What do I do now?

[Deleted User]

redundantmortgage said:

I'm 40 and have just paid the mortgage off. As a result once the bills are paid each month I have over £100 a day to spend on myself.

I've always been a saver. I even left university with a few hundred quid in the bank. I still drive the old banger my parents bought me when I graduated from university. I didn't take a holiday until I was 28 and between then and covid I just went on 1 holiday a year which cost around £200 each time. My holiday budget is €50 a day but I always stress about going over budget and come home having spent less than half of it.

All my furniture previously belonged to relatives who would have otherwise thrown it out. I only ever buy clothes to replace and item of clothing that's had it. I've missed countless social occasions in order to save money.

Basically I've lived a very frugal life to reach this point. I've also stuck with a career I absolutely hate because doing anything different now would require taking a pay cut. Whenever I spend money on something I don't really need I feel really bad. I don't think I've ever gone a day in my adult life without worrying about money.

I'm not over the line yet though because we will need to buy a bigger property at some point. Before that happens though I'd like to enjoy this mortgage free existence. Also when the time comes to take out a new mortgage I want to live a little instead of putting my life on hold until the mortgage is paid off.

A balanced life is necessary. 

Enjoy been mortgage free. 

Live your life not just by spending on things but also on experiences, take time off work, travel, build memories etc. 

You mentioned we, do you really need a bigger home? Guess depends what size your current property is, how many you are etc.

Work to live not live to work. 

Take time out to really decide what you really want. 

Woolsery

Deleted_User said:

Woolsery said:

eidand said:

pinkshoes said:

redundantmortgage said:

I'm 40 and have just paid the mortgage off. As a result once the bills are paid each month I have over £100 a day to spend on myself.

Sorry to be blunt, but you seem to be missing the point of life - LIVING!

A friend of mine from university, aged 41, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and about to have a double mastectomy.

Another friend passed away in her sleep aged 44 from an unknown health condition.

Another friend passed away aged 22 of cancer whilst we were at uni.

You have a spare £100 a DAY - go and LIVE! You never know when your last day will be. 

By all means have some savings in your bank for emergencies and house repairs etc... but go see the world, go on safari, climb mountains, sky dive etc... Don't look back on your life and think about the things you wish you had done.

I'm not frivolous with money, but some things in life are worth spending money on.

Well, maybe some people have a different view compared to you. Maybe the point of life for the OP is different. I am totally on his side on this one. 

So am I. I think frugality is probably picked up through childhood and might be reinforced by early adult experiences too. Some people get a buzz from it and others just don't see the need for change or "experiences." 

I've a farmer friend who's always lived in this area, works long hours 7 days a week and seems extremely happy and appreciative of his life. His children bought him and his wife an all-in 7 day holiday for their wedding anniversary a few years ago and they ran the farm while they were away. When my friend returned, I asked him how he enjoyed his week's holiday. His reply? "Well, hotel was very nice and the scenery was good, but after 3 or 4 days me an Joan were itching to get home again!"

This is very true and completely understand that if someone is happy doing that. Some people are really happy living very simply and that's wonderful. I think the issue here is that OP doesn't sound like he is happy with the situation. He seems to feel uncomfortable and at a crossroads. I think he is being encouraged to look at it from a different perspective or to consider therapy to try and work out the right path for him and look at his relationship with money because it seems to be coming from a negative place rather than a positive one.

I agree, the OP isn't my farmer friend or as content with their situation, especially the work element. My interjection was for balance, because some people here seem to think it's impossible to be truly happy without having special experiences and engaging in conspicuous consumption.

The farmer is asset rich, but on a day to day basis he often faces cash-flow dilemmas. At 65 he could soon retire and sell up.  which would net him several £million, but then he would be like the OP and asking "What do I do now?" Being in love with your work can be almost as difficult as hating it, especially when physical or mental difficulties make limitations more keenly felt with every passing year!

Tiglet2

Woolsery said:

Deleted_User said:

Woolsery said:

eidand said:

pinkshoes said:

redundantmortgage said:

I'm 40 and have just paid the mortgage off. As a result once the bills are paid each month I have over £100 a day to spend on myself.

Sorry to be blunt, but you seem to be missing the point of life - LIVING!

A friend of mine from university, aged 41, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and about to have a double mastectomy.

Another friend passed away in her sleep aged 44 from an unknown health condition.

Another friend passed away aged 22 of cancer whilst we were at uni.

You have a spare £100 a DAY - go and LIVE! You never know when your last day will be. 

By all means have some savings in your bank for emergencies and house repairs etc... but go see the world, go on safari, climb mountains, sky dive etc... Don't look back on your life and think about the things you wish you had done.

I'm not frivolous with money, but some things in life are worth spending money on.

