The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Harvester was really nice but I didn't see your money savvy advice about cashback @AntoMac until I just got home now, so missed out there, but at least we know for next time. My mum banks with Lloyds but I don't know if she has any offers set up as she doesn't know how to use online banking and doesn't trust having the banking apps on her mobile, as she thinks it's all a bit suspicious. But I told her about how it works, and she's keen for next time. I had a two course set menu for £15.99, so I was happy with that. 

It's most definitely a marathon and not a sprint @cinnamon123, and I'm learning that the hard way. I can feel myself inching towards burn out, and that's why I have given notice with the freelancing and tried to think more about what I am doing on a daily basis to stay well. I was waiting on a referral for a Persistent Physical Symptoms treatment unit to help with the fibromyalgia but they rejected me as I had used the service before years ago. There has been no funding for alternative services, so I have nothing in that respect. But I have an initial telephone screening with the Pain Management Clinic this Wednesday, so I shall see what they are able to offer me. My GP has made another referral to the Community Mental Health Team for me to have face to face therapy again to support me, as I finally had one to one therapy for the bipolar after a 3.5 year wait, and I was forced to give it up as I could not be in receipt of that CBT and awaiting different CBT for lifestyle management with the pain and fatigue. The bipolar was manageable at the time, as I was on medication, but the physical symptoms were just too much. Turns out it was a moot point anyway as I got rejected since January 2022! And no one bothered to inform me so I was patiently waiting thinking that the waiting list was just very long due to covid delays. I'm in the process of making a complaint as I've waited a further 8 months since my application was rejected, with no mental health or physical health support because no one bothered to update my file or contact me. Hopefully I won't have to wait too long for the mental health CBT, as with everything that has happened in recent months I could really do with the support.

Keedie

In financial terms, I've been doing a lot of mulling over my finances and my approach to my budget in recent days. I have variable income each month as my employed wages are static, but my freelancing and overall income is inconsistent, but then it is all rounded up to determine my remaining universal credit. As my freelancing is winding down in the coming months, I've decided to set a fixed income value for each month (that fits within my employed wages and universal credit combined and I have removed the PIP income altogether from the budget but kept the disability element of the universal credit as this increases the amount available). Then any surplus income above this amount is set aside. It will be that extra amount whatever it is, that goes into the top up of sinking funds, additional leisure activities and extra debt repayments. I have allocated money to the following broad categories:

Bills & Subscriptions (£1,157 a month) - rent, council tax, gas & electric etc plus Kindle Unlimited, Amazon Prime etc
Debt Repayments (£500 a month) - as per the breakdown below
Groceries & Take Aways (£60 a week) - I will alternate between a Friday/Saturday night take away and fake away each week
Travel (£25 a week) - Oyster top up for my son to get to college (£10pw) and petrol (£15pw)
Vehicle Maintenance & Servicing (£20 a week) - towards repairs, car servicing and MOT
Miscellaneous Sinking Funds (£xxxx remaining) - this will be allocated to things like the emergency fund, birthdays, Christmas, days out etc

I figured that once I take away all of the things that are necessary to me and then see what is left for the month, I can then realistically allocate money to sinking funds. Initially, I had worked out what I wanted to save for with the sinking funds and was putting this money aside, but not thinking of the affordability or the upcoming reduction in income when I stop freelancing. Doing it this way round means that I won't be panicked when my income changes.

Also, as I have not included my freelance income in the budget, I can use that money after I have deducted tax and ongoing expenses, to pay for ad hoc things in the coming months such as the exam fees, Christmas 2022, boost my emergency fund, overpay on debts and establish the sinking funds properly. It's only about 4 more months of freelancing at the rate that I am currently going, so I will keep all of that aside and work out month to month, the best way to use it. Once I have the things that I need to make my life easier/more organised (such as the emergency fund), then I will throw whatever I have at the debts. 

Now that I am no longer pressuring myself to pay things off before the 0% interest runs out in August 2023 (£2,895 MBNA), February 2024 (£5,097.38 Barclaycard) and April 2024 (£4,057.20 Barclaycard), I feel a lot better. I've accepted that I will need another 0% interest money/balance transfer or two over the course of my debt free journey and that's okay. I have also cancelled some subscriptions, worked out my bills down to the penny and capped my debt repayments based upon what I currently pay (approximately £500 a month), and my new debt free target date of 31 December 2025. That's 39 months away, and my current debt is £18,884.53 which is an average of £484.22 a month. So with PADding whenever I can and using the money that my siblings owe me, I can definitely clear it all by then, even with balance/money transfer fees along the way. I have split the £500 as follows:

Bank of Mum 3 (school fees) = £50
Barclaycard = £275
Creation = £72.67
MBNA = £100

Total = £497.67 with £2.33 surplus which will go straight into the PAD pot.

