The Mental Debt Struggle...

daisy_1571

Family birthdays: I'm sure you're doing this already but keeping an eye on gumtree or fb pages or charity shops might get you something for a birthday that is not expensive.   People are often moving on duplicate xmas presents in January. 

Of course the biggest help to that fund would be agreement to cut out some of the birthdays if you can? 

I know you all love your family meals but with so many birthdays so close together could you all go for one joint meal out in January and maybe one in February as I think its more about you all enjoying the togetherness rather than particularly for one person?   There must be others in your family who would welcome that for financial reasons too?


Just a few ideas, 

Dxx

AntoMac

I have to say @daisy_1571 is coming up with some great ideas. Limiting presents if you can sounds like a really good idea. Nice to see your emergency type fund is nearly at £3K.
Talking of cats I absolutely adore my old boy and wouldn’t be without him (although looking at him that choice might be taken away from me before too long - not that I can bear the thought of that) they can be hugely expensive. My boy is worth every penny BUT it’s definitely quite an expense to consider.
Love the wet room by the way. Now things have settled a bit you must be delighted. 

Interestingly a bipolar gent came along to the mental health support group I attend. It was really interesting to get an insight into how he gets totally overwhelmed and exhausted at times. Also, how he manages the triggers as best he can. He said that even walking quickly can lead to a hyper episode. Like I say, fascinating, and I’d like to learn more if he’s around next time and wants to share

Keedie

That's some very good tips @daisy_1571. I'll look at eBay and stuff for presents, I've never really shopped on there as I tend to get overwhelmed by the bidding thing, but I know that some things can be brought directly.

The issue is that I have 9 nieces and nephews aged from 8 to 19 and 6 of my friend's children aged 2 to 15 that I get presents for. So that's 16 kids including my son. Aside from the youngest 3/4 kids across both groups, they all want money so that they can choose what they want. I always give them a choice of a present, a voucher or money. I also have to get a present for my eldest sister, as she has no clue of her age due to her autism and she looks forward to Christmas so much and enjoys getting dressed up for Halloween and just about every special occasion or event. And of course, I get something for my mum. So 18 people in total. Me and my sisters have agreed not to get anything for one another. 

I usually budget £40 a child for nieces and nephews and £30 a child for friend's kids. This includes both birthdays and Christmas, or both Eids and birthdays for my Muslim nieces and nephews. They all get an equal amount irrespective of age. But maybe I can cut back the budget. 

I'm not sure of the costs of a cat, but I know it's not cheap @AntoMac. But pets bring a warmth to a household that is rather magical isn't it? I hope your cat is with you for as long as he can be AntoMac. My sister and her husband told me that pet insurance is a scam. So now I'm a bit confused. I thought insurance was a good thing? My brother-in-law said that pets in other countries don't have insurance and they're just fine. I do think the food is going to cost a small fortune if what I am seeing online is any indication 😬. 

Speaking of bipolar, I'm at the last stages of the vetting process to be a peer facilitator. I'm just waiting on the DBS, but I am a bit daunted by it all to be honest 🤦🏾‍♀️. And yeah AntoMac, the smallest, most inconsequential things can tip me over the edge at times. Walking fast raises your heart beat, and makes you feel flustered and a bit panicked and that can tip the scales on your mood because everything is ramping up a bit. It's difficult to get a hold of what can make it hard. As sometimes, nothing triggers to fluctuation in mood and it's often inconsistent as to what does set me off. Sounds like the guy you met has a good understanding of his triggers and that is often a good half of the battle.

I start group online Dialetical Behavioural Therapy on Tuesday 18 November, and I a bit apprehensive about it. I'm hoping that it will really help with feeling emotionally dysregulated and managing thought patterns and mood fluctuations. I'm back on a mood stabiliser, but I'm not entirely sure of its efficacy, as it seems to be making me feel a bit flat, and I don't take it at a consistent time, then my mood sharply drops. Dunno what that is about, but I need to get better at taking it. I sometimes get distracted. So I need to download that MediSafe app again so that I can keep on top of it all. And if I am to stay on medication (I have a medication review/mental health check-in next week with my GP), then I might get the NHS prepayment certificate as it might work out cheaper.