Well, maybe some people have a different view compared to you. Maybe the point of life for the OP is different. I am totally on his side on this one. 

So am I. I think frugality is probably picked up through childhood and might be reinforced by early adult experiences too. Some people get a buzz from it and others just don't see the need for change or "experiences." 

I've a farmer friend who's always lived in this area, works long hours 7 days a week and seems extremely happy and appreciative of his life. His children bought him and his wife an all-in 7 day holiday for their wedding anniversary a few years ago and they ran the farm while they were away. When my friend returned, I asked him how he enjoyed his week's holiday. His reply? "Well, hotel was very nice and the scenery was good, but after 3 or 4 days me an Joan were itching to get home again!"

This is very true and completely understand that if someone is happy doing that. Some people are really happy living very simply and that's wonderful. I think the issue here is that OP doesn't sound like he is happy with the situation. He seems to feel uncomfortable and at a crossroads. I think he is being encouraged to look at it from a different perspective or to consider therapy to try and work out the right path for him and look at his relationship with money because it seems to be coming from a negative place rather than a positive one.

I agree, the OP isn't my farmer friend or as content with their situation, especially the work element. My interjection was for balance, because some people here seem to think it's impossible to be truly happy without having special experiences and engaging in conspicuous consumption.

The farmer is asset rich, but on a day to day basis he often faces cash-flow dilemmas. At 65 he could soon retire and sell up.  which would net him several £million, but then he would be like the OP and asking "What do I do now?" Being in love with your work can be almost as difficult as hating it, especially when physical or mental difficulties make limitations more keenly felt with every passing year!

Believe me, my post wasn't about it being impossible to be happy without having experiences or spending money consuming life's frivolities.  I, too, have been very careful with money over the years to the point where I was saving far more than I was spending.  I am now at an age where I have lost some very close important people and am probably looking at 10-20 years of good health before ill health probably will curtail many activities.

Your farmer friend sounds as though he absolutely loves his work and therefore it is no hardship to be doing the thing you love every day.  A bonus that it also happens to be his work.  OP, on the other hand, does not like his job and seems dissatisfied with his life.  In that case, OP does need to change aspects of his life so that his life is with purpose and provides happiness and satisfaction, no matter what it is that gives him the reason to get up in the morning with a smile on his face.

Snowy78

First of all I think you have both done really well at paying your first mortgage off, though if you are going to be getting a bigger house in the next ten years I would probably put so much of your spare money in an account to use towards getting a bigger house. If you have to get another mortgage at least you can pay so much cash and get a smaller one. The rest of the spare money I would work out how much that is a month and look for another job. I took a paycut for my job and I absolutely love it. We spend far too much time working to do a job we don’t like, so if you have the chance to take something else then do it. 

How you buy other items is purely up to you. Not everyone likes going out and about and it doesn’t mean you need therapy. Just work our what is important to the both of you and that will hopefully show what to make sure you enjoy. 

Woolsery

Tiglet2 said:

Woolsery said:

Deleted_User said:

Woolsery said:

eidand said:

pinkshoes said:

redundantmortgage said:

I'm 40 and have just paid the mortgage off. As a result once the bills are paid each month I have over £100 a day to spend on myself.

Sorry to be blunt, but you seem to be missing the point of life - LIVING!

A friend of mine from university, aged 41, has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and about to have a double mastectomy.

Another friend passed away in her sleep aged 44 from an unknown health condition.

Another friend passed away aged 22 of cancer whilst we were at uni.

You have a spare £100 a DAY - go and LIVE! You never know when your last day will be. 

By all means have some savings in your bank for emergencies and house repairs etc... but go see the world, go on safari, climb mountains, sky dive etc... Don't look back on your life and think about the things you wish you had done.

I'm not frivolous with money, but some things in life are worth spending money on.

Well, maybe some people have a different view compared to you. Maybe the point of life for the OP is different. I am totally on his side on this one. 

So am I. I think frugality is probably picked up through childhood and might be reinforced by early adult experiences too. Some people get a buzz from it and others just don't see the need for change or "experiences." 

I've a farmer friend who's always lived in this area, works long hours 7 days a week and seems extremely happy and appreciative of his life. His children bought him and his wife an all-in 7 day holiday for their wedding anniversary a few years ago and they ran the farm while they were away. When my friend returned, I asked him how he enjoyed his week's holiday. His reply? "Well, hotel was very nice and the scenery was good, but after 3 or 4 days me an Joan were itching to get home again!"

This is very true and completely understand that if someone is happy doing that. Some people are really happy living very simply and that's wonderful. I think the issue here is that OP doesn't sound like he is happy with the situation. He seems to feel uncomfortable and at a crossroads. I think he is being encouraged to look at it from a different perspective or to consider therapy to try and work out the right path for him and look at his relationship with money because it seems to be coming from a negative place rather than a positive one.

