The Mental Debt Struggle...

Makingabobor2

So glad to hear the wet room is finally complete. 

Cherryfudge

I'm looking forward to the photo(s)! And it's so good that, with that out of the way, you seem to have more clarity on your budgeting.

AntoMac

That will be a lot off your mind with the wet room done Keedie

Keedie

Thank you all, the wet room is amazing and made such a difference. Do I put anything specific in the drain to clean it out @beanielou? I can see that water sometimes stays stagnant in there, so once I figure out how to get the drain cover off, I'll clear that out. And I'll take pictures soon @cherryfudge, I'm just a bit wobbly on my feet and low on energy at the moment. 

I've had a nasty fibromyalgia flare up and I've been so so weak these last few days. My joints feel really heavy and I've been in bed feeling sorry for myself, most of the time and spending what little energy I do have going to work. 

My carer responded to my emails that were written by the legal support services for direct payments. She said she doesn't want to work with me anymore and resigned by emailing the council! I'm not going to lie, I am a bit hurt. I mainly moved onto direct payments so that I could have her as my carer again, and I knew she wasn't working. I knew she'd given up on me (still don't know why) as she's not been in touch or at work since she was supposed to return in August 2025. Therefore her resignation or termination was inevitable, but she accused me of listening to her voice message last week and ignoring her. I think this is one of her justifications for running to the council. But she deleted the message before I even heard it! 

I don't like having agency carers as the new company the council uses has incompetent carers that throw my stuff away, damage my photos, pretend to have helped me something like changing bedsheets knowing I can't do it myself properly and they've only changed the quilt cover. But now I dunno if I can trust the situation to have another carer on direct payments, but I've been really struggling. My son has been really helpful but since he's knee surgery last month, it is like the blind leading the blind. I've got a cleaner in sometimes and my nieces and nephews help me for pocket money and my mum has been helping me with laundry etc. But I need another carer, and yet, I don't know how to be confident enough to find another one. It's a very vulnerable situation to be in, and to have strangers come into your home. I'm not even sure what to do anymore... 🤷🏾‍♀️.

But anyways, this is the first week of my new way of budgeting and I've more or less run out of our weekly money, but I don't feel bad for it. I've not been able to stand much, so we've resorted to take aways and freezer food. My son's cooking is erm, not where it needs to be. But I've told him that now that he's working his zero hours job, he can see how tiring a whole day of work is. And so I'm going to teach him when I get over this flare up, and we will cook together and then alternate. He's an adult, so he needs to be more self sufficient in that respect. I've always felt so guilty about leaning on him too much with him helping with my care etc, that I've not necessarily taught him enough life skills as he's had to grow up so quickly in other respects. But things do need to change, for his independence and to take the pressure off me.

Having a weekly budget is helping, as I know that although we're low on funds, it resets next Monday. And I've managed to put some money into savings (before spending so I can only spend what is left). I put £20 into my main sinking funds, £5 went into the big shop challenge, and £30 into other savings challenges. I need £25 more to complete the £50 envelope challenge, and then I would have saved £1,275 since the start of the year. That will pay for Christmas, and give my sinking funds a boost going into 2026.

Keedie

Forgot to say the Help to Save came out as well at £50.

beanielou

Drain~~. I take the drain cover off and then clear the gunk and hair. It’s best to do it every couple of weeks so it doesn’t build up too much and cause the drain to overflow. 

Cherryfudge

The situation with the carer is very odd, though I suppose once she had been away a certain amount of time, she would find it too embarrassing to return or contact you directly. It's a real shame to lose a good carer, though where there's one, there must surely be more.

It's great that the family is helping and that you get a cleaner in. I'm sure those make things a bit easier, but I can see you need someone to help you with other things. Could the cleaner be asked to change the bedding?

Keedie

Thanks for the tip @beanielou. I had a play around with the drain today and it actually wasn't that hard to twist the cover off. I suspect it will get easier over time. I also need to get a squeege or something as the water goes beyond the shower curtain and I'm concerned it will got into the hallway. I'm hoping to get carpet, so I can't afford for the carpet to be getting wet. Anyways, this is what it looks like:





Well @Cherryfudge the carer seems to have the hump with me, and I genuinely don't know what is on that voice note she deleted that she convinced herself I has listened to and ignored 🤷🏾‍♀️. It was deleted within hours of being sent, so I dunno what that was honestly about. But whatever it was, she's not happy that I didn't respond, nor is there any accountability for the absence, so it's confusing and has me extra cautious about trying again to find a new carer. The cleaner can change the bedding for about £10-£15 as it's an add on service if I remember correctly. Which is extortionate really. I dunno if I just wasn't good at trying to find a cleaner in London as I was a bit desperate and was overwhelmed by number of websites to browse, or if that is the normal price to pay?? As I've had a carer since 2021, I'm out of touch with prices of a cleaner, so I dunno what the actual true costs are. But I do know that it is more expensive to have a cleaner per hour than a carer based on the number of hours per week that I need. As my care package also includes food shopping.

But maybe I could shop around? I dunno. I have a lot of credit in the direct payments account and I don't want it to be wasted, so not sure how all of that works really. But I've been avoiding doing life admin as it makes me so stressed out 😬.

My manager at work has said that he will seek a contract extension possibly until end of March 2026 in line with the timeframe for his additional duties (some of which I am backfilling). So if that is approved, then it will make a big difference financially for my savings goals next year and put me in a better position moving forward.

daisy_1571

Thats lovely keedie

daisy_1571

are you sure the water in the drain isn't the u-bend water that needs to be there to stop drain smells coming back the way into the room ?  (I'm not a plumber so maybe I'm wrong on this but I think sinks, toilet, bath and showers all have some form of u-bend)