I've redone my debt free tracker spreadsheet so that I can accommodate the changes to my debt free date and budget and I feel more in control now. I'm also going to do a detailed one to manage my monthly outgoings and bills etc. With my birthday money I am going to buy a budget planner so that I can track things that way, and I will move to cash budgeting for my grocery shopping. Especially as my carer when she does some of my shopping on a Monday shops using cash. 

As my finances have been a bit wayward this month due to our birthdays, poor planning and over committing to different sinking funds, the new budget will start properly in November. I am due to receive September's freelance money later this coming week, and my PIP the week after, so I will use that money to rebalance the books for October, in preparation for November. Fingers crossed, there won't be too much fiddling with things and I can make sense of what I am doing for the coming few weeks.

abaka

Happy belated birthday Keedie!! Glad you had a lovely weekend!! I’m very jealous of your trip to Harvester.  We don’t really have carvery’s here in NIreland and I’m very keen to try one!!

I really enjoyed this update and you’re taking such a smart and measured approach to finding the balance between living life and paying your debts!!! You do have so many plates spinning at once so I’m constantly impressed with how you deal with it all!!!

AntoMac

Months with birthday costs often put a spanner in the works Keedie, so you’ve done well coming through relatively unscathed. Sensible to take as long as you need to get everything paid back. The main things is you’re continuing to travel in the right direction, and that’s what counts. If you can get some mental health support that will also make a huge difference. Let us know how Wednesday’s consultation goes.
As an aside you don’t have to have the app for the cashback extras. I don’t have the Halifax app but still get the offers. You do of course have to use internet banking so if that’s not something your Mum uses then it’s a no go.
Offers pop up based loosely on what they see you using your debit card for. I just accept every offer and then if I happen to use the card for one of the offers all well and good.  None of these savings are life changing but they all help.

badmemory

It works on a credit card too.  I too activate them all then  I shop as I normally would.  I confess to having brought the buying date forward a few days to take advantage, but don't go anywhere just because.  I have also used my credit card once when I would, if going there, normally spend cash.  I think we all get different because at one point I used to keep getting Morrisons, once I shopped there I never got it again.

Keedie

That's incredibly kind of you to say @abaka. I'm so busy spinning plates that I'm not always sure that's what I'm doing, as I just muddle through somehow 😁. Harvester didn't have a carvery, but they did have rotisserie chicken. Sometimes we go to a carvery, and the one we go to is Toby Carvery, and they're all over England and Wales I believe and they're very economical and tasty. So maybe next time you come over for a match or something you can find one or something similar?

Birthday months are definitely a financial drain @AntoMac, and I think what made it worse for me is that I stupidly didn't budget for it properly as he turned down a party for his 16th so I convinced myself that it wouldn't be expensive after all and concentrated on other things. Lesson learnt 🤦🏾‍♀️. I will definitely take my time to sort things out and be kinder to myself, as there's no prize for hitting burn out and being debt free, as if I push too hard and can't work, the chances of staying financially afloat are slim. As being unemployed for 2 years led to a lot of the financial hangover that I have now, as I was reliant on money transfers at times, which led to balance transfers before the 0% interest plans ran out. So I think being a tortoise and not the hare, is the best gift that I can give myself on this journey. And I really need to learn to live within a set budget, otherwise I won't have the habitual changes that I need and things could slip back. So any money saving tips are always welcomed, but I think the Lloyd's rewards won't happen as my mum is a firm believer of paper statements and getting out her highlighter and making notes if needed, so she doesn't have online banking.

I'll have to check my Santander account as I think that has retail offers, but I never use it, so I'm not sure if that's still a thing or not. That's a bit sneaky that the Morrisons offers disappeared after you used it @badmemory, as that means they just want you to shop wherever they've negotiated deals. I never see retail offers on MBNA or Barclaycard, so maybe I just have basic credit cards or not looking in the right place and never noticed. I lack impulse control, so I have banned myself from spending on my credit cards unless it's an unavoidable emergency. I genuinely don't trust myself. I found my MBNA credit card back in 2009 when I was decluttering, I don't even remember applying for it, but it had a zero balance, and I transferred some of my Argos Card onto it, and then that was a slippery slope if I ever did experience one lol.

