Starting afresh in paradise

ManekiNeko

On a MH front ... my mental health is worse this week, so I'm waiting up for a crisis assessment at 2am. It's late, but I guess it beats sitting in A&E all night on one of their metal chairs. I explained I'm brassic and can't afford to come out, so they've actually organised a taxi for me to go there and back, which is amazing as the assessment is in my nearest city so it would cost me an absolute bomb.

I do technically have a little cash as I just got my £150 disability energy help payment today, but I think that and anything else I have is going to be spent on plumbing in pretty short order. I'm going to apply for a small grant to help me with other essential costs (it's for things like a toaster), and for council tax reduction too. And I've reallllly got to tell HB I've moved out of the MH house. But I need to feel better mentally to deal with all that. I probably sound productive on DIY, but I'm only doing plumbing stuff because I can't drink tap water / leaks kept happening.

Going to regret asking for the help tomorrow possibly as the water person can come from 8am. But on the plus side, it finally motivated me to add a label to my buzzer saying which flat is mine (weirdly almost no one's flat has a number on their buzzer in my block, so delivery people have to just guess). So if I'm ever de-motivated to do a task, it turns out fear of waking my neighbours works 😂

I've got a GP appointment tomorrow too, to go over my dissociative symptoms with my usual doctor, so she can request funding for me to be assessed to check if I have a dissociative disorder. I'm really hoping to get some answers from all this. Just got to hope the NHS will fund it - it's really expensive, and it can take a long time to get a funding decision. I'm hoping it's less expensive in the long run than me keeping on needing emergency help with my MH. It's also a good thing I have that appnt, as I got accidentally injured earlier due to being dissociative (I can go numb to varying degrees when I dissociate, which I think is how it happened), and need to ask her about the injury itself too. I don't feel amazing, but I don't think it qualifies for A&E either, so I think it's alright to wait until then as things stand.. plus tbh I don't really fancy seeing a total stranger at probably 5am about it all.

I'm so tired, physically, mentally and emotionally.

ManekiNeko

Well, the assessment wasn't super helpful (though it did help a bit to have a good vent, which is a bit unusual for me with strangers, but there you go). I also had a long chat with my partner which helped. The MH people said they're going to follow up on the referrals that have been made and try to get a bit more certainty, such as by confirming that I'm definitely on the waiting list for a few courses, and when I might expect the most important course to start. (These are courses that equip you with basic skills in readiness for therapy.)

I didn't get to sleep until 6am because of all that, and was up again by half 10, however - it's actually been a productive and good day in the sense my therapist kindly agreed to write a supporting letter saying why he believes I should be asesssed for a dissociative disorder (it was his suggestion in the first place to be fair), and I've finished typing up the list of symptoms that I scribbled down yesterday (and that my partner added to last night). Just in time too, as I've got the doctor in a bit, and she needs all the info so she can apply for funding for me to be assessed. So for once I feel prepared. The letter my therapist did was really good and he said it might be hard to hear but he does think I will probably be diagnosed with something ... I just really hope the funding is awarded for me to access the assessment (and possibly specialist therapy thereafter, if in fact I do end up being diagnosed with anything). I didn't realise I could potentially access therapy via that route, so it's actually really lifted my spirits, as this could be a way for me to get help much sooner, from people who really understand trauma and dissociation, instead of bouncing around the mental health system like a pinball. I do have mixed feelings about the potential of getting a diagnosis though - like, it's never exactly great news to hear you have a health condition, but I've also known the power of the right diagnosis in accessing help, support, and the right care, so part of me really does want the diagnosis because it's a route to feeling better (but clearly, only if I actually have the condition, otherwise the label would be worse than useless).

