What do I do now?

TripleH

That's what I was told, sadly cannot press for source of that without a clairvoyant now.

My father himself technically retired late 40's but officially early 60's (and the day after my mother enrolled him in a plasterer's course).

another_casualty

Looking at the last couple of posts , I just remembered a situation where I used  to be in employment . This was back when I was in my 20's on crap wages erc but was in the company approx 7 years at the time. It was at the beginning of the 90's recession .

Anyway, the company went through a couple of financial directors at the time .
One in particular stood out as having a very arrogant self centred approach .
We we're looking over our shoulders at the time , due to overtime cutbacks and being scrutinised for possible redundancy . 

The other new directors and the old guard were fine . 

This guy on the other hand put in expenses for a taxi to get his haircut , while we were petrified of losing our jobs !

Anyway six weeks after retiring , the arrogant director died 😼

redundantmortgage

Thanks again and please feel free to be as blunt as you need to be I won't be offended.

I like the area I live in now. It was the first area I could see myself living in long term which I have. I moved around a bit in my 20s which was intentional because I always saw myself ending up here but didn't like the idea of staying in one area the rest of my life at the time. 

The downside was we went from living in 3 bed houses to a 1 bed flat when we relocated here (we were still renting at the time) because that's all we could afford. It's always been a bit of a tight squeeze.

Regarding work I just hate working full stop. It's not so much the work itself even though it is boring. It's all the bs surrounding it which is going to exist whatever I do. Around a year after I bought my property things got really ugly really quickly at work and I ended up being made redundant a couple of years later so that lack of job security is another factor.

I would say my tastes are quite simple. Things like designer clothes for example have never appealed to me. More costly things I would like to do is for example having lunch at a nice restaurant on holiday instead of making myself a sandwich.

Brie

There's lots I dislike about working, the bs in particular and the snarkiness of certain colleagues.  But even though I am of an age to retire I'm looking to start a new job in a couple of weeks as there's lots I do like about working too.  And I realised a few years back that I like doing things that "give" rather than take.  So helping colleagues, helping others.  I find it satisfying and it makes me happy to be at work, even if the commute is garbage and some co-workers need a good slap.  

The thing that gets me most though about your post and that of others here is I can't see anything about your wife.  Is she happy with your life?  Happy to be as frugal?  Have you talked to her about your situation?  I think that might be difficult but is as, if not more, essential than the idea of talking to a therapist.  

And fyi - designer clothes are very over-rated.  If you can stand a bit of "language" go to you tube and watch the video for "Thrift Shop".  If only for a giggle.

housebuyer143

redundantmortgage said:

Thanks again and please feel free to be as blunt as you need to be I won't be offended.

I like the area I live in now. It was the first area I could see myself living in long term which I have. I moved around a bit in my 20s which was intentional because I always saw myself ending up here but didn't like the idea of staying in one area the rest of my life at the time. 

The downside was we went from living in 3 bed houses to a 1 bed flat when we relocated here (we were still renting at the time) because that's all we could afford. It's always been a bit of a tight squeeze.

Regarding work I just hate working full stop. It's not so much the work itself even though it is boring. It's all the bs surrounding it which is going to exist whatever I do. Around a year after I bought my property things got really ugly really quickly at work and I ended up being made redundant a couple of years later so that lack of job security is another factor.

I would say my tastes are quite simple. Things like designer clothes for example have never appealed to me. More costly things I would like to do is for example having lunch at a nice restaurant on holiday instead of making myself a sandwich.

I can agree with the BS which comes with going into work. Can you work at home? I do this now since Covid and I love it - no fake bitchy people or having to act on your best behaviour all the time? It does not need to exist wherever you go. I moved jobs 2 years back, as I just decided that was it and I didnt like my old job. The new job is fantastic and really cannot believe I spent so long working somewhere I hated. I think it will change you completely if you find something or work somewhere you dont hate.

Ditto on the material things - they do not interest me and do not do anything for my happiness level. I will not redo bathrooms, kitchens etc unless they are falling to pieces because it doesnt bother me how things look like it would others and I cant bring myself to effectively waste £30k to make something look better ha ha (i still have my limits).

Why dont you specifically say "I am going to go out for a meal and spend X amount on it". Then go and do it with your wife. It does not need to be loads, then next time maybe go somewhere nicer. Or take too much money on your next holiday and then say to yourself that you are going to spend all of it because that is why you brought it. Might help you push through that barrier?

housebuyer143

Brie said:

There's lots I dislike about working, the bs in particular and the snarkiness of certain colleagues.  But even though I am of an age to retire I'm looking to start a new job in a couple of weeks as there's lots I do like about working too.  And I realised a few years back that I like doing things that "give" rather than take.  So helping colleagues, helping others.  I find it satisfying and it makes me happy to be at work, even if the commute is garbage and some co-workers need a good slap.  

