The Mental Debt Struggle...

AntoMac

Cambridge is a lovely City Keedie. Only been there a couple of times myself as it’s the other side of the country. Enjoy special time with your mum and sister and create a few more special memories. None of us ever knows how many more such opportunities we will get. 

It’s not great that you’re finding work hard but the big plus is that you’re not trapped in it long term. I am sure there will be good days out of the blue. Another big plus is that you are totally capable of doing it. Of course peaks and troughs are challenging though. I can really relate to that.
I would say VERY approximately, and I’m not tax expert, that by the end of December you’ll have been able to earn around 9k total before tax is applied. I would base that on a standard tax allowance of £12.5k pa being effectively £1000 per month on average. I have also been known to talk rubbish so don’t rely on me for tax advice 

beanielou

Enjoy your weekend break. 

Newstartforme

Have a great time with your mum and sister . Totally with you regarding job . I wouldn't be good with that set up either but maybe worth putting up with it to get your savings off to a good start xx

Keedie

I had such a good time in Cambridge that I wore myself out, have quite the fibromyalgia flare up and have been feeling sorry enough for myself that I left work early today. But despite all of that, I have had a good weekend and it wasn't too spendy, so that is always a bonus. The tour bus was better than I expected, and me and my mum said we'd like to get a train up to Edinburgh as we'd like to see the historic buildings up there and do a tour.

I was too depleted to do my Sunday Summary when I got home yesterday. I hobbled home and crawled into bed and we had to have McDonald's for dinner (not very MSE of healthy, but I wasn't in a fit state to do much and my son had somehow hurt his neck whilst sleeping in an awkward position and was also resting most of the day). 

But I shall try and do a belated summary tomorrow, as I've changed a few things. To ease the pressure I put on myself financially. Especially as I'm struggling to work, and so I need to scale back my savings endeavours slightly.

Cherryfudge

I hope you can rest well and feel better tomorrow - but I'm glad Cambridge was good! Edinburgh's a great place too: loads of character. Last time we went (being in relatively easy reach from here) I decided there can't be such a thing as an unemployed piper in the whole of Scotland. It's pretty steep, though, so be prepared.

beanielou

Edinburgh is the best. I’m Scottish. 

Keedie

Been a bit AWOL whilst I get myself back on track. I seem to be losing days, they're just simply going way too fast! I'm feeling a lot better now, and nearly back to my (rather poor) physical baseline, so that's nice. But as I wasn't too well, I barely got enough work done this week, and so I have to do a couple of hours tomorrow morning so that I can catch up and be on track for next week. I don't want to fall too far behind, as the workload is going to ramp up over the coming weeks and I want to be on top of things so that I can take time off for my son's operation.

Thanks for the tip about Edinburgh being steep @Cherryfudge, I'll have to figure out where to stay so that we're not walking up and down an incline to get to and from the hotel. I really like Scotland @beanielou, so you're very lucky being Scottish. I loved it when I went to Glasgow a couple of years ago. It felt like a warm hug, as everyone was so friendly, even though admittedly with my auditory processing disorder, I sometimes didn't fully understand
everything that people said 😬.

Whilst I was laid up in my bed staring at the ceiling in pain, I had ample opportunities to think about my expenses, savings goals and my working life. I'm not very confident in my ability to work until 68 to get my pension. I don't have 24 years left of working in me, I struggle to work 3 days a week on a short term contract. So I think whilst I am able to plod on part time, I need to focus on saving as much as I can and reducing my expenses. 

One of the areas that I can save on, would be my carer. I've not seen her since the beginning of July 2025, just before I went to Turkey. She was becoming increasingly unreliable before I went away, kept changing the day of the week and time that she was coming. Lots of excuses and it was frustrating, but with the direct payments, I liked the flexibility. But I've come to realise that with my mental health being the way that it is, I am not in a position to manage direct payments by myself, as I can't handle it when things don't go well.

Anyways, when I got back from Turkey, she went on holiday so I wasn't due to see her until after she returned on 22/08/2025. But I didn't hear from her, so I contacted her after a week and she told she was still away as her sister was sick and so she extended her trip and would be back on 05/09/2025. She didn't come back to the UK (or if she has, she's not said a word to me and I've not seen her in over 2 months). I'm at a complete loss as to what to do. The thought of going back to an agency and having somewhat incompetent carers come into my home, which is my sanctuary, fills me with so much anxiety, I've just been burying my head in the sand about the whole thing.