The water inspector flushed the mains outside and said there's definitely no issues there, so the problem is definitely within the block or my apartment. So, guess tomorrow will indeed be full of dismantling my apartment. Hopefully we can locate the issue. The inspector said he reckons it might be the 'jumpers' (whatever they are) inside an existing stoptap in my apartment have dropped, and the grit and rubber (which are the things he identified coming out of my kitchen tap, yummy! ) have built up behind it, meaning when I flushed my kitchen tap last week it had limited effect. I'm not sure I totally agree with him, because the stoptap should be fitted on the mains inlet pipe as it enters my apartment, meaning anything that could have built up behind it could only have come from a) the mains or b) the block. But, it's also possible there's something strange about how it's been fitted (he said he'd seen multiple stoptaps in some properties), or some very old / weird pipework is happening, or my tap needs replacing, or say an old, cheap flexipipe fitted to my bathroom taps has perished rubber washers that are backflowing into the mains inlet (if it comes into the bathroom before coming to the kitchen), etc. Basically it's all a bit baffling but when we trace the pipes around the house we should be able to work it out.

In money news, I got the £150 disability payment yesterday. I know it's meant for energy costs, but most likely it'll go on getting fully sorted in my home - the same for the next cost of living payment, it'll probably go towards moving costs. Ah well. Out of options really. I've also notified HB that I've moved and they've ended my claim accordingly, and applied for Council Tax Reduction. They said they wanted evidence but didn't say what to send, so I've pinged off an email to ask.

I still feel a bit rough but I'm doing a bit better than I have been. If I'm still doing ok after the doctor's, I might get really brave and carry on deep cleaning my kitchen cupboards, but if not it'll have to be a giant day's work tomorrow to sort the plumbing and try my best to move/stack/hide anything important away from the boiler team. Seriously tempted to nip to the burger van to power us up it's not terribly MSE but I don't think I've spent more than fiver (if that) in fun money this month (not my usual plan but money has been feeling genuinely dire), and it's certainly still much cheaper than a plumber. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

By the way ... is anyone feeling a bit concerned about everything that's happening in the economy just now, in terms of future affordability (interest rates) / ability to remortgage? I'm certainly glad I'm in the mindset to overpay, and that I've fixed for so long, but even so I've had a few jitters about it.

ManekiNeko

Well, it's been a productive day. My DP came over and we spent most of the day re-organising the insanely annoying bags of stuff into a more efficient system, so I've got a ton more floor space now, which should make it a lot more possible for me to unpack - and makes it a lot nicer in the meantime. It also means I have a choice of places to sit, in the sense I've actually got access to one seat on my couch at the moment too. I feel quite ashamed of needing so much help to get my place in order, tbh. It's hard when I've been forced to move house in a way that really doesn't work for me, though. I'm really glad I don't have to do it again like that.

It also freed up enough room for us to dismantle: one kitchen cupboard, one sink cupboard, take side off bath, and get in behind previously boxed-off toilet pipes (and a partridge in a pear tree, by all accounts). Discovered that I do actually have a stoptap fitted, and it was in the boxed-in area behind the toilet. Because obviously that's convenient. 😉 It's really stiff so I'm going to see if the boiler fitters are willing to replace it.

Not 20 minutes after turning the stoptap off and on again, and starting to flush things through, my kitchen tap was running clear water with no flecks. 😯 I'm flushing it through for the full two hours the inspector recommended, but yeah - can't actually believe it, I'm amazed and relieved. Especially because as today wore on, especially with no stoptap nor other flexipipes to be seen until the very end (the bathroom sink and bath taps are plumbed directly into 15mm copper pipes), I had been getting more and more worried I'd be without drinking water for weeks.

The boiler fitters are going to have excellent access to everything they need tomorrow, as we also moved the fridge and washing machine into the living room to make space. The fridge is plugged in in there, felt funny getting a snack from it when it's right where my desk should be 😝 I just need to do a bit more of a tidy up and take the bins out and things, tbh I'm going to chance my arm and get up about 8 or half 8 and get started on it (they can come anywhere 8-10am). I'm pretty done in, and I ache from working and standing etc.

My MH is still pretty bad, I hung up on the utility company earlier because the woman got a bit tetchy with me because I wasn't saying my address right (even though I was the one saying it correctly and it was their system with the error 🤦), and burst into tears, both of which are quite unlike me. And then later on when my OCD got worse I ended up curled up into a ball sat on my bathroom floor sobbing. So yeah you know. My doctor ran really late yesterday so we didn't do the funding request, she's booked me in for Monday for that. And to be honest it was kinda useful because I could talk to her a bit about my mental health instead.