The thing that gets me most though about your post and that of others here is I can't see anything about your wife.  Is she happy with your life?  Happy to be as frugal?  Have you talked to her about your situation?  I think that might be difficult but is as, if not more, essential than the idea of talking to a therapist.  

And fyi - designer clothes are very over-rated.  If you can stand a bit of "language" go to you tube and watch the video for "Thrift Shop".  If only for a giggle.

I would laugh if his wife was a spendaholic and that is why he is saving so much to counterbalance lol.

Now I think about it you remind me so much of a guy I worked with. He used to get the bus to the airport with his family because it was cheaper than using the car... it took 5 hours long on the bus, but that £20 saving was worth it to him.... To me, why are you going on holiday if you have to endure that with screaming kids! 

redundantmortgage

My wife is more willing to spend money on hobbies etc. than me but obviously she's affected by things like holidays too. She's happy the mortgage is paid off but wants us to start living a bit more. 

My job is around 50/50 working in office and at home. It's more bearable working from home but I lack motivation wherever I work. 

lookstraightahead

Op, what a fantastic position to be in right now, and a great place to start to look at your life clearly and to decide what you would like to do.

So many of us are slaves to 'stuff' which we think makes us happy. I had a lot of debt when I was young and spent years paying it off, under the guise of "you only live once". 

I bought new furniture, new clothes, took on mortgages that were too big. 

I turned it around and I'm naturally erring towards the minimalist route - I feel happy with myself and whether I buy a new sofa or not doesn't make me feel anything, it's not important to me.

You will have some fantastic qualities others will never understand. Maybe change your job etc and get a piece of paper and write down what you might like to do.

good luck!

Woolsery

lookstraightahead said:

Op, what a fantastic position to be in right now, and a great place to start to look at your life clearly and to decide what you would like to do.

So many of us are slaves to 'stuff' which we think makes us happy. I had a lot of debt when I was young and spent years paying it off, under the guise of "you only live once". 

I bought new furniture, new clothes, took on mortgages that were too big. 

I turned it around and I'm naturally erring towards the minimalist route - I feel happy with myself and whether I buy a new sofa or not doesn't make me feel anything, it's not important to me.

You will have some fantastic qualities others will never understand. Maybe change your job etc and get a piece of paper and write down what you might like to do.

good luck!

I lean towards this view, but  frugality/minimalism is a continuum and I'm not so far along it. Wherever I might wish to go with a lifestyle, my wife has an equal say in things, which means there are some compromises, and rightly so.

I don't think the OP's situation is unusual. Looking at my own family and colleagues at work many of us reached a point where we began to question  the 9-5 and think what else we could do. Some started small businesses which gradually took over as the main income source, while others did something more drastic, like running off to Scotland with their secretary to farm a croft! (Still going strong 40 years on.) Like the OP, they got sick of working for the man.

My personal break from enslavement by the system didn't happen until I was well past 50. There are times when I wish it had been earlier, but the pension comes in handy and my tolerance for risk is lower than some people's. No croft in the wilds of the north for me, but we  have a smallholding and derive a lot of pleasure from a simpler life here.

lookstraightahead

Woolsery said:

lookstraightahead said:

Op, what a fantastic position to be in right now, and a great place to start to look at your life clearly and to decide what you would like to do.

So many of us are slaves to 'stuff' which we think makes us happy. I had a lot of debt when I was young and spent years paying it off, under the guise of "you only live once". 

I bought new furniture, new clothes, took on mortgages that were too big. 

I turned it around and I'm naturally erring towards the minimalist route - I feel happy with myself and whether I buy a new sofa or not doesn't make me feel anything, it's not important to me.

You will have some fantastic qualities others will never understand. Maybe change your job etc and get a piece of paper and write down what you might like to do.

good luck!

I lean towards this view, but  frugality/minimalism is a continuum and I'm not so far along it. Wherever I might wish to go with a lifestyle, my wife has an equal say in things, which means there are some compromises, and rightly so.

I don't think the OP's situation is unusual. Looking at my own family and colleagues at work many of us reached a point where we began to question  the 9-5 and think what else we could do. Some started small businesses which gradually took over as the main income source, while others did something more drastic, like running off to Scotland with their secretary to farm a croft! (Still going strong 40 years on.) Like the OP, they got sick of working for the man.

My personal break from enslavement by the system didn't happen until I was well past 50. There are times when I wish it had been earlier, but the pension comes in handy and my tolerance for risk is lower than some people's. No croft in the wilds of the north for me, but we  have a smallholding and derive a lot of pleasure from a simpler life here.

Totally get this. I think it's about awareness and learning about yourself and what you want to get out of life. I think debt put things into perspective for me (I may as well put that experience to some use ).