So yeah, I definitely need the mental health support when it comes to these things. I've actually got 2 appointments on Wednesday now, the Pain Management Clinic and a meeting with a mental health service to help me create a living well plan or something similar. I'm not really sure, but I take any and every resource offered as I know that getting any mental health support is like gold dust. Especially as a lot of the self-referral services refuse to see people with bipolar and other more 'serious' mental health conditions. They only want to see you if you have depression or anxiety, as they said that anything else means that your needs are 'too high for standard services'. Which I think is nonsense, as all mental health conditions are potentially serious and a diagnosis alone does not indicate what is happening with someone and their coping abilities.

But it does sting that I was able to access so much support when I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety, but once I had the correct bipolar diagnosis everything dried up and I've had to fight for every little thing. Then because I have not been on medication for several months and I was not attending therapy (as it was removed for that non starter referral for the Persistent Physical Symptoms unit), and I don't contact my Care Coordinator all the time, they just think I have no issues and wanted to discharge me as my needs aren't 'high level' and there are 'serious' cases that require stretched resources.

I do understand that. I really do, but I am trapped between being well enough to be left alone to cope, to the point of pending discharge, but too ill/severe to access services that are not 'specialist'. My sister self-referred to a group anxiety workshop and within a couple of weeks she'd had an assessment, and has started sessions and has even managed to have face to face sessions. I waited 3.5 years for one to one face to face support!

Anyways, enough of my silly ranting. I've got bigger fish to fry, as I did not know that I was meant to tell the DVLA about the bipolar diagnosis. No one said anything to me, not one doctor, psychiatrist, community psychiatric nurse, GP, care coordinator or anything. Despite me having numerous conversations over the years about driving and my physical health. I know that I overlooked this myself, but my driving has never been impacted by my mental health. Physical health yeah, as if I can't walk I don't drive, but not mental health. Turns out that I was supposed to have a discussion with doctor about my driving and to be advised whether or not I am fit to drive or if there are restrictions required. I only had discussion for the driving review on 30 September 2022 with my GP as I requested an eConsult, after speaking to the DVLA who were not very happy with me and sent me a medical form that I have now completed and will be sending back special delivery.

I only worked out that I was meant to tell them when I was reading up about the blue badge application and it said that drivers with a blue badge have to notify the DVLA. So when I looked on the medical conditions section of the DVLA website, it didn't say anything about mental health, it just mentions things like strokes, diabetes, glaucoma. I went through the A-Z list trying to find chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia and my heart sank when I saw the bipolar. Turns out that they can fine you £1,000 for not reporting the medical condition. I didn't know, but I don't think they believed me. So once the form goes back it will be assessed regarding my bipolar (turns out the CFS and fibromyalgia they don't care about, which seems silly as they both can cause brain fog and cognitive delays as well as delayed reaction times hence I don't drive if I am not feeling well). The guy I spoke to said that I am likely facing a fine for failure to report. But when I pointed out that it would be helpful if their actual website for medical conditions at least mentioned mental health on the home page, considering that it is considered an automatic cause for evaluation. There was just silence on his end to that point.

The guy from the DVLA also said that depending on my medical review, they may make me surrender my licence or I can do this voluntarily to get it back quicker if it turns out that I am deemed to be unsafe with driving, or they may restrict the duration of my licence from 1 to 5 years at a time, and I would have to go through medical assessments and reviews for each renewal. I do get it, as some people are not mentally well enough to drive, with or without a mental health diagnosis. But it almost felt like another case of my diagnosis being a barrier to being seen as an individual and being treated based upon a stereotypical worse case scenario. When I started the conversation with the guy asking about chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia he was very helpful and personable, explaining that I didn't need to notify them and not to worry and he's sorry I am unwell etc. Then the moment I said, in trying to apply for the blue badge I discovered that I should have notified them about another condition I have, as I have bipolar, he went eerily silent. Then his whole tone changed and he was really cross with me and put me on hold to speak to his supervisor then started grilling me about substance misuse, alcohol dependency and whether or not I am stable at present. I do get it. But it was like talking to a different person. And it made me feel really sad. I'm a really dilligent person, and so I felt stupid enough for not knowing that I had to do this without being told to do so, but now I am worried about the fine and having my licence restricted. Also, I have to notify my car insurance provider, but I don't know what that will do to my insurance, or if it invalidates it, as I said that I did not have a DVLA notifiable medical condition as that was my understanding at the time. It's a bit of a mess. But after deliberating about whether or not I would continue driving because of the cost, and then spending so much money getting it fixed, it will crush me if I get my licence restricted, fined or my insurance goes so high that I can't afford it and I have to stop driving anyway. Especially as I've finally realised (a year late as per my oblivious nature 🙄), that I am eligible for the blue badge. Another spinning plate I guess...