I'm thinking of changing utility suppliers. The price won't differ, but mine are so bad it's ridiculous. I'm hoping I could switch to one that does the free boiler safety checks too, for the future, but we'll see.

I'm not really looking forward to the boiler installers coming out, I feel a bit ill and I'm really not in the mood for people. But it's really getting pretty nippy at night now, and I'd really like to be able to have a nice bath and wash my dishes. So it'll be worth all this stress and work once it's done. 😌 Going to try to sleep soon, night all. 🌟

ManekiNeko

The boiler installers were absolutely lovely, very friendly and chatty, they even did a bit of singing along to the radio! 📻☺️

I now have heating and hot water 🎉 which is very nice indeed, it's been starting to get pretty cold at night here. I literally can't wait to have a nice relaxing bath, but I can't today as my bath side panel plus all my toiletries are in my bathtub lol (having taken out the only storage cupboard to investigate the pipes yesterday). Oh, the joys of DIY. 😉 Instead, I'm running the heating up to 23° because they had a bit of a leak from the bedroom radiator and I want to try and dry out my floorboards (as I'm not really sure how much got spilt) before heading out to my partner's for the weekend. I'm leaving my little dehumidifier in there too, it's only the dessicant kind but it's better than nowt.

Unfortunately the black flecks were back in my tap water after they'd left, but I'm now fairly confident that it's a perished washer in the stoptap, given I can't find any other flexipipes and also given that the installers didn't carry out any plumbing work today, only turned the water off and on again really, so it's the only part of the system that's been messed with since yesterday. And it does look like an old tap tbf to it. Unfortunately the water board didn't turn up today, so I'll need to ring them up again and ask them to knock the water off at the mains one day soon so I can do that.

They had an electrician out to sign off the boiler, who told me a few things about my electrical system. Basically, work is needed, which I already knew - it's probably one of the reasons this place was in my price range. However, the priority seems to be for the gas and water pipes to be earthed, as they aren't right now. In plain language, that means if say a rat chewed through a cable under my floorboards, and an electric cable touched a water pipe, and I (not knowing about it) happened to touch a radiator with my hand, I could be electrocuted and thrown clean across the room. So you know, not ideal? 🤯 There's other stuff that needs doing too, but I can't afford any of it right this second, and tbh I'll just focus on getting the rest of my things moved and the locks changed before I start thinking too much about it. I will however email my freeholder, as the sparky said the mains earthing is undersized, which affects not just my flat but the whole block.

I haven't had a chance to think too much today, so I'm not sure what my head's doing. I'll just try to have a quiet weekend and see how I go.

Money wise it's good news on the electric, I've only spent about £20 in September. Obvi I've only been moved in for two weeks though, so I could expect maybe £40-50 next month as the nights draw in. The boiler seems to be eating credit though, so I think what I save on leccy might well go on the gas.

Tomorrow is the 1st so time to make my budget and a plan 🪙👛

ManekiNeko

Good news on the fridge front, I managed to get £20 off for a bit of cosmetic damage - I'd accepted liability for taking it out of its packaging (only way it would fit into the block), but was a little peeved when I was cleaning it prior to use and found the instructions inside it saying the doors could be removed. Two of the three scratches were on the doors themselves, and if they'd been removed that would have given extra space to fit the main fridge through the doors, so although I can't be sure it's possible that scratch could have been avoided too.

Now the question is, to pay it all off my mortgage or use part of it to buy a touch up kit/replace the door handle, the latter being the only visible scratch in daily use as the rest are on the top or the side that's hidden by the walls. Choices, choices. 🤔 I won't actually get the refund until sometime next week so I'll have a think about it.

Merlin's_Beard

Fingers crossed your water/heating issues are solved now. Hopefully one less stress relieves a little bit of external pressure and gives you one less thing to have to deal with. Sounds like the electrics are there waiting to take their place though.

ManekiNeko

Thanks Merlin, yeah I think it will help massively to feel more like I'm living there and not just camping. It's been hard to get motivated when I've been cold, and it's hard to keep up with hygiene when you're cold too, so things like being able to take a bath (and come out into a warm flat) will make me feel much more human. And it'll be more motivating to clean when it's easy because of having hot water.

