What do I do now?

redundantmortgage

I'm 40 and have just paid the mortgage off. As a result once the bills are paid each month I have over £100 a day to spend on myself.

I've always been a saver. I even left university with a few hundred quid in the bank. I still drive the old banger my parents bought me when I graduated from university. I didn't take a holiday until I was 28 and between then and covid I just went on 1 holiday a year which cost around £200 each time. My holiday budget is €50 a day but I always stress about going over budget and come home having spent less than half of it.

All my furniture previously belonged to relatives who would have otherwise thrown it out. I only ever buy clothes to replace and item of clothing that's had it. I've missed countless social occasions in order to save money.

Basically I've lived a very frugal life to reach this point. I've also stuck with a career I absolutely hate because doing anything different now would require taking a pay cut. Whenever I spend money on something I don't really need I feel really bad. I don't think I've ever gone a day in my adult life without worrying about money.

I'm not over the line yet though because we will need to buy a bigger property at some point. Before that happens though I'd like to enjoy this mortgage free existence. Also when the time comes to take out a new mortgage I want to live a little instead of putting my life on hold until the mortgage is paid off.

Tiglet2

Your post is all about "I"or "my", then in the last paragraph you mention "we", so is there a significant other in your life and you will need a bigger property because of this?  Maybe this could be the chance to do something a little more than just putting your life on hold, otherwise what is the point?

You are obviously very good at saving and being careful, but you don't appear to be living your finest life. 

You only live once. 

I don't want to mention ill health, but for me that was the defining moment in my life, having lost my other half at the age of 46 to leukaemia, a female friend at 45 to breast cancer and finally a male friend at 54.

The male friend, stuck in a job he had done for 30 years and hated, was really looking forward to retirement and being able to live off his good pension and do all the bucket list things he had planned and postponed for when he could "afford" to do them and when he didn't need to fit everything around his work and delay his savings schedule.  One day at work, he had a stroke.  He was rushed to hospital, though there was a delay getting there in London traffic.  It was a big stroke and there followed nearly a year of hospital, physio and adaptations to the house.  Unfortunately, about six weeks after finally being discharged, he had another stroke and died.  



“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

– Helen Keller.

canaldumidi

What is your pension situation?

(not sure what your post has to do with property though. Maybe you need a 'Life Coach'?....)

Choirgrl

redundantmortgage said:

I don't think I've ever gone a day in my adult life without worrying about money…

Also when the time comes to take out a new mortgage I want to live a little instead of putting my life on hold until the mortgage is paid off.

 Maybe you could invest in yourself by working with a therapist.  Not buying  new furniture,  clothes, etc because you don’t see the point is fine. Missing out on social occasions and being stressed about  money while on holiday isn’t. 

For an idea while you’re mortgage free, could you and the other part of your ‘we’ save, take a leave of absence from work and take a ‘gap year’ to do some of that living you feel you’ve been missing out on?

ReadingTim

Choirgrl said:

Maybe you could invest in yourself by working with a therapist.  Not buying  new furniture,  clothes, etc because you don’t see the point is fine. Missing out on social occasions and being stressed about  money while on holiday isn’t. 

Seconded.  There is little point in being the richest person in the graveyard.  

NameUnavailable

Wow. You should really try to enjoy yourself and live a little while you can!

housebuyer143

redundantmortgage said:

I'm 40 and have just paid the mortgage off. As a result once the bills are paid each month I have over £100 a day to spend on myself.

I've always been a saver. I even left university with a few hundred quid in the bank. I still drive the old banger my parents bought me when I graduated from university. I didn't take a holiday until I was 28 and between then and covid I just went on 1 holiday a year which cost around £200 each time. My holiday budget is €50 a day but I always stress about going over budget and come home having spent less than half of it.

All my furniture previously belonged to relatives who would have otherwise thrown it out. I only ever buy clothes to replace and item of clothing that's had it. I've missed countless social occasions in order to save money.

Basically I've lived a very frugal life to reach this point. I've also stuck with a career I absolutely hate because doing anything different now would require taking a pay cut. Whenever I spend money on something I don't really need I feel really bad. I don't think I've ever gone a day in my adult life without worrying about money.

I'm not over the line yet though because we will need to buy a bigger property at some point. Before that happens though I'd like to enjoy this mortgage free existence. Also when the time comes to take out a new mortgage I want to live a little instead of putting my life on hold until the mortgage is paid off.

You need to change your mind set totally. I used to be exactly like you and agonise over every spend, feeling bad about everything i bought. I actually lived mortgage free from age of 29-33. 
At some point I told myself what is the point of living if you are not enjoying it. Why am I living in a tiny house I hate mortgage free, what's the point. It's really your mindset you need to work on. 
What are you saving for? Why are you going on holiday if you are doing it so cheaply? Wouldn't it be cheaper to stay at home? 

First thing I would suggest you do is find a new job you don't hate! You spend so much time at work and why bother if you don't like it. You don't need all the money. 

I am now mid 30s, have moved to a much bigger house with a large mortgage and I am so happy. I can spend without feeling bad because I have worked on that and come out the other side. Don't get me wrong, I am still frugal but not in the obsessive way that controlled my life 

Noneforit999

You might not live long enough to enjoy all the money you have saved. I realise that is morbid but its certainly a possibility. My mother in law recently passed away suddenly, she was 56. They had just paid their mortgage and were planning to buy a campervan and travel, now her husband is on his own with so much money (her pension, death in service, life insurance etc) that he doesn't know what hes going to do but would trade every penny of it to have her back.

Its made me realise that life is for living and as long as you are saving enough to have a decent (ish) retirement and have a few pennies put away for emergencies (job loss etc), the rest can be spent on enjoying life while you are still here.

Woolsery

NameUnavailable said:

Wow. You should really try to enjoy yourself and live a little while you can!

The OP may be happy with their frugal lifestyle. I know people who are asset-rich and happy to work at least 10 hours every day, but the difference is the OP's intense dislike of their career.

Life coaching might help. When I began to find my career too stressful and exhausting I switched to something easier and enjoyable. I thought we would find it very hard to cope on a lower income, but those fears proved groundless and our marital relationship  benefited too.

ka7e

I. too. would recommend a therapist. I would hazard a guess and say you have a general anxiety disorder, really it won't matter how much money you accumulate, there seems to be a real fear it won't be "enough". A frugal lifestyle can be applauded, but you are combining it with an unsatisfying job, social isolation and self-denial and you are now questioning a lifetime of those habits.

I would also assume that you really hate change in all aspects of your life, taking comfort from routine and the familiarity of your car, furniture and clothes.Your lifestyle is your safe place, but you still feel uneasy on a daily basis. Maybe it's time to address how you can overcome your anxiety - you may not have to change much in your life, but you do need to enjoy your choices.

redundantmortgage

Thanks for the replies.

We is me and my wife. Around 80% of the mortgage was paid by me though because my wife gets paid much less.

I have a workplace pension since it became compulsory.

Haven't considered therapy as have never been depressed or anything, just worried about money. 

Basically I want to enjoy my mortgage freedom without losing sight of the fact I'll need to take out another mortgage at some point. At the same time I question whether it really is mortgage freedom because technically I haven't started my mortgage yet.