Sarahwithlove

I would say anyone under 8 could definitely have less than £30 spent on them as they won't know any different. Then when they get older spend a bit more. Especially for friends kids, its very generous of you. 

Regarding carer, does your council offer a PA finding service? Or have a support service website? If not have you considered social media groups for your area? You could post anonymously and ask for recommendations. Hopefully you'd find someone you click with when meeting/speaking with them. 

daisy_1571

Agreed Sarah, plus the 19 year old should be dropping off soon so that will help.  Its really difficult when you know and love the children, I get that, but its just so expensive.   It sounds like you have a good relationship with your neices and nephews so I'm sure its you they love, not the presents.

Again with your sister it sounds as though the presents and the fun of opening them could be more exciting than the present itself? Definitely could scaleback on the cost there?

But if spending that money is important to you and you can afford it then of course you should carry on.

Pet insurance- I wonder if they mean its a scam like I think about insurance being a scam?  Not an actual bad person stealing your money type scam.  More in the sense that the decent person tries to do the right thing, get insurance for a catastrophic event hoping they are wasting their money as the catastrophic event won't happen.   However if it comes to actually using it, the insurance companies find all sorts of ways and small print to weasel (sorry real weasels) out of paying then take an excess off and sometimes just reduce the payout by another percentage for reasons i've never understood (the only insurance I've ever claimed on took 10% off and I never really got to the bottom of why).  Thats why I generally think of them scamming up playing on our worry of something happening.   

We had insurance for our dog for several years mainly in case he was ever hut by a car and needed proper accident recovery.   When I actually glanced at the small print it said that situation was only covered if he was on the lead.  (Which suggests we'd probably both have been knocked down so I might not be in the position of instructing vets of course.)  As he was never on a lead from about 8 months old as he was such a good boy, the insurance was useless for our intentions so we stopped having insurance for him.  Never had cat insurance.   

I know some animals will have issues and operations or medical needs and some owners will be very grateful for insurance.   Weve been lucky over 4 cats and 3 dogs we've never been in that situation so have definitely gained by not insuring. 

Dxx

in_need_of_direction

We have only had dogs and, on the one time we had insurance in place, there was a massive hassle.  We’ve always managed to pay any vet bills and 2 out of 3 lived until they were over 16.

Keedie

The last few days have been quiet for me as 12 November would have been my dad's 84th birthday. And I really miss him. And I'm very upset with Co-op Funeralcare, as we ordered his full set headstone in February 2025, they said it would take 12 weeks. We were sad it would miss his anniversary on 21 April (my mum's birthday), but we were happy it would be in place for Father's Day. But it's still not even been done! The lady dealing with our order left the company and no one bothered to tell us, and we were chasing them and her replacement didn't see the value in introducing herself or properly dealing with the order despite having the paperwork. She's highly incompetent and lacking in empathy, as we're dealing with a tribute to our late father and she's shown no grace whatsoever. She's ignored my sister's emails, lost paperwork and just been a general thorn in our sides. We've paid half, and we've been on hold for several months to get this sorted. It took us a long time to save for that, plus the probate in Jamaica (which is also dragging on). We've made a complaint to the Co-op which was ignored, so my sister spoke to the financial ombudsman, who said we have to give them 8 weeks to respond and try to let them internally resolve it. My sister managed to get ahold of another branch and they were embarrassed and appalled by our treatment and really scared when she said that she was going through their complaints procedure and had sought advise from the ombudsman. They claim everything would be done by 12 December 2025. I'm really not happy, as we removed everything personal from his grave on their instruction in September, including the partial fencing (as some loser stole half of his fence - like who does that?!). So his grave looks really desolate which isn't a good feeling. I couldn't even go there for his birthday as it's just depressing 🥺.

