In my 30s and in London - what do I do?

[Deleted User]

jonnydeppiwish! said:

pinkshoes said:

Ultimately what you want and what is affordable are NOT the same thing so something needs to change.

You are never going to settle elsewhere if you keep thinking about you want.

If you WANT London then you are going to have to change career or take steps to earn much more! Even teachers in London earn more than you!

If you like your job then stop thinking about London life and get involved where you are now. If you look hard enough for people your age with common interests you will find then.

Try kick boxing - lots of men in their 30s in my class. Joint a local sports group - casual footy or something??

A location is what you make of it, but if you don't give it a proper chance you will never settle.

I've lived in 10 different areas, and always managed to meet people. The loneliest place I found was living in a city!

As Pinkshoes says, if you can’t afford to live in London, then YOU need to do something about it. You have to change your career prospects, no somebody else doing it for you.

You have a degree - well done, join the rest of us who have one and post graduate degrees. 

You’ve not made any friends so you say that there’s only people with 21 or 65 - look into different hobbies/exercise groups. Pretty sure someone has already mentioned Parkrun or gym classes.

What do you expect to gain from going to another country? As a charity worker, are there any feasible roles overseas for you? What are you expect the government to do for you? You earn a good wage, can afford to house feed yourself.

I’m a also a big believer in people making the most of where they are, regardless of who lives close or not. Life can be as hard as you make it, or as easy as you want it to be.

I earn a decent wage and I can't afford to house and feed myself. That's the whole point of this thread. A large percentage of London salaries don't pay for people for people to live in or near London. The system is broken. 

tooldle

wildbilljones said:

sugarfree said:

Hi Wild Bill

I think you need to live up to your moniker and go abroad in search of adventure.  
I'm 58 now and the bits of my life I regret most are the times I played it too safe.

As for having to leave family and friends in search of a better life, well, you're hardly the first. Generations before you have done this and many people are still doing it, the world over. 
I left family and friends in Belfast and moved to England in my early 20s because I couldn't find well paid employment in my field. Seven years later I moved again, leaving friends in England to take up a better job in France. There's no point trying to cling on to the old friends - when you move you must make new ones.  It's entirely feasible. 

You've got me worried about Norwich. We're considering moving to the UK in a few years and Norwich struck me as a possibility. I bumped into a couple of lively Brazilians in their 30s recently (who were on holiday here in France) and they were telling me how much they liked living there. Apparently even the climate is quite good.  What's so terrible about it?

My grandparents moved from Ireland to England for a better life. I think this is different though. They moved because there were no jobs in Ireland. My grandmother's sister came over from the West of Ireland, worked as a caterer and bought a house in Harlesden in the 1940s. Fast forward 70 years and it was sold for £1.4m. 

I think in 2022, there should be more housing options in and around London for people who earn less than £50k (a huge amount of people). 

Norwich is lovely. But there is very little work there. The train to London costs over £70. It can be less if you book ahead but that's not always practical. The travelling back and forth has drained me and my bank balance. 

Exactly the same for people in Norwich. I have two nieces born in the area. One has moved away for better opportunities and the other works locally, and has recently bought a part share in a housing association flat and is of a similar age to you OP.

Retireby40

wildbilljones said:

sugarfree said:

Hi Wild Bill

I think you need to live up to your moniker and go abroad in search of adventure.  
I'm 58 now and the bits of my life I regret most are the times I played it too safe.

As for having to leave family and friends in search of a better life, well, you're hardly the first. Generations before you have done this and many people are still doing it, the world over. 
I left family and friends in Belfast and moved to England in my early 20s because I couldn't find well paid employment in my field. Seven years later I moved again, leaving friends in England to take up a better job in France. There's no point trying to cling on to the old friends - when you move you must make new ones.  It's entirely feasible. 

You've got me worried about Norwich. We're considering moving to the UK in a few years and Norwich struck me as a possibility. I bumped into a couple of lively Brazilians in their 30s recently (who were on holiday here in France) and they were telling me how much they liked living there. Apparently even the climate is quite good.  What's so terrible about it?

My grandparents moved from Ireland to England for a better life. I think this is different though. They moved because there were no jobs in Ireland. My grandmother's sister came over from the West of Ireland, worked as a caterer and bought a house in Harlesden in the 1940s. Fast forward 70 years and it was sold for £1.4m. 

I think in 2022, there should be more housing options in and around London for people who earn less than £50k (a huge amount of people). 

Norwich is lovely. But there is very little work there. The train to London costs over £70. It can be less if you book ahead but that's not always practical. The travelling back and forth has drained me and my bank balance. 

Your right its different comparing your grandparents to your situation.

There's was much more difficult. In the area they were born, they couldn't survive as there was no work. No work, no house, no food, no education, no social life, nothing. They had no choice. They had to say goodbye to friends, family and everything they had known forever.

You have a job, hobbies, an education, friends, family and you have been able to do that living were you want to a degree. The only sacrifice you have to make is live 1 hour away from where you were born. 

You are fortunate although you don't believe it.

[Deleted User]

jonnydeppiwish! said:

pinkshoes said:

Ultimately what you want and what is affordable are NOT the same thing so something needs to change.

