The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

I love the new wet room! Light and bright without being glaring. And what a good idea to have a shower curtain to cover the shelf as well as go round the edges.

I don't know what cleaners get paid in London but it sounds like a lot more than up here! I wonder if something like this might make it a bit easier for you to change your bedding, perhaps with your son's help? And it may be worth asking around people you know who have carers, to see if they can recommend anyone - though you may already have done this. Could you share a carer with someone, so that you can compare notes and back each other up?

You have probably already explained this, and sorry if I've missed it, but I assume you can't get supermarket deliveries because you aren't on the ground floor?

Well done on the potential extension to your contract! They must like you, and I think you said you've settled into the work more.

Keedie

Oh I didn't know this @daisy_1571, but that could well be the case about the water sitting there. It gets washed away with each shower and the replaced with whatever residual water is there from the latest shower. Not a plumber either, but maybe the pump has to have some water in it to work 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️.

I need to get a hand towel rail for by the sink, a bathroom cabinet and a small unit to store spare towels. 

I've been unable to sleep, and so I went through my cash binders and figured out my set up for 2026, and sketched out some cash placeholders to represent what is in the bank. That's made me feel a little better.

Keedie

Honestly @Cherryfudge, I just think living in London is simply consisten blatant extortion and it is just annoying! If you earned a London wage, but lived out of London where things are cheaper and worked from home then it would work out great. But trying to financially survive in London is so hard. I get that a lot of it is lifestyle choices as well as things out of your control, such as housing etc. But the average price I saw per hour for a cleaner ranged from £15-£18 per hour. With a few them requiring a minimum number of hours booked, like 3 hour blocks. One company is even charging from £18 to £23 an hour. And I think they do that, as they have a yearly membership, which slashes the cost of the cleaning, so it becomes more attractive to become a member I guess...🤔.  But I won't rule out a cleaner vs a carer altogether.

I can get shopping delivered, but most of them will only deliver to the communal door on the ground floor, as it's at the driver's discretion to deliver to your actual door if there is no lift. So I'd still have to get it up the stairs and sometimes my son isn't around to help. But I guess I could always give the tweens in the block some pocket money if they give me a hand if my son is not there. Or choose a weekend morning slot when he's more likely to be around. I need to an online shop and test it out again. We mainly shop in Lidl and they don't have deliveries, but Tesco, Sainsbury's and Iceland do. So I might rotate between them to trial each and see how it goes.

My neighbour has a great carer, but she is fully booked and has a son in nursery and so she doesn't want to do too many hours a week. But I'd never thought of sharing a carer, that could possibly work too... 😎.

And yes, it's exciting that the job may be extended. I'm starting to find my groove with things, and where I was once overwhelmed and counting the weeks of my contract, now I'd like to stay a bit longer. But that just depends on the council, as they keep saying that they have no money so who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️. 

daisy_1571

Great idea cherryfudge re sharing.  I suppose that might work even better if there was someone locally to share with, in your block would be absolutely ideal, so the carer can do both in the same journey. 

Its interesting you saying the neighbour's carer has limitations because of school hours.  In a previous life I worked in a jobcentre so was going to suggest your local jobcentre.   In my day we were doing New Deal and one of the strands was Lone Parents.  The problem always was trying to find jobs that fitted around school hours for them.  Some carer home help positions were no good as typical clients were older and needed someone for breakfast, tea or night for time meals and getting them into bed.  That of course is exactly when a lone parent needed to be with their own child but it sounds like you could do with someone during the day?   No idea what the programmes are currently but if I have time later I'll do a bit investigating and see what I can find.

There will be someone out there who would slot perfectly into this job, we just need to find them for you 


Dxx

peb

I do pay £20 an hour for a cleaner and she's well worth it, independent (no agency) with a waiting list and I'm in the north, the cleaner fees you are quoting don't sound too bad but extra for changing a bed?  That does sound ludicrous.  My cleaner also works for my dad and a disabled friend and does their beds as standard.

Id really hope you could get a good carer but the extra time and energy in sourcing one is hard. Could your family help with finding/interviewing?

Makingabobor2

That's a lot for a cleaner. My dad has one, 2hrs a fortnight & pays £25 cash in hand. She is not very good at cleaning though, but she does change the bed. 