badmemory

Actually I'm not sure that your doctor shouldn't have reported it.  When a friend of mine had something that stopped him driving the doctor told DVLA before he told him.

Keedie

I feel nervous about it all @badmemory if I'm being honest. It's also a bit confusing. From what I have been able to work out over the last few weeks, the doctor tells you that they have to tell the DVLA if they have concerns about your ability to drive. So in your friend's case if they were unable to drive for whatever reason, the doctor should really have told your friend that they were notifying the DVLA. But they don't seem to say anything to the DVLA unless there is a concern. 

When I finally had that meeting with the GP over the phone, he didn't see what the fuss was about that I'd never had a discussion about driving beforehand. He said I should have just told the DVLA about any medical condition (now I know), but when I explained that I didn't know, and he also went on to cite things like diabetes, strokes, heart conditions etc, that you have to tell the DVLA. But I pointed out that I don't have any of those conditions, and in the 10+ years before the correct diagnosis when I had the depression and anxiety diagnosis, no one said a word to me then either. So I said but where is the mental health warning? It's like it's just assumed that you get a nice pack of information but that isn't what happened.

I know ultimately that the ignorance and failure to report it is my fault, but the GP didn't seem to care that I was asking if I can still drive. He asked me what the DVLA said, and I told him that they said I must seek medical advice about whether or not I can drive pending the medical notification/licence review. He just basically asked if I think I can drive, and I said yes and he said, "well then consider it discussed". I don't know what that means in terms of feedback to the DVLA. I'm extra nervous because I'm posting my form back tomorrow. And then the countdown begins.

AntoMac

Sounds like a real battle for you Keedie. If you’ve done everything honestly and in good faith I can’t see for one minute how would you get a fine. I’m sure @Badmemory is right and your GP should have told DVLA (and you!) if there was a problem with you driving. It’s like your expected to be psychic.
A bit random I know but I wonder if your local councillor could be of any help? My Parents were both councillors for years and dealt with all sorts of things, many and varied. Might be a bit of a red herring but it’s just a thought. They might have a better idea of what you might be entitled to, with  the various things you have got going on. I’m not saying you’re not doing everything right at the moment but you never know what little useful nugget of information they have, until you ask.  I don’t know if councillors still hold surgeries like they used to.
I think you’d only get offers with MBNA if you were using the card for purchases (Which you aren’t of course, and that’s a good thing) as I think they need to see what you are buying in order to tailor any offers.

Keedie

Oh I forgot, that I put £4.15 loose change into the sealed pot. Only 17 days to go until we open them. I'm very excited as it's all going in my travel pot to pay towards things like airport parking and excursions.

My son keeps talking about driving those 4 wheel drive vehicles on holiday now that he's 16. He's so excited and he was looking at provisional licences yesterday, but seemed a little baffled when I told him that I wasn't paying for it, he'd have to get it himself. His national insurance card came this morning as well, so he's super excited as he's been offered a zero hours contract with my brother in law's company doing some data entry that he can do from home in the evenings or weekends. I told him he can do no more than 2-4 hours a week, but if he's struggling with keeping on top of his studies, then he will have to stop. 

His start date was conditional on 2 things, that he had to be 16 and he needed a national insurance number. They give them out at 15 years and 9 months, but he was anxious for his, as it hadn't arrived and some of his friends who are 16 in November and December have already received theirs. So I tried calling HMRC three times last week and finally got through to them, but they wanted to speak to him only and he was trying to tell me he was "in a game" as he was playing FIFA. I wasn't impressed after being on hold for 40 minutes, so I made him pay attention to the phone call and he lost the game and was in a foul mood. All of that seemed to have been forgotten today as he was so excited. He nearly ripped the letter trying to get into the envelope 😂.