Moving on with things

BalanceBy50

alt80 said:

@warby68 thank you, hope things are on the up for you soon - tbh this time of year is enough alone to drag us down without factoring in anything else eh? Despite some of the other things going on, my mental health has largely been better than in a very long time. I’m still on the program aimed at tackling OCD and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental health. Haven’t had the not wanting to be here thoughts in a while and I’m driving again. Both I didn’t think would ever happen last year. 

Not struggling with cravings either - I just don’t want it in my life or close to my life. Feel very fortunate to be in this position. 

Most of my new starters at an entry level are grads or year out placement students. Plenty of rough diamonds there, ha and have to say I’ve found the same as your husband. However, it’s just heartbreaking to see how many young adults seem to have just resigned themselves to the scrap heap at such a young age. There’s no system to support them into making meaningful steps towards being ready to work and hold a job down so they sink or swim. More sink than should and as employers we can only offer so much support. I’m 100% sure if the population had access to the right coaching, healthcare and mentorship that more would come good and we’d be in a much better place as a country. 

My boy knows that I’ve not been very well and that we’ve been through some rough times. We know that he looks out for us in his own way and I think that he knew that us being just mum and dad was going to be difficult. He still lets me read to him every night but it seems to just be a matter of time now.

My Mrs is doing splendid, she has also been in therapy this year; she finds drawing a line under the past a lot easier than I do which has really helped her. It sounds ridiculous but doing her bike test and getting a motorbike has given her confidence to just give anything a go. Know it was you who said maybe she is just a late bloomer and I think that you’re right again haha. 

@katsu I don’t think fault lies entirely with this government, far from it. The last government’s time in power had to end, they were spending too much time tearing themselves apart rather than running the country. I agree that there are a lot of problems in and outside of the UK. Idk politically things seem more volatile than I can remember in my lifetime. 

Regarding benefits, I respectfully think you have interpreted my intent incorrectly; as one seeking to simply stigmatise the individual rather than a systemic problem of the state failing to adequately support those stuck in a cycle of worklessness. I am much more angry about how our taxes are spent, leaving swathes of the population seemingly helpless and stuck on state welfare rather than directing my anger towards the individuals themselves who largely will do what they feel is open to them as the best option. Our money (taxes) are imo grossly misappropriated and this is paid for by each of us who give more than we receive (in taxes). 

At the heart of my anger is a broken system starting with an NHS that gives people 10 minutes in front of a GP. I’ve had flack on here for seeing a private GP but I get 45 minutes to an hour with a professional who isn’t rushed and who I’ve developed a good relationship with. The population doesn’t have a relationship with their GP to plan their health, run periodic testing to benchmark, signpost to other health professionals to build relationships with where appropriate. If the population had access to a healthcare system that worked on building relationships with patients I reckon we’d have more people ready and able to work and less net recipients. As it sits relationships aren’t built between health professionals and patients and there is a culture of leaving people to deal with complex problems largely by themselves. I think that’s a lot of the reason we have many people on disability benefits due to mental health difficulties. Many other government services are the same - we are simply not getting value as tax payers. 

@Lonelygambler re car; haha 100% it’s a brute in a suit. Real Jekyll and Hyde car depending on the mood you’re in. 

What I find hard about Christmas addiction wise is remembering the times when it was fun rather than problematic, well before it crept into parts of my life it shouldn’t have. It saddens me to say no to some events / parties but I’d rather say no than open myself up to any potential risk. We do other things as a family and I always organise a really nice clean and alcohol free Christmas lunch with my staff. Had great feedback for it over these past few years too. 

 

@ryanm8655 I can’t really comment on the cars for people on disability benefits. It’s something I know nothing about and that particular announcement seemed a bit of a red herring to me. 

I hope that the comment about wanting to see others worse off wasn’t directed at me. I want to see, wherever possible, that people have the tools to thrive. As an employer I do whatever I can to give my staff opportunities and a supportive environment no matter what has been going on in my personal life. 