Thanks for all your feedback about gift giving and pet insurance. I don't mind the value of the gifts for the kids and my sister, as it's for the whole year and not each event. It's just that there's so many of them and I didn't organise myself properly this year and so I'm behind on my savings. I finished the 50 envelope Challenge today! So that's £1,275 that I can put into Christmas and my sinking funds. I need to figure out what is going where, so it won't be reflected on today's Sunday Summary. But I am incredibly proud of that. I've started it so many times and never been able to complete it. But breaking it down into batches of £150-£200 has really helped. Each £50 milestone was 2 envelopes, like 3 and 47 or 26 and 24, so I had to save £50 at a time to cross of 2 envelopes, and once I'd done a batch of 6-8 envelopes, I could cross a chunk off my tracker.

In terms of the pet insurance, my sister and brother-in-law said that they've never had pet insurance, they just set aside money for a vet and the cats (in 8 years), have only needed it around 3/4 times. So I think I'll set up a pet sinking fund, as from what I can see online, pet insurance seems to get more expensive as the pet gets older and there seems to be a few hoops you have to jump through to pay and then get reimbursed. I'm not big on life admin, that seems like a lot headache. Here's the kittens, aren't they adorable 🥰?

I got a squeegee off Amazon for the wet room, and so that will help with clearing the floor quicker for it to dry. I'm still trying to get my head around there being no shower stall. It's much easier to mobilise, but my brain is still processing the fact that the floor gets wet 🤣. I am still paranoid however as the water seeps past the curtain and inches towards the door. So I might need to get one of water barriers to put behind the door so that nothing goes into the hallway. There seems to be mixed reviews about that sort of thing, so I'll have to figure something out.

Anyways, I'm off to Lidl to get some bin bags whilst my son cleans the kitchen. I didn't realise we'd run out. He was changing the bin and it was too full and the bin bag broke and he was highly disgusted and cleared it all up and used the last bin bag to do so. He was recounting his trauma to me and wanting a lot of sympathy, and I told him similar things have happened to me numerous times and that's part of adulting. He doesn't seem to be too impressed with these aspects of adulthood 😂.

I'll do my Sunday Summary a bit later, and it's a bit of a decline as it's been an emotionally spendy week... 😬.

beanielou

These kittens are gorgeous. 😻

liselle

My daughter is quite happy for the children to have presents from Charity Shops.As you know, some items are new or as good as new.
I volunteer with someone who has Bipolar.Such a kind person but she can be overwhelming.She has to speak immediately she thinks of something,and talks a great deal, so constantly interrupts.Later she apologises and asks us to tell her when she’s full on.Which we do, just with a quiet word.

Keedie

They are so gorgeous aren't they @beanielou?

I sometimes shop in charity shops as well @liselle as you can get some good bargains. Especially if you go to a more affluent area where people are just donating stuff that are otherwise unaffordable that you can get at a great price. The problem with all the kids is that they tend to want money so that they can get what they want. One of my nieces has put together a list of items so that people can buy something on her wish list according to their budget or she wants money. That one is easy enough and the younger ones will probably get presents, it's usually the tweens and teens that want money.

And yeah, us bipolar peeps do tend to chat a bit too much and interrupt people without realising. My son used to get so annoyed with me and I didn't even know I'd done it. And then he came to the bipolar support group with me and he said everyone in the room was doing it and he realised it was a bipolar thing and not a me thing, and he's a bit more tolerant of it. But I can well imagine how annoying it must be for other people. It can often lead to a lot of agitation on my part too, especially as I have a tendency to interrupt or go off on a tangent when I am becoming hypomanic or excited, and it gets annoying as I am moving at a quicker speed than those around me. I feel like in the Matrix, and they're in slow motion, and so my thoughts and speech are moving ahead of them. Or they're simply annoying me because I can tell what they're going to say or do, as my pattern recognition gets heightened and everything feels overwhelming and apathetic all at the same time. It's truly exhausting at times.