Keedie

The cleaning fees were a false premise on my part 😬🤦🏾‍♀️. I went back to that site, and you add 15 minutes extra for bedding to be changed, not £15. So now that I've enlightened myself to the true costs, it doesn't seem to be too hard to manage. Thanks for the price comparison @peb, that has actually really helped. There's an abundance of cleaning agencies, but I've no clue where you'd find an independent one, so I'll have to look into that.

I also need to speak to the employer's legal team again for direction on what to do with the carer. Ever since I pointed out that she needs to resign directly with me and not the council as I am her employer, she has gone back to ignoring me! I also need to speak to the adult social services team. I'm very anxious about having a carer now, and I don't know how to manage everything. I find change incredibly overwhelming. And I'm at a bit of a loss as to what I should do. I need the help, but I'm feeling to raw and vulnerable to try again. I will leave the cost of the carer in my budget at £200 a month and see what happens. 

I had a look at the link you sent @cherryfudge for the bedding with zips, I legit had no clue that this was thing! But was a genius idea. I've put the white one in my basket, and I'll see if there's any deals on this type of bedding in the upcoming Black Friday sales.

I'm cat sitting at the moment and it's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. My friend is doing a residential course and brought the cat over yesterday evening and is back on 25 or 26 November to collect the cat. It's stressful because we've not had a cat aside from a brief stint in 2017, and this cat is not eating or drinking as he's traumatised about being in a new place. He's such a cute cat, but I feel really stressed out about him not eating or drinking. 

Me and my son have been talking about getting a kitten for years, but I was never in a good mental place to take on the responsibility (not that things are going swimmingly now) or in a financial position to accommodate a pet and the associated costs. My friend asked me if we could cat sit, and I jumped at the chance because it was a good way to test run having a cat without the long term commitment. Then my nieces cat (who has just gotten over being a kitten herself), gave birth last week or the week before to 5 kittens and my ex-sister in law said that we could have one. So I was very excited about that. But the big problem with all of this, aside from the stress of waiting for the cat to acclimatise, is that I think I've become allergic to cats! I grew up with cats, never had any issues. Since I've developed fibromyalgia, I've become allergic/intolerant to so many things that I used to love and enjoy; apples, all berries, kiwi, pineapple, almonds, peanuts, cashew nuts, most perfumes and other stuff I can't remember unless I come into contact with them. I've taken antihistamines, and hopefully that helps or it's just a cold coming (although I may be quite disabled in some respects but I next to never get colds).

Anyways, time will tell. I'm going to count up my savings that I've managed to accumulate in the last few weeks, and I'll be back with The Sunday Summary, for the first time in a loooong time 🤗.

daisy_1571

Try not toworry about cat.  If owner hasn't told you specific things (like will only drink from a running tap for example) then as long as you regularly clean and change water (cats like a bowl wider than their whiskers) and keep throwing away old food and putting new on a clean plate then the cat will settle and eat.  Oh, they prefer water and food bowls to be some distance apart.  I only found that out after more than 20 years of cat ownership but it does seem to lead to them drinking a wee bit more.

If you don't want yo try the jobcentre,  my mum found a cleaner just by talking to someone a bit younger at the knit and natter she goes to.  Suits them both.   Maybe somebody you already know would like a wee income boost?  What about asking at library or community centre if any young mums group meet there, maybe one of them wants a local job to fit in with childcare 

Dxx

Keedie

Thanks @daisy_1571, that's really reassuring. He has two water bowls, one is by my balcony door and one is about a meter and a bit from his dry and wet food in the living room. He seemed to be incredibly interested in what I was eating this evening, so he's obviously hungry. My son said he might not really know where the food is, so I managed to show him and he sniffed around.  He's made a bit of a den for himself behind my headboard (it's open on both ends but there's some bags of stuff I'm slowly decluttering so it's only open on one end). That's really interesting about the whiskers, I dunno why it never occured to me that they wouldn't want their whiskers bent. 

I'll have a think about the cleaner situation. As to be honest, as much as it's a lot of hassle with food etc, it's the household stuff that we need the most assistance with. My son's knee is getting better and he's been able to carry things up from the car when I do small food shopping. We've worked out a system where I pack the bags with stuff that needs to be refrigerated or frozen, and those are the priority items that he brings up and everything else can be slowly brought up. 

