Getting the balance right

elantan

Dementia really is a horrible disease, it's horrible for the person living with it and it's horrible for the loved ones navigating it, but little sparks of enjoyment can be found. 

Today we nipped up to our house to check everything is safe and so I could have a shower, our wee companion couldnt remember ever seeing our house and visiting it, so we had a wee grand tour of the place and an explanation of wood stores ( Mr Els obsession) etc it was enjoyable seeing their reaction as if it was the first time ever seeing it, Mr El finds it hard and upsetting but I think this time is good for him to learn and hes finding a forgiveness which I think is healing for him. I'm hoping in years to come he will look back with fondness and love

Other plans for today, ice cream and chill, nothing happening on the finance front till Monday so were just plodding  

savingholmes

That's good. Sorry I assumed it was your parents.

elantan

No need to apologise my mum died a few years ago now, dad lives in another country:) 

It is Mr Els parents however 

elantan

Landed up home this evening, Mr El had been drinking over the course of the last week ( every day) today he added a bottle of wine into the mix, he was already affected by the drink, I decided nope not doing that so came up the road. 

my wee confused person is upset, they want me there, Mr El is acting all bravado and injured, and I'm now chilling in ma bed and cooling down from this heat.

beanielou

Oh dear el 

Aimingforthegoodlife

I work on a dementia unit, and the beauty I have, I never knew the person before so have no sense of loss that loved ones have, I can appreciate that person in this time and enjoy them. When it was my grandma, I really felt I lost her twice. Awful disease. Sounds like it has been both lovely and tough for Mr El and yourself, you did the right thing bringing yourself away! I am looking forward to hearing the shift countdown!

elantan

Aimingforthegoodlife said:

I work on a dementia unit, and the beauty I have, I never knew the person before so have no sense of loss that loved ones have, I can appreciate that person in this time and enjoy them. When it was my grandma, I really felt I lost her twice. Awful disease. Sounds like it has been both lovely and tough for Mr El and yourself, you did the right thing bringing yourself away! I am looking forward to hearing the shift countdown!

aye its deff harder when you know the before person as well as the new one, I think he is struggling more than he is letting on tbh and I should be more sympathetic but I'm done in with all that now, I'm putting myself first 

savingholmes

El -  you did the right thing looking after you. Sometimes that's just what's required. 

LadyWithAPlan

Yes I am sure the stress is making him drink more, I guess it will sadly always be his port of call  unless he can find a way to break free but you do need to look after yourself first. 

A friend of mine has now been sober for 3 years but it took a good few goes to get himself there, a few days, then a few weeks before relapse. He managed brilliantly throughout covid though and uses exercise to help.

I have a family member who I thought was doing well but now it seems  like  w**d addiction is causing crazy issues with his behaviour - it may be psykosis -  but he in defensive mode at present.  Reading up a lot but  the following tips are guiding my family all present.

• Tip #5: Don't Enable. ...
• Tip #6: Have Realistic Expectations. ...
• Tip #7: Take Care of Yourself.

savingholmes

Sounds like good tips to follow.

I have a friend and his wife who gave up drinking together a few years ago. He was originally hooked so it's lovely to see him sober now. It can happen but they have to want it enough.