I agree, the OP isn't my farmer friend or as content with their situation, especially the work element. My interjection was for balance, because some people here seem to think it's impossible to be truly happy without having special experiences and engaging in conspicuous consumption.

The farmer is asset rich, but on a day to day basis he often faces cash-flow dilemmas. At 65 he could soon retire and sell up.  which would net him several £million, but then he would be like the OP and asking "What do I do now?" Being in love with your work can be almost as difficult as hating it, especially when physical or mental difficulties make limitations more keenly felt with every passing year!

Believe me, my post wasn't about it being impossible to be happy without having experiences or spending money consuming life's frivolities.  I, too, have been very careful with money over the years to the point where I was saving far more than I was spending.  I am now at an age where I have lost some very close important people and am probably looking at 10-20 years of good health before ill health probably will curtail many activities.

Your farmer friend sounds as though he absolutely loves his work and therefore it is no hardship to be doing the thing you love every day.  A bonus that it also happens to be his work.  OP, on the other hand, does not like his job and seems dissatisfied with his life.  In that case, OP does need to change aspects of his life so that his life is with purpose and provides happiness and satisfaction, no matter what it is that gives him the reason to get up in the morning with a smile on his face.

Thanks, but I think we are saying much the same thing. There is no one size fits all answer and all of us come to crossroads in our lives, as the OP has done and recognised it.

ec9wrr

If you’re 40 and have paid your mortgage off I’d recommend getting a new mortgage.
Despite recent interest rate changes, fixed mortgages are still incredibly cheap. Borrow against your house and invest in equities. 

Paying your mortgage off this early is an emotional decision, financially you’re likely to be better not paying it off. But, I understand the feeling of freedom that paying it off brings. 

Lee131

I've not read all the replies but I paid mine off at 30 and had been similar to you used furniture clothes,  rubbish cars.  Since met my now partner who's less less frugal. We moved to a better area bought a bigger house together and have a 82k mortgage for 9 years.  Currently I'm 35 and that 82k debt is all we have. I have no savings but we've 4 paid for cars. Jobs not ideal hours wise but it does enable us to have these nice things.  
My dad is 65 can afford to retire and won't.  He'll die rich, and will have missed out on time with the grandkids etc. Makes Me realise I should enjoy life

TripleH

The other thing to consider is retirement. My father told me a story that pension companies like rich High earners with big pension pots. It's because they retire from work and their body shuts down within a short space of time and they die because they can't cope with the dramatic change in lifestyle.

Op, maybe consider a change in career?

trix-a-belle

Congrats on the achievement of paying the mortgage off. I did the same and knew I would be wanting to move again which would require taking out a new mortgage once the time came & a new property found, I ended up mortgage free for 18 months before completing on the new property. During that time I continued to save & make my savings work hard but I also treated myself to bits & pieces if I wanted them (new phone, experiences etc), I also started to look into increasing my pension contribution (even better if it will get more employer contribution also).

As others have said you need to change your mindset & it doesn't need to be (& probably shouldn't be) a huge sudden jump, little bits gradually works. As said there is no point being the richest person in the graveyard, and some of what you have said of your current mindset does seem extreme (particularly noting the anxiety even when not anywhere near your allocated holiday spending budget) so some talking therapy might be helpful to look at that and avoid further escalation.

But also this is a good space too, I'd suggest you might read through some of peoples diaries as they are not only people trying to pay off mortgages or debt, but those who are now free and on to further stages who still find it a useful outlet (for them and others), Get a Grip Woman! with Suffolk_Lass & Onwards to Freedom with SuperSecretSquirrel would be some of my suggestions from my thread subscriptions. See how others have progressed and what they do, many (such as the examples) maintain budget pots as before and add 'fun money' pots to allow them that new freedom & push them to enjoy it.

eta: also consider savings pots for replacement of things that will certainly come around so that you hopefully don't get anxious when it comes time to need to spend out on large things, i'm thinking car replacement, boiler replacement, maybe kitchen or bathroom replacement. Again this is where I think addressing & working on your current levels of anxiety around spending might be worthwhile as these are things that can't last forever so you don't want to completely fall apart at the idea of spending out a large sum on a necessary replacement item.

eidand

TripleH said:

The other thing to consider is retirement. My father told me a story that pension companies like rich High earners with big pension pots. It's because they retire from work and their body shuts down within a short space of time and they die because they can't cope with the dramatic change in lifestyle.

Op, maybe consider a change in career?

Jesus Christ, where do you come from? there is so much one can do especially if they retire early