I'm starting to get a bit excited about my savings, they're slowly getting there... 🥳.

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY
(Week 45 ~ 9 November 2025)

All of my savings have milestone targets, and this is to give me a minimum amount in each category, and incremental overall goals to work toward. I have reworked my monthly budget so that it is more flexible and I can already see that this is making me more consistent. All savings goals are the targets for entering 2026, so with a deadline of 31 December 2025, the 1/5 increments are:

Bronze = 20% of goal
Silver = 40% of goal
Gold = 60% of goal
Platinum = 80% of goal
Diamond = 100% of goal

The Main Attraction (snowballed major savings)

I will focus on these savings from January 2026 onward, and so until then I will simply save whatever I can. 

Attracting Abundance (£1,000 Goal)
Silver Target = £400 (40%)
Progress Checker = £0/£400 (0% saved)
This is an income buffer should my agency contract not be renewed beyond mid-December 2025, or I have a dip in income as I try to find another job role. I will start this at the end of November 2025 with the surplus income that I will have. I estimate this to be around £300 if I can figure out to do the holiday timesheet and I get paid fully in week commencing 17 November, as I am attending the ICB Bookkeepers Summit that week.

Bookkeeping Business (£3,000 Goal)
Bronze Target = £600 (20%)
Progress Checker = £125/£600 (20.83% saved) || £0/£600 (0% repaid)
I've been trying to study my bookkeeping course so that I can career change and I borrowed the money from my mum to pay for the course. I want to repay her in increments and it's easier to focus on 20% at a time in line with my incremental thresholds. I have £125 set aside so far, and I will focus on this more once I've made more progress with my first  goal.

Financial Freedom ~ Month 2 (£5,000 Goal)
Gold Target = £3,000 (60%)
Progress Checker = £2,930/£3,000 (97.67% saved)
This is my One Month Emergency Fund to cover all monthly expenses. My current budget is £2,000 a month, but I have set the monthly amount at 25% higher than my current budget, so £2,500 per month. I'm hoping to not need this money as I have my sinking funds, and I'm building my emergency buffer, but I thought it made sense to future proof the values. Bills and general costs rise, so I'd feel more comfortable taking longer to save, but knowing that what I do have is more realistic in the future should it ever be needed. This amount is split across my Natwest Digital Saver (£1,230) and my Help to Save account (£1,700). 

Standing on Business (essential sinking funds)

I pay £5 into each sinking fund and when I complete savings challenges, I will top these up more. The aim is to use them throughout 2026, but end the year at Silver in each fund, to set me up for 2027. And then at the end of 2027, end at Gold and raise the goal each year until I start the new year at Diamond level.

KeeMari (£500 Goal) 
Bronze Target = £100 (20%)
Progress Checker = £10/£100 (10% saved)
This fund is for anything me, my son or our home needs. This ranges from prescriptions, home furnishings, self care, hair care etc. I intend to get this to target once I have completed a few savings challenges and I can reallocate that money.

The Gift (£500 Goal) 
Bronze Target = £100 (20%)
Progress Checker = £60/£100 (10% saved)
This covers Christmas, Birthdays, Eid, Mothers Day and any other event requiring a gift/contribution like weddings, funerals, Christenings or one off charity events. I gave my nephew £15 for his birthday this week and my son owes me £60 from this pot so the amount will be higher when that is repaid. But as Christmas is coming up, it will be depleted, so I am aiming to hopefully start 2026 at Bronze as I have 5 family birthdays by 20 February.

Cruise Control (£1,000 Goal) 
Bronze Target = £200 (20%)
Progress Checker = £65/£200 (32.5% saved)
This covers MOT & service, car maintenance and car tax which is due on 1 December 2025, so I need to apply for the 50% exemption and post the cheque etc to the DVLA by next week. I won't have enough on time, so this may need to come out of the buffer, and I put the whole amount that I have saved by the end of this month back into the buffer. Unsure yet, so will think that through a little more.