You are never going to settle elsewhere if you keep thinking about you want.

If you WANT London then you are going to have to change career or take steps to earn much more! Even teachers in London earn more than you!

If you like your job then stop thinking about London life and get involved where you are now. If you look hard enough for people your age with common interests you will find then.

Try kick boxing - lots of men in their 30s in my class. Joint a local sports group - casual footy or something??

A location is what you make of it, but if you don't give it a proper chance you will never settle.

I've lived in 10 different areas, and always managed to meet people. The loneliest place I found was living in a city!

As Pinkshoes says, if you can’t afford to live in London, then YOU need to do something about it. You have to change your career prospects, no somebody else doing it for you.

You have a degree - well done, join the rest of us who have one and post graduate degrees. 

You’ve not made any friends so you say that there’s only people with 21 or 65 - look into different hobbies/exercise groups. Pretty sure someone has already mentioned Parkrun or gym classes.

What do you expect to gain from going to another country? As a charity worker, are there any feasible roles overseas for you? What are you expect the government to do for you? You earn a good wage, can afford to house feed yourself.

I’m a also a big believer in people making the most of where they are, regardless of who lives close or not. Life can be as hard as you make it, or as easy as you want it to be.

Right. So everyone who works in London but can't afford to live in London because of the extortionate rent prices and lack of housing options would just 'get paid more'. 

Great advice there. You should start charging people for this kind of thing. 

jonnydeppiwish!

[Deleted User] said:

jonnydeppiwish! said:

pinkshoes said:

Ultimately what you want and what is affordable are NOT the same thing so something needs to change.

You are never going to settle elsewhere if you keep thinking about you want.

If you WANT London then you are going to have to change career or take steps to earn much more! Even teachers in London earn more than you!

If you like your job then stop thinking about London life and get involved where you are now. If you look hard enough for people your age with common interests you will find then.

Try kick boxing - lots of men in their 30s in my class. Joint a local sports group - casual footy or something??

A location is what you make of it, but if you don't give it a proper chance you will never settle.

I've lived in 10 different areas, and always managed to meet people. The loneliest place I found was living in a city!

As Pinkshoes says, if you can’t afford to live in London, then YOU need to do something about it. You have to change your career prospects, no somebody else doing it for you.

You have a degree - well done, join the rest of us who have one and post graduate degrees. 

You’ve not made any friends so you say that there’s only people with 21 or 65 - look into different hobbies/exercise groups. Pretty sure someone has already mentioned Parkrun or gym classes.

What do you expect to gain from going to another country? As a charity worker, are there any feasible roles overseas for you? What are you expect the government to do for you? You earn a good wage, can afford to house feed yourself.

I’m a also a big believer in people making the most of where they are, regardless of who lives close or not. Life can be as hard as you make it, or as easy as you want it to be.

Right. So everyone who works in London but can't afford to live in London because of the extortionate rent prices and lack of housing options would just 'get paid more'. 

Great advice there. You should start charging people for this kind of thing. 

No it’s simple economics - some people can pay these high rental prices and house prices. If you can’t afford to live there then you can’t live there. Either commute in or find a job somewhere else.

The same as it is all around the UK. There are always areas which will be too expensive for any mere mortal to buy in.

It happens, get over it and move on.

jonnydeppiwish!

[Deleted User] said:

jonnydeppiwish! said:

pinkshoes said:

Ultimately what you want and what is affordable are NOT the same thing so something needs to change.

You are never going to settle elsewhere if you keep thinking about you want.

If you WANT London then you are going to have to change career or take steps to earn much more! Even teachers in London earn more than you!

If you like your job then stop thinking about London life and get involved where you are now. If you look hard enough for people your age with common interests you will find then.

Try kick boxing - lots of men in their 30s in my class. Joint a local sports group - casual footy or something??

A location is what you make of it, but if you don't give it a proper chance you will never settle.

I've lived in 10 different areas, and always managed to meet people. The loneliest place I found was living in a city!

As Pinkshoes says, if you can’t afford to live in London, then YOU need to do something about it. You have to change your career prospects, no somebody else doing it for you.

You have a degree - well done, join the rest of us who have one and post graduate degrees. 

You’ve not made any friends so you say that there’s only people with 21 or 65 - look into different hobbies/exercise groups. Pretty sure someone has already mentioned Parkrun or gym classes.

What do you expect to gain from going to another country? As a charity worker, are there any feasible roles overseas for you? What are you expect the government to do for you? You earn a good wage, can afford to house feed yourself.

I’m a also a big believer in people making the most of where they are, regardless of who lives close or not. Life can be as hard as you make it, or as easy as you want it to be.

I earn a decent wage and I can't afford to house and feed myself. That's the whole point of this thread. A large percentage of London salaries don't pay for people for people to live in or near London. The system is broken. 

Exactly - you can’t afford to live in London. The system isn’t broken, it’s just the way it always has been. People have been moving for jobs and places to live for years.

I’m one of 8 children, all of which had to move away from where we grew up because we couldn’t afford to live there.  We all realised this and changed our lives to fit.