If I thought that our taxes were being spent to make peoples lives better, I would be a lot less angry about the amount I pay both company and personal. 

Fwiw I’m grateful for where I am in life and I appreciate no one is truly self made. I was offered opportunities that put my business on a trajectory of growth that had I not been at that particular place in time I perhaps wouldn’t have had. 

@Hazelnutty I’m sorry to see your post. I do write about all sorts of things on here and in this instance I was and am angry about the amount of tax I am paying that is affecting profit margins across practically all businesses but especially SMEs from a company point of view and the double whammy of reduced profits and additional taxation personally. I accept that I am in a privileged position but even so I’m feeling the pinch.  

Just wanted to say alt what a lovely measured post! Something that really stands out these days rather than some of your very early posts under the influence. It breaks my heart the state of parts of our country, I work in education which is on its knees and fills me with despair at times. My husband recently received a bonus which pushed him into a higher tax bracket & it really upset us both that we couldn’t enjoy it as much due to the tax paid. Next year his pay rise will take him into the higher tax bracket but due to tax threshold freezes we will be no better off even though prices are rising. And I am a dyed in the wool socialist too!!

Scott_Weiland79

We are the same my o/h is in the higher tax bracket.

I get an annual bonus at work , and work all year going above and beyond stay back etc 
 to achieve a certain rating and do loads of overtime, the tax is frustrating.

alt80

Struggling a little this year with our son wanting a bigger Christmas since one of his new friends seems to go all out. Smaller Christmases have been a part of our lives since Covid and not something we are looking to change. We explained that everyone does Christmas differently as well as everyone having a different budget / priorities financial and otherwise. I felt no shame whatsoever after spending practically my whole life feeling terrible whenever some else was doing something bigger / spending more money than I have on something or other. 

It's at times like this when I realise just how much the investment in my health and wellbeing has changed my and my family's lives. 

My wife and I had a long conversation about her first year trading. She realises just how much is taken before you can actually take an income yourself, which she never really appreciated before. Sometimes life really does move in unexpected ways, if you'd have said this time last year that she'd have not given up, had the money to fully pay for her bike and have bought some nice treats for us, I'd have been cynical. I'm so glad she has started to understand a little more that I can't just magic nice things out of nowhere and that some months in business are !!!!!! hard. I realise I was stupid in trying to protect her from anything approaching real life for so many years because she's risen to the challenge and is so much better to be around. 

@BalanceBy50 Thank you, I never really realised how much I was affected and how that stuff made me. Although, I am aware that I cannot entirely blame my past attitudes to life on cocaine. I thought getting off the stuff for good would be the magic bullet. I wish it was that simple but it's been a lot of years of taking a !!!!!! long hard look at myself under the supervision and guidance of professionals with the support of my wife and family. It's why I'm so passionate that the country would be in a much better position if it took the health of the population seriously. The healthcare model as it is leaves the population to suffer chronic conditions that can't be fixed if the condition doesn't fit a model of typical progression and doesn't have a linear, established solution or treatment. That applies to both physical and mental health in my experience and across both NHS and private healthcare to an extent, although the time pressures on the NHS are much worse and in my experience there is no real rapport built between patient and professional within NHS care. However, across healthcare, we live in a society where health is dealt with on the framework of disease rather than establishing good baselines and ensuring preventative measures are part of our everyday lives. 

Education for our young people needs to move on from the industrial age and into something more fit for the times we are living in and the world our children will inherit. I don't envy your role at all - we don't fully know or understand the impact AI will have on our working lives so they need to be prepared to adapt to change and build resilience. There are elements of my business that are being increasingly automated and mean that in the (near) future some roles and responsibilities will be almost, if not entirely, redundant. The pace is extraordinary, and if some of the experts appearing on these podcasts are correct it will not slow, potentially with dire consequences. Of course, the UK is way behind as a nation - I am sure that I am not alone in thinking our influence is slipping which will accelerate should AI technologies continue to evolve at pace. This has consequences for everyone's finances, not least our children.

