bankrupt, the house has to be sold, they live on benefits in a rented flat. The hangers on find somewhere else to go, the Christmas chicken is supplemented by a hamper including shark fin soup, sent by the divorced sister who's met a wealthy man who's whisked her off to live in Australia.

So every year I read that story and then start on my own (much more modest) lists, planning and preparation.

grandmanerd

Not a lot got done yesterday (my legs said they'd done enough). I did manage to order my pills to be delivered (by sitting with the phone next to me and trying the chemist every few minutes until I got through) and I sorted out the freezer.

Unfortunately, I have to report some food waste as in the afternoon I found the freezer door was open (may have been caught in passing) and had been so for some time. The ice lollies were little puddles and I threw a rather sad looking white fish. The ice cream looked firm but wasn't but that had saved all the fish underneath (the salmon fillets were all solid so have gone into their freezer). The veg and some fish are mostly in my fridge and will be eaten today and tomorrow or cooked (something very simple like a bulk pasta sauce). Yesterday tea was SW beefburgers and spicy wedges.

Not a lot of waste really and the freezer needed emptying and cleaning so I'll do that and transfer anything of mine (2 kg bags of frozen berries for starters) that had to be squeezed into the spaces in the tall freezer and the other fridge freezer. 

It's Art therapy at 1 pm this afternoon and I'm not happy with what I did last week (which is our jumping off point for today) and I'll see if I feel up to doing anything else after that. Otherwise I'll come home and work out how to fit the things I need to do into teh rest of the week.

Grateful for lots of sleep, getting to a good part of a couple of novels I'm reading (I have a rough idea of the backstory to one of them or it would have been completely incomprehensible), a fun film, resting.

I'll try to do some proper cheerleading later - thanks for filling in my gaps apple.

firsview

Evening Turtles. I feel I have been neglecting you all although I have read along. Wise words re the C word grandmanerd. I have warned the children that there will be less in their sacks this year and told them they will all need to help. I also need to get round to swapping dining tables with my sister so we can all fit (why does someone who lives on their own need a 10 seater table?)
I haven’t had much in the way of NSD’s as I have been busy buying C word presents to get it over and done with early. Our Canadian visitor has received her passport and started applying for jobs, so her and DS1 can start paying full rent soon.
Still haven’t put the heating on apart from an hour on Saturday evening, it just hasn’t been cold enough. Unfortunately it hasn’t stopped raining for days now so no walking has happened since last week or sitting in the garden drinking tea.
Today I am grateful for a visit to Dad, him telling me he has ‘too much money’ and giving me a sizeable cheque and missing the rain whilst working.

lcc86

Busy day at work today, but I got loads done so it was very productive. Knew I wouldn't get the chance to move much as I had 4 hours of online training, and my back isn't too happy with me this evening! Did manage a quick workout this morning but wasn't quite enough to stave off a flareup.

Small spends today from my Xmas budget as bought something for my mum and something for my OH. Checked finances and appear to be down by £100 or so and can't work out why despite trawling through all my transactions. Hoping I can sort it...

DrCarrie

thriftylass said:

@DrCarrie I would love to be able to make sauerkraut. Think I tried once and it got infected by sth. 

I had lots of failures and then I saw someone make it (at WI) and now I have cracked it. I can try and draft a step by step if you like  

NSD #3 yay. Still behind the curve though. Nothing much to report, but grateful for: pack up for brekkie, lunch, and dinner; seeing the moon shrouded in misty mystery the view from Blackfriars station, being at work. and view

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for work being good, for lovely chats with kids, for dc having a hwk surge this evening, for not having to go out this evening, for a friend at work saving me when I realised I'd forgotten to take in any chocolate!!!

hazeldreams

Thanks so much for the motivation chunking the remaining balance down into daily for me @f0xh0les! It made me relook at my budget. I've actually got £1500 budgeted for the cc repayment on 1/12 from wages leaving me with just £289.94 to go. Then, I had a text this morning from nationwide to say my switch is going through on Friday, reminding me I'll have £200 from that too! So that leaves me jut £89.94 (or £1.73 per day) to find before the 31/12!

All of this very much depends on us 100% sticking to budget, which at this time of year is going to be incredibly difficult. I so want to do it though!! The thought of going into the new year with just the mortgage to pay down, is so satisfying! 

@grandmanerd thank you for your xmas post too - it's resonated with me loads - I need to and will find a way to make it a xmas that works for me, OH and DC's.

Anyhow, in other news, I'm really grateful for all I achieved yesterday;

- NSD
- AFD
- 2 x walk with pooch
-100% healthy eating day 

Hoping for more of the same today.

Have a good day all!

Hazel x

BadBookkeeper

Morning, here’s my update for yesterday… 

Good work day, got lots of things ticked off.

Dropped off 2 birthday gifts. 

Christmas Day all confirmed so now know for definite what we’re doing.  Just us 3 for Christmas dinner & my parents coming around later on.  Will spend time with sisters family one of the few days after. 

Ate well and no alcohol.

Took ds to footy training.  Starting to feel the cold so will be better prepared next week.

Going through my wardrobe 5 items at a time.  All 5 of yesterdays items went in the charity bag!  Dropped off at local shop and finally managed to get poppies. 

I am a tad upset about Christmas plans for this year but am trying to understand how others feel.  Decided to just make the most of it! 

Can now make a grocery list for Christmas and start getting bits.  Nothing too exciting though or I’ll have to buy twice!! 

Will check back in later with todays update. 

Not an NSD as had to do a top up shop DH did our shopping last week and I was over the moon but 3 items had short dates on and I hadn’t noticed as I hadn’t put it all away either so had to buy again! Also bought poppies so NSDs still 3/11.  

Grateful for Christmas Day plans sorted, good work day, another £200 bank bribe I might go for (hsbc)