If you want to live in London, then there are only two options - you find someone else to live with or you get a better paid job.

easy

Wildbilljones ...  I'm sorry but you really do seem to feel very sorry for yourself,  and reluctant to take on the suggestions you have asked people to give.
I understand that moving to Norwich has been hard on you  -  you moved at a time when normal social interactions had come to a complete halt,  it is taking time for people to get used to going out and meeting again.  But several people here have suggested that you spend your evenings and weekends joining in sports activities and finding other hobbies you can join other people in. 
You said you liked Norwich because it had nice countryside around it -  so have you looked into joining a rambling club?  I know many of the members may be older than you,  but they will have families and other friends,  over time that may well widen your social circle.
Go to your leisure centre,  see if they can introduce you to a 5-aside footy club,  or a squash player to play against.  Become a regular at one of the public swimming sessions.  After a few sessions someone will chat to you,  that can lead on to other social things.

If you are not sporty,  then checkout online whether there is a chess club/book club/bridge club/film society .  Or look for an amateur dramatics group -  they'll be starting to plan for the pantomime season soon
Go to the Library -  they will have posters of various groups up on a notice board.  
If you have an interest in history become a weekend guide for the city or Catherdral -  you'll meet people that way..

I'm a big believer in "you get out of life what you put in".  

hazyjo

There's also this near me.

If you can't make friends in Leigh-on-Sea, you can't make friends anywhere. There's loads going on. People are friendly. Loads of walking groups, sea-swimming groups, arts and crafts, wine tasting, sporting things, festivals, pubs, coffee shops, bars and shopping, etc.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/126094226#/?channel=RES_BUY

PS plus a 45 min train into London. It's a nice commute with a lovely sea view walk to the station.

Retireby40

easy said:

Wildbilljones ...  I'm sorry but you really do seem to feel very sorry for yourself,  and reluctant to take on the suggestions you have asked people to give.
I understand that moving to Norwich has been hard on you  -  you moved at a time when normal social interactions had come to a complete halt,  it is taking time for people to get used to going out and meeting again.  But several people here have suggested that you spend your evenings and weekends joining in sports activities and finding other hobbies you can join other people in. 
You said you liked Norwich because it had nice countryside around it -  so have you looked into joining a rambling club?  I know many of the members may be older than you,  but they will have families and other friends,  over time that may well widen your social circle.
Go to your leisure centre,  see if they can introduce you to a 5-aside footy club,  or a squash player to play against.  Become a regular at one of the public swimming sessions.  After a few sessions someone will chat to you,  that can lead on to other social things.

If you are not sporty,  then checkout online whether there is a chess club/book club/bridge club/film society .  Or look for an amateur dramatics group -  they'll be starting to plan for the pantomime season soon
Go to the Library -  they will have posters of various groups up on a notice board.  
If you have an interest in history become a weekend guide for the city or Catherdral -  you'll meet people that way..

I'm a big believer in "you get out of life what you put in".  

The OP has never actually said what he likes to do outside of work despite being asked. So it's hard to actually advise on hobbies.

I find it hard to believe that what he does with his friends and family can't be done at the weekend and maybe meet new friends during the week. 

Maybe they lived in house shares with friends and always just hung out together in the evenings but that isn't sustainable when you are in your 30s, 40s, 50s.

grumiofoundation

wildbilljones said:

jonnydeppiwish! said:

pinkshoes said:

Ultimately what you want and what is affordable are NOT the same thing so something needs to change.

You are never going to settle elsewhere if you keep thinking about you want.

If you WANT London then you are going to have to change career or take steps to earn much more! Even teachers in London earn more than you!

If you like your job then stop thinking about London life and get involved where you are now. If you look hard enough for people your age with common interests you will find then.

Try kick boxing - lots of men in their 30s in my class. Joint a local sports group - casual footy or something??

A location is what you make of it, but if you don't give it a proper chance you will never settle.

I've lived in 10 different areas, and always managed to meet people. The loneliest place I found was living in a city!

As Pinkshoes says, if you can’t afford to live in London, then YOU need to do something about it. You have to change your career prospects, no somebody else doing it for you.

You have a degree - well done, join the rest of us who have one and post graduate degrees. 

You’ve not made any friends so you say that there’s only people with 21 or 65 - look into different hobbies/exercise groups. Pretty sure someone has already mentioned Parkrun or gym classes.

What do you expect to gain from going to another country? As a charity worker, are there any feasible roles overseas for you? What are you expect the government to do for you? You earn a good wage, can afford to house feed yourself.

I’m a also a big believer in people making the most of where they are, regardless of who lives close or not. Life can be as hard as you make it, or as easy as you want it to be.

I earn a decent wage and I can't afford to house and feed myself. That's the whole point of this thread. A large percentage of London salaries don't pay for people for people to live in or near London. The system is broken. 

No you can't afford to buy a house or rent alone in London. You earn 36k, over the median income in the UK. You are not homeless and starving. 

Maybe part of the reason the 'system is broken' is people (esp. children) who are actually starving or homeless don't get the help they need because of people who need less help but shout louder (and often inaccurately)?