Electrics - yes, to a point? I was aware from my surveyors report there were a few things needing sorting out, both on this front and some other bits, but it's been a mental trade off as I couldn't have afforded the place if all those works had already been done. The new information is that the issues extend into the block, and that the pipework isn't earthed.

My DP is knowledgeable about electrics, so there's a possibility we can do a lot of the internal work ourselves, assuming I could find a sparky willing to accept the smaller job of just coming in and signing it off. But for now, I'll just inform the freeholder as he can probably get on with arranging for the external works to be done, and if he does, I may be able to bolt on my pipe earthing job with the same contractor for a sensible price given they'll be out anyway.

Overall, and I know this is going to sound weird, but I'm honestly enjoying the DIY. I don't even mind that I keep discovering problems - I'm just rolling my eyes at the previous owner, like oh dear, why have they done/not done that 🙄 mind you that isn't anything serious, just little bits of work that isn't done right/in the usual way. But it's not upsetting me - instead I'm learning a ton and feel like I'm properly getting under the skin of my own home. And I haven't had any big surprises yet, except the flecks in my water. I'm definitely not averse to the work of it - it's more that I'm tighter on money than I'd like to be right now, which produces a certain amount of anxiety about needing to do surprise works. But in the round I feel like property ownership suits me, and I'd still consider a fixer-upper in the future if the sums made sense. And that's true even though money is tight tbh ... like, I prefer feeling comfortably well off, simply because I can treat people I love and socialise more frequently, but I also enjoy the mental challenge of trying to pay down debt (and now a mortgage) and getting a good deal on things.

Overall, any of my current struggles are worth it to me to have a place to live again. 🏡 I don't think I can adequately express the difference it makes for me to feel safe and have a home again. (And yes, not everything in my flat is totally safe, but I'd rather face practical problems that have a clear solution than face the trauma and insecurity of temporary housing.) I know it sounds really bad about the electrics, and it's definitely not great, but they were installed up to code at the time the property was built - it's just the case that our electrical regulations are constantly being made safer and safer in the UK. Which means new-builds are probably the only ones up to code, and the rest (especially older properties) will need at least some work, ranging up to a complete re-wire. And mine is at the upper end, but I knew that going in. If I had the whole lot done professionally, I might be talking £2-4k, and that's still an extremely good price when taking into account the price I paid for my flat.

I'll chip away at the issues as and when I can, and one by one I'll fix them. 👩‍🔧💪

ManekiNeko

Oki so mortgage and debt figures are all updated in my signature ✨ really pleased I've done that. Have had a nice relaxing day knitting and drinking much decoffi (what my hairdresser cutely calls decaff coffee, I love it haha).

None of my DDs or SOs have gone out today, I'm guessing because it's Saturday. So I'll aim to update my sig again after my mortgage payment goes out. I also haven't been able to fully update my budget, partially as I'm still halfway through redesigning it, and partially as I'm not sure how much the tools I need will cost me, and I'm reluctant to buy them before my usual bills have gone out - probably on Monday now. As I've now got enough space to sit on one seat of my couch (#UnpackingGoals), I might actually feel up to doing some more redesigning on it sometime soon ish - and perhaps even getting my spreadsheet over to my mate (who offered to build me a fancy OPs calculator) - fingers crossed.

It was still a useful exercise to log in to my mortgage, as it made me feel like I'm making progress (almost £500 paid off the capital so far🏆), and also because I noticed that my mortgage account lets me see the SVR I'd revert to (on today's rates) at the end of my fix, which is 5.24%. Having plumbed that into the MSE calculators, that would mean a monthly payment of £358 a month if I went onto the SVR based on what I owe today (compared to what would have been a £360 a month payment at my original borrowing amount). Or, to project forwards - by the end of my fixed term, even if I didn't overpay anything more than I've already paid/saved up to pay, I'd owe c. £57k, which would mean a monthly payment of £329.

