Feels like im going under!

ladyholly

The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said; “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”.  You have taken that first step, the road may be rocky sometimes and smooth at others but plod on and you will get to your destination. At the moment your road  is rocky but it will level out and the going will become easier.

NiteEyez1980

Honeslty without your support I'd be begging for  a consolidation at 6% and no joke visiting my gp. 
Honeslty for years we were told our credit score = our standing in life and I hung on it. 

I've sat down with wife and we are literally plotting to the 1p. 

Will have in theory a budget next week. 

I'm hoping after cat has passed (£115) and we do  this then I'll be able to get a good night's kip as I've literally not slept in 6 months. 

I feel embarrassed to say it but without your support I fear I'd be  considering something silly 👍

kayannie

You're doing really well.
 I know just how hard it is when you lose a beloved pet, but the pain does fade after time.
A good night's sleep is what you need right now. 

RobM99

I'm sure Moggs had a good life, that alone should be consolation to a degree. =^..^=

DrEskimo

Just read through your thread and it’s really inspirational. I think a lot of people in a similar situation reading it will take a lot of encouragement from you. 

Wishing you the family all the best with the budgeting and putting the plan to action. 

Also just to say sorry for your loss. I lost my little furry friend suddenly last year after 10yrs, so understand what you’re going through. As above, take solace in knowing you made sure they had a very spoilt and enjoyable life.

triple_choc_chip

I’ve just read the whole thread and want to add my condolences for furry family pet and my admiration for your courage, especially without your wife being fully onboard - although from your recent post that also seems to have positively changed.  Well done for not flouncing from the thread when you felt the pressure.

Like others responding I’ve been there too; my lightbulb moment was abroad and I couldn’t get cash using my credit card.  I learned the hard way that cash withdrawals from credit cards have a lower limit to the card limit.  Anyway, we survived, the card still worked to buy fuel to get us home from the airport and that marked day one of my debt free journey which took 5 years to complete.

Many times I wanted to jump in and post from my experiences but of course as I read on, others covered all the points beautifully. Congratulations on feeling some control and I hope you have a restful sleep from here on, knowing your choices will ease the pressure. Good luck, I will be following.

Makingabobor2

So pleased to hear your wife is finally onboard and between you, you can get this sorted.  Yes it will be a marathon, but you will get there in the end and sleep well while you do it.  We're still a way from being DF, but I just don't worry about it anymore. Everything is paid for up front and we'll get there when we get there. I don't even look at our credit score much these days. As we are not going to want credit again, I don't feel it is relevant.   
Hope you'll keep posting so we can follow your journey. 

sammyjammy

NiteEyez1980 said:

I'm hoping after cat has passed (£115) and we do  this then I'll be able to get a good night's kip as I've literally not slept in 6 months. 

I feel embarrassed to say it but without your support I fear I'd be  considering something silly 👍

The fact you can say that out loud is amazing and telling about how far you've come so quickly.  Time to slow down a bit and let the process take over, sort your budget and your emergency fund and let the defaults roll in.

So sorry about your cat, we are blessed they let us share their lives  , when you are ready maybe you'll be able to adopt a stray in the name of your late cat x

Singlespeeder

WOW what a rollercoaster of a thread ...just read the whole thing in a sitting!
You have come a massive distance in what, 4 weeks? 
I've little to add, there are way more knowledgeable people on here than me.
Saying that, 4.5 years ago I was in a similar though different place having been going through a divorce, losing my home and all the equity in it, and taking on just shy of £50,000 of debt.
We too had done exactly what you've described, consolidated, re-mortgaged (pretty much p155ed one re-mortgage up the wall! just blew it on holidays and a car) , living beyond our means for YEARS.... but we HAVE to go to the pub for a meal every Friday, the kids are used to it, it's not fair on the kids .... BS !
Anyway, I joined up here and got the fabulous advice from the self same people who are advising you (love to you all !) . Yes its makes uncomfortable reading and many sleepless nights, but the feeling of finally taking control and sorting my sh!zz out was life changing.
I actually found the entire process incredibly cathartic. I was paying through the nose for things like breakdown cover and Buildings & Contents insurance because I naively thought loyalty to a provider would pay dividends ... it does! Their shareholder dividends!!  I think your building insurance is WAY too high. Take control !
Always shop around and play providers off against each other.

Sell everything that's not nailed down and pay it into your Emergency fund ( realistically you need about £1000 if your job is secure) ... above £500 and you can destroy your credit cards (if you've any left) ... you won't need them.

Budget. Get the wife and maybe oldest kids involved, it's really good for them and the more they understand, the less likely you'll get any pushback from them, they'll appreciate the honesty and it'll make them be involved. Go through the last 3 or 4 months bank statements line by line with a few highlighter pens, a different colour for each type of expenditure ... you'll be amazed at how much more you ACTUALLY spend on going out, or food, or clothes, or on the car, than you think. It literally highlights where you can make savings.

The biggest thing that helped me was saving for Annuals ... all the things that you pay for once a year, car insurance, breakdown, house insurance, birthdays, Christmas, tv license... I think mine came to about £1500 a year and most of it went out in January, straight after Christmas, so inevitably it went on a credit card and didn't get paid off. However, I started to pay £150 a month into a Starling account (they are the best for this sort of thing imho), £150 a month is £1800 a year, more than enough to cover my Annuals, then, when a birthday or the TV license came round, I already had the funds to cover it. It was a flipping revelation!

Kids don't need the telly. They'd much prefer doing a jigsaw with their parents, or going for a walk up the park with a football and their parents, or playing card games, or board games, or just about anything with you. 

Batch /bulk cooking is the way forward. Try eating vegetarian a couple of time a week ... I doubt the kids would even notice. Bangers and mash ( with onion gravy  !!) spag bol, chilli , curry , stew, shepherds pie ... all can be cooked and stretched out over a couple of days. Use what you have in.


Enough from me. One Day At A Time. ODAAT.
You've started. You'll finish.

triple_choc_chip

Singlespeeder said:

The biggest thing that helped me was saving for Annuals ... all the things that you pay for once a year, car insurance, breakdown, house insurance, birthdays, Christmas, tv license... I think mine came to about £1500 a year and most of it went out in January, straight after Christmas, so inevitably it went on a credit card and didn't get paid off. However, I started to pay £150 a month into a Starling account (they are the best for this sort of thing imho), £150 a month is £1800 a year, more than enough to cover my Annuals, then, when a birthday or the TV license came round, I already had the funds to cover it. It was a flipping revelation!

OMG this! The one thing I couldn’t understand to begin with, was the difference between budgeting and savings.  So many times I read on here - “You don’t have savings, you’ve just budgeted for a known future expense”  Finally I got it; my monthly amount is £255 which includes water bills, but I put £255 aside religiously every month and Singlespeeder is so right - whenever in the year you need it, the funds are always there!  Genius.