Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children? 25 October 2022 at 5:09PM edited 25 October 2022 at 5:11PM in Deaths, funerals & probate 176 replies 93.3K views

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

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Stubod

..sounds fair to me....it's their money, they can do what they like with it??

Emmia

It's your parent's money to do with as they see fit - you're not entitled to any automatic inheritance, so they can give it to the grandchildren, the local donkey rescue or whatever.

Sorry.

pixiebel81

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

So your solution is for your parents to penalise their grandchildren for existing?

thirtytwentyten

Emmia said:

It's your parent's money to do with as they see fit - you're not entitled to any automatic inheritance, so they can give it to the grandchildren, the local donkey rescue or whatever.

This ^^^^

JamesyMac

The money going to the kids is going to them; not your brother. You’re getting as much as your brother, and you aren’t being penalised, unless you thought that you’d be spending money that would be for your kids, if you had any.

Uglyman

how is it fair to treat they're 2 children differently, just because the brother has children doesn't justify they're logic

Devongardener

What happens if either you or your brother have more children, would they be excluded?  It seems a bit strange to arrange their wills in that way.  It would be fairer to leave a third each to you and your brother and a third to be split between all grandchildren, unnamed.  This is what my parents did, but in quarters between we three siblings and our children.

Doc_N

Several issues here, but essentially of course (assuming that you're not financially dependent on them - see https://www.meadeking.co.uk/insight/dependency-claims-and-challenging-a-will/) it's theirs to do whatever they like with. 

It might also help to regard it not as penalising you or rewarding your brother, but adding in two more beneficiaries, making the one quarter each perfectly sensible.

A very delicate issue to raise, so whether it can safely be approached obliquely in general conversation depends very much on the relationship between you and your parents.

There is another aspect, possibly - what happens if you yourself have children?  Probably they'll redo the wills to include your own children in the calculation.

From a purely personal angle, we've split everything equally between our children, both of whom have their own children.  I'm happy to leave them to do what's right with their share.  That's a different, but not necessarily correct, approach.  There is no correct approach.  We also gifted as much as we possibly could to our children to avoid future IHT - very little point in accumulating savings if they're going to lose 40% on death!  Try that one on them!

bigalinsk

In our family we have always used the principle of equal shares between children, regardless of their offspring. That does not mean you are "entitled", your parents can and should decide where to leave their inheritance. 
Often the grandchildren can better use a lump sum while their parents are settled with a secure financial position. 
It is a case-by-case situation, with the final decision resting solely with your parents. 
Look forward to it being a very long time before it becomes a consideration. 

Nearlyold

Your parents would appear to have 4 very important and loved people in their life, you, your brother and their two grandchildren they wish to leave an inheritance to. Cannot see anything unfair about that.