On a more personal level, I have staff feeling similarly to you, your husband and @Scott_Weiland79 - there is something very far out of step when people feel that they cannot get on / progress and create a better life for their family. We have been very fortunate as a family that each generation's circumstances have vastly improved over the 20th Century and into the 21st Century but I cannot honestly say I think that's a given for my son despite him having significant privilege over my own upbringing let alone my parents' and my grandparents'. My sister's children are older than my son and she has the same concerns - that there isn't the same level of social mobility as there was. A lot of traditional middle class professions are being continually eroded in both status and earnings and whilst I appreciate there are opportunities which are significantly more lucrative than anything I could have ever dreamed of they are more sparse, likely increasing wealth disparity over time. My biggest fear for the age of AI is the return to a kind of feudalism but by where a few corporate entities hold all the wealth and power, perhaps on a global or bi-global basis. 

I appreciate that this is not a space to delve into politics on a deeper level. However, the circumstances of our country affects our finances as a nation, a population and on an individual level. Our economy, and on a wider scale, the global economies collectively, affect the amount of money we pay in taxes, our net income and the mechanism from which we can build a financially resilient outcome that means our families are provided for. There are many things I would have done differently with hindsight but I have made peace with the fact that the best time to start was yesterday, the next best today and there are some things I did get right (plenty wrong), and some things are out of my control which will directly affect my family and I financially. So I'm not going to apologise for discussing politics when directly affecting the money we have to pay debts/ save/ invest/ live.

PollyWollyDoodle

Politics aside, it’s great to hear that things are going so well for you and your wife. As you say, you never could have imagined her achieving all this - there are more good things ahead than bad, in my view. 

I wish you and your family a happy and contented Christmas. We don’t know what the future will bring but your son is going to have some really good memories of time spent with you both. 

alt80

@PollyWollyDoodle thank you. I hope you and yours have a great Christmas too. We're doing our best to give our boy good memories. We have created some of our own Christmas traditions which I think he appreciates even though they aren't grand gestures. 

Things are going well. Still have the ups and downs of life - some days still really aren't that great but on the whole, I'm in a better place than I have been in many years possibly ever. I didn't think this was possible and tbh it's not even about money - I still owe plenty across my home mortgage / BTL mortgages / business stuff etc. Day I become mortgage / secured debt free I don't !!!!!! know what I'll do, probably not be able to function for a month from the shock lol. 

She's doing great and has something to put her energy into that isn't toxic. Counselling has helped too, lot of dealing with her expectations and life goals etc. She's all in on the digital stuff now and keeps me on the Mon-Thurs 9-5 with the lunch finish on Friday. I love it tbh, spent too long feeling massively guilty for not being able to work the sort of hours I used to. No burnout, I'm better with my staff and frees me up to actually help her with my part time side hustle in sorting her admin and BD haha. Tbf I'm buzzing for her 2026; completely new industry / challenges from a BD perspective, just confirmed up a project that will lend itself to getting bigger contracts for her. It's nice to know I can make deals happen outside of property. 

Willowtree222

Sounds like another corner has been turned. 
Wishing you a lovely Christmas and a brilliant 2026.

maggiem

Lovely to read your recent news @alt80. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas together and that 2026 is a happy and healthy one for you all. The turnaround has been amazing and reflective of the very hard work both you and your wife have put in. I know you find it hard to congratulate yourself but you should be patting yourselves on your back. 

lucielle

Great post, alt 
L

alt80

@Willowtree222 I hope I can continue to keep turning the corners - feel like the better ways are starting to compound. Also wishing you a lovely Christmas and great 2026. 

@maggiem thank you- I also wish you and family a wonderful Christmas and new year. We’ve put everything into building behaviours, habits and routines that are better for our family and marriage. I can look back on this year with a sense of pride. 

@lucielle thank you 

RelievedSheff

Merry Christmas Alt.

You do Christmas how it suits you as a family. Sod what other people do.

Congratulations to your wife for making it through a year in business as well. Who would have thought it?