I think I've been abandoned 🥺.

And I can't call the employer's legal advice helpline as I'm struggling with the enormity of the situation and giving her official notice. I hate conflict. It physically makes me nauseous. As sad as it sounds, at nearly 44 years old, I think I need my mum to call them or one of my sisters. I'm not coping with the situation, and having no support for 2 months has meant that the flat has slipped backwards in terms of being ordered. But I don't think I want another carer now. I need the help, but this whole abandonment has traumatised me. I think I'll be better off getting a cleaner, and ordering a bulk food shopping online to be delivered once a month. 

I've accepted that I need to continue driving for the foreseeable future (who knows if the DVLA will renew my driving licence in February 2027, as I have a medically restricted licence due to the bipolar). So with my son's help, I can do a small weekly food shop and he carries it up the stairs for me. Or he can get things on his moped, or using the shopping trolley whilst he's waiting for driving lessons and being on the road in that sense. 

I think my social services annual review is due in a few weeks, so if I am unable to verbally articulate things to my mum so that she can help me, then I'll speak to social services when they come around. The whole thing has been stressing me out. Even just writing all of this has made me so anxious and tearful. I hate being vulnerable and needing help. Only to then not get any support, to the point where physically things are difficult, but mentally I'm just paralysed with the inability to do what is necessary to fix it ☹️.

Cherryfudge

That is a lot to have to cope with all at once Keedie. What a huge shame about the carer, but it's her doing, not yours. It doesn't sound as though she is the right person for you just at the moment. Could you perhaps copy out what you've written here and give it to your Mum to help her make the call for you?

beanielou

 Limey. That’s absolutely shocking behaviour from the PA (who should not be one ) to not keep in contact with you & let you know what’s happening. I would get your mum to phone the DP’s team to ask how to terminate her employment officially as let’s face it she has certainly terminated it unofficially. So sorry that you are having to deal with this. It’s so unacceptable. Huge hugs. 🫂 

Keedie

Thank you both. I feel really sad about it all and I feel really foolish that it has gotten to this point. I'm working from home on Tuesday, and so my son is going to help me to contact the council's direct payments team and then follow their lead. I had a think about asking my mum, but I don't want to stress her out. She helps to look after her mum who is in her mid-90s and my eldest sister is autistic, and so my mum has a lot on her plate and is in her 70s.

But I acknowledge that things need to officially end. It's just disheartening as she was the original good carer that I had, and she was the reason that I moved from the agency carers to direct payments. My trust isn't really there to try and get a new carer, so I'm not really sure where I go from here...

But on a more positive note, I went to a webinar on Tuesday about the bookkeeping course to get more information, and I realised that I'm ready to start this now and not wait until January 2026. Also, by going to the webinar, I got a discount code for 15% off, and that takes the bundle of all 7 courses from £3,435 including exams, down to £2,919.75 including exams. I need to contact them on Tuesday as the payroll course is incompatible with Mac, and I can access a PC to do it, but I need to know how much time requirement is needed on the actual software bit. As I'd have to borrow someone's PC or laptop to be able to do that part. But I can see that the software that is used for the course has a cloud version that Mac users can use, so I just need to see if that is a viable option or not. 

I don't like uneven numbers (just a quirk, I don't know why), and so I will borrow £3,000 from my mum for the course, and repay this in 12 lump sums of £250 each. There's a Bookkeeper's Summit in November 2025 that I want to go to, and so the difference between what I borrow and what I need for the course, will go towards the ticket for that if there are any left by the time I get my student number and can register at the discounted rate.

I've played around with my budget, and it is now £2,250 instead of £2,500 a month. I don't want to be so aggressive with my savings that my budget is too high each month to accommodate it. As that just means that I have to find that money each month. I still save this way, but in a fashion that is kinder to myself and I'm not having to do too many extras to accumulate that each month. As I'm honesty incredibly tired and as I'll be becoming student again in the coming weeks, once my agency contract is done, I won't be able to work too many hours. As I'll need to study and recuperate, so having a stretch goal as the budget is fine at £2,250, but I need to work out one that fits into £2,000 a month as well. So that I have options...