Globetrotter (£1,000 Goal) 
Bronze Target = £200 (20%)
Progress Checker = £186/£200 (93% saved)
This is for holidays for me and our son, and I am keeping this going as I might be going to the Philipines in September 2026 to see my brother and his new wife. If I do end up going, the overall goal will drastically change, but until it's decided I will set aside what I can.

Side Quests (ad hoc funds)

These are non-essential but realistically take the sting out of life by being prepared for lifestyle requirements, whilst acknowledging that once they are fully funded they will sit in the background until needed.

Bufferoo (£500 Goal) 
Gold Target = £300 (60%)
Progress Checker = £250/£300 (83.33% saved)
My homemade digital overdraft as my expenses are predominantly cash, but some places are cashless. Any money spent from this fund instead of cash will be put back via reconciling my spending at the end of each month when I am moving money around for the following month. It will also act as a miscellaneous contingency fund in case there is an overspend or unexpected expense in another category.

Carpe Diem/The Keedie Fund (£150 Goal) 
Gold Target = £90 (60%)
🎉 Progress Checker = £90/£90 (100% saved) 🎉
The Bipolar Buffer for when I have a hypomanic or major depressive episode, both of which can lead to uncontrollable and impulsive spending (but more so hypomania). It's a daily battle to be stable and well, but episodes will occur despite my best efforts. So  this is my mental safety net so that the budget does not go haywire when the inevitable happens. As this is at target, I will not pay into it unless I have any expenditure.

5 Week Thrive (£100 Goal)
Bronze Target = £20 (20%)
Progress Checker = £0/£20 (0% saved)
I have £400 a month for variable expenses and savings challenges which is £100 a week in a 4 week month and £80 a week in 5 week months. I'm considering having a fund for when it's a 5 week month so that my budget remains consistent, but still considering this so energy or funds going into this until I determine if this is something I will do in 2026.

The Big Shop (£150 Goal)
Silver Target = £60 (40%)
Progress Checker = £85/£60 (141.67% saved)
This is funded by a savings challenge from my weekly food shop, and it will be either £5 or £10 a week depending on what the coloured flip counter decides. This will cover bulk shops for things like toiletries, cleaning supplies and household staples like rice, tinned food, a large freezer restock etc. It can also be used to boost a Christmas food shop. The aim is to only use this when it has reached the desired target, and then restarted. As I'm do a bulk shop in the coming weeks, once I have completed that shop, I will see what I have left and how much is needed to reach target.

Munch Munch (£100 Goal) 
Gold Target = £60 (60%)
Progress Checker = £55/£60 (91.67% saved)
This is for family meals like birthdays, celebrations and Christmas. The balance on our Christmas meal to Harvester is £70, so I have nearly reached this required amount and then I am aiming to have £60 to head into 2026 as there are 5 family birthdays before the end of February 2026, this may be needed.

Bills Parachute (£500 Goal) 
Gold Target = £300 (60%)
Progress Checker = £30/£300 (10% saved)
This pays for annual bills and subscriptions, and the first commitment is £300 for the Parent Care fund that I share with my siblings, as we put £25 each month into an account to cover expenses associated with probate etc. I want to ideally pay mine for the year up front on an annual basis so that I can keep my recurring expenses low and focus on other goals. This is will be funded once the 50 Envelope Challenge is completed and the £1,275 its saves is reallocated to my various savings goals.

The AWE List (£250 Goal) 
Diamond Target = £250 (100%)
🎉 Progress Checker = £250/£250 (100% saved) 🎉
This is for Adaptations, Wellbeing & Equipment that makes managing my chronic conditions more manageable and gives me a better quality of life. This is fully funded and will just hover in the background until I need to obtain something that will make daily life easier, or I engage in some wellbeing activity.

Christmas Cheer 2026 (£250 Goal) ⛔️ ON HOLD ⛔️
Bronze Target = £50 (20%)
Progress Checker = £0/£50 (0% saved)
This is for the Christmas food shop/Christmas dinner, social activities/hosting and a small self gift as my son's present is covered under The Gift.

Birthday Bonanza 2026 (£300 Goal) ⛔️ ON HOLD ⛔️
Bronze Target = £60 (20%)
Progress Checker = £0/£60 (0% saved)
This is for me and my son's birthdays including our birthday meals, presents and social activities.