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Moving on with things

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Comments

  • Willowtree222
    Willowtree222 Posts: 8,302 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    What a lovely post, Alt. Sounds like your wife has been on her own journey as well and is also seeing things differently. 

    It's a shame some of her relatives have to mention the past. I wonder if it makes them feel superior somehow. Their actions say more about their own personality and behaviour though. It only takes one wrong turn for any one of us to end up in difficult positions. Financially or personally. 

    I love Christmas so I am in my element at the minute! 
    September 2017 Debt = £25330

    Starting afresh.

    You can do anything if you put your mind to it. x
  • katsu
    katsu Posts: 5,029 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    Consider them to be suffering from foot and mouth @alt80. It's either being nosey or thoughtless.  They don't need to speak about the past and who you used to be.  You and your wife have changed so much. 

    I think they are the people for the Mel Robins "let them" where you recognise they are just what they are and you focus on how you feel and making the best decisions for you. 

    There are lots of people whose opinions add no value to my life I find 🤭  They aren't in my heart and I can't change what they think and feel. 

    I'm really proud of Mrs Alt for recognising the limitations of her decisions and behaviours, and changing her ways in response.  Memories are the most valuable "thing".  
    Debt at highest: £8k. Debt Free 31/12/2009. Original MFD May 2036, MF Dec 2018.
  • daisy_1571
    daisy_1571 Posts: 2,312 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Wow thats a sincere apology from Mrs alt there.  Glad she recognised her part in the whole sorry mess, hopefully over time you will be more understanding that EVERYONE  has regrets and they deserve not to be thumped over the head with them every day, you too will hopefully have more and more time between episodes of self reproach. 

    I hope these awful rude people didn't spoil the day for you all.  Your inlaws and their wider family do seem incredibly outspoken and boorish (they maybe aren't and its just the tiny bits we hear about them, apologies if I offend).  I couldn't imagine ever bringing stuff like that up, especially in company,  if the person themselves didn't quietly bring it up themselves and want to talk.

    I'm very glad to read so much positive in your news.  I hope you are also able to start to move on from keeping your son young and start to enjoy the growth towards his young adulthood and spending time with the person he will eventually become.  

    Daisy xxx 
    22: 3🏅 4⭐ 23: 5🏅 6 ⭐ 24 1🏅 2⭐ 25 🏅 🥈⭐ Never save something for a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion. The diff between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today Well organised clutter is still clutter - Joshua Becker If you aren't already using something you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJMoney The barrier standing between you & what youre truly capable of isnt lack of info, ideas or techniques. The secret is 'do it'
  • Humdinger1
    Humdinger1 Posts: 2,450 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 6 October at 2:06AM
    @alt80 you and your family are utterly magnificent!  Pay no attention to negative wider family.  They seem stuck in the past.  Maybe it's worth slipping in that old saying 'Drop old grievances, if only to pick up new ones'. Made me laugh like a drain when I first heard it and it did help me to let go.  Love Humdinger x
  • daisy_1571
    daisy_1571 Posts: 2,312 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I like that one humdinger 😆 
    22: 3🏅 4⭐ 23: 5🏅 6 ⭐ 24 1🏅 2⭐ 25 🏅 🥈⭐ Never save something for a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion. The diff between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today Well organised clutter is still clutter - Joshua Becker If you aren't already using something you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJMoney The barrier standing between you & what youre truly capable of isnt lack of info, ideas or techniques. The secret is 'do it'
  • ryanm8655
    ryanm8655 Posts: 1,236 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    alt80 said:
    Thanks all. Reasonable week so far; managed to get a few things over the line which had been dragging on for a while just in time to start coming down with some cold/flu ha. Can’t have everything lol. 

    @Willowtree222 my wife has been in therapy since the beginning of the year. We have also kept our promise to each other that we are going to work on our marriage every day. I know it’s cringeworthy to write it on a public forum but I strive to love her more than I did yesterday and less than tomorrow. 


    Apart from my parents in law, most of her relatives just don’t want me around in the first place. It got a lot worse after they became aware of the extent of my addiction - they won’t accept that I don’t touch the stuff anymore. Tbf before I started to take recovery seriously I struggled to accept that it can just take one wrong turn for us to end up in difficult positions. I really do my best not to judge others these days but I wasn’t always like that. 


    Haha can’t believe you’re already in the Christmas spirit, it’s barely autumn lol - Christmas doesn’t exist in this household until late November these days. 


    @katsu thank you. I wish that I had seen that I needed to change before having what I can only call a complete breakdown but I didn’t.


    I have come across Mel Robbins, she was on a Podcast that I was listening to and I keep meaning to buy her book. 


    @daisy_1571 I still want her to have the best and more than I can give.


    A lot of my wife’s relatives are pretty outspoken - not just about me.


    I never thought I’d find letting my boy grow up as difficult as I do. However, I know you’re right that we need to gradually let him grow up. 


    @Humdinger1 ha my parents used to say that.


    @ryanm8655 good to hear from you - how’s the purchase going?


    You won’t be disappointed if you pull the trigger. We plan to keep the C63 for a long time so really don’t think we’ll see it appreciate; it’s our main car so it won’t have sub 10k miles forever ha. 


    It’s a ‘60s Jag Mk2 - sold the little MG back to our friends, it was too small now our boy is getting taller. Probably be taller than my Mrs this time next year.


    Think we all dream of moving somewhere warmer from time to time, wouldn’t be realistic for me either. 


    We’ve had to re-evaluate pretty much everything mate - when I got serious about dealing with addiction/ spending and engaged with therapy I fell to pieces. Been really unwell with my mental health for the most part over these years. Said to my wife that I feel like a porcelain vase someone’s thrown at a wall and glued back together sometimes. 


    The first place fell through after 5 months of waiting. Essentially the vendors declared a boundary issue and having agreed to change the boundary on land registry then changed their minds. Mortgage company wouldn't lend with a boundary issue, no matter how minor. I ended up pulling out at that stage and viewed another place and offered on that. That's progressing well, approaching two months in and hope things will be ready to go soon, vendors are ready so am just waiting on solicitors to update me on searches and enquiries. The second property is so much nicer and walking distance to the train station, so no need to taxi back when I've been out on the beers with mates in London.

    Love the fact you have a C63 as a daily! Ahh a Jag Mk2, now that is a cool car!!!

    I feel you there mate, I think we're all porcelain vases that get dropped and knocked and bits have to be glued on overtime. You should be really proud of yourself for getting to where you are today. A good friend of mine has basically lost everything due to addiction, started out with a bit of coke on a night out, soon became daily use and being a functioning addict, then suddenly he's left his wife and kids for a hooker who has got him into crack...he's now lost his £200k a year job and stuck on benefits in a 1 bed flat on his own, the hooker went back to her pimp/boyfriend as soon as she'd exhausted all of his money (pretty early on in the process). I don't see him anymore, will exchange the odd message for old times sake but that's about it...

    Went off at a bit of a tangent there but my point is you've done amazingly well to pick yourself  back up from where you were.

    August 2019: £28.8k

    November 2020: £0 (0% interest)

    My debt free diary: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/77330320#Comment_77330320


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