This actually isn't as bad as I'd imagined when watching the news this week, but it certainly presents me with a nice challenge, as I'd feel safer if I'd fully repaid my DS by the time my fix ends (so I can roll all of that money onto the mortgage payments, which will presumably have increased by then). For example, if I went onto the SVR today (and had repaid her), I'd only need to find an extra £9.52 a month (as I'm already paying £219.48 to the mortgage, plus £100 to my DS, which is £319.48 of the projected £329 mortgage payment). Of course, I could also ask her if it would be alright to pay her back much slower if the rates were really so high I couldn't otherwise afford it, but I'd prefer not to get into that situation to start with.

If I continue to repay my DS £100 a month, I'd repay her in full by November 2030 (while my fix ends in February 2029). I thought I'd finish paying her a little bit sooner than that, actually, partly because I hadn't re-run my figures to take into account that my fix is about 4 months shorter than originally anticipated. Anyway, I'd like to repay her by the end of my fix but to make that happen I'd need to overpay £2,100. If I achieved that it would mean I'd pay her back in 6 years, 8 months, rather than the original timeline of 8 years, 5 months (it was originally a little bit shorter but I paid her only £50 for the first two months after completion).

At the moment I don't have a magic solution to this, but do have a few possibilities in mind - and also, that's what the next 6.5 years are for - finding a solution, bit by bit. I'm hoping not to be off sick forever, and choosing to think positive about healing from trauma - so once I'm well enough to get back to work, I'll have more options for dealing with everything. I'm talking with my boss about a trial return (perhaps just one day a month) in the spring. Once I'm fully moved in/settled, I can start looking at extra income options like renting out my car parking space online. In the longer term, I'm hoping that getting the right diagnosis and mental health help could free up the money I'm currently spending on private therapy. Similarly, I'm hoping that energy and food prices will come down in the longer run (and planning to improve the energy efficiency of my home as much as possible in the meantime, choosing to see the government's two-year cap as a grace period to do so within). And, I'll also get one extra PIP payment a year (as its paid 4-weekly), although I'm fully expecting this to need to be spent on various needs for the next few years at least. In the meantime, it's all useful food for thought, and I'm thinking I'd like to repeat these calculations each month to keep myself focused (and with a clear idea of how fluctuating interest rates could affect me).

ManekiNeko

Well, the thinking positive has not gone very well. 🤨 I'm now back round at my partner's to stay for a bit (we didn't really discuss a length of time yet) because I'm not coping at all on my own. As in, I'm essentially non-functional.

I feel useless and really frustrated with myself. Somehow it feels worse (as in, more frustrating) because I'm about a million times better with company.

On the plus side I get to spend more time with my best friend. So tonight will be a Minecraft night ☺️

I have about a million things I've been supposed to be dealing with, so I'm trying to balance doing some of them with hiding from the world for a bit and trying to get better.

ManekiNeko

Well, today hasn't been a total write off money wise - since I was round my partner's house, I felt a bit more with it mentally, so I've applied for a rewards bank account with my mortgage provider that'll charge me £5 a month, but give me £8 a month back, so a £3 a month profit that'll go direct to OPs. Plus, I can open a linked savings account at over 5 per cent interest (compared to my current savings rate of 2.02 per cent). None too shabby. I'd been meaning to open it for a while tbh, but the new savings account finally motivated me to do it (it is a bit of a pain as it means moving all my DDs, SOs and waiting on hold for a million years to the benefits people to move my payments across too). But still, it'll be worth it as it'll help boost my savings pots up faster, which is valuable given I'm largely going to be saving my OPs up until towards the end of the mortgage year.

I've also logged in to check my new mortgage balance, which is now £67-something instead of the original £68-something, which was really nice to see. 😊 I'm also at 0.963 per cent repaid, which while still very small in the scheme of things, is nice to see as it will probably hit the 1 per cent mark soon - probably next month I should think. Which considering I feel I've barely moved in, is encouraging.

I've also made a fair bit more progress with the baby blanket (now just over 70 per cent done).

Did also do some calls but I'm mostly waiting for people to get back to me, so I'll update on those when I've something more concrete to say. That's me done for the day though, so I'm off for a soak in the tub and try to relax for the night. 🛀