Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children? 25 October 2022 at 6:09PM edited 25 October 2022 at 6:11PM in Deaths, funerals & probate 176 replies 93.4K views

Emmia

John_Gray said:

You should disown your parents immediately - or remind them, in the words of the old saying, that "you will be choosing their care home"...

Of course, they should be using their assets to pay for their care, BEFORE giving out any inheritance.

This is really only a threat if the child is paying for the care home...

telsco

Greed and jealousy aren't nice. 
The fact that your parents are both still alive is priceless and you shouldn't even be thinking about their money.

MalMonroe

I think that it's quite generous of your parents to let you know what's in their will/wills. I mean, wills are usually confidential and private. And if one of your parents pre-deceases the other, then the will could change, depending on the specific points.

Best not to say anything at all. If you do, you risk being struck out of any and every will. Just be grateful that you are named in the will/s and don't forget that nothing is set in stone and that any one of you could predecease any of the others. Nobody knows what's around the corner - so just enjoy your life now and be thankful that you have a good family.

bananaroad158

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

I feel your pain. When people diminish us because we don't have kids, it's hurtful. I imagine it's not even to do with money for you - it's about your worth as your parent's daughter and them making their decision to split the inheritance like this can appear as punishment for not "giving them grandchildren". The truth is that inheritance from parents is best split equitably between siblings. What they've done is unusual and hurtful. Thinking of you. Female, London 😥 X

bananaroad158

I feel your pain. When people diminish us because we don't have kids, it's hurtful. I imagine it's not even to do with money for you - it's about your worth as your parent's daughter and them making their decision to split the inheritance like this can appear as punishment for not "giving them grandchildren". The truth is that inheritance from parents is best split equitably between siblings. What they've done is unusual and hurtful. Thinking of you. Female, London 😥 X

hairywalrus

Presumably the OP has no idea what kids cost or any concept of how relatively well-off they've ended up overall...

Spoonie_Turtle

bananaroad158 said:

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

I feel your pain. When people diminish us because we don't have kids, it's hurtful. I imagine it's not even to do with money for you - it's about your worth as your parent's daughter and them making their decision to split the inheritance like this can appear as punishment for not "giving them grandchildren". The truth is that inheritance from parents is best split equitably between siblings. What they've done is unusual and hurtful. Thinking of you. Female, London 😥 X

Are you the MMD asker by any chance?  Otherwise you're inferring a lot from an anonymous post with no gender other than 'brother' specified.

bananaroad158

Spoonie_Turtle said:

bananaroad158 said:

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

I feel your pain. When people diminish us because we don't have kids, it's hurtful. I imagine it's not even to do with money for you - it's about your worth as your parent's daughter and them making their decision to split the inheritance like this can appear as punishment for not "giving them grandchildren". The truth is that inheritance from parents is best split equitably between siblings. What they've done is unusual and hurtful. Thinking of you. Female, London 😥 X

Are you the MMD asker by any chance?  Otherwise you're inferring a lot from an anonymous post with no gender other than 'brother' specified.

Ha, I'm not. Just not good with administrative posting 😁. 

Chris_Jay

I have three children and four grandchildren. After a long talk with my solicitor, I've had my Will written so that the children have 20% each, and the grandchildren have 10% each. It makes sense not to specify amounts, as unless you have a crystal ball, nobody can predict the future, and I may need that money long before I die. I have metastatic cancer, and can't assume either a relatively young death or outliving them all. What money I have is the result of years of hard work and hard saving, with good money management, and I won't leave myself short because my children might be depending on an unknown future. I've known too many elderly people who've gone without essentials because "it's for my children, they must have an inheritance". No, they mustn't. There is no obligation to leave anything to anyone.
The OP (what does OP mean, anyway) hasn't mentioned the children's mother; is her brother a single parent? Unless I missed that bit.
Anyway, my story won't be the same as everyone else's, but my advice is to not rock the boat. You aren't entitled to your parent's money or goods, enjoy them both while you have them and don't start a family war that you'll regret for the rest of your life.
My dad died 12 years ago, without a penny to his name, and only me to organise everything. When it came to it, his death was far more important and distressing than his empty wallet. I still miss him now.

honeyend

I have divided my estate equally between both my children, they each have a copy of the will. 
  I cannot understand why wills are not discussed openly, I would rather my children told me they were unhappy while I was alive, while there is a chance for me to resolve it, than leave a mess after I am gone.
  I have seen close up what happens when adult children think they have been treated unfairly, not me, it costs emotion and money and can leave huge rifts. Who wants to leave that legacy?  I want my children treated equally.
  My MIL split her estate between her three children, which worked absolutely fine, its up to the parents decide what their children get. My part of my mother's estate I gave straight away to my children, it wasn't a large amount, but they each bought what they needed at the time.